Prince George's Serial Killer

 It is 3:AM, fell asleep about 12'ish, wide awake, and my mind will not shut off. 

  I am beginning the first of what will likely be a long series of life lessons I need to share with the world.My family has been put in the position no one ever wants to be in, again!!It is a position , like many folks, as well as ourselves, generally attempt to keep private, well usually among loved friends and family.That was our decision in the beginning, however, it is such a horrid position, I can no longer keep it quiet. Perhaps, keeping it quiet is the reason it has continued and grows progressively bigger? If so, maybe my words will make a tiny difference, and maybe someone who can make a difference will read these words, Lord make it so!

  Earlier this year, I lost a dear friend, my sister-in-law of over 4 decades. My brother's wife, my nephew's mother, their children's grandmother, and a beloved friend to us lucky ones. What a cluster F--- her journey was with the dreaded disease Cancer. She was a far nicer person than myself, she started out thinking she was in good hands, with the Prince George Cancer Clinic, little did she know, she was just a name and number to them, and clearly her life simply went into a slot that she had to accept the treatment she was given without question. Yes, folks, this lesson is one learned immediately upon entering the hallowed halls of this Center, DO NOT QUESTION, you are in a system, and you must be silent, and follow the directions. She accepted the "new and improved" ZOOM system. I need to explain what this is, as it may work with business meetings, and school work, but keep in mind, we are talking about Cancer. This sytem was set up to help those of us in the north, save on travel, every once in awhile the center would set up a meeting, in which the patient would likely go to a room in a hospital with a computer, sit down, and have a virtual "meeting" with her medical Onocologist (the person in charge of trying to cure the cancer). I put the word meeting in quotation marks because these were not meetings, they were basically the Onocologist speaking her words, and no questions answered. Every time my sister-in-law had a Zoom meeting she would spend days upset, because she was not heard, and made to feel foolish if she asked anything, each time she would be told something totally different than the last meeting, but..when she questioned she was told the previous statements were not made, easy with a Zoom meeting, right? So, because she agreed to the Zoom, she was basically stuck as a third party person. The hospital she had treatment at, was the closest larger hospital to her home ( 3.5 hr drive on a fairly isolated highway) so, the Onocologist at the Prince George Cancer Clinic would get test results from the Terrace Hospital, and make her decisions with what she saw. Then she would contact the staff in Terrace, and tell them what levels of Chemo, and how many treatments and how often. Do you see how problems may occur?Don't you think that the person involved with filling you full of poisin should perhaps be involved just a little more? I ask that, because..my sister-in-law lost her battle, because she was given too much chemo and it burned her grey matter. Yep, so much chemo that her brain cells began to die, and the prognosis was , they would continue to die and not come back because she had been burned. O.K. there is likely a better medical explanation, but this is what we gleaned from what we were told. Would that have happened if the Onocologist had been keeping tabs on her patient? What are patient files for? Do they actually read the file, or just some highlighted areas (I ask this, because when I begin our story, it will become clear they do NOT read files). So patient lost, wife lost, mother lost, grandmother lost, and friend lost, because clearly someone did not do their job properly! Now, one has to ask, do you think the loss of a scheduled ZOOM meeting made a lick of difference to the person who was suppose to try and save or at least prolong my sister-in-law's life ? My take on these ZOOM meetings, is, would you rather try and come up with the money to actually have a person to person meeting with someone who is suppose to attempt to save you, or save a couple of bucks, and talk to a screen? Ultimately I think perhaps, and it is a small perhaps, they would feel a little more human if they had to look one in the eyes, and maybe they would be just a little more responsible , again, this is a small maybe. 

  So now I take the leap, and put something extremely personal out for all to hear. First let me say, those near and dear to us know this already, and it was suppose to remain with them, maybe making it public will allow them to talk openly with their friends for some support through this nightmare, but it is far too important and far too awful to not hold those doing a very shoddy job to the fire.

  Last month, my beloved started having difficulty swallowing. He found he would have to drink fluids while eating to help the food go down. He knew something was up, but trying to get an appointment after his family Dr. left town was a pain in the butt so he let it go for a few weeks. Over 7 WEEKS ago while having supper at home, he suddenly could not swallow, not even his own spit. Thankfully he could breath fine, the food and fluid just came right back up. Off to ER, he was lucky Dr. Kim was on duty. She checked him over and decided he needed a scoping, and that was done in Terrace. Our youngest drove him out and the surgeon called me to tell me he was in surgery so it was going to be awhile before he could do the scoping. That was done early the next morning. I drove out to pick him up, and while on the road got a call from the surgeon's nurse asking when I would arrive, because the surgeon wanted to speak with both of us. You know that is not a good sign, right? When I arrived my honey was all ready to get dressed and come home, but again, we were told to just wait until Dr. Youssef spoke with us. I think we knew then it was not good. Our son and his girlfriend had stopped by while we waited and came in to hear the Dr. speak. It was not good at all. He had a huge tumour in his esophogus, the Dr. said he would lay money on the fact it was cancer, from the pictures he took while scoping. He spoke of possible thorastic surgery to remove after radiation treatment, all the time treating us gently, and answering all the questions we had. Hearing news like this is never easy, however Dr. Youssef made us feel like he was there for us,and promised to call when the biopsy came back. He did, it was indeed Cancer, in fact mestastic cancer, as it appears to have spread to some nodes, and the liver.Scary, right? But again, this Dr. promised to be there , and offered my honey the ability to call him any time he wanted to talk. So...He sent the file off to the Cancer Center in Vancouver marked URGENT. He told us to wait 3 days for them to call and to call him back if we didn't hear anything by the Monday. Monday, comes, Tuesday comes, Wednesday comes, this has been over a week. So I make my man call the Cancer Center in Vancouver. Surprise!! They sent it off to Prince George Cancer Center, and I will say, Chuck spoke out loud the words to the person on the phone, "Oh great, the place where people go to die!" They gave us the number,and we started to call, getting voice mail time and again. I tried calling later, and lo and behold a very nice lady answered. I gave her the information, she checked, sure enough his file had arrived 2 days ago. So..my question was, when will we be contacted. She told me I would hear from her the begining of the next week, Again, Monday comes, Tueday comes,no call back keep in mind this file has been marked URGENT, keep in mind we are very anxious to get things moving to fight this battle, it is on your mind 24-7, your world has now flipped and everything is going to be different for a long period. On wednesday, I called back, the nice lady answered. I explained that I was sorry but hope she understood the stress, and she did, then I asked the question,"what is happening with his case?" I could not believe what the answer was, apparently his file had NOT been looked at by anyone!!! I was shocked, I told her I knew it was marked URGENT, it could enlarge a little more and he would not be able to eat or drink. I will say I was a bit pissy, but cripes, WTF?? She said she would email the Dr. again. I also informed her that we would NOT be doing ZOOM meetings, we would travel to meet face to face, we were NOT going to have a third party treatment plan.Fast forwards, we are now into 6 weeks. Dr. Youssef calls us, he has been on the phone with the Cancer care team in PG and they have come up with a plan that has Chuck getting a feeding tube inserted (just in case) and the nice lady calls as well to say he will be booked in a week after the tube is done. Again, bless his heart, Dr. Youssf books Chuck in on that Saturday and puts the tube in. We wait the week, nothing, two weeks later, he gets a call for a consultation meeting with a Dr, Parma...O.K. some of you know me, Off to google I go, because after this call, we actually had ameeting with Dr.. Youssef at our local hospital, and I mentioned the Drs.name, he had not heard that name, his contact was a totally different radiation Onocologist.He also was shocked that Chuck was NOT in PG the week after he had inserted the feeding tube. I found her name, she has been in practise in Canada for some time, so...O.K. The appointment in PG was for 8:15 in the morning, so since it was snowing, we knew we needed to go the day before to make that early appointment. Did I forget to mention, we have 3 dogs, 5 cattle, and a shit ton of chickens etc? So our youngest worked from home and took care of the snimals, and we packed for the Friday appointment. Thursday afternoon he gets a call from the center informing him he had an appointment for radiation mapping Monday afternoon! O.K. folks, we go for a Friday, on a Thursday, and now we have to be there on a Monday. It is a 5 hr. drive from here to PG, so we now have to go on a Sunday, yes today, so we can make the appointment on Monday..Hummm..So, lets talk about this "consultation" Again, yes, quotation marks.8AM we are at the Cancer Center, I have my book with me, because I am keeping notes on all of this. We were told it would be a 2 hr. consultation, so we assumed we would find out what we had ahead of us. The first hour was sitting with a nurse who took a full medical history, height, weight, BP etc. He had to tell her what meds he was on, what vitamins he was taking ( I read up on T-cell boosters, so he has been taking Vitamin C Vitamin D, Zinc, Elderberry and echinacea) oops, going to have to cut out those vitamins because there is no study on how they will affect radiation.Questions such as have you been anxious, depressed, concerned about finances, etc. he told of all his medical history, such as his sub dermal bleed, and breaking his back into 34 pieces . I need to put this down, because you will begin to see why I know files are NOT read. Then comes the question "what do you identify as?" Huh????? I said First Nations, because now forms often have that on them..Oh no..she means what are his pronouns!! Really and truly folks, when a human being is dealing with Cancer, do you think they would be offended if you didn't call them "they" "it" "kitty"? he just told the nurse I think that business is stupid, so end ot that section of "consultation". Finally the Dr. comes in. She has two pieces of paper with her, and begins. This is were it starts to scare me, not because of the Cancer, but because of the lack of history. She tells us he has cancer stage 4 (when it has spread) it is in some of his nodes, his liver, of course his esophogus, AND..in his spine! WHAT!! This is news to us, Holy Crap! Threw us both for a loop, she explained from the CAT scan photos she had, that she would be doing the radiation from the point of the tumour in his esophogus to his spine. HOLA, that is a pretty large area. Somewhere in this conversation he mentions that he takes CBD for the pain in his back.She asks what that is from, and he states as he has stated many times on his file, he broke his back years ago. "OH!" she says, that is good news for her, as fractures show the same as Cancer with the scans!! WTF!!! Again, what if he had not mentioned that during the conversation. Oh it gets better..(worse) We get onto the feeding tube, he mentions how he has lost a fair bit of weight. "Ah: you are not getting enough nutrition through your feeding tube" O.K. seriously worried now. The feeding tube has not been used, we simply keep it clear in case the radiation causes the tumour to enlarge in the beginning. I also understood my sister-in-laws issue with questions ..because I did ask some, and..I was told that I need to let her continue on her line of thought till she was finished. WTF??? She could not tell us anything really, as she was just the radiation Onocologist, and we would have to wait until that part of things was done, before he could speak to the medical team. During our conversation, she mentioned that her department was down to 1/2 staff. They had the machines, but not the technicians. Folks, I know this is an issue in all hospitals, but due to the seriousness of this disease, either this center finds a way to ensure the people of Northern British Columbia have a chance to be cured, they either need to send people elsewhere that can indeed do the work quickly, or not play waiting games with their lives. She admitted she was the reason we had to wait longer than the week promised. She felt she needed to allow him to heal after the feeding tube, so he could lay still for the mapping. Again WTF! healing time was 2 days, but she made us wait, could someone have perhaps called to see how he was doing and make the decision based on fact? So..he goes for mapping romorrow, then there is around a weeks wait while it is all set up, O.K. by the time he gets into treatement we will be 11 weeks with a cancer classed as URGENT!!You tell me is that acceptable, would you want your loved one waiting that amount of time? The center itself is beautiful, however buildings do not provide diddly when someone is battling Cancer, we deserve fast effective treatment, like former provincial Premier John Horgan, s*it his treatment moved along far faster than what we are dealing with. Again, if this center cannot do it job efficiently, send people somewhere that will! This is not a hernia, or knee surgery, that folks have to bear pain for long periods, this is CANCER it doesn't stop on it's own, you simply cannot and should not have to wait 11 weeks to begin treatment. I have heard folks speak of the delays that become deadly, we don't care if we have to sell everything we own to pay to travel somewhere decent, but at this point we are in British Columbia, and we are at the mercy of the sh*tshow we are offered . Just take a moment to imagine waiting 11 weeks , and clearly longer, because as she explained to us, she will do 10 radiation treatments, which they do not do any tests during the two weeks, and then he will have to take a couple of weeks for inflamation to settle, and then he will finally , maybe, actually meet with the medical team who will inform us what the next steps will be, Oh and we were also informed no treatments on long weekends or holidays,lol, plus she would be leaving the center, maybe even before he is done his treatments. Yes, feeling pretty confident this is someone who gives a sh*t!

  I am going to keep spewing this nightmare as we travel through it. We just cannot keep this cluster F@ck to ourselves, because this can happen to anyone, you will live in limbo like we are, trying to keep faith in a system that is so very flawed it is criminal. Cancer is not a fair player, and sadly the loss earlier this year weighs very heavy on all of us, making this just that much harder. Someone or someones have to be held responsible for gambling with peoples lives, because that is what they are doing, I have to wonder what we would be going through if the files was not marked URGENT!!

  To be continued........
 

My Life is Sh*t!!

 Literally! I never once imagined I would live a life full of sh*t! I also could have not predicted it would become sh*ttier the older I got. 

   O.K. nice segway, eh? But this is fact. Oh, I had a few years without sh*t. But, you all realize I gave birth to 3 children, right? Sh*t!! Lots of it. Over the years, kittens, and puppies, sh*t!! Winters, not so much sh*t, but come spring, sh*t tons of the stuff. Yes, I was responsible to removing, and disposal of this sh*t. It is not because I have a stomach of cast iron, because I certainly do not..I gag at the smell of sh*t. 

  I did some janitor work back in the day in a school. Had one student who apparently found it far more pleasant to sh*t in the waste paper basket in the wash room. Apparently toilets are dangerous to smaller asses? Hummm. I wonder if there is someone who developes proper toilet seat sizes for K to grade 4?

  In my forties, I became a sh*t scrubber. Not sure how many sh*tty toilets I scrubbed over the years cleaning hotel rooms, but..I was certainly an expert at pooh glue. It is amazing how many jokes one can devise when faced with such sh*tty prospects every single day. For jobs this sh*tty, comedy is without a doubt, your best friend. Pooh glue is a word that describes a 15 minute scrub of a toilet that has sh*t splatters that resist the bristles on a scrub brush. Never saw myself standing over someone else's toilet to make a few dollars, but there I was!

  Fast forwards a couple of reasonably sh*t free years, but , again, there was always some, be it dog or human. One never truly retires from sh*t, it is a fact of life, hopefully until the day one has their last bowel movement. TMI??? I was outside , just moments ago, taking stock of my life, and suddenly was struck by the fact that at 66, I am overwhelmed with sh*t!! Life has truly hit the sh*t olympic standard.

  Now I am actually shovelling sh*t!! What the heck have I done? First it was chicken sh*t. Now that is a smell that truly makes me gag. I have 20 sh*tting chickens! Sure they do their thing outside, not bad, they have a big enough area, and they do believe in not sh*tting in one spot, so it gets dispersed and I have not been assaulted with a stench outdoors, so that is a good thing. However, the ladies do have a home, to sleep, eat, drink, and lay their contributions to their food in.  Once a week, when I open the door, and have a whiff of excretment hit my sensitive nostrils, I haul out the shovel. Since it is freezing now, I have to use tools along with the shovel. One of those is a hoe. Yep, I have to release their sh*t from the floor before I can get it in the shovel. Oh, it is mixed with lovely wood chips, but in a week, there is little odour of wood, it is all sh*t!! I have not got a compost bin yet, so this shit and wood chips are hauled off to the fire pit (2 wheelbarrow loads) and unnaturally emit their offending stink far enough away from the house, in a smoldering fire. Floors and boxes are filled with the lovely wood chips again, smelling oh so wonderful for approximately 2 days. Eggs are sh*t free, and life is a little less sh*tty.

  But, whoa, Debbie, what is that you say? Not enough sh*t in your life? We have a solution to that!! Get a cow!! No, not enough!! Get 3 cows!! Now the sh*t is really happening. Funny thing, folks, cow sh*t has become the one and only sh*t I don't really mind. It doesn't stink..well, maybe a little, but not gagable. At this time of year, it is hard as rocks, and if I was organized (which I am not) I could easily remove every single pile of sh*t without leaving a mark. It would take me forever, but facts are, unless it is minutes old, I can step in this sh*t and not cringe, might twist my ankle, but isn't going to come in the door with me. I look at all this sh*t and think, boy, my garden is going to love this! Sadly, dogs appear to love it, as well. There have been more than a few dog baths, before the deep freeze, but again, no gagging! 

  I have to admit, not once in my life (growing up in a town that did not have a single cow within driving distance) did I ever, I mean, ever, imagine I would enjoy such a sh*tty life! I do enjoy it. I wish we had done this before I reached the ripe old age that I am. I do pick up my chickens and pet them, we enjoy giving them treats on little hanging things that jingle, we love watching them run around trying to keep a piece of salad to themselves, while the others attempt to steal it. I enjoy walking in to find all their gifts sitting in the boxes, and no fear of starting to bake something, and realizing I am out of eggs...that isn't going to happen, ever! But my cows! I love them to bits. They are just little girls, the biggest is just to my shoulder, and they have their own personalities. These girls are going to provide dairy, not beef. Oh, I understand, if they have a bull calf, we will certainly have to come up with a plan, I understand, we are very limited on how many of these girls we have, because of property size, but, I am truly in my element with this new sh*t in my life. 

  I have finally learned to embrace the sh*t life hands you. I hope each and every friend of mine, finally realizes having a sh*tty life doesn't have to be a bad thing! Sh*t happens!!

Women I Love and Admire

 O.K., I have a million things I should be doing, trust me, no exaggeration! For some illogical reason, I have had this blog in my mind since last night, and I cannot ignore it, any longer. The need to share my thoughts has caused me to put cows, chickens, dogs, and cleaning, to the side. So bear with me.

   From the title, you must know, the first woman I love and admire, is, of course my Mom. Sure, she has passed, decades ago, however, I still love her dearly, and she was an amazing woman. 

  My Mom was almost a single parent. Yes, my Dad outlived her by many years, and was always in the home, however, he worked at a job that had him gone at first light, and home at supper, 7 days a week. Summer had him gone till dark. She did everything! She fixed things, she painted the house, I remember her up on the roof, painting the tin. In between all the big jobs, she would always have a home cooked meal, plus dessert. Her house was spotless. I remember her trying to make a beautiful yard with a wooden wheel barrow, that had a 30 lb. metal wheel. Sadly she did make an incredible yard, only shortly before she passed away. She could do almost anything. I always say, I never wanted to be like my Mother, doing all sorts of hard jobs, alone, but, many times I have stopped to realize, HTF, did I become my Mom? Sadly the spotless house and beautiful yard are still on my bucket list.

  The next woman on the list is Miss Cindy. Strange twist in my life to meet up with this person later in life. We were definitely not of the same status, she is extremely intelligent, not something I can admit to, and found her place in the world of oil and gas engineering, a predominately Male sector. That in itself is to be admired, but she is much more than that. She is totally independant! Like my Mom, she does it all herself. She is the adventurer in my tiny little world. I have lived vicariously through her, many times. Like my Mom, she is also, the salt of the earth. There is nothing phony about this woman, and truth is, her accomplishments need no embellishments, she is so easy to relax with, laugh, and feel you have known her all your life. My youngest told me she wanted to grow up and be just like Miss Cindy. That says it all about this special woman. 

  Joyce Turner, another woman who may have left this earth, but I still love and admire her. She did some pretty amazing things in her lifetime, while raising a big family. She was a cook, a taxi driver etc. all along , being one of the kindest women I have ever met. Those who know me, know that my Honey and I have a mixed race relationship. Now many of his family welcomed me with open arms, some not so much. When he decided to take part in the feast system, he was not known by many, and I, of course, was, as I say "the no name table, person". I belong to no house, and I do not understand the language used in the Feast hall, so I would spend hours sitting at the table with no clue what was happening, while my Honey served, and spent time with his house members, not much fun, and very uncomfortable. Out of the blue, Joyce and her husband, took my honey and I under their wings. She taught me many things, explaining all sort of traditions, teaching me medicine, etc. They were our Grandparents, accepting, welcoming, and full of knowledge. I have a huge bread bowl she bought me, and each time I decide to make bread, I pull that bowl out, and speak to her, she is greatly missed, and much admired.

  Irenie Reen, yes, very much loved and admired! She was my lifesaver, more times than I can count. Every pothole in life I fell into, Irene had been there before me, and talked me through them. She lived a life that required her to work very hard, while raising her family. Unlike myself, she is very forgiving, and , until spending far too much time with me, always found the ability to give everyone more chances than they deserved. She was the positive to my negative, I used to wonder how she managed, and she told me, long ago, the trick was to accept what life gave you, and to not expect what you wanted, or what you felt you deserved. Not an easy thing to do, but she also was gifted with the virtue of patience, which I am lacking in, so she waited a very long time till I took her lesson to heart. I am there (most of the time) and for that I am very grateful. I want to be just like her!

  I have one more woman I need to put in this catagory. Bet she is surprised, but I have great admiration for her, along with a great deal of love. My sister in law, Jody! We have known each other for a very long time, we went through some pretty tough trials over the years, and sadly, we have lived apart for far too many years, but our connection is huge. Jody started working when her oldest was about 11/2 . My oldest was a baby, and I was a stay at home Mom, so I did the babysitting. She started at the grocery store, and over time, cleaned the school, and moved up to school secretary, pretty damned admirable in itself! She is the Martha Stewart of cooking, and baking, and (sadly, unlike myself, cleaning). She has done all sort of volunteer stuff, and I believe her town is a much better place because of her time and effort. Today she is finally showing the world the strength behind her quiet, soft person, and it is not only amazing , it is beyond admirable. I am so very proud of her! 

  So, these are all women I love and admire. I may not have mentioned all my beloved friends on this list, I admire each and every one of them, and as far as love goes, they know I love them with all my heart. They have all brought something wonderful into my life, and because I did not name them, does not mean they don't have a special place in my heart along with the above. I am a very lucky woman, and I hope that along the way, I have picked up little pieces of all these people, as they have all given me the gift of their friendship.

Dirty Laundry

Alrighty, going to be some disappointed folks, those who read my threats on social media, sorry. I just have to back down, from writing MY side of the story, and follow my Mom's advice, not to air family filth in public.

  It's not an easy thing to walk away from. When those who are branches on the same tree you belong to, either through blood, or relationship, turn into shrews, and blast lies all over social media, the fight or flight button is pushed. It is not in my nature to run, I want to naturally defend, and win by truth. I did sit down, and I did write the blog I intended to. Some folks have seen it in personal messages. However, my Mom was hollering in my ears. I stopped before pushing the publish button, because she was becoming so annoying, and I really wanted to ignore her, but I just couldn't.

  For 2 days I read and reread my writings. Everything I wrote was fact. I have copies of payroll statements from our book keeper, and copies of etransfers and a cashed cheque to disprove statements about Chuck. I have witnesses that will disprove everything else that was said on this post. I was hurt, my family was heart broken, and, extended family was hurt. I felt satisfaction reading my words, because they cleared us of any wrongdoings, I wanted to share all of this in public, I wanted to right the wrong done to us. But...My Mom is too ingrained in my heart. I knew my side would go beyond the hate and venom spewed against Chuck and myself. It would open doors for others not involved, and hurt them. This has caused a huge loss in our family , already. To lose the 3 (4,5,) that caused this nightmare, is simple. Clearly they have hate in their hearts in regards to us, so, the most healthy thing to do, is ensure they evaporate, and they have. Their words live on, and mine would, as well, if I published. So, I have chosen to listen to my Mom, and, strangely enough Dr. Suess. "Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter." I will not hurt those who have tried their best to fix this, they matter far too much, but that blog still sits, and who knows, maybe the fight will not end, even with those black doors shut tight? 

  Now, I figured I would tell folks a bit about Chuck. He has been vilified by one of the most evil women we have ever chanced to come across in our lifetimes. She felt the need to accuse him of being ashamed of who he is! How can she know this? Trust me, her words were the epitome of hate and racism. One could only feel the need to cleanse after reading them. We live with him! Our children, OUR children, are part of him. His Mother is a part of him! Why on earth would she even consider he would be ashamed of a woman he still worships, although he lost her when he was only a child? That is what her words are saying, when she states he is ashamed of his Native heritage. Her words were cruel, and spoken with hate. Yes, he can hunt (has done since he was a child), he knows how to make medicine, we both learned this from our Grandmother Joyce, and he spent many times with his Mother, picking labrador tea. Our whole family has picked berries, and in the past given soap berries to elders. In regards to fish, I am sure I have packed more fish than all three of those individuals put together, and as we all know, I am one of this woman's most hated race. But I regress...Chuck can indeed can, as I do, as well. We have (clearly this is some sort of requirement to be proud of his heritage) a pretty large garden. Boogles my mind that this is part and parcel of things. I will also state, if the time ever came, and we had to live off the land, between the two of us, we would certainly be able to survive. Now, to add onto all the words she stated proved he was ashamed of who he was, they are NOT restricted to any race, creed or colour. None of what she said, in regards to him being a WHITE man, has any bearing, and is just what it appears to be, Hate, and racism. I will not address any thing in regards to his name. That business is NOT for Facebook, it is for the Feast hall, and her words were shameful. 

  So am I airing dirty laundry, now? No, don't think so, what I am doing now, is addressing some very serious racism, something that is basically a Hate Crime in our country. If I had ever put down these words, regarding another, I would be tarred and feathered, but she is cheered on by others, who feel this is right, and acceptable. That is what is wrong in our world, and that is what keeps the disgusting racist cycle going. To turn a blind eye, simply because of race, will never stop this filth. So, I am not concerned of hurting anyone who matters stating this laundry, because she hangs the blackest laundry out for the world to see. That black laundry has done it's job, it has caused us loss of reputation with those who only know us as she does, it has torn someone who was very dear to us away, and it has added discomfort to our every day lives, because we wonder what others believe. We can live with that, but with all that is happening in our world today, RACISM, DISCRIMINATION,HATE, LIES, can not be ignored. Shame on her!!

   

The Importance of Books

  I spent my childhood and teen years reading vicariously. As I have said, I grew up in a very small, isolated town. TV came late, and back in those days, we had only one TV and my Dad was in charge of it. We only had one channel and therefore, entertainment was very limited. I was lucky, I went off into the world of Nancy Drew, and Trixie Beldon, the Hardy boys, and yes, Alfred Hitchcock. Every moment I had to spare was spent with my nose in a book. I don't read nearly as much now, but I hope to get back to it in the future. My mind is filled with tidbits of trivia I have managed to pick up from books, I have learned history from books. I have laughed to myself while reading, been horrified by some books, and cried from many of them. 

  There are, as I have mentioned in the past, a few books that have impacted my life immensely. To Kill a Mockingbird, is at the top of that list. The very first book that dealt with an issue I was totally unaware of, but it opened my eyes, and I hope it changed me, for the better, although, again, I had never experienced what Harper Lee wrote about. I thank her from the bottom of my heart, and again, this was indeed one of the biggest lessons I believe I ever learned. Do not put every single person of race, creed, or colour into a single group. Judge a person by their actions, not their appearance! Life is unfair.

Two other books stand out in my life. Animal Farm, and Catch 22, well George Orwell's 1984 does, as well, but at this point in my life, I am too afraid to even consider reading that one again, it was fiction, now, I believe it is unfolding. 

I have followed our Canadian Freedom Convoy 2022, since it's beginning. Like millions of other Canadians, this offered me hope, that the "leader" would agree to listen to this group speaking for me, and again, millions of others. I follow the science. I spend every day, looking at research in regards to this virus. I have watched it unfold in South Africa, where it began (the latest variant), onto the U.K. Israel, Denmark, etc. I have listened to the medical experts, I have read countless statistics, I have realized that no matter what, most everyone of us, will be infected by it. I am probably one of the few, who looked forwards to this variant coming to my country, because of my research. Those countries that were inundated with this variant, before us, found that it is far less pathogenic than any of the others, that it showed mostly as a flu like virus. The most important thing I learned was....it offered natural immunity towards any of the other variants. What wonderful news!! I am a believer in the power of natural immunity. I am NOT anti vax! I was a member of the Armed Forces, and stood in line more than once to be injected with whatever we were told to accept. I didn't question then, because, I lived by the motto, Learn to Serve, and I certainly did not disobey my superiors! I have had my Tetanus shot and all my childhood vaccines. My children were vaccinated with their childhood shots, all proven safe over decades of use. I even had a Flu shot once, when I worked in a hospital, my choice, I could have had the option to wear a mask throughout flu season, but I decided to take the injection. I have had 3 children, all with surgery, so I am certainly not afraid of needles. But, I was lucky enough to be able to make the choice, not to vaccinate, without my world falling apart. I was sick about a month ago, lasted for a few days. Dizzy, headache, sneezing, runny nose, and muscle aches. Not nearly as horrid as the virus I had more than 2 years ago that went on for well over a week, of not having the ability to even get out of bed for days. So, I am assuming I had this virus before it was even announced, and had the new variant just awhile back. This will be an assumption until I am able to be tested (out of pocket) to see if I indeed have the antigens. Hey, respecting the safety of others, right? Although, science tells us, if they are vaccinated, they don't even have to think of me..I am not a threat to them. Oh, maybe I could be one of those clogging up the medical system? Well truth is folks, with the extreme hatred that grew out of this pandemic, I made a personal choice to not go to a hospital, no matter how bad it got. I would rather kick the bucket at home, than go to prison for my last days, despised by my "fellow" Canadians. I have been told more than once, someone wishes me dead, and to not use the hospital, because I made a personal choice, not to vaccinate.  

Through personal research I found that Drs. all around the world were extolling Vitamin D and Zinc to boost immune systems. I followed that course, because it is non invasive, and cripes, healthy as well. I am lucky if I go out of my house once every 2 weeks to town. I just do NOT want to be around people. Not because I want to protect them from my unvaxxed body, but because I am sick to death of the animosity and hypocritical group who along with our Prime Minister state I am uneducated, racist, selfish, and wear a tinfoil hat. I am in a group that is hated, by those who have no issue shaming, harassing, and discriminating . My provincial government is blatantly discriminating, they will only allow those vaccinated to travel, to go to restaurants and concerts, and bars, not because Science states this is necessary, but, from their own mouths, because it is a consequence(punishment) of not following the sh*t ton of Mandates they chose to lay down. This reeks of history. Animal Farm has come to our home. All those pages I read, thinking how very lucky I was to live in a free world, how awful life would be to live in a communist country, and lo and behold , just over 50 some years later, here I am, in the barnyard! 

Those who either made a personal choice to vaccinate, or the large number who were forced to vaccinate to keep their jobs, or enjoy travel, etc, are being told it is the small percentage who are not vaxxed that are keeping these Mandates in place. If that is true, then no one is following science. That phrase Trudeau loves to use," WE ARE FOLLOWING SCIENCE". Is a lie!! No surprise, this turd has lied to us over and over again, year after year, but this time, he is dividing a whole country with his lies, and still too many believe him. Too many are afraid to open their eyes, because the truth is a tad scary. Truth is, you are Damned if you do, and Damned if you don't, kind of a Catch 22, wouldn't you say? 

Trudeau should be in Parliament always, he just states his daily venom, against any opposition, question that goes outside his tiny little box, and then flits away. His members of Parliament do not answer any questions, in the midst of a Global Pandemic. The whole of the Country is in economic crisis, fear instilled by his government, and his media is causing serious mental health issues, a whole generation is growing up without seeing their teacher's face. I thought the fear during the cold war was traumatic, I can't imagine the world of kids in Canada today. And, all he can do is tell us we need the Vaccination to stop this insanity. As said by a friend recently, when are Canadians going to open their eyes and realized the Emperor is not wearing clothes? Go Truckers Go!!

Vilified

 I have sat back, quietly for too long now, and today it has finally reached the boiling stage. 

  My generation is one that has had to learn to tolerate. In my lifetime there have been huge changes in personal rights, such as opinions, choices etc. It has been pretty easy for me to adapt to most of these changes, because unless they affect my life, they are just dust in the wind. However....lately voicing my opinion has resulted in fear of nasty labels, and now..well...I have twinges of repercussions from those who reside at the top of the tower of my own government.   Ooops, now I will be told I wear a tinfoil hat, but sorry, up until now, that has not been a crime,  it is custom made, and I do like shiny things! This truly is not something I take lightly, it scares me to death, and it is actually the only thing  that I am grateful I am on the downhill path in life. I am so tired of watching what I have recently learned is the" Woke" jumping on every band wagon, causing huge divides among every aspect of life. My country has always had a Left and Right, but now the chasm between is full of snakes and crocodiles, that strike every opinion that does not conform to Liberal ideology, and that , in itself, changes daily. 

  So, as usual, I suddenly find myself, once again, thrown into the chasm. I have been handed a new label, and as usual, it is because I did not conform to the latest trend. Those who know me well, know I am certainly not trendy, so this is entirely normal for me, but Holy Cow, it has blown me out of the water. My new label is "AntiVaxxer". 

  So, first off lets get this straight. I am NOT an Anti Vaxxer. I am not anti abortion, but that is something that is a personal choice, that I never had to make, and I am certainly not about to judge, nor am I going to attempt to put a stop to it. Many of my friends and family have had the Vaccine, do I fault them? Not at all, their personal choice. Am I running around trying to stop Covid Vaccine clinics? No!! Have I turned my back on those who have chosen to take the vaccine..no again. So to label me thus, is wrong!! I simply, have chosen not to vaccinate. I have my reasons, which should be my private business, I certainly do not go around asking folks why they vaccinated, but it seems so very important I state my reasons not to. 

  O.K. got a couple of friends who are incredibly concerned for my well-being, I can understand they feel I am in mortal danger wandering about unprotected. Well, here we go, with my reasoning. I hope this makes you feel a little more at ease.

  About 2 years ago, just before Christmas, my oldest called me. She was deathly ill. She felt like she had someone standing on her chest, she was hot, then cold, breathing was painful. Her body ached like never before, she spent days unable to even get out of bed. This lasted weeks. Now, keep in mind, she lives 13 hrs from us. Lo and behold a few weeks later, my son goes through exactly the same symptoms, goes on for weeks. During which time, I end up suffering for 2 weeks as well as my honey. I thought I was dying, absolutely every single limb and joint seemed glued solid, I would get up and last a few hours, struggling, and then back to bed. This was 4 months before we were warned of the Pandemic. So..maybe we all had this, maybe we now have a natural immunity? Or, maybe not. 

  I followed the protocols when they first started. I would sanitize, when entering a public space, and upon exit. I carried sanitizer everywhere I went, and I did proper social distancing. I limited myself to once a week shopping locally, sometimes I could manage going every 2 weeks. When the mask rules were laid, I used my common sense to realize this was ludicrous. Folks wandering around with sheer gauze masks on, when we were told the virus was airborne, yeah..that piece of cloth was certainly going to save folks. Plus the number of people I encountered simply grocery shopping with the mask down under their noses, or rubbing their noses inside the mask and then touching stuff..really? It simply gave people a stupid false sense of security, they stopped sanitizing, they stopped distancing, they were suddenly safe behind a piece of useless crap! But..I wore mine, because it was the rule. I did, however continue to sanitize and social distance. I still do, religiously! I learned long ago, to try and stay safe from the flu, disinfecting my hands, and staying away from those infected, was my best option. 

 The "vaccination", and I use that term because this is what the media and government chose to label it, is not in fact a vaccination against Covid. It is more like a Flu shot. It does not stop you from getting Covid, nor does it stop you from infecting others, it simply can make your symptoms milder. I say "can make", because, truth is folks, this is not proven! Our media and government falsely state this is an approved vaccination. They tend to leave out the fact that it is approved for emergency use only! Am I and my children protected against measles, mumps and reubella..yep sure are. Proven, approved, not experimental. I am also up to date on my Tetanus shot. As I was in the military, I had a few other shots that I did not have a personal choice, or any say whatsoever about. In fact, I have no clue what they were, but today, I have a personal choice, and I am using it! 

  What really has set me off, is the vilification of those of us who decided to utilize our rights as Canadians, NOT to vaccinate. I see the Holier than thous condeming us, blaming us for the new cases, calling us selfish, and inconsiderate, and ignorant, and warning us of Karma because we are not conforming to their wishes. We are blamed for possible future lock downs, blamed for the continuation of the Pandemic. Truth is, it seems each month brings a new variant, much like influenza, and we all know if the flu shot is not the proper variant , folks get their butts kicked each year. So...it seems those who "vaccinate" , may have to continue doing so maybe annually? Again, as with the masks, folks seem to have a false sense of security(immunity). I am not more of a threat to others than those who got the jab..perhaps I may not be protected from a serious outcome, like government and media claim, but like cliff diving, and white river rafting, it is my personal choice to participate in, or not. I am no danger to the rest of the world, so time to stop harassing me, because I make a choice different than yours!! It is still allowed, but my spidey senses are tingling that those at the top are going to make it very difficult for folks like me..and if that happens we may as well all take up cliff diving, because we will be totally screwed!!

Generations

 Ahhh..Winter! It is the season that tends to bring memories back to all of us, more than any other time of year. I am no different. For myself, this is the time of year I feel closest to my Mother. Her birthday was December 17th, and that is probably the day that losing her hits the most. I wonder, did she feel that way about her Mother? I never knew those things about her, I have truly come to know my Mom much more since she left. We never really think of our parents as people, when we are young, do we? 

  Any how, that is what brings me to the point of sitting and putting my thoughts out to the world. 

  Growing up, I had grandparents on both sides, as a child. Both sets, were very far from us, but I did have opportunities to spend a little time with them. Christmas was a given time that gifts would arrive from both. My Mom's mother would always send knitted slippers. To this day, although I have intentions of learning how to do this myself, I will pick up local craft fair knitted slippers, because they are high on my comfort list. My Dad's parents would send the ever special hankies with thistles embroidered on them, and candy from Scotland. I felt very special having candy no one else in town had..still remember them when I see Castle rock candy. However, as I said, they were not close, and my childhood was like most of the kids in our town, Grandparent free. I recall only a few kids had the pleasure of a close relationship with their parent's parents. We would make the routine Christmas calls to Ontario and Scotland, that was ever so exciting, but unlike most of my cousins, my extended family were just photos.

  Today, things are so very different. We have facetime, we have email, we have so many ways to connect far away. We are all a wee bit more technical than our own grandparents would have been. That is a good thing! My grandchildren are simply a click away, although they, like they should be, are seldom on my limited internet ability, I do not instagram..LOL. But if they wanted to speak to me, it would be within moments. 

  My grandchildren do not live close, but I really do not feel they are far away. I can follow their days through my daughter's calls and messages. I know what is happening in their worlds daily. I can offer advise, or commiserate immediately. That is something I did not have with my Grandmothers. Cripes I didn't even have it with my Mom when I lived away from her. So, today I thought of all the differences time has made in my life as a Grandparent, to that of my own Grandparents.

  This has been on my mind, because very soon, I will become a Great Grand parent. What a bizarre concept!! Also, I am in touch with all the other Great Grandparents. That was not the case with my childhood. I doubt my own Grandparents ever communicated, but times have changed, and circumstances are so different. We as a group are all close by, plus we are all connected by Facebook. 

  My Great Grandparents were long gone before my time. This little boy will have 3 extremely young sets of Greats, and a Great-Great alive and kicking.My 2 youngest children grew up without Grandmothers, and now we have a child who has a huge collection of "Elders" awaiting his arrival. We are all excited, and he will be very lucky to have so many of us to love and protect him. 

 As his arrival gets very close, I was surprised that my thoughts have been on my Mom. As I stand outside with my morning coffee and watch the birds who have become my new "passion", she is foremost in my mind. I wish she was here to welcome the 4th generation made possible because of her, and her Mother, and her Mother's mother. Nothing against Fathers, but this is the way..women are the ones who give birth, so they are the strongest link in the chain. Yes, we are special, without us, humanity would stop..well outside of science I suppose. But these women have created all of who we are. Because I have been bit by the ancestry bug, I can offer this child a list of generations before him, he will have the knowledge at least on one branch of this enormous tree. Until one starts into ancestry, there is really no concept of how incredibly huge this tree is. 

  I have added my branches to this tree, 3 times. My oldest has added 3 more. Now her oldest will be adding another. It is massive, and God willing, it will continue spreading branches long after I have passed, like my Mother. 

  As I mentioned, I had the ability to know 2 generations before me, but now we have a child who will know 3 even 4!! I hope he is ready for all of our knowledge, and advise, because now each and everyone of us alive, are the Matriarchs of our family. There are days I feel my age and my struggles and sadness and loss, but they have all been lessons. This is what it means to be an Elder, we have seen far more over the years than the younger ones, we have made mistakes, and our duty is to ensure those beginning, do not have to make the same, not that they, themselves, will make no mistakes, but they will not be the same ones. We have all been placed in the position of utmost importance, this is only because we have built our branches and must ensure the ability for others to grow strong on the tree. It is now, our most important job, and I am indeed looking forward to it. 

  I think my Mother has been standing close, because she knows I sometimes wonder if I am doing a good job in my esteemed position, and if I will do this with the newest twig on the branch. But, with her beside me, and the knowledge of what she gave me, if I follow her lead, this new generation will be strong, independant, and have a huge heart, just like his Great Great Grandmother!!