Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Saturday, 30 March 2013


 I have been feeling guilty. Don't think that I haven't realized that even my ranting has disappeared. Not only sitting down and blogging, has become a thing of the past, my e-mails to my beloved friends has trickled to nothing. I wake up, go into work, come home, and then I am ready for bed. I explained my serious case of Cabin Fever, but, it is apparent, that is not my only problem. Spring has arrived, and I have a day of yard work under my belt, and still...I am an empty shell.
   Years ago, my beloved took a B.C. Ambulance Unit Chief course. I remember one of the chapters was on the 10 things that caused serious stress. I can't remember all 10 things, but loss of spouse, loss of a family member, moving, and loss of a job were on that list.
  Well, in the past few months, my Ex passed away (unlike some, he truly was a friend as well as the father to my oldest child). Then my beloved changed jobs. That didn't work, so now he is changing back. When you think your home life is going to become easier, and suddenly, it isn't, and then you have to make a switch in everything you do, it causes upheaval.
  Then, I am one of those who has Site C, on my mind at all times. Years back, I didn't think much about it, because I really didn't think it would affect me. Silly Goose!!! Perhaps you will come to some understanding of why I have such a Hate on for this corporation, because, in truth, although I do not work for them, they have taken control of my life.
  See, when we came to this town, we could not find a place to rent with 3 bedrooms. We had a two bedroom trailer at first, but with 2 teenagers, and our Son-In-Law staying while he found work, it was cramped. We bought a trailer, it was perfectly fine, space wise, and affordable. You have to keep in mind, we also had to continue paying the mortgage on our home in the town we left, because the housing market was (and still is) in the toilet.
  Then one day, I saw the home I thought was perfect. It was at the edge of town, the yard was full of trees, and it was like it sat all alone. I could see that it was on the river front, and I knew, if we could ever get that house, I would be happy.
  The moment I saw the For Sale sign up in the Post office, with the picture of that dream house, I could not let go. We scrimped, and saved, and got the loan to buy the house. Oh, we still had the trailer mortgage and the other house, but, hey, I could work like an idiot, my beloved could work like an idiot, we could give up every moment of social life, we could eat Kraft dinner, and, we could enter our own private garden of tranquility.
  That is what my home gives me. Not the house, but the back yard. I can walk out onto my deck, and see the Peace River. Oh, if I want, I can see the other side, where there is someone, but, my eyes are old, and all I know of him, is, he sometimes yells when his dogs bark. There is a gravel road that leads down to the old Ferry Landing directly below my backyard, so if I fall off the edge, I will simply roll down to that road, and not into the river below it. When I sit on the little bench at the edge of my yard, I see nothing but the river, and the birds. It allows me to forget about the weight of the world. I can sit there for some time, with a cup of coffee, and it gives me the same sense I assume folks get from fishing, or golfing, tension disappears, and I am simply in the moment.
  I remember the day we took ownership, standing outside with our friends, and one said, you paid fair price for the house, but, you got a million dollar view. That is something I thought would never change. Yes, Site C could raise the level of the river, but because we were so high above it, we would not be affected.
  That has all changed. Hydro has decided that they must build a Berm to protect the shoreline from the effects of Site C. That Berm will go for miles, and it will go all along the shoreline below my home. Oh, they informed us it wouldn't affect us, because the Berm would go on the opposite side of the little road. We accepted that, until we received the materials covering the project. It will, in fact, go on the opposite side of the road, but...that road will become the main haul road for the building of the berm. This project will take about 2-3 years. They will have to do serious construction work on the road before large trucks can use it. It has been constructed with old car heaps to stabilize it,and, that isn't going to take the continual rumbling trucks for years, going from 7AM till 7PM. My backyard is not very large, the vibrations of these trucks will definitely cause damage. The noise, and dust, and chance that this road will have to be built up, far closer to my backyard, will definitely affect me.
  Now Hydro and their GREEN shit, will come into my world, and destroy the only thing that keeps me sane.I see the peace and contentment I get from my space, which I worked hard for, going down the toilet. I hear they try to mitigate damages for some people affected by this proposed project. What could they give me to mitigate the damage they will cause my life? Is there another home along the river that offers the same privacy I have here? Nope!! There are some homes in a long row, that overlook the river, but, you have neighbours, with backyards along side yours. Mine is different!! We have the odd group that may party down at the Ferry Landing, and we do hear them up here, but, that is easy to ignore. Traffic does go up and down the road when folks are fishing, but it is not a steady stream, and in the winter, there is no traffic at all, because the road is blocked off.
  You hear about Green Belts, big buying pros, folks are ensured nothing will go on in the back yard, ever!! Well, we thought the Peace River was our Green Belt, no one is going to build in the river, are they? Hell , yes they are!! Hydro is going to do whatever they damn well please, to get that frigging project on the go. If they can't keep a project as small as a boat launch within budget, imagine miles and miles of Berm, and then everything else this Dam is going to demand.One of their ideas to get the rip rap needed for the Berm is to level off part of a mountain!!! Talk about footprints, eh!
  Did we ever think our world would revolve around a company that came into a small historic town, and split it into Hydro and non-Hydro? We lived in a town we felt like immigrants for years, because we did not belong to the majority. We were not welcomed into the Hydro world, but, that was O.K. who needed it? I was never a good one for brown-nosing (pardon the pun), so I lived happily in my back yard. I felt superior, because I had this, and I enjoyed sharing it with my friends. It was a small bit of heaven that I owned.
   When I went to do my first day of yard work, yesterday, and paused to sit on my little bench and watch and listen to the wonderful Geese that finally returned, the impact of what may soon happen to my backyard hit me. I will admit, I cried. If Hydro does indeed step into my world, and destroy the single thing I have found, that gives me reason to stay in this godforsaken place, I will have to leave. It is as simple as that. I will have to give up my employment, I will have to go back to where we last lived, my beloved will have to continue working in the Peace, my grandchildren will be too far away to visit,and , my world will be devastated.
  So, do I accept hearing how my Hydro rates have to go up, and how we are in desperate need of more Hydro electricity (for all those Greenies to plug their environmentally cars in) ? Do I accept that Hydro electricity is the Green solution? Not for a moment!!! In the Peace we have natural gas, we have wind energy that is incredible. Hydro claims it is not reliable, Helllooooo.. well how many folks in this area have had to spend hours in -40 weather without Hydro? Truth be told, I think between all the different forms of energy we have, we can focus on all of them, and perhaps save ourselves the destruction this project promises.
  So for those of you who wonder why I have been so quiet, my tiny little world is being hammered away at, and I am having a hard enough time just coping with everything swirling about. I do miss you, and I hope that this will stop, but I have to focus on protecting my little piece of heaven, and battling the ginormous Hydroidasaur.

Monday, 25 March 2013

Utter Waste!

Sometimes when I go off on a tangent, I sit here, and actually worry. I worry that I will lose control, and go so far off, that I will hate myself. I worry that I just can't quite put things down the way I want, and that drives me even farther off the wall. The subject I am spewing about, now, has drove me nuts, more than once. It is a constant, and I realize, the fact that I live where I live, allows me to see this |corporation" the way the average person in the province, does not. I see the seedier side. I see the waste, that is so excessive, it twists my stomach.I see people who work for this corporation who have somehow decided they are superior to the rest of humanity. I see the demands, I see the continual issues of entitlement, and special benefits.
  In truth, of all the issues , the waste , is what bothers me most. Oh, I hate the lies, I hate the spinning (lies) I hate the secrecy(lies), but, the waste is insane.
  Now, picture this. BC Hydro has a row of Town houses. This is set in the perfect area, about a block from the school, just over a block from the Hospital, and grocery store. It is right next door to the Hockey arena, and in a park like setting. This is apparently for short term workers. People who are  still working towards their position within the company, and they spend a short time in town (maybe a year, maybe more, or less).
  About 9 years ago, it seems someone discovered there was asbestos in the building. Ack!!! What a shock, buildings built back in the 60's did tend to have this. We didn't realize all those buildings that I spent my school years in, were loaded with this stuff, and my government did not tell me that it was dangerous....I expect many homes in this area have asbestos, but, we don't have Hydro concerned about our well being, so we have to live with it.
  Not these entitled, precious employees. Oh, No!!! Hydro moves every last one of them, along with their families into Row houses owned by the hotel. They apparently checked that building out (exactly the same as theirs) and it was fine and dandy.
  These families move into furnished quarters, at no expense to them. They request laundry service, not a problem, each day, we pick their dirty clothes up, and they are washed and dried, and delivered. Their children pee the beds, not a problem, along we come, clean up the pee, and clean their beds. We must clean their house around them, and their children, because to request them to go away for a few hours, would be an imposition.
  While they live, rent and utility free, a contracting company comes in, and tears all the asbestos out, and renovates the whole row of houses. They bring in an inspector, and he confirms, it is safe for the Hydroids, back they go.
  Fast forward 9 years, suddenly, once again the nasty asbestos word pops up. It is in the floor tiles, and now the whole place will be demolished, can't allow employees to live in there!!
  WTF!!!!! I can't imagine the cost , we, as tax payers, and rate payers had to cover for the first go round. It was dug out of our pockets to put these families up for 5-6 months. I can't imagine what it costs to hire this company to come in, and also put them up at the hotel for this time period. Then to wait 9 years, and decide that it is now unacceptable, in a community with a lack of housing.
  So, now what happens? Does Hydro build brand new houses for their people? Or, does Hydro move them into the brand new (what will soon be) 3 building apartment complex, that an unknown independent investor  has decided to build on land that they purchased, all hush hush. There has been no new buildings in this town, until 2 new hotels were put up, and suddenly a huge complex, how convenient.......
  Rumours abound, bills during the building of this apartment were sent to BC Hydro. Paint was charged to the company, truck drivers have told townspeople that their deliveries to the building during construction were billed to Hydro.
  Hey, I hear this, and I go right to the horses mouth. I contacted Hydro with these rumours, and was told this was not fact. Do I believe what I was told? Nope!!! I think hydro has so many secret little boxes, those who are suppose to deal with public inquiries don't know the facts, and the company likely feels it is better to keep even their own people in the dark.But, I don't know the truth, so, I can't say one way or the other.
  Hydro also "gave" the town an area by the lake that was created with the building of the dams. Lots of folks spent holiday time there, camping and boating. Hydro did NOT keep this area, they simply handed it over, and costs and maintenance was left on the Municipality. There was a boat launch, and a dock. The grounds were kept nicely, at tax payers expense. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't fancy. Hydro decided it might make the public a little more acceptable to the severe changes Site C will bring,and they decided they would suddenly step in, and build a new boat launch, and a new dock. This meant they had to close everything off to the public. Well, crews were contracted, and put up in the pricey hotel, security was brought in to ensure the public did not go near the lake. At the end of the season, with the arrival of snow , lo and behold, this project was no where near completed. In fact, the place is a disgusting mess!!
  The budget is screwed, and guess what, you as a tax payer, and a Hydro consumer, are left holding the bag on this one. I expect, once again, this summer, the area will be again blocked off to the public, and maybe by August, we will be let in through the gates, to see what our money has bought for us.
  That is what you folks have to remember. This is your money!!!When they tell you your rates are going up, because they have gone so far into the red, and there is a ton of fixing to do, ask yourself, what did they do with the money they have been sucking back for decades.
  I have other tidbits of the perks and pleasures of working for the electricity monopoly. Read the next chapter. Waste is rampant. We should all be so lucky to be one of these Hydroids, the life they live, is so far from average, it will boggle your mind.
  BTW, I am NOT jealous, I wish this company would run the way we have to do, within our budgets, it si MY money they waste. I am simply ticked.

Friday, 22 March 2013

Oil and Water

  So, oil and water, something folks speak of often. We cannot live without water, and there are those who figure the world can happily continue on, without oil. Get a grip!!! Sure we can continue, we can continue on without potato chips, and candy, and Nike, and TV and movies, just as easily. It is possible, but not probable.
  Am I a pro Enbridge supporter? Not sure, have to learn far more about things before I make that choice. However, all of you folks who are ranting and raving about the possibility of this pipeline, and the possibility of a leak, are pretty much the same folks who are supporting Hydro and their Site C project. Oh, hey, its water, and gee whiz, that is so frigging green. Grow up!!!
  You listen to the spin doctors that this company shoves down your throats at your expense. You believe the same people who have lied for decades, who screwed the people of the Peace over with 2 frigging dams in their backyards, and took their homes and farms away, years ago. You listen to the Green that is going to kill off whole species in the river, and drown forests of trees. Bats, deer, Moose, heck even bugs and moths will be covered by a huge body of water. Ah, but it is water, much better than nasty old oil, right?
  You scream about the chance of an oil spill, and the damage it could cause. Chance, could, words that are not used when it comes to the effects of Site C. The damage that will cause is not a possibility, it is a sure thing. Water will cover farms, homes, wildlife areas, it will erode the banks, it will spew mercury (yes, how frigging green is that, folks?) and kill off whitefish. Helloooo...And yet you sit, concerned about a pipeline. You screech about yet another pipeline that was planned for the city of Vancouver to replace an out of date one to carry aviation fuel to your airport, because, that is something that would affect you. Heaven forbid something happens in your backyard!!
  Kiss my butt people. I am disgusted by the majority of this province, who seem to think they are the only ones who matter. They are pissed when they are told something might mess with their lifestyle and their comfort, and esthetics, well, come on into my world!
   In my world, highways are in the design to flood, homes are in the design to flood, farms that have been in families for generations will disappear under water. The Grizzly bears that you hold so dear, and want to conserve, ("Well, they were here first", you say), they will have to wander somewhere else, along with various other animals, who will have to find yet another "corridor".
  But, then again, you want your frigging electricity. You need your air conditioners, and your "clean" heat, and your LED lights, your ice making fridges, and plug-ins for your environmentally friendly cars. You make me want to puke!!
  You let a company shove smart meters into your homes. Oh these will help you conserve, but, still we need Site C because, it is not enough. You sit there allowing a single company to violate your privacy with meters that we all know, are simply a way to start to charge you peak hour rates. You know our energy is being sold down the river to another country, at cheaper prices (when they do pay). How did that happen? So, suddenly because contracts were signed, and promises made, we don't have enough for ourselves.
  Really!!!Come on people!!! I don't claim to be smart, but I do call a spade a spade. Look very closely at this picture, and see it for what it truly is. Site C will make a huge amount of work for Hydro, a company that has contracted pretty much everything it used to do, out. Take some time to read what this is going to do to the Peace Area.
  If you are truly a Green person, you will understand footprints. Yes, Oil and Gas leave footprints, but they attempt to make those prints as small as possible. I agree, it is not perfect, or pretty, and there is a chance something could go wrong. The difference is, companies do try to ensure things do not go wrong. However, this project, that has been shoved back into the cupboard more than once, because of all its faults, has once more been dragged out. If you live where I do, you will know damn well, it is going to happen, once they finish pushing papers. I hear you squawk about the shoddy public consultation with the pipeline, well, again, welcome to my world.
  Public consultation when it comes to anything at all involved with Government, is a farce, get used to it! Straight answers are never available, facts are always misted over with pork fat.
  Do you know. as you head to turn your lights on, that Hydro has been buying homes and land in the Peace area for years? Yep, they have them all over, and are now, buying up property "passively" . They own chunks all over this town.
  Do you know that, although both their present Dams are within our District area, they do NOT pay property taxes? Nope, somehow they have found loopholes that allow them to get all the fixings, and they came up with a set amount that they hand over each year. Hummm...when my property taxes come along, I would love to pick an amount I feel is acceptable, and hand that over, instead of what they want! I wonder about all the homes and property they do own here, do they in fact pay the required property tax on those, or are they included in the tiny little amount they hand out?
  I am just beginning on this speel. I have lots to say, about this corporation, from my personal point of view. I have spent some time trying to get all the ducks in a row regarding things I wonder about, but it is not an easy task. Hydro is like the government (cripes it IS government, when it wants to be) you have to search through an awful lot of crap, to attempt to get answers, as everything is coated in the consumer smiley faces.
  It will become very apparent that I feel no urge to smile about anything regarding this disgrace to our province. I think B.C. Hydro was sold to the people of this province as a bold face lie, and each and every year, it is sucking us dry. Now Hydro is trying to soak us, yet again, shame on those who turn their heads, and close their eyes. Shame on all of you who scream bloody murder when your backyard is over run by enemies. Shame on those who feel the world should stand up and support them. Site C has been opened up to the public for years now, and everyone has sat back, thinking it won't affect them. 
  We have pipelines in our area, we have oil and gas. Just a little too late to shut them out, however, when it comes to green, I would prefer to have a frigging pipeline, and a hundred bloody wells, rather than a "reservoir" filled with dead trees, mercury, drowned fur bearing animals, drowned wetlands, drowned farm lands, and drowned creeks, and homesteads. Which, if you sit back and stay quiet, Hydro is going to do, and it will not be an accident. This is a disaster that is done purposefully!
  All those of you who think the Aboriginal people will stand fast, and will stop this, speak to the Treaty 8 people from this area. They have been fighting this for years, they are losing their territory. They fought this fight before, and were promised much from the B.C. Government in return for the loss, they are still waiting.They know full well, if this is allowed to happen again, history will repeat itself.
  So when you turn up your heat, or flip on your lights, think for a moment, your bill is not the only cost. The Peace region is on the endangered list, and I, personally, am sick and tired of getting screwed so Vancouver can have millions of lights sparkling, while our river dies!

Monday, 18 March 2013

Cabin Fever

Hellooooo...Did you miss me? Did you think I had fallen off the face of the earth, and were in the midst of planing a celebration? Too bad, so sad, I'm still alive and kicking. In fact I am kicking absolutely every thing!! Dogs, cats, kids, Grannys, myself, just anything that gets in my way. I am in the midst of full blown Cabin Fever.
  For those of you who live in cities, and warm toasty places, with sunshine, and lollipops, and rainbows and all that other frigging crap, you have no clue what this is!!
   It is sheer hell!! It sucks the life out of you. It hangs over you like a thick sticky cloud of shit, things look like crap, smell like crap, taste like crap, and feel like crap. The world is crappy from the moment you open your eyes, each day. Windows are the worst, the moment you look out of them, you are mad, the moment you walk outside, you are furious. The weather man is your most despised human being. I hate Mark Madrega. Ohhhh...he gets on there, all toasty warm in his nice neat suits, smiling and joking, warning those in Vancouver that they will experience rain, nasty, nasty. Then for a split second he shows the little boxes that tell the story of my area of the province, oh a dash of a couple of words, stating "things will be very chilly in the Peace for the next decade" and I catch a quick glimpse of double digit minus numbers, throwing me into a temper tantrum. Why does he only speak for a few seconds? He goes on and on about the poor people in Vancouver having to put up their umbrella's as they dash from Mall to Mall spending hours in the false sunshine , wearing shorts and sandels, or designer boots, and cutesie leather jackets, with a jaunty little beret (because it just isn't summer, yet) perhaps a pair of nice tight leather gloves to add to the fashion statement.
  F*ck me!!! I don't even put shorts on in the frigging house!! If I wore leather it would crack in a second!! Designer boots, the only designer we can even think about wearing is Snow Paks. I wear long johns, stupid looking hats with flaps over the ears, I ensure my socks go over the long johns so no bare skin is ever exposed to the elements.
  The risk of Frost bite is not just a tiny highlighted statement at the top of a screen, it is a fact of life for me!! I have had the pleasure of an ear becoming cold, and then burning hot, and then peeling, not because of the sun, but because the poor thing was left uncovered for a short period of time in the cold!!
  My winter started the middle of the month of October, and continues still in the middle of March!!! I spent months with a few hours of day light.Winter  may look lovely on those beautiful Christmas cards, tiny little hamlets buried in mounds of white sparkling snow. The true facts are, along with the pretty fluffy white crap, come mind blowing winds, that suck that sh*t up and beat it against your body, and it feels like you are being attacked by a BB gun. The thermometer says -25, but the winds drop that frigid temperature another 10 degrees, making breathing painful.
  If you are unlucky enough, like myself, to wear glasses, well you are in for a treat! The metal that touches your face becomes so cold that it burns into your nose, and the pieces that fit over your ears, seem to melt into your flesh.
  Those nice little cards disgust me!! Who the heck wants to get a winter card, when they actually have winter? Oh, maybe those twits that go to Whistler . Hellooo...yours truly does not do winter sports. Oh, I used to, many years ago when I had winters with snow, but not bizzarro deep freeze cold. Get a grip!! For some reason, beyond comprehension, I apparently get to experience absolutely everything horrid about winter, and nothing nice (is there anything nice?).
  I think that at the ripe old age of 57, to waste a full 6 months dealing with my least favourite season, is not a smart thing to do. How many years do I have left? Take 1/2 of that away, because for those 6 frigging months I am prisoner in my home, I am now blowing 50% of my life. What a terrible waste!!!
  Now, granted my honey is almost a decade younger than me, so perhaps he has not clued in, that he is losing so much time, trapped in the ice age. No, I am not like those frogs, you read about, I don't freeze for the whole 6 months, and then melt to reveal myself as I was before winter began. Instead, my skin dries out to lizard skin, if I could simply molt, and start the spring off with nice moist skin, that might be appealing, but instead , I just flake...The static that builds up with the cold does not spark romance, instead , I find myself ensuring I am not close to the toilet paper rolls in case I cause a flipping fire with the constant shocks I give off. Really!!! You idiots that keep harping about Climate change, shake your damn heads! Read the history of this place!! Same nasty, horrible, asinine weather was happening back in the 1800's. This is reality, if someone came along and said they were going to start a business that would cause the temperatures in this area to warm up in the winter, I think I just might jump on their band wagon.
 " Just move", you say...well, here goes...If you will sponser me , say $2500 a month, I will find a way to pack myself and my beloved (and the dog, of course) off to some tropical island, and live 100% of the rest of my life, without the issue of cabin fever. I will even promise to stop blogging this negative spew, and concentrate on writing recipes for pineapple alcoholic beverages, and weaving coconut leaves into place mats, I promise to mail out to each and every sponser.
  I figure I have at least one more month, until I am free from this season. I know, the stupid calender says that spring begins on Wednesday, well, in my world they are calling for snow that day! Today I woke up to -25, and it has "warmed" up to - something or the other. Tomorrow it is suppose to reach a balmy +1, imagine, +1, wow, thats something to look forwards to. Maybe I will risk leaving the long johns at home?
  So, by now, I expect you are thankful that I have remained silent for so long. I know those who have been unfortunate enough to have to bear with me through these months, wish they had taken up a collection and sent me away. Well, guys, there is still plenty of time (sadly), and you decide, do you have the ability to stand me for yet another month, or do you do your part to make the workplace a safe environment?

Friday, 1 March 2013

Totally Screwed!

Yes, I am still alive!!! I have not been this far behind with my every day life, in decades. I have started a blog, regarding the reason I have assumed I am totally screwed up, but, apparently I am so screwed, I haven't even managed to finish that!!
  My children have left home, I have an amazing partner, a dog, and a job, this is what I have been waiting for since my 20's, this is the time of life I figured I would do amazing things, with all the freedom after child rearing , Hah!!!I must have missed some step along the way, the organization factor, now, although I have this "spare" time, it is filled with crap, and I am simply going backwards.I hate myself!!! I wander about, looking at all I have to do, and it overwhelms me. I so want my house to be neat and tidy. I want the freedom of never having to worry when someone surprises me with a visit, that clutter reigns. I want surfaces cleaned, I want all seating areas to be free of objects, I want toilets to shine, floors to glow, and cobwebs to disappear. My windows should be a source of pride, as they overlook incredible views. None of this is happening! I spend at least one of my days off, doing housework (without pay) and I should really use every single moment.
  Now, at this moment, the house is clean, not to the standard I wish it was, but to something acceptable. I still have the urge to throw everything out, except the furniture, but I am trying to control myself. In the perfect world, I would have a home that is bare basics. I don't mind pictures on the wall, and stuff hidden in closets and drawers, but for some ungodly reason, I can't stand anything else. The worst part, my life has been filled with too much stuff! Kid's toys, papers (my biggest downfall and peeve) clothing, footwear, tools, and now, pet toys. I don't collect things (besides the frigging papers) but, still, my house is filled with clutter.
  Oh, we can say it is "lived in", I have had comments from co-workers that my house is "bare" , no, none of this is correct, or what I want!! I just don't know how I can possibly reach the point that I am content with happily welcoming others into my home.
 There have been moments when I reach my standards, but they are so fleeting. Would a housekeeper make a difference? Nope, don't think so!!! Because, in truth, my place is usually clean, it just has far too much useless stuff. I know, the stuff is not useless to others, heaven forbid. My problem is I can't throw the other stuff out, because it is not mine!! I just can't find a place to put it, that it doesn't drive me batty!! My issues get on everyone's nerves. I harp constantly, I make noises...You know those noises..The others get mad at my noises, and I get mad at them making me make them. The worst part, they just don't seem to understand exactly what I expect.
  Actually, that really isn't the worst part, the worst part is...they don't get the fact that, if someone does show up, and the place is a mess, who gets the blame? Do folks say, "Man, that guy sure doesn't do any cleaning"? Nope, because of the way of the world, housework is directed at the female species. Do I place a sign on my front door, with a check mark stating the place was cleaned on a certain date at a certain time, like Wal Fart washrooms? Cripes, I can't put a sign up requesting guests state whether the place was clean when they visited, because they would always be signing, "needs cleaning".
  The housework has caused more fights than money. I try the subtle approach. While other watch TV, I will start to whip about, picking stuff up, usually this does not even cause eyebrows to raise. Then, I start getting a tad louder, maybe throwing something very hard into the garbage, or banging the dishwasher door shut, just a little too hard. The conversations between others do not even pause. Then I begin stomping, you know, footsteps obviously harder than necessary, and this is usually when they begin to notice me.
  What happens next, is never what I intend. In my tiny mind, I think, maybe, they will get the clue that they should take a few moments to clear the coffee table off, or hang up jackets that are thrown over the chair backs, or on the couch. It is clear they got the message I am ticked, and cripes, they have to realize it is the clutter driving me batty, right? Nope, what always happens is, they get upset with me being upset. Oh, then the war is on!!Couches are ripped away from the wall, closets are thrown open to receive intense cleaning, stuff that I didn't see before, magically appears in the middle of the room, and the place becomes a far bigger mess than originally. I am then faced with a ginormous cleaning job, that I didn't really want, with the others contributing their unwilling help, and the whole damn house is pissed off.
  I understand, everyone has their own comfort level, but, in truth, I have had so very little time in my comfort zone. I am adjusted to the fact that it is doubtful I will ever have the home of my dreams, that lily white, sparkling Martha Stewart country comfort place. No quilts will ever be placed in frames to be hung upon my gleaming walls. Dog hair will forever coat every single piece of bedding and clothing in my home. I will tell myself, over and over again, "it's messy, but clean". In fact, perhaps, if I take some time, and think about things, "lived in" is a good thing, right?
  I must simply accept that, like my phobia about spiders, I have a phobia about clutter. Like the damn spiders, clutter will always be a part of my life. Unless, of course, they one day, wrap me in a jacket I can't get out of, and drag me off to the bare white room of my dreams, with no clutter..yikes..now that I have put that down in words, it really doesn't seem all that appealing. Guess this place is not so bad, after all.