I often surprise myself. Although I consider myself a somewhat private person, I have put some pretty personal stuff out into the wide web world. It's not easy to share some of this, but, it is, in some ways, harder to keep it socked away. I also wonder..there have to be others struggling with some of the same hard issues I am dealing with, so maybe if they see they are not alone, it might help.
I have admitted to all, I have stood at the edge of the dark hole, and even fallen in, a few times. It has been decades since I entered the dark, and I have been lucky enough to sense when I am getting too close to the edge, and found a way to step back. My way, relies on my ability to recognize the pathway, and I have posted a mental sign at the opening, so when I see that sign, I do whatever I can, to make a slight turn. I understand, I am lucky. Some folks go through life, never coming close to the hole, but, for reasons I have never quite figured out, that pit has followed me for a very long time. Others have not found the ability to see the sign, and unless you have been at the bottom of the hole, you can't truly imagine the hopelessness that surround you.
It begins as a tiny wisp, like a cloud blocking the sun. I use this metaphor, because we have no control over the sky, and those who fight this illness, truly have no control over what their mind decides is going to start pulling them down. Somehow the thin cloud starts to billow, it is joined by other tiny wisps , and it grows and grows, turning everything dark.
My defense begins when I realize the tiny cloud has begun to grow. In my mind, I feel I have the power to control, and, up until recently, I did pretty darn good. There are things I must put into place when the shadow crosses the light. Usually the darkness creeps in, because something occurs that I cannot control, something that puts a halt to the normal routine. It is often something that has happened many times in the past, but, for some reason, because of timing, it is just a little too overwhelming, and the cloud begins to form. I generally try and distance myself from what has set the darkness in motion. I talk to myself, I try to bury the instigator, and..most times this is done by separating myself from the outside. I know, this is probably not the best way to deal with depression, but I am never completely alone, I always ensure I have someone I know and trust, to keep and eye,or an ear on me.
No one should stand at the edge without a friend with a rope. I also realize, to tell even a friend what battle you fight, is not easy. It used to embarrass me. Back in the day, folks who struggled like I do, were considered weak, and no one wants to be seen as a lesser person. I am grateful times have changed, but as one who is heading into her 60's, I still carry the stigma of the past. My illness is no longer a secret, but when I begin to suffer a bout of it, I still sometimes wait a little too long to admit it, and to cry for help.
Today I write, because my friend threw a rope, and I grabbed on with all my might!
I ignored the sign, although I saw it was flashing. I got a sh*tload of other warnings. I was physically, and mentally exhausted. Not something that goes away with a few good nights of rest, this exhaustion weighs a ton. I could function, I could laugh and joke, but, it is not quite the same..I had to work hard to pretend, which also, adds to the exhaustion. I didn't lay in bed, and think about things, instead I would lay there, and think of how very tired I was, and that I was going to have to get up in the morning, and I knew I would still be worn out. I wondered how I was going to manage to talk to people, to do what I was suppose to do, day after day. I felt it was impossible to pretend, to listen to others problems, and care, and then have that added onto my cloud. I lost the ability to allow the rest of the world to enter my space. I didn't want anything, even something nice, from anyone else, because I had too much to carry of my own.
This time, the whole world was swirling with so much stuff that I could usually shovel off to the garbage pile, but, because I had moved past the sign, it all joined the wisp, and became blackness. I think hermits generally suffer depression. They understand that it is often difficult to deal with one's own life, and when the added burden of others begins to pile in front of your face, burdens that are usually self made, the mind just cannot bear it. So, they go away, where they only have to work on themselves, because for reasons I don't understand, they cannot block the non-personal. I, myself, cannot block it all the time, and this time, it became too much.
I have a ton of sh*t going on in my world. I speak of it often, but I doubt there are more than a few who know how very hard life is right now. I am grateful there are some, and those are the ones who I can be myself with. For months I have lived a routine, that allowed me to get through each day, with the faraway light I was aiming for. But, somehow, the garbage of others began to pile up in front of me. Every single day, it was something else, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not get away from it. It messed with the routine, and therefore it blocked the light. I began to get angry, then when I tried to set things right, and it became apparent this was a losing battle, and I was the one left holding the sh*t, I gave up. To go through each day, knowing that what you have to deal with, is wrong, and unfair, begins to cloud things. What you were taught, and the lifetime you lived following specific guidelines, suddenly was a waste of energy. In fact, all you did was a waste! Words of apology, and compassion do nothing to solve continual disregard for your own personal welfare.
Yes, this time I allowed myself to hang over the edge, I was actually ready to fall in, I saw no way out. This time, I was able to accept all the hard stuff that I knew had to be done in my personal world, I am not a weak person, I knew I could manage, if I concentrated, and found a routine. It was when the outside totally f*cked with my routine, when the wisp grew into the night, that I needed the rope.
I am still hanging onto the rope..not quite back onto solid ground. I am checking myself, to see if I can go back to where the hole lays, and stay on the right side of the sign. Another light has been turned on, to help me, there is a safe place, now. I know I am sick..this time I was damn scared, because I forgot my own rules..I have placed the bandages over the cracks, and will step back into the real world to test the light. I am ready to run the moment I see the sign..because somehow I forgot how very awful and how very dark the hole is!
Tuesday, 16 February 2016
Sunday, 14 February 2016
Just Say No
How many times have I heard that expression? Just say no, heard it today about 10 times. I understand...It sounds so easy. I really wish I could do it. It is not that I can't speak those words, it is not that I don't think them on a daily basis..I tell myself to do this hundreds of times a week.
I have no problem speaking the truth...as I have stated before..it is far easier to spill the beans, than to try and keep facts in order when one lies. That I have mastered. It is drawing a line that I seem to have a serious problem with. I have limits..I know my limits, they have become far greater as I have aged. The past year has seen me reach my limit much faster. I can no longer bounce back as quickly as I did in my younger days (last year). Aging is a strange process, sometimes it happens overnight, and that is basically what has occurred in my case.
See, the past few years have been very hard, physically on me. I have worked pretty steady, with far less time off, than years previously. I would have a bad day, every once in awhile, when I felt worn out, but then I could manage for a couple of weeks, before the ache and weight would set in. I suppose that is why people my age, begin to think of retirement, and start to slow down. They just are not built to work like 35 year old folks any more. Cripes...even 50 seems young to me, right now.Now those bad days come in long stretches. I am quick tempered, and all it takes is a small bump in my daily routine, and it is just too much to handle. I set out at the beginning of my work day, all geared up..I know what has to be done, and I convince myself I can manage it. Poof...someone decides to tweak my plan just a little bit..maybe throw an added job in, that was not expected..That's it...suddenly my body starts hollering...it is not going to accept anything more! It screeches at me, I know I will pay a price for going beyond the limit, and even before I perform what has been dumped on my plate, I am beyond tired. When I do what has been handed to me, what ever energy, relaxation, personal time, that offers me a tiny bit of "Me", has been eliminated.
See, although some don't think I have a life, just because I don't go out, I don't drink, I don't socialize, I do have personal pleasures. Most of those allow me to forget my job, as mundane as it is. Things like my dogs, my books, my yard, my rest..those are mine! When I am asked to forgo the small pleasures I enjoy, I begin to suffer. When I suffer..all those around me follow suit, because I become miserable. When I go beyond miserable, and become physically worn out, I begin to despise all!
I work, mostly because, at this time, I HAVE to. I realize, without my job, first, I would not get a wage, and second, I would likely go crazy..in a nice clean house, but crazy none the less, because I do need something to break the monotony. Lately, the only thing monotonous has been work. It has taken over every single moment of my life! It has thrown drama into my days, caused stress, and required me to give up what little ME time I have.
I have tried to explain that I cannot give what is requested. It is obvious to all who see me, I am exhausted, but still, somehow, even when I have admitted I can't do any more..out of no where, someone squeezes a little more blood from the stone. I want to holler "NO!" I explain how difficult it is, how I don't like doing it, how I am tired, how I am upset, all of which is dismissed. No one else steps up to the plate, no one else is somehow responsible, no one seems to understand..I am trying to save myself.
So...today, because I said everything but No..because I made it totally clear I am very unhappy, because I was basically informed this is the way it has to be, I reached the point of no return. I have been pushed to the limit I am capable of. I cannot, and do not wish to, bounce back from this. As of now...I say NO! I will not worry about what ramifications this has in my world, because all around me, I see others who have made a habit of saying NO, and it has not rocked their world, a tiny bit. Today I will be fair to ME! I am the oldest, I have worked the longest, and the hardest (except for the semi-retired), and it is time for someone else to pick up the slack. So..when I go the extra mile tonight, what will allow me to manage it, is the knowledge that it is the very last time, I will ever forget to just say NO!!
I have no problem speaking the truth...as I have stated before..it is far easier to spill the beans, than to try and keep facts in order when one lies. That I have mastered. It is drawing a line that I seem to have a serious problem with. I have limits..I know my limits, they have become far greater as I have aged. The past year has seen me reach my limit much faster. I can no longer bounce back as quickly as I did in my younger days (last year). Aging is a strange process, sometimes it happens overnight, and that is basically what has occurred in my case.
See, the past few years have been very hard, physically on me. I have worked pretty steady, with far less time off, than years previously. I would have a bad day, every once in awhile, when I felt worn out, but then I could manage for a couple of weeks, before the ache and weight would set in. I suppose that is why people my age, begin to think of retirement, and start to slow down. They just are not built to work like 35 year old folks any more. Cripes...even 50 seems young to me, right now.Now those bad days come in long stretches. I am quick tempered, and all it takes is a small bump in my daily routine, and it is just too much to handle. I set out at the beginning of my work day, all geared up..I know what has to be done, and I convince myself I can manage it. Poof...someone decides to tweak my plan just a little bit..maybe throw an added job in, that was not expected..That's it...suddenly my body starts hollering...it is not going to accept anything more! It screeches at me, I know I will pay a price for going beyond the limit, and even before I perform what has been dumped on my plate, I am beyond tired. When I do what has been handed to me, what ever energy, relaxation, personal time, that offers me a tiny bit of "Me", has been eliminated.
See, although some don't think I have a life, just because I don't go out, I don't drink, I don't socialize, I do have personal pleasures. Most of those allow me to forget my job, as mundane as it is. Things like my dogs, my books, my yard, my rest..those are mine! When I am asked to forgo the small pleasures I enjoy, I begin to suffer. When I suffer..all those around me follow suit, because I become miserable. When I go beyond miserable, and become physically worn out, I begin to despise all!
I work, mostly because, at this time, I HAVE to. I realize, without my job, first, I would not get a wage, and second, I would likely go crazy..in a nice clean house, but crazy none the less, because I do need something to break the monotony. Lately, the only thing monotonous has been work. It has taken over every single moment of my life! It has thrown drama into my days, caused stress, and required me to give up what little ME time I have.
I have tried to explain that I cannot give what is requested. It is obvious to all who see me, I am exhausted, but still, somehow, even when I have admitted I can't do any more..out of no where, someone squeezes a little more blood from the stone. I want to holler "NO!" I explain how difficult it is, how I don't like doing it, how I am tired, how I am upset, all of which is dismissed. No one else steps up to the plate, no one else is somehow responsible, no one seems to understand..I am trying to save myself.
So...today, because I said everything but No..because I made it totally clear I am very unhappy, because I was basically informed this is the way it has to be, I reached the point of no return. I have been pushed to the limit I am capable of. I cannot, and do not wish to, bounce back from this. As of now...I say NO! I will not worry about what ramifications this has in my world, because all around me, I see others who have made a habit of saying NO, and it has not rocked their world, a tiny bit. Today I will be fair to ME! I am the oldest, I have worked the longest, and the hardest (except for the semi-retired), and it is time for someone else to pick up the slack. So..when I go the extra mile tonight, what will allow me to manage it, is the knowledge that it is the very last time, I will ever forget to just say NO!!
Thursday, 4 February 2016
Lost and Alone
Fuuny...When I clicked in, to begin this, I had the title "Envious", in mind, but..this kind of titled itself, and HOLA..it is so fitting.
See, the past 4 months, or so, have been some of the loneliest I have ever experienced. Of course it began when my honey, and then my son, had to leave home for work. Hey..I've learned from years of him working away from home, to deal with "single" life, but..before it was for set periods..2 weeks, 21 days, now we are looking at 3 months, 4 months. It is winter, therefore I am not about to drive 12 hours to visit for 2 days, and he certainly cannot drive a total of 24 hours with 48 off, so..here we are, living the good life in economically f*cked Northern British Columbia!
However, I am "lucky", I have a job. This gives me reason to get up every morning, and leave my house. I get a smidgen of social interaction with other human beings, and a wage that allows us to manage to make ends meet, just barely.....
As you must know by now, I do not love my job. This is certainly not the reason I battled my way through high school, banging my head against a wall, and just squeaking through enough credits to receive my Dogwood. This is not the dream I had as a fresh faced graduate of CFB Cornwallis. This is not what I wish for my children to strive for...but it is a job I am capable of doing, reasonably well.It does not give me a sense of pride, nor does it allow me to indulge in the luxuries of life, it just a mundane, labour intensive, mediocre job! However, it's mine, and in these times, I am grateful to be employed.
The difference I have had to adapt to, these past 4 months, is, my partner has retired! So, not only has my beloved left to work away from home, the one person who allowed me some semblance of sanity in my workplace, has also left.
I knew, between the two of us, we found a kindred spirit. We are both from the same generation, we both have the same work ethics, we both were brought up, if you didn't put your nose to the grindstone, your employer would let you go, and replace you, with someone who did. Maybe she was even worse than me..she was always setting the bar, higher, and higher, and some days, I tried to stop her, because after awhile, we were the only idiots attempting to meet that bar, while all around, everyone else walked underneath...But, set it, she did, and I had to follow, because that is what partners do, right?
She kept me sane..As you can tell, I have a tendency to vent, and she would always be there, to let me blow off steam and then, help me pick up the pieces and carry on. Oh, hey..I did my share, too, because, although she didn't reach boiling points often, sometimes she simmered pretty hard, and then, it was my turn to steady her. We made a good pair..and between us, we survived a sh*tload of crap. Oh, she had to manage a few times, without me, when I took lay-offs, and she just put her head down, until she got home, and we would spend time talking things out, but I think she is stronger than me....This is not the first time I have had to hoe the row on my own, resorting to phone calls to drag me back into the world of the living, but..this is the long one..I am alone until I reach my end..she has returned to the world of "normal", I still reside in the Cuckoo's nest.
So, my mornings are not quite as welcome, to live alone, and basically work alone, has made me, (a person who hates crowds, and finds social gatherings extremely uncomfortable) very lost. I miss my balance, my sidekick, my voice of sanity in a world that is often insane. I am almost afraid, because I am doubtful I can do this by myself. I am trying to rely on music, to keep the outside where it is suppose to be, this is going to take some learning, and a whole lot of phone calls!!!
I am not selfish..she certainly worked hard, and deserves to enjoy her retirement. I just wish she could have waited, or I could have won the lottery, and we could have walked out those doors, into the sunshine, together.
Enjoy your retirement, Irenie Reen..you earned it, the hard way!!
See, the past 4 months, or so, have been some of the loneliest I have ever experienced. Of course it began when my honey, and then my son, had to leave home for work. Hey..I've learned from years of him working away from home, to deal with "single" life, but..before it was for set periods..2 weeks, 21 days, now we are looking at 3 months, 4 months. It is winter, therefore I am not about to drive 12 hours to visit for 2 days, and he certainly cannot drive a total of 24 hours with 48 off, so..here we are, living the good life in economically f*cked Northern British Columbia!
However, I am "lucky", I have a job. This gives me reason to get up every morning, and leave my house. I get a smidgen of social interaction with other human beings, and a wage that allows us to manage to make ends meet, just barely.....
As you must know by now, I do not love my job. This is certainly not the reason I battled my way through high school, banging my head against a wall, and just squeaking through enough credits to receive my Dogwood. This is not the dream I had as a fresh faced graduate of CFB Cornwallis. This is not what I wish for my children to strive for...but it is a job I am capable of doing, reasonably well.It does not give me a sense of pride, nor does it allow me to indulge in the luxuries of life, it just a mundane, labour intensive, mediocre job! However, it's mine, and in these times, I am grateful to be employed.
The difference I have had to adapt to, these past 4 months, is, my partner has retired! So, not only has my beloved left to work away from home, the one person who allowed me some semblance of sanity in my workplace, has also left.
I knew, between the two of us, we found a kindred spirit. We are both from the same generation, we both have the same work ethics, we both were brought up, if you didn't put your nose to the grindstone, your employer would let you go, and replace you, with someone who did. Maybe she was even worse than me..she was always setting the bar, higher, and higher, and some days, I tried to stop her, because after awhile, we were the only idiots attempting to meet that bar, while all around, everyone else walked underneath...But, set it, she did, and I had to follow, because that is what partners do, right?
She kept me sane..As you can tell, I have a tendency to vent, and she would always be there, to let me blow off steam and then, help me pick up the pieces and carry on. Oh, hey..I did my share, too, because, although she didn't reach boiling points often, sometimes she simmered pretty hard, and then, it was my turn to steady her. We made a good pair..and between us, we survived a sh*tload of crap. Oh, she had to manage a few times, without me, when I took lay-offs, and she just put her head down, until she got home, and we would spend time talking things out, but I think she is stronger than me....This is not the first time I have had to hoe the row on my own, resorting to phone calls to drag me back into the world of the living, but..this is the long one..I am alone until I reach my end..she has returned to the world of "normal", I still reside in the Cuckoo's nest.
So, my mornings are not quite as welcome, to live alone, and basically work alone, has made me, (a person who hates crowds, and finds social gatherings extremely uncomfortable) very lost. I miss my balance, my sidekick, my voice of sanity in a world that is often insane. I am almost afraid, because I am doubtful I can do this by myself. I am trying to rely on music, to keep the outside where it is suppose to be, this is going to take some learning, and a whole lot of phone calls!!!
I am not selfish..she certainly worked hard, and deserves to enjoy her retirement. I just wish she could have waited, or I could have won the lottery, and we could have walked out those doors, into the sunshine, together.
Enjoy your retirement, Irenie Reen..you earned it, the hard way!!
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Doors
Well, in truth that title opens a series of doors, but today, I will take a peek into just one, one that is driving me absolutely insane..and I am sure I locked that door.
Perhaps I am a little old-fashioned..nope..there is no perhaps..I AM old-fashioned. Growing up back in the time of steamships, and crank dial phones, everyone had something called their "Personal life". That was exactly what it was..it was something they kept either to themselves, alone, or shared with their significant other. Usually the personal life, was what occurred behind the closed doors of their abodes. Hey, sometimes stuff slipped out..sometimes, and it was obviously painful, the rest of the community would become privy to something that happened in one's personal life. See, maybe people back then were far more private, maybe the way they were perceived by their peers was important..remember the saying "What are people going to think?" Yes, I hated that saying, and admit, at this point in time..I don't give a rat's a$$ what people think...However, I do care what I think!
I admit..I am sometimes attracted to gossip, guess it is human nature. My kids used to accuse me of being nosey..but..that was only so I knew who, and where they would hang out, and what was happening in that locale. No matter how hard one tries to stay away from gossip, it worms its way, into our world. I suppose the trick is, to either confront, or ignore..which I will say, I have tried my very best to do.
I will say, I am an introvert. I may laugh and joke, and chatter about specific things, while at work, I may share bits and pieces of my world, however, the lesson of keeping my underwear covered, is one I think I have managed to do. Trust me, my life has not been squeaky clean, remember, I am a divorced woman...However..that being said, my travels along that route, were done pretty much alone. I had a friend. My sister-in-law would visit me almost daily. We would suck back coffee, and chatter for hours..to say we were close, is an understatement. With my mom's illness, and her care, we became even closer..but, my separation was not really a topic I shared with her. Why? Because that would put her in the middle of a relationship, a place she would have to decide what side she took, and that really would not be fair. Maybe if I had confided, that time in my life would have been easier, but..again.."you made your bed, you sleep in it"..I had to find a way out of the mess I made, by myself...She didn't help make that bed. And you know..at the end of all of this, because it was kept private and personal, each and everyone of us,yes, even my ex, came out as friends. It was just something that didn't work out, and we fixed it!
To say I am uncomfortable when I am put in the position of having to sit on another person's bed, doesn't even come close. How you make your bed, and what company you invite in, and how many covers and pillows, and sheets you use, is NOT something I either need, or wish to know. It is none of my business! One certainly must know by now..you are not going to hear about my bed, we are not sharing information to come up with a solution for your stains...
Do you realize when you confide (and that is a word that no longer has any meaning) to one who lends an open ear, you are basically sending the information out to the rest of the world? You have to know this, because this is the "new" friend rules. Friends used to be confidantes, in truth, there are still some of those friends floating about..but, I have found, as a rule, the majority are just conduits , soaking what you share with them in, and then spewing it out, gleefully to others.
I have been a victim of conduits, hey, I still make use of the odd one when the urge hits me, and I want to get a message out there...However, I will say, I cringe inside when I see and hear this happening all about my world. I feel sorry for those who have never understood what it is like to have a true friend! I definitely doubt they will ever find that gift, because not a single one, will accept the rules. What a shame...
Truly another sign of the times..when instant gratification overwhelms the treasure of another person to stand beside you, through thick and thin. How lonely the world will be, when the time comes, and one looks around for that shoulder to comfort, and they find a pile of dirty laundry, instead.
My friends are like me... They know an awful lot about my life, and I in turn, know about theirs. Why? Because we reached a place, when we decided we could trust each other. We know secrets..yes, that is another word disappearing quickly with the new friend rules. To be given a secret, by another is a huge thing. They are handing you a piece of their personal life, in order for you to understand them a little better.because, again, they trust you. Sometimes the secret needs to be told, so you can see them clearly, but now you are responsible to keep this secret between each other.
This responsibility, like so many others, appears to be too much work for folks today. Not a single soul thinks about tomorrow, they are too busy creating messes out of today, and yesterday. Apparently they have far too much time on their hands, and absolutely nothing to do..some say, "tomorrow never comes" true enough, in some respects..but, if you spend everything today, you know damn well, tomorrow comes in a big hurry. Every one is just spending wildly, buying new linen, and leaving the dirty stuff for the rest of the world to see. Sooner or later, they are going to have to wash what they have, because time will come when they can't afford to throw it out, and they will find their beds too uncomfortable to sleep in!
So, now my problem is, I cannot erase what I did not wish to be privy to. I have to continue puttering along in my world, with my personal life swirling about in my tiny little brain, smothered by the sheets of apparently other personal lives far more important. Heads up...I can't do it..I can't and I won't!!! I am putting a deadbolt on the outside of that bloody door..what happens inside will no longer affect the space I must share with the new world. Maybe this will allow me to focus on my world, because that is the only one that matters!
Perhaps I am a little old-fashioned..nope..there is no perhaps..I AM old-fashioned. Growing up back in the time of steamships, and crank dial phones, everyone had something called their "Personal life". That was exactly what it was..it was something they kept either to themselves, alone, or shared with their significant other. Usually the personal life, was what occurred behind the closed doors of their abodes. Hey, sometimes stuff slipped out..sometimes, and it was obviously painful, the rest of the community would become privy to something that happened in one's personal life. See, maybe people back then were far more private, maybe the way they were perceived by their peers was important..remember the saying "What are people going to think?" Yes, I hated that saying, and admit, at this point in time..I don't give a rat's a$$ what people think...However, I do care what I think!
I admit..I am sometimes attracted to gossip, guess it is human nature. My kids used to accuse me of being nosey..but..that was only so I knew who, and where they would hang out, and what was happening in that locale. No matter how hard one tries to stay away from gossip, it worms its way, into our world. I suppose the trick is, to either confront, or ignore..which I will say, I have tried my very best to do.
I will say, I am an introvert. I may laugh and joke, and chatter about specific things, while at work, I may share bits and pieces of my world, however, the lesson of keeping my underwear covered, is one I think I have managed to do. Trust me, my life has not been squeaky clean, remember, I am a divorced woman...However..that being said, my travels along that route, were done pretty much alone. I had a friend. My sister-in-law would visit me almost daily. We would suck back coffee, and chatter for hours..to say we were close, is an understatement. With my mom's illness, and her care, we became even closer..but, my separation was not really a topic I shared with her. Why? Because that would put her in the middle of a relationship, a place she would have to decide what side she took, and that really would not be fair. Maybe if I had confided, that time in my life would have been easier, but..again.."you made your bed, you sleep in it"..I had to find a way out of the mess I made, by myself...She didn't help make that bed. And you know..at the end of all of this, because it was kept private and personal, each and everyone of us,yes, even my ex, came out as friends. It was just something that didn't work out, and we fixed it!
To say I am uncomfortable when I am put in the position of having to sit on another person's bed, doesn't even come close. How you make your bed, and what company you invite in, and how many covers and pillows, and sheets you use, is NOT something I either need, or wish to know. It is none of my business! One certainly must know by now..you are not going to hear about my bed, we are not sharing information to come up with a solution for your stains...
Do you realize when you confide (and that is a word that no longer has any meaning) to one who lends an open ear, you are basically sending the information out to the rest of the world? You have to know this, because this is the "new" friend rules. Friends used to be confidantes, in truth, there are still some of those friends floating about..but, I have found, as a rule, the majority are just conduits , soaking what you share with them in, and then spewing it out, gleefully to others.
I have been a victim of conduits, hey, I still make use of the odd one when the urge hits me, and I want to get a message out there...However, I will say, I cringe inside when I see and hear this happening all about my world. I feel sorry for those who have never understood what it is like to have a true friend! I definitely doubt they will ever find that gift, because not a single one, will accept the rules. What a shame...
Truly another sign of the times..when instant gratification overwhelms the treasure of another person to stand beside you, through thick and thin. How lonely the world will be, when the time comes, and one looks around for that shoulder to comfort, and they find a pile of dirty laundry, instead.
My friends are like me... They know an awful lot about my life, and I in turn, know about theirs. Why? Because we reached a place, when we decided we could trust each other. We know secrets..yes, that is another word disappearing quickly with the new friend rules. To be given a secret, by another is a huge thing. They are handing you a piece of their personal life, in order for you to understand them a little better.because, again, they trust you. Sometimes the secret needs to be told, so you can see them clearly, but now you are responsible to keep this secret between each other.
This responsibility, like so many others, appears to be too much work for folks today. Not a single soul thinks about tomorrow, they are too busy creating messes out of today, and yesterday. Apparently they have far too much time on their hands, and absolutely nothing to do..some say, "tomorrow never comes" true enough, in some respects..but, if you spend everything today, you know damn well, tomorrow comes in a big hurry. Every one is just spending wildly, buying new linen, and leaving the dirty stuff for the rest of the world to see. Sooner or later, they are going to have to wash what they have, because time will come when they can't afford to throw it out, and they will find their beds too uncomfortable to sleep in!
So, now my problem is, I cannot erase what I did not wish to be privy to. I have to continue puttering along in my world, with my personal life swirling about in my tiny little brain, smothered by the sheets of apparently other personal lives far more important. Heads up...I can't do it..I can't and I won't!!! I am putting a deadbolt on the outside of that bloody door..what happens inside will no longer affect the space I must share with the new world. Maybe this will allow me to focus on my world, because that is the only one that matters!
Wednesday, 27 January 2016
Victim of Abuse
Ethics are external standards that are provided by institutions, groups, or culture
to which an individual belongs. For example, lawyers, policemen, and
doctors all have to follow an ethical code laid down by their
profession, regardless of their own feelings or preferences. Ethics can also be considered a social system or a framework for acceptable behavior.
Morals are also influenced by culture or society, but they are personal principles created and upheld by individuals themselves.
Above, is the most concise definition of two words, which are quickly disappearing from our world.I had to Google, because, sometimes, I get these two mixed up, I forgot my schooling, and for some reason, thought they had the same meaning. Guess I know better now...But, I imagine,because I was raised in a household that held morals very high, Ethics were basically collateral..they kind of went together like butter and popcorn..one generally had the other attached.
That would probably be the reason, when trying to figure out why things in many aspects of my world, just seem screwy, I can't figure out quite what is missing, Morals or Ethics.
So, what happened to cause me to suddenly realize I no longer understand the principles of life? Back in my day, it was pretty easy to understand Ethics..when one started a job, they were explained what was allowed, what was not acceptable, what was expected, and what the result of not doing, or doing the correct or incorrect thing. That was a simple finale...the job was lost!
Morals..well, those were pretty basic, as well. Societies rules were black and white. I am not saying I always kept within the boundaries, but, I knew when I was wandering outside the lines, and I certainly didn't broadcast it to the rest of the world. Most of the time I wandered outside the lines, I was in a group, and for a moment of time, I guess we reinvented some of the rules. However, we were young, and we, for the most part, knew what we were doing was wrong, and likely did not make a habit to repeat the trips outside the lines after we reached the age when "I didn't Know" could be used as an excuse.I will say.."I didn't Know" never worked in my house..It was always responded by "Well, you should know, and now you will never forget"..and then an additional reminder, generally some sort of pain stimulus that would ensure I remembered.
O.K. even in my teeny tiny town, some folks lacked as many morals as others, and some folks tended to collect far more than average. In my mind, neither was any better, the extremely loose morals, or the choke collar tight ones. To have to live life without any pleasure, would be horrid, to live life only thinking of pleasure, and fixating on one's personal pleasure, beyond everything else, would be extraordinarily selfish.
So, in saying this..I have answered my own question. See, far too many people in society, have decided that their sole purpose in life is the goal of personal pleasure. They don't care what they have to do in order to obtain it. They have removed consideration from their world, because that entails thinking about someone else, and to do so, may cause issues in how quickly they can secure what it is they want, to get pleasure.
See, before, someone like this would have been seen as selfish, but..in today's world, it is the norm..It is somehow acceptable to overlook even Ethics, for some, because still, there are just a few old folks who live by the old rules, they were taught. Those folks, well, they tend to be abused, yes..that is what happens, they are expected to cover, because the others, well..."They don't know"! I call total BS on this reasoning. They bloody well know, because if they didn't once, they have been informed since. Perhaps it was the lack of pain stimulus? No, more so the lack of job loss!
Employers of the world are at fault for what has happened. Parents of the world are at fault for what has happened, Schools are at fault for what has happened, the legal system is at fault for what has happened, and...yes, those old folks, who live by the old rules, are also at fault for what has happened.Perhaps not quite in the order listed, as, generations are molded by their parents, so..children who are raised to expect everything on a silver platter, to have no responsibility for their actions, when they do something wrong, Mommy or Daddy fixes it, that is the beginning. Then they go to school...if they can't do the work, it's O.K. you are ADD, FAS, Dyslexsic, artistic, whatever, we will bend everything to make you fit in, and you can move along with the rest of your classmates.
I imagine there had to be a whole sh*tload of kids when I went to school who were born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, because back in those days, no one was telling women they couldn't drink when they were pregnant. How the F*ck did all of us manage to somehow do all the work necessary to pass our grades? Hey, there were a couple of kids who were put back to repeat, but..they did it. I did it..and I am the first to admit, school sucked for me, I had to work all the time, I had to practice my Pitman writing all through the summer, because if I didn't catch up, I would repeat a grade! There was punishment for not giving all my effort, because..out in the real world, if I wanted to work, that is what would be expected! The legal system, well..that is enough mess for it's own text book on what NOT to do. Then we get to the employers.
These are the people with the power to change things. They control whether someone gets paid, and in these times, we all need money. They hold the power to weld the Ethics, and deliver the punishment if one does not put in the effort required. They weld the morals as well, because they make the rules! When there are two totally different sets of Ethics and Morals in play, someone is going to get the short end of the stick, well more than one short end. Jobs have to be done, they have to be done in a timely manner, because...someone is putting out the cash for this work. To build a sense of Ethics that are constructed on the ideal that with a set work load, it is O.K. to leave one person to do it all one day, and then feel one is entitled to get paid a full days wage the next day, but only do part of the previous days work, and take just as long, just seems a tad warped. For the person who has completed all the work the previous day, and finished earlier the next day, but somehow ending up with the same amount of hours as the other, something just seems wrong. But, how does one go about fixing this? They can't! They have the choice, to throw those old work Ethics, and a whack of their Morals out the door, and follow suit..or..to be the fool.
Personally, I am almost at the end of being a fool. It has not done me a lick of good! To follow the Ethics and Morals of the old days, has simply made me a victim of abuse. Does that seem a tad strong? I am using a word in a frivolous way? No, I don't believe I am. I feel the need to complete the work load, that is my job, to ensure my employer gets what they need, and what I was hired to do. Those are the rules I was given, and I believe they must be followed, in order to receive wages. I will do all the work alone, if put in that position, and my employer will simply pay one set of wages for that day, often I will leave the job, tired, sore, and miserable, but, I did what was expected. What have I got in return for being responsible? Maybe a dollar or so more an hour, but in these times of inflation, and the many years of experience, and the burden of responsibility, reliability, now appear to be worth far more than the dollar or so, especially when production is taken into account.
So...what choice do I make? At almost 60 years old, do I continue to hold tight to things that no longer appear to matter to most of the world? Or do I develop a modern set of Ethics and Morals? Going to have to ponder this for awhile,because I honestly believe I am a victim of my own making!
Morals are also influenced by culture or society, but they are personal principles created and upheld by individuals themselves.
Above, is the most concise definition of two words, which are quickly disappearing from our world.I had to Google, because, sometimes, I get these two mixed up, I forgot my schooling, and for some reason, thought they had the same meaning. Guess I know better now...But, I imagine,because I was raised in a household that held morals very high, Ethics were basically collateral..they kind of went together like butter and popcorn..one generally had the other attached.
That would probably be the reason, when trying to figure out why things in many aspects of my world, just seem screwy, I can't figure out quite what is missing, Morals or Ethics.
So, what happened to cause me to suddenly realize I no longer understand the principles of life? Back in my day, it was pretty easy to understand Ethics..when one started a job, they were explained what was allowed, what was not acceptable, what was expected, and what the result of not doing, or doing the correct or incorrect thing. That was a simple finale...the job was lost!
Morals..well, those were pretty basic, as well. Societies rules were black and white. I am not saying I always kept within the boundaries, but, I knew when I was wandering outside the lines, and I certainly didn't broadcast it to the rest of the world. Most of the time I wandered outside the lines, I was in a group, and for a moment of time, I guess we reinvented some of the rules. However, we were young, and we, for the most part, knew what we were doing was wrong, and likely did not make a habit to repeat the trips outside the lines after we reached the age when "I didn't Know" could be used as an excuse.I will say.."I didn't Know" never worked in my house..It was always responded by "Well, you should know, and now you will never forget"..and then an additional reminder, generally some sort of pain stimulus that would ensure I remembered.
O.K. even in my teeny tiny town, some folks lacked as many morals as others, and some folks tended to collect far more than average. In my mind, neither was any better, the extremely loose morals, or the choke collar tight ones. To have to live life without any pleasure, would be horrid, to live life only thinking of pleasure, and fixating on one's personal pleasure, beyond everything else, would be extraordinarily selfish.
So, in saying this..I have answered my own question. See, far too many people in society, have decided that their sole purpose in life is the goal of personal pleasure. They don't care what they have to do in order to obtain it. They have removed consideration from their world, because that entails thinking about someone else, and to do so, may cause issues in how quickly they can secure what it is they want, to get pleasure.
See, before, someone like this would have been seen as selfish, but..in today's world, it is the norm..It is somehow acceptable to overlook even Ethics, for some, because still, there are just a few old folks who live by the old rules, they were taught. Those folks, well, they tend to be abused, yes..that is what happens, they are expected to cover, because the others, well..."They don't know"! I call total BS on this reasoning. They bloody well know, because if they didn't once, they have been informed since. Perhaps it was the lack of pain stimulus? No, more so the lack of job loss!
Employers of the world are at fault for what has happened. Parents of the world are at fault for what has happened, Schools are at fault for what has happened, the legal system is at fault for what has happened, and...yes, those old folks, who live by the old rules, are also at fault for what has happened.Perhaps not quite in the order listed, as, generations are molded by their parents, so..children who are raised to expect everything on a silver platter, to have no responsibility for their actions, when they do something wrong, Mommy or Daddy fixes it, that is the beginning. Then they go to school...if they can't do the work, it's O.K. you are ADD, FAS, Dyslexsic, artistic, whatever, we will bend everything to make you fit in, and you can move along with the rest of your classmates.
I imagine there had to be a whole sh*tload of kids when I went to school who were born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, because back in those days, no one was telling women they couldn't drink when they were pregnant. How the F*ck did all of us manage to somehow do all the work necessary to pass our grades? Hey, there were a couple of kids who were put back to repeat, but..they did it. I did it..and I am the first to admit, school sucked for me, I had to work all the time, I had to practice my Pitman writing all through the summer, because if I didn't catch up, I would repeat a grade! There was punishment for not giving all my effort, because..out in the real world, if I wanted to work, that is what would be expected! The legal system, well..that is enough mess for it's own text book on what NOT to do. Then we get to the employers.
These are the people with the power to change things. They control whether someone gets paid, and in these times, we all need money. They hold the power to weld the Ethics, and deliver the punishment if one does not put in the effort required. They weld the morals as well, because they make the rules! When there are two totally different sets of Ethics and Morals in play, someone is going to get the short end of the stick, well more than one short end. Jobs have to be done, they have to be done in a timely manner, because...someone is putting out the cash for this work. To build a sense of Ethics that are constructed on the ideal that with a set work load, it is O.K. to leave one person to do it all one day, and then feel one is entitled to get paid a full days wage the next day, but only do part of the previous days work, and take just as long, just seems a tad warped. For the person who has completed all the work the previous day, and finished earlier the next day, but somehow ending up with the same amount of hours as the other, something just seems wrong. But, how does one go about fixing this? They can't! They have the choice, to throw those old work Ethics, and a whack of their Morals out the door, and follow suit..or..to be the fool.
Personally, I am almost at the end of being a fool. It has not done me a lick of good! To follow the Ethics and Morals of the old days, has simply made me a victim of abuse. Does that seem a tad strong? I am using a word in a frivolous way? No, I don't believe I am. I feel the need to complete the work load, that is my job, to ensure my employer gets what they need, and what I was hired to do. Those are the rules I was given, and I believe they must be followed, in order to receive wages. I will do all the work alone, if put in that position, and my employer will simply pay one set of wages for that day, often I will leave the job, tired, sore, and miserable, but, I did what was expected. What have I got in return for being responsible? Maybe a dollar or so more an hour, but in these times of inflation, and the many years of experience, and the burden of responsibility, reliability, now appear to be worth far more than the dollar or so, especially when production is taken into account.
So...what choice do I make? At almost 60 years old, do I continue to hold tight to things that no longer appear to matter to most of the world? Or do I develop a modern set of Ethics and Morals? Going to have to ponder this for awhile,because I honestly believe I am a victim of my own making!
Thursday, 21 January 2016
Forgotten in The Archives of My Mind
Wow..Long title,eh? Funny, it's been a very long time since I wrote about what originally started all of this. You know, hotel etiquette and all...Strange how it took so many turns, and ended up a chowder of many things. Oh well, my take is, it does me good to sit and put this crapola down, I haven't been sent to jail yet, and if I am on the radar of the terrorism police, well..first of..save your time and effort, I am too old and too tired to do diddly beyond tap at the keyboard, second, although you may think different, I have never been accused of resorting to violence(and I raised 3 kids). There, that's covered, just in case...
So, again, this blogging has taken me to a place I never expected, and all because I wanted to ensure some of the strange and unusual stories from my line of work, didn't disappear. You know..at the beginning, all I wanted was to open up a link of some sorts, so toilet scrubbers from all over the world, could send in their incredible guest stories. Imagine how much fun that would be? I work in a very small town, I bet those folks cleaning the big Casino hotels, and penthouse luxury rooms have seen things I couldn't imagine. But, apparently I am not a tech geek, and my limited knowledge on how to get things our into the vastness of the world wide web (yep, I do know what www. means) never got things off the ground, so you are stuck with what has transpired. Since I sometimes feel just a little guilty, because hotels seldom enter into my writings lately..I was privy to a moment of joint recollection the other day, so..here is a little hotel happening for a treat..For all I know, I already wrote about this, but if not..here it is..
So....many years ago, we had a full crew staying with us. I think they were pipeliners. Now, don't get me wrong, I have met some pretty awesome hard working pipeliners, in fact, once upon a time, I even rented my own home to a group of 5, best renters ever..But, like every other group, there are some turds(yep, I am leading up to things slowly).
This particular group stayed in one of our outlying properties. This property is made up of large units, with 2 separate nice sized bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, dining room, and a bathroom. If one is stuck staying away from home for long periods, this is a far nicer place to stay than a small hotel room. So, these guys basically had an apartment, with daily cleaning service. Now, after many years of cleaning up after guests, I can sort of tell what kind of person someone is, sometimes, I can tell their age, and their appearance, just by cleaning up after them. Because someone drinks a lot, doesn't mean they are drunks, but..the way they drink, tells me an awful lot. When I find empties scattered all about, well, not empty, but partially empty, when I find the tabs thrown about all over the rooms, when I find cans beside the toilet, or in the shower, and cigarette ashes on the bathroom floor, in the sink, not flushed in the toilet, or..yes..this happens all the time..ashes in the clean bathtub, beside the toilet..I generally have a pretty good idea what these people are like..
That's who these people were. So, doesn't matter, we are hired to clean, and everyone gets the same service, even if we want to leave them a note telling them to throw their garbage in the can provided. Now, these units are probably almost, if not as old as I am. They have been well used, can't imagine the number of guests that have sat on those toilets, or climbed into the tubs, some of which are the originals. After decades of use, even the good old bathtubs will lose their finish, especially when day after day, they are cleaned with chemicals. One tub, in particular was really bad. We had requested it be replaced for years, but...although it was black, in spots, grey in others, scratched to rat sh*t, it did the job. That bathtub, believe it or not, was probably the cleanest tub in town, because every time that unit was stripped, the person doing the job, would scrub forever, unsure if they were scrubbing at the old stain, or something new..honestly we even went so far as to use toilet bowl cleaner to attempt to make it white again, to no avail.I am wondering if when we used the toilet bowl cleaner, if we were sensing the future..
So, about a week after cleaning up for these two gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) our maintenance man had to go around to check on the toilets in these units. He headed off to this job first thing in the morning, around 7:30. The workers went to work at 7, so he knew everything would be empty. He went into this particular one, now..keep in mind, this man has been doing his job, at this hotel for decades..he has seen some of the stuff we have, but only because we find it first, and if it is beyond our capability, we have to haul him in to assist. So, he is standing by the toilet, about to check the workings out, and sniffs..something is a tad off..oh, here is another tidbit, he is the first to admit, his sniffer isn't the best, often when we insist there is a smell, his nose refuses to pick up the stink. But..this time, he has no doubt..nothing in the toilet, but, now it is clear, it smells like sh*t!! Nothing on the floor, but lordie it is real close by..and then he turns to glance to his left, and there it is!!!!
The drunken pig, appears to have been offended by the stained bathtub..he didn't use it to shower, oh no..his little pinkies were not about to step foot on that nasty surface..his body was not about to touch such a disgusting piece of porcelain, nope..instead he sat on the edge of the tub, and took a great big stinking crap! There it sat, big as life, and twice as stinky. Really..remember, he was not alone in this place, he shared this with another guy, only one bathroom.....
Now sometimes when we find something gross, done by one of our guests, we, as housekeepers have to plug our noses and deal with it, and trust me, there have been a lot of nose plug situations, this time, was different. This was found by someone who was not responsible for cleaning, someone who went directly to the employer, and explained what he had found. We got the heads up before even commencing our day, and we jointly decided we were not going to pick up this dog's poop. This time, our employer called the guest, and....after questioning why he did something so gross,and that he would be responsible for cleaning it up, she was informed he didn't do it, someone must have broke into this room, after himself and his buddy left, and done the deed! He was NOT going to clean up a strange poop! Well, since maintenance was up there 1/2 an hour after he had left, someone would have really had to be quick..we knew he did it, so..for the one and only time, since I have worked at this job, the bathroom door was shut, the remaining housekeeping was done, and the deposit was left in the tub.
The next morning, the offending offering had been removed. Clearly the owner was found, perhaps it was the other guest? We will never know the answer to the mystery of the bathtub pooh. The tub was cleaned, and showers were taken afterwards. That was the single feces in a tub event we have had, the tub has since been replaced, but there is another one looking much the same..I hope I am long gone, before someone sits down on the edge of that one, and empties their bowels...
It's a pretty sh*tty job, being a toilet bowl scrubber..pardon the pun....
So, again, this blogging has taken me to a place I never expected, and all because I wanted to ensure some of the strange and unusual stories from my line of work, didn't disappear. You know..at the beginning, all I wanted was to open up a link of some sorts, so toilet scrubbers from all over the world, could send in their incredible guest stories. Imagine how much fun that would be? I work in a very small town, I bet those folks cleaning the big Casino hotels, and penthouse luxury rooms have seen things I couldn't imagine. But, apparently I am not a tech geek, and my limited knowledge on how to get things our into the vastness of the world wide web (yep, I do know what www. means) never got things off the ground, so you are stuck with what has transpired. Since I sometimes feel just a little guilty, because hotels seldom enter into my writings lately..I was privy to a moment of joint recollection the other day, so..here is a little hotel happening for a treat..For all I know, I already wrote about this, but if not..here it is..
So....many years ago, we had a full crew staying with us. I think they were pipeliners. Now, don't get me wrong, I have met some pretty awesome hard working pipeliners, in fact, once upon a time, I even rented my own home to a group of 5, best renters ever..But, like every other group, there are some turds(yep, I am leading up to things slowly).
This particular group stayed in one of our outlying properties. This property is made up of large units, with 2 separate nice sized bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, dining room, and a bathroom. If one is stuck staying away from home for long periods, this is a far nicer place to stay than a small hotel room. So, these guys basically had an apartment, with daily cleaning service. Now, after many years of cleaning up after guests, I can sort of tell what kind of person someone is, sometimes, I can tell their age, and their appearance, just by cleaning up after them. Because someone drinks a lot, doesn't mean they are drunks, but..the way they drink, tells me an awful lot. When I find empties scattered all about, well, not empty, but partially empty, when I find the tabs thrown about all over the rooms, when I find cans beside the toilet, or in the shower, and cigarette ashes on the bathroom floor, in the sink, not flushed in the toilet, or..yes..this happens all the time..ashes in the clean bathtub, beside the toilet..I generally have a pretty good idea what these people are like..
That's who these people were. So, doesn't matter, we are hired to clean, and everyone gets the same service, even if we want to leave them a note telling them to throw their garbage in the can provided. Now, these units are probably almost, if not as old as I am. They have been well used, can't imagine the number of guests that have sat on those toilets, or climbed into the tubs, some of which are the originals. After decades of use, even the good old bathtubs will lose their finish, especially when day after day, they are cleaned with chemicals. One tub, in particular was really bad. We had requested it be replaced for years, but...although it was black, in spots, grey in others, scratched to rat sh*t, it did the job. That bathtub, believe it or not, was probably the cleanest tub in town, because every time that unit was stripped, the person doing the job, would scrub forever, unsure if they were scrubbing at the old stain, or something new..honestly we even went so far as to use toilet bowl cleaner to attempt to make it white again, to no avail.I am wondering if when we used the toilet bowl cleaner, if we were sensing the future..
So, about a week after cleaning up for these two gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) our maintenance man had to go around to check on the toilets in these units. He headed off to this job first thing in the morning, around 7:30. The workers went to work at 7, so he knew everything would be empty. He went into this particular one, now..keep in mind, this man has been doing his job, at this hotel for decades..he has seen some of the stuff we have, but only because we find it first, and if it is beyond our capability, we have to haul him in to assist. So, he is standing by the toilet, about to check the workings out, and sniffs..something is a tad off..oh, here is another tidbit, he is the first to admit, his sniffer isn't the best, often when we insist there is a smell, his nose refuses to pick up the stink. But..this time, he has no doubt..nothing in the toilet, but, now it is clear, it smells like sh*t!! Nothing on the floor, but lordie it is real close by..and then he turns to glance to his left, and there it is!!!!
The drunken pig, appears to have been offended by the stained bathtub..he didn't use it to shower, oh no..his little pinkies were not about to step foot on that nasty surface..his body was not about to touch such a disgusting piece of porcelain, nope..instead he sat on the edge of the tub, and took a great big stinking crap! There it sat, big as life, and twice as stinky. Really..remember, he was not alone in this place, he shared this with another guy, only one bathroom.....
Now sometimes when we find something gross, done by one of our guests, we, as housekeepers have to plug our noses and deal with it, and trust me, there have been a lot of nose plug situations, this time, was different. This was found by someone who was not responsible for cleaning, someone who went directly to the employer, and explained what he had found. We got the heads up before even commencing our day, and we jointly decided we were not going to pick up this dog's poop. This time, our employer called the guest, and....after questioning why he did something so gross,and that he would be responsible for cleaning it up, she was informed he didn't do it, someone must have broke into this room, after himself and his buddy left, and done the deed! He was NOT going to clean up a strange poop! Well, since maintenance was up there 1/2 an hour after he had left, someone would have really had to be quick..we knew he did it, so..for the one and only time, since I have worked at this job, the bathroom door was shut, the remaining housekeeping was done, and the deposit was left in the tub.
The next morning, the offending offering had been removed. Clearly the owner was found, perhaps it was the other guest? We will never know the answer to the mystery of the bathtub pooh. The tub was cleaned, and showers were taken afterwards. That was the single feces in a tub event we have had, the tub has since been replaced, but there is another one looking much the same..I hope I am long gone, before someone sits down on the edge of that one, and empties their bowels...
It's a pretty sh*tty job, being a toilet bowl scrubber..pardon the pun....
Tuesday, 19 January 2016
Flower Child
Ahhh..See, that title should pretty much date me..Yes, I was alive when WoodStock happened, and Flower Children flitted about, really wearing flowers in their hair. Hippies, kind of the same thing, but Flower Children sounds so much nicer, doesn't it?
First off..let me state, I was pretty young when Woodstock occurred, 1969 was the year, I was 13! I was never a flower child, I did embroider on my jeans, and I did wear flowy muslin tops, bell bottoms, and Paisley prints were high fashion. I think for 3 years every thing I owned was earthy brown.Flower power...in truth, it was a generation that believed in Peace and love, not unlike many of us wish the world was coated in. They tried..they had battles, we lived during the Vietnam war, atomic bombs were going off in the oceans and deserts. Times today, well, they are not so different, just as awful, just as many wishing we could plant flowers everywhere, and rainbows. Flower children loved everyone, and sex was given away as freely as the flowers. Hey, those folks smiled an awful lot..Most of the time, they were so stoned, they had no clue what was happening, that was likely another reason there was an awful lot of smiling. Flower children begat communes..love flowed all over the place in those..different mindsets, different morals, different lifestyles. They truly had things figured out, how to live life simply. Now I imagine there was a sh*tload of fallout for the children of these flowers, because free love is not everyone's cup of tea,. Their children grew up surrounded by sex, drugs and likely not so much rock and roll..more likely some Sitars..and flutes and maybe some bongos...
O.K. Basically what I set out to do, was to make the point, free love has been around for a very long time..I am not a prude, but it wasn't appealing to me back in the day, and it is less so as I have aged. I believe love is something that takes a lot of work. Yes, one can fall in love quickly, and if they are very lucky the feeling is mutual. But, there are reasons people fall in love. There has to be some sort of common ground, a foundation. Just because one thinks someone else is cute, is not a foundation..just because they claim to be a Porn star in the bedroom..that does not create love. See..right next to love is another L word that seems to get confused with love, and that is LUST. Love is created, lust dissolves. Lust last only as long as it takes for something more appealing to open the door. Lust is like new car smell..after a while it disappears, and the stink of the real world takes over, and off one goes looking for that smell again.
I suppose when one is young enough, they can wander about sniffing the new smell, all over the place. Back in my day, guys would be congratulated with the notches on their belt, but, they would never be considered a keeper, because they "fooled around". Girls, well..they were simply sleaze balls, or easy..or, of course, sluts.However, many of these folks got this out of their systems, and actually fell in love. They found someone who offered more than just a nice smell, they found someone who made them feel the need to stay, to build a foundation, and to work with, to build a life. Cripes, those of us from teeny town, we may remember Joe or Joanie Blow as being easy, but..they grew up, they had families, and they worked hard building their lives with the ones they loved, who cares what they did when they were young?
However...This is where things get foggy. Sometimes, some people expect love to be something more akin to the new car smell. They don't understand there is upkeep, work has to be done to maintain love. It is not always shiny, and often, it stinks! Well, actually it isn't love that stinks, it is life. What happens is reality often overwhelms love. Things get in the way..kids, money, jobs, routine. Expectations become too high, folks forget about the foundation, and it gets crumbly, and oops, they slip off. Slipping off is because someone decides they just don't want to put the energy into something that will always be imperfect. That's a fact, love is never perfect, no matter how hard you work at it, but, even imperfect, there is nothing better in life.
See, maybe it is hard to understand when you are young, even when you hit middle-age, but if you stay and put the time and effort into making your foundation strong, when you reach a certain point in life, lust doesn't matter. New car smell, well, you know that wears off. Instead, you have this amazing partner, who knows you almost as well as you do, someone who has overlooked all of your flaws, who has seen you at your best, and more often, at your worst, and yet, worked right along side to make a life together. That life is, if you are lucky, the longest relationship you will ever have. Although I do know a friend who found love, and didn't have her partner long enough, but..she will be the first to say, the time she had, has left her a lifetime of love. See, all it takes is a commitment, 2 people to decide to spend the future together..and from this, you get the present..that present is the past..it is everything you worked for together, memories, warmth, comfort and one day, even the bad, will fade. Dedication, devotion. Turning all the night time into the day
So, when people say"you're so lucky, you get along so well", no, not really. We fight, we argue, we storm about, pissed at one another. But....we are lucky, because we have put so much work, so many years, made so many memories, neither of us has the energy to begin at the beginning, again. It is harder than one imagines, once the glow wears off, but...see, no matter how many years go by, that glow was so shiny, if we stop and think hard enough..we can see it, sparkle..it is the present we can open anytime we want!
So, my thought, if you want flowers, plant them in the garden, they won't last forever, just like the new car smell..but if you want love, get ready to work really hard..payback is well worth the effort!
First off..let me state, I was pretty young when Woodstock occurred, 1969 was the year, I was 13! I was never a flower child, I did embroider on my jeans, and I did wear flowy muslin tops, bell bottoms, and Paisley prints were high fashion. I think for 3 years every thing I owned was earthy brown.Flower power...in truth, it was a generation that believed in Peace and love, not unlike many of us wish the world was coated in. They tried..they had battles, we lived during the Vietnam war, atomic bombs were going off in the oceans and deserts. Times today, well, they are not so different, just as awful, just as many wishing we could plant flowers everywhere, and rainbows. Flower children loved everyone, and sex was given away as freely as the flowers. Hey, those folks smiled an awful lot..Most of the time, they were so stoned, they had no clue what was happening, that was likely another reason there was an awful lot of smiling. Flower children begat communes..love flowed all over the place in those..different mindsets, different morals, different lifestyles. They truly had things figured out, how to live life simply. Now I imagine there was a sh*tload of fallout for the children of these flowers, because free love is not everyone's cup of tea,. Their children grew up surrounded by sex, drugs and likely not so much rock and roll..more likely some Sitars..and flutes and maybe some bongos...
O.K. Basically what I set out to do, was to make the point, free love has been around for a very long time..I am not a prude, but it wasn't appealing to me back in the day, and it is less so as I have aged. I believe love is something that takes a lot of work. Yes, one can fall in love quickly, and if they are very lucky the feeling is mutual. But, there are reasons people fall in love. There has to be some sort of common ground, a foundation. Just because one thinks someone else is cute, is not a foundation..just because they claim to be a Porn star in the bedroom..that does not create love. See..right next to love is another L word that seems to get confused with love, and that is LUST. Love is created, lust dissolves. Lust last only as long as it takes for something more appealing to open the door. Lust is like new car smell..after a while it disappears, and the stink of the real world takes over, and off one goes looking for that smell again.
I suppose when one is young enough, they can wander about sniffing the new smell, all over the place. Back in my day, guys would be congratulated with the notches on their belt, but, they would never be considered a keeper, because they "fooled around". Girls, well..they were simply sleaze balls, or easy..or, of course, sluts.However, many of these folks got this out of their systems, and actually fell in love. They found someone who offered more than just a nice smell, they found someone who made them feel the need to stay, to build a foundation, and to work with, to build a life. Cripes, those of us from teeny town, we may remember Joe or Joanie Blow as being easy, but..they grew up, they had families, and they worked hard building their lives with the ones they loved, who cares what they did when they were young?
However...This is where things get foggy. Sometimes, some people expect love to be something more akin to the new car smell. They don't understand there is upkeep, work has to be done to maintain love. It is not always shiny, and often, it stinks! Well, actually it isn't love that stinks, it is life. What happens is reality often overwhelms love. Things get in the way..kids, money, jobs, routine. Expectations become too high, folks forget about the foundation, and it gets crumbly, and oops, they slip off. Slipping off is because someone decides they just don't want to put the energy into something that will always be imperfect. That's a fact, love is never perfect, no matter how hard you work at it, but, even imperfect, there is nothing better in life.
See, maybe it is hard to understand when you are young, even when you hit middle-age, but if you stay and put the time and effort into making your foundation strong, when you reach a certain point in life, lust doesn't matter. New car smell, well, you know that wears off. Instead, you have this amazing partner, who knows you almost as well as you do, someone who has overlooked all of your flaws, who has seen you at your best, and more often, at your worst, and yet, worked right along side to make a life together. That life is, if you are lucky, the longest relationship you will ever have. Although I do know a friend who found love, and didn't have her partner long enough, but..she will be the first to say, the time she had, has left her a lifetime of love. See, all it takes is a commitment, 2 people to decide to spend the future together..and from this, you get the present..that present is the past..it is everything you worked for together, memories, warmth, comfort and one day, even the bad, will fade. Dedication, devotion. Turning all the night time into the day
So, when people say"you're so lucky, you get along so well", no, not really. We fight, we argue, we storm about, pissed at one another. But....we are lucky, because we have put so much work, so many years, made so many memories, neither of us has the energy to begin at the beginning, again. It is harder than one imagines, once the glow wears off, but...see, no matter how many years go by, that glow was so shiny, if we stop and think hard enough..we can see it, sparkle..it is the present we can open anytime we want!
So, my thought, if you want flowers, plant them in the garden, they won't last forever, just like the new car smell..but if you want love, get ready to work really hard..payback is well worth the effort!
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