Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Friday, 28 August 2015

Said Hummmm...

O.K. my mind has been in a real turmoil for some time. Most moments are spent trying to figure sh*t out, or..wondering if the light really has gone out at the end of the tunnel, or it's just flickering, and I'm missing it. The mind is pretty damn amazing, mine is totally beyond my control..it just flips about whenever the urge hits it, and I just have to try and keep up. I am wondering, am I getting just a little too old, and maybe a tad too crippled up to keep up, and that is why we have so much turmoil? Thing just goes a mile a minute, and I am often left shaking my head, because I simply cannot comprehend what is going on.
  In what appears to be a moment of my mind and myself being on the same level, the thought pops up...yes scary, I know..but it scares me just as much..because I am never sure what is going on. In a moment of stasis, I wondered...why kids now a days do not work. True, at least in this part of the world. It is not like when I was young, and we went about, when we reached an age that we were deemed reasonably responsible and employable, grabbing a part-time job to supply us with pocket money. Nope...now kids just don't have the gumption to devote themselves to giving up weekends so they can buy their own stuff, with their own cash. WTF happened?
  Then I realized..kids now, are too busy. They are in ballet, they are in gymnastics, they play hockey, they play soccer, they go off to volleyball. Every single moment of their "spare" time is taken up by after school activities, bought and paid for by parents. They don't have the time to work, because they are too busy having "lives".
  See, the term "having a life", has become some what of a sore point with me. I hear it often, as a reason for not being able to do something. I could never figure out why those who make this statement feel that I, on the other hand, apparently do not have a life...Well, last time I checked, I do..and in fact it is a pretty hectic life, and one that is basically the main reason I work...I need to work, so I can afford to keep my life, somewhat in check.
 When I hit this little level between my mind and me...I sort of think I figured this "having a life" issue out. Why on earth would a child who spent their younger years enjoying after school activities, even consider giving fun up, to work? Monday to Friday they must deal with the drudge of school, and after that, let the fun begin. Costs are never an issue, because this is given freely by parents, who feel they are doing the right thing, and allowing their children to enjoy what they like.
  Well, that is all fine and dandy..for awhile, but...reality is, unless parents want to support these kids for the rest of their adult lives..they are going to have to teach them the sad facts. The fact that when you grow up, the drudge does not only happen from 9-3 Monday to Friday, (except holidays), it continues 7 days a week. 365 days that must be bought and paid for, somehow. Unless you luck out, "having a life" means working about 320 of those days..O.K. maybe a little less if you can enjoy the odd "holiday". Weekends are not a given, days are not 4-5 hours long, and then fun takes over.
  So....that is my take on why you don't see a whack of students working every weekend, why folks argue that they, unlike myself, "have a life". It is because someone thinks they are doing them a favour, and allowing them to have fun, with no expense, and no work. It is a sign of things that have changed from my generation..like students moving through grades without performing to a given standard, and Sport's days with participant ribbons instead of 1st, second and third, and losers without a prize.  It is pretending we are all equal, when we are not. It is cheating children, who grow up, without the ability to face the real world, with the knowledge that sometimes, life is not fun, and not everyone plays fair.

Monday, 24 August 2015

De=Friending 101

LMAO...Who knew after 40 years, I could suddenly become so mouthy, I would become offensive to folks who I presumed knew , or at least had some idea, of who I was. No..Haven't run into them, haven't chatted, haven't had anything, really to do with them, but...status updates, and comments on ..yes...the new community town hall..Facebook.
 Hey, I was stalking..well, not really stalking. You know when you remember someone from back in the day, maybe you know their first name, and..you say to yourself "self..why not check out Friend so and so, because if the unknown person is going to be alive and kicking, they will be on so and so's facebook friend list". So..in I clicked. This one particular friend has way more friends than I do, I scrolled on and on..they don't even appear in alphabetical order, and then..hummm..there was a name that I had once accepted as a friend on my page, and beside the name, it stated how many mutual friends we had, and...there was a little box asking if I wanted to send a friend request...Huh????So, in I click into my short list of friends, and....sure enough this person is no longer on my list!
  O.K. not the first person to de-friend me in the past 2 years, and...if I keep blogging and spewing out my personal opinions, probably not the last. But...for just a moment, and I mean just a moment, I was a wee bit stunned. What on earth could I have possibly written that would offend people who supposedly knew who I was? O.K. as I said, this was not the first, I know exactly what caused one to delete my amazing personality from their daily foray into social media. They had suddenly began rooting for a cause close to their heart, and...I may have made a comment that their cause should have supported other causes that were not right in their backyard, and being the snot bag I am..I basically said too bad, so sad. Perhaps that was the beginning of the exodus? Maybe I am missing a whole whack more "friends"?
  So, as I stated, before, there was a moment of surprise, and wonder, but..it disappeared quickly. I am who I am..I may not have been this vocal in my younger years, in fact there is no doubt I wasn't this vocal, I wasn't allowed to be!! Now I am all grown up. I have spent time in the military where my thoughts and opinions did not matter, I lived under the command of others. That was a personal choice, and even though I had to keep my mouth shut, it was one of the best times of my life. Now, everything I do and say, is mine to answer to. I do answer, and I will answer, always, because what I "say" is who I am!
  I like me! I have worked hard to be me, I had paid the costs all along, to enable me to open my mouth when the urge hits me, and speak my mind. Oh, I am sure my mouth was part of the cause of job issues for my honey, along the way, but...he let me speak, he knows to attempt to shut me up, is a losing battle. I do not believe speaking facts should be cause for another who does their job well, to be penalized, folks should look at the big picture, and realize he is NOT me, but..hey, live and learn, or live and sweep the clutter out the door, because it does not belong.
  So....I suppose the trick is, if you want to keep that great big long list of folks on your Facebook page, you can keep your personal opinions , and simply post some favourite recipes, or cute kitten pictures. Or, you can take the chance, let the world know what is on your mind, and...keep that list a little on the small side. I didn't realize I had lost a name on my list, as Facebook doesn't notify, lol..geez maybe there was a sh*t load, and I would have spent moments accepting the de-friends (yes moments, not too many to start with). I imagine this happened a very long time ago, because I don't think I have been overly offensive, lately..or have I???? So, the loss of this person has not affected my day to day life, and even though I did have a moment..that's all it took.
  Don't care, if they no longer like me...don't care if they think I have changed..don't care that they obviously never knew me in the first place.. I just don't care! I have no clue how many are on my list, and I am certainly not about to start checking daily to see if somehow I offended yet another, and like the stock market, my list is a continual declining line. To keep the numbers up, I would have to be someone I am not..so I am just going to suck this up, and continue offending...

Monday, 17 August 2015


 O.K. somehow I have reached what I perceive is adulthood. I have left my childhood far behind, yes, I have moments when I revert to it, and enjoy those moments, but...sad facts are, I am an adult.
  Now, I admit, during my childhood, I may not have been a simpering, tender heart. I more than likely had my nasty moments, and I am sure there are a couple of friends who may remember, an incident with a ladder, or a couple of whips with fireweed that might have been a tad too nasty, but, all in all, I had to try to be nice, because...my Mom made me!! Plus, friends were not in huge supply, so, we had to ensure we kept the ones we had, otherwise we would grow up all alone. I didn't!! I had friends, and...if I remember correctly the one who accused me of being mean the most, would have been my younger brother.
  Raising kids, well, I was apparently constantly mean, they claim that the word NO was used all the time, and I would get mad, and then...nasty mother that I was, I (according to them) would bake up a storm. Maybe I was so mean, because they were always trying to get me to bake?
  But, at the ripe old age of 59, mean is a word that I don't hear any longer, in regards to myself. Oh, I hate everyone, and I never have a good word to say about anyone, but....mean..nope, I thought I was past that stage.
  Silly me!! In the past two weeks, I have been called mean by two grown adults, basically the same age as I am, and...of course, not to my face. REALLY!! Now these folks were/are fellow employees, we all are suppose to clock in every morning, and do our jobs. I do!! My plan each day, is to drag my sorry ass into a difficult, labour intensive job, put my head down, and complete my duties.
  I go in many mornings, not feeling up to par, with the weight of personal issues hanging over my head, back aching, knees aching, tired to the bone, but...I expect my employer to pay me for work, and they expect to get work from me, and..that is what my plan is each and every day. I don't head in during the early morning hours gearing up to deal with a ton of drama. I don't give a rat's behind that Josie Jolly had her sewer blow up on her, or, sucked back a 24 pack, and is feeling rather shakey. I don't want to listen to Johnny Blowhard whining because he has been asked to do a job, and apparently to do so, he needs to clean up some freaking flour a guest spilled. I don't need to listen to how sore so and so is, how their knees can't take specific jobs that must be done, or that they (and apparently they alone) got sweaty. I don't need to see pictures of flour, and have the damn mealy mouth shove his phone in my face, even though I did what I always do, and walked away..I walk away because subtlety does not work with this particular individual.
  Josie Jolly has played games one to many times with me, and if she was given something she didn't like, she would simply wander off home, leaving her work undone, to surprise myself and others at the end of our work day. Josie Jolly, has left and returned crying "oh woe is me" countless times , and softer Hearts allow her to have another chance, and then...at the worst possible time, Josie is a no show, leaving a sh*tload of work for others to complete. Josie Jolly has had everyone walk on eggshells for her, and in return, she thinks nothing of placing an early morning call, to inform us, she forgot that she had plans, and won't be in. Josie Jolly does not understand she is anything but special, she must share, and she must follow the rules..so, when Josie Jolly was informed that she had to share, and she had to read the book the same as everyone else, Josie Jolly decided I, along with another employee, were being mean to her, and ran away crying!
  My job requires working as a group. It consists of many duties which will work up a sweat. I will never send another off to do a job I have not done myself. I know how long a job should take, if any effort is put into it, and I know that if a 59, or..a 65 yr old woman can do the job, so can anyone else employed in my workplace. Again, it is a sh*tty job, but it is the job that allows us all money on pay day. Josie Jolly doesn't seem to grasp the fact that folks have to work all the time for a steady income, they don't just show up when they are desperate. I no longer want to see Josie Jolly. I don't feel I am the mean one, Josie in fact is the meanie, she is the one who dumps work on top of an already heavy work load, and then sniffles away..Josie Jolly may not realize, but she has been the cause of me breaking down, on more than one occasion, because she left me holding the bag.
  Johnny Blowhard, well...that is another lost cause. To go to my employer and state I was mean to him, blows my mind. I did my very best not to deal with him. I asked him over and over to please speak to his employer, this was not my business, nor my problem. I walked away, and still he kept shoving his phone in my face, trying to tell me how much work he had..all along, I am well aware of how much work this useless tit does. I don't care if he has a shaky Heart, likely the organ became shaky because in the past someone with less control than myself, shook the living crap out of him, when he drove them batty.
  Because I work with so many folks with so many different issues, I wander in each day, and attempt to juggle so the right shapes go in the right containers. I do my best to stay away from Mr. Blowhard, giving both of us our space. I am often tired before even beginning my work, because of all the little things that must be dealt with.
   I am tired, I get fed up, I put my own worries on hold from the moment I clock in until the time I clock out. I do not have the time nor the patience to listen to whining from anyone else, who I know for a fact, does not do near as much as I do. I am NOT mean, but....trust me...if I hear one more time how I have been accused of being mean..I WILL show them what MEAN is all about..it's just around the corner,and I am more than ready!!!

Sunday, 16 August 2015


One word..5 letters that can turn a person's life upside down. What an important word..love is important, but, without trust, love is not worthwhile. Without trust, you have nothing but fear,and assumptions.Everything in life is controlled by this single word.
 I used to trust. I trusted my gut..my instinct. It did me proud for many years, but..one time, and one time only, it failed me. That one time, has changed my life completely. I do NOT trust more than a very few. Thank goodness I can trust those, and I do it without hesitation, I have a piece of my life that is lived without doubt, without fear, but it is a tiny piece.
  I question everything else, and everyone else. I question those involved in the day to day dealings with the few I trust. I cannot stop questioning. All it takes is a tiny little whiff of an off smell, and BAM..."oh, oh, watch out, this is not right"!
  Things in life are set to run a certain course. When you make a commitment to another, be it a job, be it a relationship, specific things are expected. Heck, it isn't a great long list, it is just just that, which forms a foundation of trust.
  As I mentioned, love, has to have a very strong foundation of trust. Oh, I used to always be asking my honey "Who is so and so?" "Why is she there?" "Why is she talking to you? Do you know her?" But, that is a game, if I truly worried, I would never have let him out of my sight. He has never given me reason not to trust him, and therefore, he has my complete trust.
  Friendship..whoa there is one thing that would never survive without trust. Friendship is a funny thing, because, seldom do friends live together, therefore there is a whole whack of time they do not know what one another are up to. Friends have social lives beyond each other, and with busy lives, that is understandable. They may have children, who oblige them to spend time with other families. They may have hobbies that are not shared with their friends, so they have many different circles, within their friendship. Hey, that is normal, that is natural, but, as the saying goes, friends have each others backs. A friend will listen to garbage, and...repeat the garbage to their friend. They will give their friend the ability to know what is happening behind their backs, and allow them to cover their backs. A friend will, in fact stand up and dispute the garbage. To be a friend is harder than to be a lover. When others know you are in a relationship, they are not prone to bad mouth your partner, but..friendship is less protected. It is difficult to be a friend, sometimes, but, all it takes, is to share total trust, and I know that is possible..I will protect those I hold dear, and I will try my very best to uphold the trust they put in me. I may at times question the few friends I have, but those times will pass by, and whatever caused the questions will either be forgotten, or...that friendship will be deemed unworthy.
  But, to have such a difficult time with trust, in day to day life, fills every moment with doubt. I am not sure if it is because I am always digging through and outside that damn box, but, if I cannot get the answers immediately to whatever question pops up...the possibility of trust flies right out the window.
 My take on things is, if I go into something, I need to know all the rules. I need things set in stone, if it is fish on Friday every week, then it better be fish 3 months from Friday. I don't want someone to decide instead of fish, this week it is going to be lobster, because it's close to fish, they both live in water. The day fish becomes lobster, then the rules crumble, and things continue to fall apart. I don't want to spend my time wondering what next Friday is going to bring...maybe caviar, maybe frog eggs, fish is fish!!So, the moment the fish is replaced, is the very moment trust disappears..that is the moment I realize things are not as they are suppose to be, and then I want to step away. I do not want to waste my time wondering, worrying, carrying the weight of doubt about on top of the extra poundage I already have.
  I am far too old to waste my time trying to figure sh*t out, my qualifications for trust are pretty damn high, but...I refuse to change them. I have finally managed to have some of my standards rub off on others within my trust group, and I am grateful, because, now they have started to sniff the air checking for the whiffs of stink, and I am no longer feeling totally alone.
  Trust, without this little word, there is nothing!

Monday, 3 August 2015

Sightless See

  I have been pretty quiet, for awhile , in regards to the damn Dam. But, as time marches along, I can see things I prophesied, peeking up out of the garbage pile. The main stay of all Crusty's promises to the Peace Region to get folks on board was.....Jobs, and ...community profit. I read comment after comment from young people in the area.."get this thing on the go..need work"..." shut up your idiots about garden's and farm land...the future needs energy and money". There are two sides, as usual on the matter of Site C..those who believe it is a disaster in the making, and those who believe the energy is needed, and along with the massive 8-9 Billion dollar construction price tag..a whole bunch of those who reside in the Peace region will be hired on to lucrative paying jobs, and they will make their fortunes. What's the loss of a whack of land they don't even care about mean , if they are suddenly going to be wealthy, and working near home?
  Hellooooo....look carefully. Yep, there was indeed one contract handed out to "locals", a group of contractors banded together, with (smart on their part) an aboriginal  owned company, and got a tiny contract, (in comparison) on the south side. Good for them!! They decided they were going to benefit, and not worry about the backlash from Treaty 8, and likely realized, no matter what happens, no matter what reasons are placed NOT to build it..it will be built, and they will benefit financially. I, personally, am on the sidelines, when it comes to these facts. As far as I am against the building of this, I personally feel, if anyone is going to make a dime, better it be someone who actually lives here, and will have to live with the end results.
  However, surprise, the plans have a massive camp set up...of course the camp, and the camp site preparation contract was given to companies outside of this area, in fact, some of which is even outside of the province. This camp will be a city within itself, offering services the communities do not even have, like a fully functioning hospital with ...wait for it...DOCTORS!!!! Not one, not first aid attendants..nope...Doctors..while, at this very moment, two communities have been advised throughout the month of August, they will be either without a Doctor, or..with very limited Doctor services. The camp, well..we can only imagine will offer Doctors some pretty awesome wages, well beyond what our government pays, because..that would be the only reason a Doctor would even consider working in a camp. They will have massage therapists, a bar, a library, a theater! Is there really anyone who even remotely imagines that a single penny of profit will seep into the communities from those in camp? If you do..you are an idiot..this camp is designed to KEEP people in. So..do you think the food will be purchased from the surrounding communities to feed the camp? Hah! Nope this will likely be trucked in from Alberta..so...they won't be shopping at the local Price Smart!
 Why did people think this project would be any different from any other Hydro project? Was it the amount of workers needed? We have already seen Hydro sway from the norm, and open the doors to non-union..are we stupid enough to think they don't have a plan in order?
  Now I see folks actually questioning what is happening. They are upset, because local companies are NOT in the running, they don't have the ability to bond for these enormous bids...again, Hellooo..do folks not know how government bids work? Nope..this work will go elsewhere, it will go to the giants, international companies, who get every single project Hydro puts out. Just look..who is building the sub-station and towers between Chetwynd and Dawson...It is Valard, the same company that erected towers along the North West line, that have been falling down, because of sub-standard steel. I wonder, how many tradesmen from these parts were hired by Valard ? It would be interesting to get some numbers, perhaps I am wrong?
  Yep, there will be some jobs. I went to the Open house here, I saw the lovely placard with the listings of jobs that will be available, and right on the same placard..to get one of these jobs, a person must contact the company that wins the bid. Hydro is NOT hiring. You will apply with a company that already has an employee base, those employees will be working, and..if/when, they realize they don't have enough, and likely search their home base for additional employees, they will open the doors to locals. Most likely labourers, as...when they bid on contracts they are already ensuring they have a ready supply of their own tradesmen.
   I understand the desperation of young people around these parts. The world believes oil and gas employs everyone who needs a job in the Peace Region. They don't understand that this industry is NOT unlike Hydro. They are not based in this province, they come from Alberta and if one went to a camp, they would find the majority of employees reside in the Atlantic provinces or the Prairies. They generally hire a percentage of locals, but those often are at the bottom of the list when it comes to jobs, and often they sit for weeks at a time without work (that means without money). The reality here is, you can work full-time at Timmy's or Wal-Mart, or, you can ride the roller coaster of oil and gas. So...the dream of jobs that last years, with the construction of Site C would certainly light up the eyes of folks struggling month to month in an area with rents costing as much as Vancouver, and groceries and utilities beyond the imagination of those in the lower mainland.
  Sadly, it will be those who do not pay the price of living in the Peace, who reap the benefits of this massive project. As time passes, I believe the truth will become clearer, and what appeared to be the promise of jobs, will prove to be the opposite. Guess we will just have to wait and see..but that is my prediction..Hope I am wrong!