When There are No Words

Clearly I use words. I have a mouth that opens without thought, and my thoughts are spoken. I sit at the keyboard and throw words out attempting to get my personal opinion, point of view, or, often, my rant, out to the world. 
  I was born long before cell phones, and reading was my treasure. I would read the shampoo bottles and medicine cabinet containers while sitting on the toilet (again, no cell phones). I was banished to the kitchen table at meal times, because I refused to put down whatever book or comic I was enthralled with. I knew how to use library file cards, I taught myself to "speed read", so I could suck more books up. Lordie, I wish I had never done that, as it does indeed take some of the pleasure out of a book, and also, I experience that horrible feeling when I close the book for the final time..knowing I must search for another, and hope it is just as wonderful. 
  That said, I thought words were the answer to everything in life. However, as I have grown older, and experienced the sadder side of life..there are times, when words just do not work. 
  Love, joy, excitement, fear, all of these emotions can be expressed with words. Perhaps not completely, but they can indeed share to the world some of the feelings, another is experiencing. But, last night, while speaking to my buddy, discussing a very sad event, I spoke out loud, " there are no words ". What does one say to the parents who have lost a child? I have no problem offering words of congratulations to others. I have no problem speaking my mind when I find someone has upset me, or thanking someone for a kindness. Those words land on my tongue quickly. But when my friend asked me "what do I say to them", there was no answer. There is nothing another can offer to ease the pain, or to even grasp the concept of what these folks are experiencing. 
  We can try to imagine, but the thought is too difficult to even attempt. It is unnatural...Yes, it happens all the time, but if you are a parent, the "normal" cycle of life, would have your child bearing the loss of you. They would have the comfort of knowing you lived a full life, and they would have the ability to hold on to memories, as they continued to build their own lives, with their own children.
  I have a friend who lost her child, suddenly, to an act of violence. This happened a few years ago, and clearly she suffers each and every day, still. Most of the time, she is sad, other times, she is angry. She can speak of her child, and she does so often, I imagine it becomes a little easier to talk about the wonderful memories, and it is easy for others to listen to her speak. Because we know she is enjoying a moment of comfort, from the past. But, even years after the fact, those other moments, the ones that are beyond belief, they fill her world. She said some tell her to let it go, to leave the past and move forwards. They tell her that it is time. 
  I lost my Mom a lifetime ago, most days I, indeed live for the present. But I have others when grief suddenly rears it's head, and I go back decades to that place when I was raw with loss. So...when is the time? I do not believe a person has the ability to control when they continue on, after such a massive loss. I also do not believe time heals all..As clearly I still have my moments, so after 37 years, time has not healed me. I lost a parent, not a child. I lost one I was a part of, not one that was a part of me. I listened to words, and some offered a small comfort in my time of grief. My Mom was in her 50's . still far too young, but, she had also suffered so much pain, so I had that comfort, she no longer suffered. This was the "normal" course of life..not easy, but a child saying goodbye to a parent.
  So, my buddy's question "what do I say?" , There are no words one can say, in this matter. It is a time when nothing can comfort. It is a time when you know that two people will now wake up, each and every morning, and experience anew, the knowledge that a part of them, has been taken away. For 29 years, these folks raised this part of themselves. Clearly she was loved a great deal. Most every conversation they had over these years, mentioned this creation they had brought into the world. She was the center of their universe. They had dreams for her, they worried about her, they supported her, and most of all, they loved her dearly. She was one of those children who come along late in life, just before the other children are about to leave the nest. So, she was special, she ensured a couple continued on as a family, years after the others went off to make their own. When, as parents, they had the ability to focus on the one left at home. 
  She was blessed with sparkle..I can't describe it any other way. I didn't know her well, because she was a friend of my child, but in a small town, one does see everyone, and she was indeed one you noticed. She was pretty, she was smart, and she was one of those people who attract a large social group. She was included in everything those kids did, and she was loved by most.Every picture taken at events had her in the midst, surrounded by her friends. Always a smile on her face, because she enjoyed those beside her. 
  Do I know much about her? Nope..just that she was popular, and no matter what else went on in her world, she was embraced by those within her large circle, she was their's, and they were her's. I truly believe her friends loved her so much, and her parents loved her so much, that she thought she would always be protected, somehow. Sadly, this was not the case. 
  Like a light that burns far too bright, beyond most others, attempting to live every moment to the absolute fullest, the darkness left when she passed, will affect so many. 
  I remember the passing of my first "friend" when I was about 18, it was devastating, he was also someone who lived life to the fullest, perhaps we all knew he took far too many chances, and was following a road that was a risk, but he was popular, he gave our world laughter, and enjoyment, and he was our sparkle. I can remember the night we lost him, as if it was yesterday. We all asked each other "why"? But in truth, I think we all knew, he took one gamble beyond his limit, and we were left in the darkness. 
  I didn't know his parents, I did know his siblings. I never thought what those who created him went through that night, and forever after. I was a child...Now I am a parent, and although I understand her friends will suffer her loss, I know they will go on with their lives, and be able to forget for long periods of time, because they are young, and they are busy. Her parents, well, that is a different story. She was their life. Their love, their fear, their joy, and now their loss. 
  What can one say to someone who has suffered this magnitude of sorrow? "so sorry for your loss"? No..that is a given. "I can't imagine what you are going through"? Of course you can't, unless you have gone through it! "Time heals"? That is a lie! Nothing spoken is right at a time like this. I am not much of one for hugs, getting better over time, but, in my world of words, an embrace in silence speaks volumes when another is facing devastation. 
  My son, was a friend of this person. He is the same age as her. I know many of her friends, and I have a friend who is also her parent's friend. She was not a part of my world, but her passing has affected so many in my world. Her passing has greatly affected me, because...there but for the grace of God, go I. I can't help but attempt to imagine...and it breaks my heart.

History...Nasty Truths

  I love to read! Started with Trixie Beldon and the Hardy Boys, and then, suddenly the world opened up a treasure chest of travel, facts, and the most fascinating..history, that was available at my fingertips. I do not claim to be smart..my head is filled with an incredible amount of trivia which truly does little in day to day life, but, it is so much fun to learn how life was lived long ago, and also, to understand times have changed, somewhat, in some cases, for the better, and sadly, for the worse in other cases.
  So, because I lean towards the past, and....because I ingest a sh*t ton of salt (potato chips), all of these bits and pieces are retained in my memory "chip" and rise to the surface when something sparks. I like facts!! The advent of Google has been a thrill, because, I can instantly check almost anything out, and dig for the truth. Yes, the internet quickly posts a photo that someone decides relates to one of their new causes. Oh...we have never been such a society for the unjust, as we are today..but along with this, comes misinformation, taken for fact without investigation. Why? Because it inflames, and it suits the trend, but more often than not, it is either false, or it is twisted, to suit political correctness for the moment. 
  Our media is the biggest culprit. Headlines without research, sending the whole world into a frenzy, and then...quietly, after the story spreads and creates havoc , hidden away, the truth comes out, far too late, damage has been done, and no one cares who has been hurt, they are onto something else, which interests them. What happened to following a story? Are we suddenly so vapid we don't really want the facts, if they don't follow our opinions? Would the world turn off the news, if it was based on facts, instead of fluff? 
  I see this daily on FaceBook..yes..I am a prisoner of social media, like the rest of the world. But...I have a friend, called Snopes, and I will visit that friend when something is posted that inflames. I seldom trust anything I see that appears to be incredible. Again, if Snopes doesn't have the answer, off I go to my friend Google and I scroll through a pile of bits and pieces until I am secure in the facts..and....generally those facts come from a source from the past. See, the past is over...time has elapsed, and facts have had a chance to become known. No reason to hide things, because nothing can be done to change them..they are what they are! They cannot be twisted to suit agendas, because..they are finished. 
  Today, it seems everything is focused on such few agendas. There are two things in life that are impossible to get facts on, until too much time has passed, and nothing can be done. These are Politics and religion. The two most powerful entities in the world! Religion used to control politics..now not so much, in fact, religion has been made the focus of politics beyond belief, lately. One religion is clearly under government protection, the rest are vilified. Not quite sure who is going to win this battle, but one thing is for sure, politics now rule the media, and that, in itself is scary.
  Politics have become so very powerful, they are now beginning to rewrite history. How is this possible? Clearly the voices of the few, decidedly chosen to be coddled for election purposes, now carry the ability to destroy that which offends them. First we haul away statues, then we reword offensive (to the few) official papers, ensuring truth is buried, because it is non-biased, and simply states fact. Then we have the media, that which is suppose to report facts, changing format, and reporting assumptions which are not researched. 
  The media used to be the voice of reason. An entity that gave facts, and allowed the public to make personal opinions. Now, it , instead, tells the public what those opinions must be, to suit the present political opinion. No one must question ...they will be slapped with the labels racist, hater, and the latest Liberal favourite, white supremacist. WTF is with that? Nasty labels, simply because some chose not to follow the latest political trend, and ask questions.
  So..what does history have to say about this? One does not have to look very far to see where this is all leading. If a person does not like to read, well maybe, somehow, they will miss the clues, but, they are flashing neon now. 
  When a government decides how society is to think, feel, and act..when a country is told they are being monitored on social media, by government...when personal opinions become unacceptable, if they do not conform, and citizens lose the ability to expect honest answers to questions, in fact, they lose the ability to even ask those questions..we can find some examples of the end of this road, without looking very far into history. 
  Clearly our freedom is being lost. It is almost out of reach now. A government that claims to despise bullying, has become the ultimate bully. It has created such hatred among the population, with the thoughtless labels thrown at any who do not follow it's doctrine. It decides who will be sacrificed for the betterment of those within the fold. It never apologizes, even when blatantly wrong. It now decides which rules are to be followed, and which are not acceptable ..
  Again, history has seen this before, more than once. When a power decides to erase aspects of the past, because they are offensive, they simply open the door to these offences  repeating. They do not understand that without these historic moments, progress will not occur. One of the saddest results of erasing history is going backwards. The mistakes of making one specific group of humans treated as less than another, is not fixed by removing the facts, because they are offensive. Worse, this is not fixed by allowing the offended group to suddenly switch gears, and treat another group less. 
  What happened 100 years ago, 50 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years...2 weeks, a day..that is history!! It happened!! It was a learning lesson, fact, truth, and often in our times, offensive. After our lessons from mistakes,this history cannot, and should not, be forgotten.
  Each of us, as humans, has had our own personal lessons from our own history(past) ..If we refuse to learn from them, we suffer the exercise of making the same mistakes over and over again. Most of us clue in, maybe it takes a few repeats, but, at some point we realize our mistakes, and change, so we can make life better. We can't erase those mistakes, we must learn to live with them, and that is our own personal history. If we cannot erase our pasts, why on earth can a whole Country pretend this is possible? 
  Again, if you have some time, pick up a book, maybe a suggestion, George Orwell 1984, or Animal House, or take a moment and consider this quote "Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.  "
 History is more than often, offensive, but the biggest offense of all is to pretend it did not happen, and refuse to believe the facts. Our past is full of Nasty Truths..without them, our future will simply repeat those facts!