No Clue

Well, here I am..got the urge to "visit", but no clue what I want to talk about. Actually, I have only washed the kitchen floor, and have the rest of the house waiting to be de-dog-haired, so..just looking for an excuse.
  Perhaps I will speak of my very limited time in the military, as today is the day we set aside to remember the fallen, and the fighters. I have been around for 58 November 11th memorial days. I have some of my military uniform still hanging in my closet, however, I do NOT consider myself a Veteran. I was only in for a few years, during peace time. I will, however, tell you what made me decide to join up to serve my country. I did not join up, because it was peace time. That part had nothing to do with what called me.  I would have joined, knowing I could very well be sent off to war.
  The idea of becoming a member of the Canadian Armed Forces, began before I graduated High School. I have told you all how I grew up in a very small town. Well, sometimes, when you live so closely with everyone, without media, of any sort, beyond a few hours of radio, you listen. I listened to stories, I heard the words of many men and women who had fought for our country. They were all over town. See, I grew up when many parents of friends had fought in World War 11, however, I also knew that many of those lonely old people, who perhaps did a fair bit of drinking, had fought for their country during World War 1.  November 11th, was a solemn day, when I was a child. The Cenotaph had names listed of Uncles, and Cousins,and sons, of those who would follow the march along the Highway. I remember looking at those who lost family, and the sadness on their faces. War was very real for those who were born only a decade or so, after 1945.
  In school, November 11th, was not a day off, to sleep in, it was a day we prepared for, to honour those who went without sleep, who suffered pain, who went far from home, away from their loved ones, to fight for rights and freedom. Many of these , never came home. This day, we were taught how very lucky we were to be able to live our lives, as Canadians. We were taught the price that others had to pay for this right, and we understood.
  I suppose this day, perhaps made a bigger mark on me, than most. I was not the brightest student, nor the most athletic, I did not have a dream to become a teacher, or nurse, I expect I recognized these careers, were just not meant for me. However, I could do something amazing, something that truly mattered, I could write the Department of National Defence, and sign up.
  Hah! I thought that would be a simple matter, so in the midst of Grade 12, I sent off my letter. The reply was not what I expected. Apparently there were no openings. Geez, that was a bit of a shock. So..I graduated, and went off first to work at the mine, and then at the local bank.
  While working at the bank, I went off on a trip with a friend. We happened to stop in Vancouver, on our way home, and the hotel we stayed at, was close to the Canadian Armed Forces recruiting center. On a lark, I went into the center, asked for an application, and filled it out. It was pretty exciting, just to be in that building, everyone was in uniform, and I knew this was where I belonged. I handed the application in, and went on my merry way, back to working in the bank. A few weeks later, I got my acceptance letter, they wanted me to join up.
  I will tell you, my time in the Forces, was the best time of my life! Oh, it was certainly not easy, I ended up catching the German Measles part way through my 11 weeks of Basic training, and had the pleasure of an extra 3 weeks with a second platoon, and basic training was not a walk in the park. I came close to giving up a few times, but I knew others had done this before me, and many had done so, while at war, it would get better, and..it did.
  To march on parade, with 40 others, who started their training in a platoon of well over 70, to know I was one of those who "made the grade", to experience such an overwhelming sense of pride, is unforgettable.
  I did not stand out, I did not receive the marksmanship trophy, or the Commandant's award. I was simply a Private, in the uniform of my country. I imagine the sense of pride I felt, is still felt by those who chose to join up. To this day, when I see a platoon on parade, I will feel the tingle. I know what it is like to stand for hours in the heat, or the rain, on the tarmac. I know the agony of the "slow march" that those who carry the caskets of our fallen must endure, along with the pain of saying goodbye to a comrade. I know most everyone of those, wearing Canada's uniform, are doing so, because, deep in their hearts, they know how precious the right to freedom is, and remember the costs, paid by those who came before us.
  Today I saw a post from a friend who happened to be in a store, at the 11th minute of the 11th hour, on November 11th. She said the employees were mostly young people (likely getting stuck working the holiday). The music stopped, and everyone observed the moment of silence. To hear this, I am thankful. I am thankful that, it is not just the old people, like me, who understand the enormity of this single day..To hope, that this solemn moment, that has lasted since it was designated by King George V, back in 1919, continues on forever, seems possible.
                                                       Lest we forget

Just a Name

Good Morning! I didn't intend to sit down and chat..but, sometimes things happen, and I get a little tweak.
  This morning someone on FaceBook (yes,,once again) made a comment, that gave me pause. She was asking why someone would keep the last name of an ex-husband. Well, as someone who did, I gave her my basic answer, it is cheaper, and easier.  That had her stating how she didn't mind paying the small amount it cost to change hers back, she was happy to do that.
  Truth is, once, way back in time, I did give thought to going back to my maiden name. Money did factor in. Perhaps most people feel that it is worth spending the price to change your driver's license, S.I.N card, etc. But, when the urge to change hit me, guess what, we just didn't have the extra money to do this. It was eat, pay bills, or change the name, and go without something else. They were hard times, and I was, and still am, cheap. To spend that money, would have been the same as going to the Salon, something I just could NOT do, the money was slated for essentials, and a name change was certainly not essential.
  Times have changed, I could afford to go about changing it now, but why? I grew up, with my Father's last name, at the age of 22, I married and happily went about changing that name to my Ex's. I had a child, and when she turned 5, we separated. I then went on to the relationship I am still in. Divorce was just not a big thing, like everything else, it costs money. Neither my Ex (in his own new relationship) or myself felt that we wanted to spend the money, we were both comfortable with the fact that we KNEW our relationship was long past,and we were able to deal with the issues that came with separation, it is just something for the government, anyhow, right?
  So, the actual divorce did not occur until my Ex wanted to re-marry, many years later,and...that was quite the schmozzle in itself, the divorce was finalized the day of his wedding. I expect there were some folks pretty concerned until the paperwork arrived, but..I wasn't one of those. I really don't care about the paperwork. That is all for the rest of the world, it didn't affect my day to day life. It certainly didn't affect my relationship, my last name was not the reason my honey and I got together.
  I got the divorce papers, about the same time as we once again hit hard times. Going back to my maiden name, seemed redundant. I was in a relationship that was amazing, I hoped it would last forever, so, why change back to my birth name, if, perhaps, in the future I would end up with his last name? Just not important, it is just a name, right? Oh, it did cause one or two issues, with our children. They both carry their father's last name, I was the odd one out. Then my oldest got married and gave up her maiden name (of course, the same as mine), and I was left all alone with my Ex's last name. Some people might have questioned why I had a different name then my children, but...guess what, I did not re-marry, and in this day and age, that is not uncommon, so no big deal.
  I have been called "wife" in conversations, I have called my honey "husband" in conversation, but in truth, we are neither, we are simply partners in life. We know our own rules, we file jointly with the government (for the past 28 years) and we have different last names. We don't have religious parents, worrying about our marital status, our children are quite comfortable with the way things have been all their lives, and my last name just doesn't seem to matter.
  Perhaps if my Ex had been a criminal, or a really nasty person, I might have been in a hurry to get rid of my surname, but..he wasn't. We simply should never have married, we were not meant to be a couple, we remained friends, and both went on to other relationships. The name just didn't matter, and..still doesn't.
  A name, unless it comes with massive power and wealth, is just a name. It does not change who I am, and it is a nice short last name (not quite as short as my maiden name) so easy to write in those little boxes when filling out forms. I have been writing that last name longer than I wrote my maiden name, so it comes naturally. I don't keep it to offend anyone, and I hope it hasn't (no one has piped up yet), I just keep it because it is simple, and I see no need to go about trying to inform everyone in my life I can be found under a new listing.
  The time may come, when I make one final change to my last name, but..not in any hurry, it just is NOT at the top of my to-do list. It is NOT going to change who I am, make me happier(well maybe for a moment) and it is so much longer, it is going to be difficult to put into those little boxes. I am sure it will not make me a better, or worse person than I am today, it is just a name, a collection of letters, not who I am!

My Total Lack of Tolerance

Oh oh..looks like I just might have offended someone..wow, what a surprise!! It appears my message has perhaps hit home..oh no!!! The person something was definitely directed at, seems to have clued in..they must have read between the lines, and recognized themselves...Gasp!!!! What to do, what to do? Hah! Bugger all!!
  Again, I say, when I sit down and spew, I have given thought to whether I click publish, I have an astounding amount of rants laying in wait, because I am not quite ready to commit them to the world. When I do click, I no longer care, if this hits home plate. Why on earth would I waste my time, putting my opinions and feelings out there, if deep down inside, I didn't hope they would either make a difference, or...allow me to feel open and honest, instead of pretending. I don't do well with pretend. The days of playing house are long past..it is not a thing like I imagined, so..I try and live my life without pretense.
  I don't feel strongly about everything, just things that matter to me. To know that what I put down in words, managed to have someone randomly realize it was them, makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy. Oh, I am absolutely positive that there will be fall-out, but, bring it on!!See, I started this whole blogging thing, because others pushed me to write. They wanted me to tell things, as they are. Oh cripes, don't get me wrong, they certainly never twisted my arm, I was ready, and willing. It started innocently enough, "please write that story about that guest, we can't forget", then it was things in the news, then stuff others did..I was always eager.
 My blogging has caused some issues, I am not going to lie. They are issues I accept, because, as I said long ago, this stuff cannot fester inside, it has to be set free, and this has become somewhat of a purge.
  Truthfully, who am I? Does my opinion hold weight in the big world? Apparently not, as I have come to realize, I am simply a tiny clog, even in my tiny town, who has no connections that give me any sort of power, so....what I think is not going to change a thing. At first, realizing I don't matter beyond my own family, and my awesome collection of friends, was a bit of a blow. No one wants to think they have reached the age I have, and done nothing amazing, and yeah..unless I win the lotto, the chance to do amazing things, is running out rapidly. But...not too much I can do about that, I am who I am, so why not show the world me? They can sit down and read, or..just not bother. Doesn't make a lick of difference to me (O.K. it does..I do like to see the reader numbers go up a wee bit). Isn't that a great position to be in? I don't have to pretend for anyone! Yes, I am lucky, and I know it.
  I get told often, to just leave things be, or, just ignore them, or, try and get through the day, everyone just tolerates... just tolerate. Nope!! Why should I have to tolerate other people, who refuse to put an ounce of energy out to simply be civil? See, just went to check the definition of "tolerate" here it is

allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference.

"a regime unwilling to tolerate dissent"

synonyms:

allow, permit, condone, accept, swallow, countenance; More formalbrook; archaicsuffer "a regime unwilling to tolerate dissent"

accept or endure (someone or something unpleasant or disliked) with forbearance.

  Helloooooo...see, tolerate , pretend, not happening in my world. I think I have a fair bit of forbearance, been through a whack of crappy things in life, but...the archaic synonym for tolerate is suffer, and.....not about to do that for someone I don't give a rat's a$$ about, even if others feel I should. I don't have extra energy to suffer for snots, who waltz through life thinking they are all that and more..they are not..they are simply just another tiny clog, that refuses to budge, putting a stop to all movement, causing malfunctions, and oblivious to it all.

  So, if my words have caused another clog to clue in, and realize I do NOT  tolerate well, then I am certainly ready for the next step, because, believe it or not, most of the rest of the clogs in the machine, have run out of tolerance as well.So, either everything will come up sunshine and roses, or,someone is going to have to suffer, and....it is NOT going to be me!!

Collateral Damage

Collateral damage is damage to things that are incidental to the intended target. It is frequently used as a military term where non-combatants are accidentally or unintentionally killed or wounded and/or non-combatant property damaged as result of the attack on legitimate enemy targets.  Earlier today, I read some comments on an individual's Facebook page. Oh, not a page of a friend's, but a page a friend had commented on, so...Bazinga..I get this status update. Hey, as someone who has gone through a huge whack of grief because someone decided to drag crap from Facebook into a work place, and then stir it all around, making assumptions, and then creating a monster that chewed a giant hole in our world..I should tell this person to watch their back..but, screw that!!  
 I have reached a point in my life, where I say what I think. What I spew is my own personal opinions, and....I do NOT have a career, or a job that requires me to be politically correct. I have nothing to lose, that I haven't already lost, at least once. My Facebook comments, well..surprise..that is me, myself and I, and again, when I spew, I do so, with the full understanding of the fact, my words go everywhere. In case some of you don't realize it yet, just because the rest of the world is not on your Facebook page, it doesn't mean that through others, what you put out there, will not go places you don't intend.
  So..regarding the comments. I think most of you have listened to enough from me, to understand how I feel about the rights of First Nations. Oh, sure, I hear all kinds of complaints about how they think they have the power to stop all that the average working person feels should continue, without any claims by FN.  I understand, especially recently with the news stories about this Band Chief, or that Band Chief giving themselves massive salaries, and perks, and bonuses. However...facts are, this happens in all walks of life. We have those in the Church, siphoning money to their own pockets, we have those in the Banks, shuffling funds for their own benefit, we have stock brokers, and Social Assistant workers, and Policemen, and Lawyers. Look into our governments, and see the worst of this..So, why are we so disgusted with the dirty players in FN's? Why because of a few bad seed sell-outs, do we decide that we don't have to follow the promises given? Why are so many stating that they don't have to continue with the agreements, because they didn't have anything to do with what happened?
  See, I have been a victim of collateral damage, more than once. I am more than positive, I have a whole whack of damage coming at warp speed in the near future. There are few things that damage a person, more than someone else deciding they do not matter in the grand scheme of things, no matter if it means ripping all their rights, and hard work away from them. I hear the words.."Why should I work hard, so they can benefit? Why do they get to have a say? Why do we have to listen to what they want? This is 2014, we have been here for decades, and worked hard for what we have!"      
   HELLO!!! Back in time, someone made promises, and agreements to get what they wanted. Perhaps they didn't think of the future, they possibly just thought for the present, for the fast gain. Now, that thought process is hard at work right now, once again with the leaders of our country. They are busy making agreements, and promises with a whole other country, for the quick buck. They are not thinking of the ramifications of what they write down, and sign..do you think it is because they figure they will simply do like they have done with the First Nations? Do what the majority of the country feels is fine, renege? That is what all of you people who whine about First Nation's rights are condoning. You feel that they are simply collateral damage, time to take back what was given (funny, as a child, someone who gave something and then took it back was called an "Indian Giver"). Apparently because you feel that there should have been some very small print with a time limit, because since you feel you have paid taxes and worked for 2-3 decades, and your parents and grand parents came to this country 60 years ago, you want everyone to be equal. Sorry, that is not the way it works!!
  The thing is, folks, you want to change the rules, you want to erase the promises, because you feel they don't suit you, lift the lid to Pandora's Box (read the story if you haven't heard of this). Go ahead, take back all the promises..agreements mean nothing!! Open up a world of no rules. Let the bank decide they can make more money selling your home to someone else, and rip up the signed papers. Let your neighbour decide they want your car, ownership means nothing. Let the government decide they want all your money for taxes, because they claim they need it. Let the employer bring in workers from Timbuktu, because he can pay them far less, and you are simply collateral damage. Let the words of Joe Blow be accepted against your word, because the law likes him better, so off to jail you go. See, perhaps all of this seems silly, but..when agreements, no matter how long ago they were made, become impediments, the right thing to do, is work around them, not rip them up, and flush them. It might not be the easy thing, but it is the only thing, if we are to live in a civilized country.
  All of you who are whining about First Nations rights, watch your backs. If our government continues on the same track as they have been traveling, very soon you will find yourselves in their same moccasins. Your government has been making agreements with China, taking all sorts of rights away from Canadians. Your environment, your natural resources, your jobs, your voice, it is all been compromised. Now you can cry how your family has been in this country for 60 years, how you have worked hard for your money, and position, and your property, and you will have your rights trampled by a totally different country. Nope, no help from government, they sold you out. Screech about the rules..they don't matter, you helped rip them up.
  Facts are facts! It is very easy to find agreements signed by Canada and Great Britain, they loved to make some pretty fancy paperwork, and the National Archives are full of this stuff. That paperwork is what our Country was built on, how we became a country full of immigrants, with the First Nations agreeing to live peacefully, and allowing the newcomers to share in this great land. Rip up the promises, show the world we are not the trustworthy, friendly Canadians they think we are. Let the rest of the world see greed and corruption, and liars...Hey, your call. I myself have come to realize I too, do not matter, my voice is not heard, and what I have worked hard for, will be taken away, I am simply collateral damage...and soon, I will have plenty of company!

I Hate Everyone

Been thinking about this one for awhile. See, just had someone new start at work, and as we were getting to know each other, I gave her this heads up. Now, when I say it, I know it's not true. Cripes, quite like this new person, shocked that I actually enjoyed my time with her. However, I had to warn her, because...she didn't have to spend much time with me, to hear the words "ooohhh..I hate her", or "yuck, I hate him" when someone was mentioned, or the unfortunate soul happened to walk by.
  When did this happen? When did I get so damn picky about others, who thankfully I don't have to spend any amount of time with? I don't remember hating people when I was a kid. Oh, maybe I told my parents a time or two, I hated them. Perhaps (actually, no perhaps, for sure) there might have been a teacher that made me cringe, and the words flew out of my gob. However, hate, itself was not rampant back in the day.
  This hate is something that has evolved in the past decade. I realize, in my life, the dream is to get away..away from the public, away from hum drum, somewhere I only have to socialize with my honey, my family, and my pets. They are the only souls that have a "get out of jail free" card when it comes to the Hate issue. Cripes, there are even moments when I state I "Hate" them, but those moments dissolve quickly. With others, the moments just turn to cement. Whatever they have done, that pi$$ed me off for a glimpse in time, grows insanely large, and turns into what I perceive as hate.
  I expect if I headed over for some therapy, the Doctor would likely inform me what I feel is NOT hate, it is dislike. O.K. words, schmurds...I have labeled this hate. This word, in my world, means, I do not want anything to do with the individual. I don't want to see them, speak to them, hear them speak, be in the same room as them, even if we are separated by a 1/2 mile...They do not belong in my territory.
 I admit, in the back of my mind, I would like all of these people to disappear in a puff of smoke (see, I am not a witch, because if I was, there would be hundreds of smoking spots, all about town). I realize, just because I wish they would evaporate, there are larger groups that wish to keep them around, maybe children, spouses, and..those folks with low expectations who call them friends (my expectations only allow the best to become my friends,lol).
  This issue has become so massive, there is not a single day that I leave my house, and do not come upon one of these Hated people. Most of the time, I am alone when I run into this problem. It is easy enough to deal with, I simply mutter (like a ventriloquist) to myself, ignore them, if at all possible, and do what I have to do. Thing is, all of this takes a tiny bit of energy...do you think this is why I am tired all of the time? Do you think that I have, oh so many on my hate list, I am expending an incredible amount of energy throughout the day, dealing with the "hate/dislike thing? Hey, could very well be possible!
  Lord love us, what am I to do? I admit, I tried more than once to overcome my problem. I have been told "they are really nice, you just need to get to know them" a couple of times by those lucky enough to escape the hate label. Fine!!! I try, and....nope...doesn't work, just gets worse. I will admit, some people I have known for many years, and never actually sat down and chatted with, because I didn't feel we had anything in common, have recently become little bright spots in my life, and...now are new FB friends, after years of just acknowledgement. However, this person, I never used the Hate word with. I think I am open..I just either have unusually high standards for folks I chose to give my time to, or....and this is more likely...I have a low tolerance for idiots!
  My buddy will warn people when they say something about someone.."oops, watch out, she hates them". I don't candy coat a thing in my life, not going to argue the truth when she says that, just nod my head, or confirm. Those who are a part of my life, are well aware of everyone I hate. They try to convince me I am wrong..Hah!! I will pause and knock off the cement for a moment, to allow them to prove me wrong, but thankfully this cement is easily replaced, and hardens immediately. There have been a very few times the cement has been exchanged for some heavy mud, but..not often.
  Most of the time, those privy to hear of all my hates, are not a part of the collection..however, I really think, those who do spend time with me, against my better judgement, who are in the collection, either must be totally clueless, or perhaps the feeling is mutual, and this is their way to pi$$ me off, for their personal enjoyment?
  As I put this down, I sound like a horrible person, but, facts are, I am not!! I can't be all bad. I have the world's most incredible friends, my kids still claim me as their mother, my honey is still beside me, and I do laugh, and smile occasionally. I understand my limitations, when it comes to dealing with other human beings. I spent umpteen years working with the public, smiling and making nice, but, my take on this..people have just so much patience and tolerance (O.K. most have a tad more than I was handed out), and I apparently used all of mine up.
  So..if anyone hears that Costco has a bulk supply of patience for sale for Christmas, give me a shout. Otherwise, I will continue to throw a coat of cement on unsuspecting folks, when the urge hits me. Shutting those I cannot stand, out of my life, allows me to save the tiny little bit of patience for those who matter. I am proud that those who I spend my time with, are those I like and love, I think I am very lucky, that I only have to tolerate once in awhile, and...I know I do NOT do a good job when I attempt to tolerate..but, I can deal with that!

Sigh of Relief

 I have been gone, a very long time. Missed my time ranting away, but, life just sort of snowballed, and just today, I feel like I have given a sigh of relief, and I am slowly making my way back to "normal". This is a good sign, the urge to sit down and visit, and have my say, perhaps, it is what I have needed all along, the ability to let off steam, while blogging.
  Oh cripes, I have sooooo..much stuff festering away, not quite sure where to start, but, I need to start somewhere. Maybe I can focus on something I witnessed recently, that, perhaps made me look at myself a little more closely.
  I have admitted I managed to raise 3 babies to adulthood. All three of these individuals, at one time or another, had a hissy fit. Oh, it might have been in a store, when they got a "NO" to something they wanted, it might have been at home, when they were told they were being sent to bed for some mistake, it might have been out side when they were told play time was over, but..they all had them. As they grew older, they let off on the hissy fits, to start the "wall of silence", hey, I usually enjoyed that one, peace and quiet, all the while knowing they were stabbing me with their eyes. When they got old enough, they simply went off on their own, usually mumbling stuff, but, hey, I was young once too, and did exactly the same.
 However, they are all over 21 , now, and if they have hissy fits, I don't see them. Do I have hissy fits? Yep, I do, usually it is when I am trying to make a point, and I get louder and louder, when I feel no one is hearing me. I don't stomp my tiny little hooves, and I don't throw things, because, after 58 years, I have learned, stomping my feet, makes me look like a moron, and people will shake their heads and laugh, and throwing things, will only cause stuff to break, and....fixing or replacing broken stuff, costs money. Who the heck wants to have to pay money, because they had a moment of insanity? I also do NOT allow myself to display these fits outside of my own home...well, most of the time. When I feel the loss of control, I will find anyway possible to get away from others, so I do not make a total idiot out of myself.
 Sadly, not every adult feels the same sense of shame, losing their grown-up face around others. Some seem to do it on a steady basis. Some seem to think that the world still revolves around them. They do NOT feel the need to adapt, and perhaps use some of that limited CS (commonsense), in fact, I don't think they possess CS, because, somehow, they have managed to make their way through life, with others accepting their lack of such, and actually making excuses for this lack.
  When the whole world appears to have learned to accept the lack of proper decorum, and each time the same individual has a childish hissy fit, others are told to let it slide, it is expected. WTF???? No, it is only expected, because those who have condoned it for a whole adult life, have, in fact, made everyone who must experience this, suffer.
  It is one thing to have a 5 year old child have a hissy fit. An adult can simply pick them up, remove them from the public eye, and...send them to bed, or..scold them. They do get punished, because hissy fits, are frowned upon, and if they are within a household, they are stopped, because they affect the lives of other innocent folks. How do you deal with a grown adult, far too large to pick up and remove? How do you scold someone who is a peer? How do you stop something that has become common knowledge, something that other commiserate with, when told of the latest?
  My take, no stomping, but, definitely past time to put my little hooves down. I refuse to spend my time, dealing with stuff I did not accept from my 5 year old children. I will no longer turn my head, and spend hours walking on eggshells, so as not to set another hissy fit off. I have adapted to my relationship of 28 years, I have adapted to the changes of my 3 children over the past 34 years, however, this adaptation was a joint venture between all involved. Hissy fits, NOT accepted at this stage of life!!
  So, if I happen upon yet another of these displays of extreme childish behavior, I am not going to stay silent, any longer. I am going to do my best to pick the offender up...O.K. so I'm not going to actually lift them....however, they will be asked to remove themselves, until such time as they get a grip, learn the world is not revolving around them, and GROW UP!!!
BTW: Just a sidebar...If you think this is you, perhaps it is.....

Golden Friends

First off, I realize I have not sat down and chatted for some time. I have to apologize, it is not because I don't miss this time, it is simply because my tiny life, has been overloaded, and I just haven't been able to get in the mood to pick any one subject to rant about.
  However, when sh*t hits in fan in one's life, a person must find something positive to fixate upon, to help carry them through. There are only two constants that are positive in my life, family and friends. Today I must, once again, write about my friends. I suppose to some, it may sound like bragging, and to those, I am very sorry. I am sorry you have not had the gift of true friends. We all have "friends", however, not everyone is as lucky as me, and has those golden people, who never fade, and shine forever.
  Some friends fade in and out. Not sure what you would call those folks, I think the word "friend" is just a little to liberal for those, they should be , perhaps, acquaintances? Sometimes they are nice and shiny, but, they can turn all brassy when least expected. There are tons of those floating about. Unlike friends, you have to be on the look out around these folks. Maybe they feel they have so many friends, if necessary you are expendable? Maybe they think that you are so desperate that, if for a moment, they forget friendship, and set you aside, just for a little while, you will close your eyes, and pretend, and then pick up where you left off?Maybe they feel they are so special, you will forgive anything, because you are so lucky to have them ,when they feel fit to allow you in their life? See, I have met many of those brassy folks, and sadly, those friendships are far too costly, there is no personal pleasure, and generally, a whole chunk of heartache.
  I often think I have become jaded. I trust very few, most of the time I state, I trust no one, but I realize, that is a false statement. I trust the man I have given my heart to, and...I trust my golden friends.
  As I was sitting and thinking(instead of shampooing my bedroom carpet), maybe I finally see the constant that makes some friends golden. I am going to share this with all of you, and perhaps, my theory is correct?
  I have had friends that have been in my heart for 40-50+ years. I have friends who just found a piece of my heart in the past few years. Those are the people I examined (not probed). Have I been hurt by these folks over all the years? Yep!! However, the hurt I experienced was not directed at me, the hurt was always a loss of their presence. Friends married, and left, friends took jobs that required them to move. Friends had families that took all the time they had, and then some. But, not a single one of those Golden people ever decided ,they would set out to hurt me, personally.
  I guess I have closed my eyes, sometimes, with these amazing people, but when I close my eyes, all I want, is to open them, and see their faces in front of me, again. Hey, I do this often, and those faces shine clear and bright. Some of them are always 6 years old, some are 16, and there are the few scattered folks who came along later, that are a tad older. I love those faces! Those faces, like my family, make all the sh*t in the world, smell a bit better.
  The brassy ones, well, that pain always twinges. It is, I suppose, a chronic pain, it will always be there. To open one's heart, and hand over all that makes a person who they are, and to have another feel you are not worthy, is a pretty hard life lesson. Friendship is, in truth, romance. It is acceptance of another persons faults, and favours. It is a lifetime commitment. It is not something done, without the understanding that it will not always be perfect. However, the treasure of a true friend is beyond any, one could imagine. They will shine when you need it most. A smile, a touch, a note, can bring comfort, when it seems nothing will fix life.
  So, I suppose, I do trust some. I trust those who hurt, only when they are not close, and the rest, well, although I have always enjoyed polishing silver to make it shine, there is not enough Brasso, or enough time to waste, trying to make gold out of brass.
  Thank you to all those incredible shining people, who have wandered into my life, to stay till the fat lady sings!