Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Saturday, 22 September 2012

F#$king Crackerjack Prizes!!!

O.K. I have been negligent with my blogging...forgive me. I had a holiday, and today was my first day back after 11 away. I went back far too soon, in fact, I wonder if I should have gone back at all. I am totally fed up with my job!!
  I spent my whole holiday out in the bush. I crawled over fallen  Spruce trees, Cedars,and Pine trees, that were as big around as a small car. I crawled under these trees, and flopped over top of them to slide off the other side, I tripped over roots, and fell in the moss. I hiked up sheer cliffs, to lean against a solitary tree, just so I could stand up straight. I walked an average of 15 miles a day, and not in a straight line. Each night I would fall asleep worn to the bone, but, feeling healthy. Fresh air, the smell of the trees, and the forest, peace and quiet, it was all good.
  Today I go back to my job. I spend the first while doing laundry, and a few rooms, then it appears as though with a full work load, there will only be myself and my daughter. Stress kicks in, and suddenly I am faced with specific things that HAVE to be done. I am overwhelmed, the 11 days away have just been sucked right out of me. I am tired before the day begins. Could it get any worse? Yep, you bet cha!
  I have the sheer pleasure of dealing with someone's Crackerjack prize! I am calling them this,. because, I know, the little package at the bottom of the bag, appears to be something worth waiting for. It might even be shiny..But, in truth, it is always a piece of junk!!Well, folks, please don't get all offended, but, from my perspective, all those snot bags that follow their beloved, or their present "piece of Tail" (and I am being blunt) are without fail, ignorant, lazy, needy, b*tches!!!
  Let's say  today's was worse than usual, as apparently before I went on holidays, this prize had not arrived yet. Her "Honey" assured the office she was an experienced housekeeper, and if we exchanged the two single beds in his 2 bit room for a double, which had to be hauled over from 4 blocks away..she would arrive and be happy to join our staff. Hah!!! Today I show up at her room, she informs me that she just needs a minute in her washroom...does her deed, sprays some air freshener...goes outside plops in a chair, douses herself in tanning lotion, plugs in her head phones, and I have the pleasure of going in her room to clean up 10 days of mess, make up her nice clean bed, scrub her nasty toilet, as she suns herself. Hellloooo...I can see she is not a Sports Illustrated swim suit specimen, not going to turn any heads when she walks into a room, so.....what on earth has given her the mindset that she is superior? Guess her honey must be blindly in love and has convinced her that she is beyond normal...a real prize.
  Really, this is not the only one. I have to say that of the 4 women that are sharing rooms with their sweet peas, I wouldn't give a wooden nickel for any of them. Am I weird? If I was stuck in a room all day, with nothing but Jerry Springer and Oprah to entertain me, I would have the bed neatly made, and every surface shiny clean, just to combat boredom. They go nowhere, just sit hour after hour in the rooms, WTF???No big Cook book spread out, and gourmet meals on the go, just dusting their butts waiting for Mr. Wonderful to arrive back, 12-14 hours after they leave.
  Worse yet, they seem to feel that they can pick and choose when someone should drop everything to enter their rooms. Yep, they want to snooze till long after lunch, and then suddenly whip open their doors, and call the lowly toilet scrubber over, to inform them that their rooms desperately need cleaning, because no one has seen fit to vacuum for a whole week.....Huh, kind of hard to do stuff like that when the CrackerJack princess is getting her forty winks.
  I know, none of you are in this establishment, so you are unable to give the warning signal. I am about ready to blow up, strangely enough, I am not alone. I can say that at least 2 others are getting very close to me on this thin ledge. I wonder if I will blow at management, or if I will simply smash one of the Crackerjack prizes. I think I should invest in a T-Shirt with one of those things like the Forest Fire Hazard signs have, you know, "Extreme Pressure,Use Caution...Moderate Pressure...." Guess that would be the only two warnings, as each day starts with moderate, and that seldom takes long to build to extreme. If I can control myself, I might not even be the first to explode. Do I feel any sense of satisfaction that I am no longer the only one who is on the verge of spewing? No, in fact I am so very upset. It has become so impossible to do this job properly, for even the most patient person I know.
  The Cuckoo has finally landed. Bizarro world is all powerful! Nurse Ratchet rules! The nest is full of shiny junk, and my toilet scrubbing wand has lost it's magic. My prize at the bottom of the Crackerjack box was a big lump of doodoo. Time to rethink, and regroup. Tired of the poop, time to get something nice and shiny, too!

Monday, 3 September 2012

Shower safety

I'm Back.....So much to sift through to decide what to write about. I honestly can't explain how many different ideas float about in my grey matter. They tend to get all bound up, in a gigantic knot, and it is difficult to concentrate on any single thing.
  Since safety is such an important matter, I figured I best spend a little time, offering some personal tips. Please keep in mind, these tips are not necessarily things you would be required to practice in any other establishment.
  We will start with safely rolling over in bed. Yep, unbeknownst to us average human beings, there are things you must keep in mind before whipping your extremely hard knee caps over in your tiny little single bed. You must...not, under any circumstances, allow said kneecaps to make contact with the wall. If your kneecaps are young (under 40 years old, I assume) they are a danger. Now, very young kneecaps (under 13) may not be quite as dangerous, but the 2 decade old ones, are powerful. One wrong move upon rolling over onto the other side, can destroy walls!!! I'm not kidding. They will simply crash through Gyproc leaving perfect imprints. Heaven forbid you frighten yourself upon the first impact and perhaps slide those rock hard caps a few inches after impact, as the wall will also bend and crumple further.
  In truth when I heard about the incident, I did not believe it was this simple, however, upon entering the room, and placing my hand over the huge dent, it was ice cold, and damp. If I had pushed with my hand, I could have easily destroyed the whole flipping wall. The temptation was difficult to control, called my buddy in to hold me back, but she had the same urge.
  Oh, the hole has been "repaired" a small bucket of mud was placed in it, and the poor soul will return to this disgraceful "room" this evening. We really want the fellow to move to the opposite side of the room for his own safety. It is evident the kneecaps were just the beginning. The room should be listed as a non-drinking room, because heaven forbid someone comes in, flops on the bed, miscalculating their landing, and opens their eyes up in the parking lot.
  Now, onto shower safety. Not really sure what steps would have protected the poor guest involved in this incident, likely nothing. So I will simply explain the circumstances, bizarre as they may sound.
  Gentleman wakes up for work in the morning, His wife snoozes soundly in bed as he quietly makes his way into the washroom. He closes the door, and proceeds to get into the shower. He is washing his hair (or whatever) puts his hand out to steady himself against the tile wall of the shower, and suddenly his hand disappears through the tile. Yep, no sound, the tile just gives way.
  Thoughtful man that he is, he finishes, gets dressed and heads to work, the woman still slumbering. She wakes hours later, goes into the washroom, and as her head turns to the bathtub, she notices the big hole in the wall. How the heck did that happen? Now we have dissolving walls!!
  I write these things, thinking that in a few years, they will remind me of how the ultimate destruction began. Every single day I look about, and see new cracks, and new slants, and new places where I have to step up or down, that were not there last month. I enter the buildings smelling new smells, non of which are at all pleasant. We have a new hobby, identify the smell. Most of the identifying tends to lean towards poop.
 It has got to the point where it is impossible to Febreeze enough, we would have to apply the stuff by the barrel. I have found that spraying the bottle in front of myself as I move helps a wee bit.
  Lord love us...does age always smell so bad? Maybe we should start wearing Darth Vader masks, with lavender scent packets inside? Problem is, I think the places is about as old as I am...cripes, should I be spraying myself with Febreeze?