Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Wednesday 21 December 2016

I Am Old...Do I Scare You?

  Yep..I have been finding it impossible to sit down and chatter for some time..but, maybe this will clear the cobwebs? I thought I would start off with a nice Christmassy blog, however, for some reason this crap popped into my head, so I will go with it.
  I am old!! I realize this far more often the past year, than ever before. I have reached that point if I kick the bucket, they won't be saying  "She was so young".However I have certainly not reached the point they will claim " She lived a long life", so...holding out hope I hit that mark far into the future.
  I see I am old if I happen to glance up to the mirror while brushing my teeth (yep still have those) or my hair. I actually frightened myself the other day, when I glanced up. It seemed to me I was missing an eyebrow?????O.K. let me go on a wee bit about eyebrows...Years back when I was young, and having fun, I met a very dear friend by chance, from Australia. She was just in Canada for a wee while, but we bonded and traveled across the country together. At some point, we went swimming, now when my friend was done, and we were sitting by the pool, I noticed she just looked a little "off", I kept staring wondering what it was..and then it hit me..she was missing an eyebrow!! She told me when she was younger she had used hair remover on them so she could draw perfect ones on..the hair never came back, and she had to remember to draw them on daily..one had clearly succumbed to the pool. Well..there I was staring at myself, WTF???
  See, growing old, causes some weird sh*t to go on with hair. It moves all about..guys lose it on their heads..women grow it on their faces. It seems my thin brows did not migrate.\, one just went grey. So grey that it blends into my semi translucent skin tone, which causes it to "disappear". So now I am lopsided..I find myself looking in the mirror a bit more than usual, just because of this wonky eyebrow. I suppose if I wasn't so lazy I could begin to draw on my thin eyebrows, but that would have to become habit, and I have far too many of those already..just no time!
  As I said, this year has made my age painfully obvious, more than any other. It has been a difficult one, so perhaps all those claims children give their parents grey hair,are not far from the truth. Harsh times, can indeed age one.
  I imagine I appear very old to most...because sadly, I appear old to me. I find age becomes apparent, when I see others who are my age. Now...I will always state, I am no where near as old as them..but..I know it is not true. I have some friends who pi$$ me off, because they look 15-20years younger, but..clearly they have been blessed with a whole whack of genetics I am missing. B*tches!! LOL..Folks try to be nice, when age is a topic of conversation, and I state I am 60.."Really?" Yeah..really..look at me!!
  I am so old, that yesterday my grand daughter brought her boyfriend to meet me!! That is frigging old!! It was only yesterday I was the one with a Grand mother, who was meeting my "boyfriend"! If that doesn't scare you, something is wrong.
  See, all it takes is the simple matter of picking up a pile of pictures, and I am 17 again. The moment preserved by Kodak, can wipe all the other years away, and I can recall how I felt, what I smelled, the outfit I was wearing, what I did afterwards, like it was yesterday! I forget all that has happened since, a whole lifetime of love, pain, hardships, heartaches, hard work, disappointments,,disappear momentarily, until I go to move, and then age hollers! The simple matter of attempting to sit more comfortably can cause me to pull a muscle in my back, or a charlie horse in my leg. And then, I go to stand up..yes..it is true, old people make noise when they stand. Some days I make noise when I take steps up the stairs..some come from my mouth, some come from my bones..my family will state some come from elsewhere..but we are not getting into that area of my body quite yet!
  See the reason my being old should scare you, is because it happened so darn fast! I graduated just a few years back..I raised 3 children at warp speed. I became a Grand mother as a teenager. I lost my parents when I was a child. Friends passed on when we were just kids. I know, this is not fact, however, this is how I feel. I have lived a lifetime, but it just moved so very quickly! The only time that I understand how much I have lived is when I meet someone who was a baby, the last time I saw them, or when my Grandchildren have a birthday, and I am hit with their new age, or when I do grab that stack of pictures, and watch my children grow up....Funny that, I was there from the beginning, but somehow looking back, makes me realize those days I thought I would never stop picking up their messes, and never have a moment of "me" time . were over in an instant.
  Now I have far too many moments of "me" time. What the heck was the big deal about that? I "me" time most of the time, and it is not all it was cut out to be. My "me" time is spent recalling the times I thought I wanted it. Now those times are what I call the "good old days", well most of them.
  So when you look at me, a wrinkled up old bag, with one grey eyebrow, take a moment. This happened so fast. trust me when I tell you, very soon, much sooner than you can imagine, you too will be old. It's not so bad..appearances may be frightening, but hidden under all the sagging bodies, and balding heads, and yes..grey eyebrows, are the young people of the past.
  We are just filled with far more life..some difficult, some glorious, Yes, that's it...we are filled with life!! How wonderful does that sound? We have lived lifetimes..they went by so quickly, but..they are all packed up inside, and come out with the simple flick of the switch, a smell, a song, a picture...How incredibly lucky us Old people are!!

Sunday 16 October 2016

Carbon Farce

People are much like sheep..Somehow their brains cease to function and they follow blindly along with the masses. Not a single one manages to open their own mind up and seek the facts. A group of those in positions of power, and wealth state they know the facts, and...suddenly, it is accepted as truth. Really? Is that how the world suddenly decided that humanity can control nature?
  One only has to read a tiny amount of history to realize, what we are being told today, is a big pile of horse sh*t. I admit I was not the world's greatest student, however, some of my studies interested me, and I do remember them. I remember socials class taught the "ages". Now this is beyond religion, this is indeed based on facts. You probably know some of these..thanks in part to Pixar..we know there was an "Ice age" that occurred a few moments before humanity, or for all I know some folks were about..but, think hard..whatever happened to the Dinosaurs? Not a lick of that has to do with people, be definitely carbon played a big part..
  See..there are these natural formations called Volcanos. I know everyone has heard of these things. Remember Pompeii? In fact, we don't have to go too far back in history to recall some pretty massive eruptions during our own lifetimes.
  A friend posted a while ago about the year without summer in 1816. Did you ever hear of that? A massive volcano erupted in Indonesia..it was a biggie! A result of all volcano eruptions is ash. Yes, the very stuff everyone is harping and combating and dishing out fist fulls of money over.Not only are they harping..those in positions of power are in fact profiting greatly by the sheep, that feed into this farce.
  Carbon tax..the newest form of government money grabbing. It has caused serious economic hardships in the countries that have been informed they are "bad" people. The countries that had regulations and rules to ensure factories and resource extracting companies did their utmost to limit emissions. Think back,,,remember the big "Ozone" crapola? Goodness, I gave up hairspray for that..stupid sheep! Lots of companies lost out, had huge expenses as a result of that farce, but lo and behold..we are O.K. now!! So, onto some other form of sh*t..lets bash carbon! Lets make one continent..O.K. maybe a couple follow insane strict guidelines, but...we will sit back quietly and let one of the biggest, just spew all they like, turning blind eyes to any and all regulations. In fact...hey..we are going to fund the folks doing this, at the expense of the economy of the rule abiding countries.
 Sorry, no matter how hard I try, I just cannot figure this plan out. I think that is because...it just doesn't make a lick of common sense. Go ahead tell me sending butt loads of money to countries who blatantly disregard carbon emissions, who have somehow managed to get almost all the manufacturing jobs in the world, at the cheapest possible price (no regulations) and spew massive amounts negating the rest of the worlds output, makes sense? Basically all we are doing is..paying these countries who don't follow the rules, money to make money, leaving us without money! But..lucky us, we can claim our emissions are diddly squat compared to those countries suddenly the money powers.
  I digress..I was speaking about volcanoes and 1816, right? Well when that volcano way off in nowhere land erupted, guess what happened? Whole parts of the world, suddenly had a massive climate change. The ash from this volcano caused darkness, and, along with the darkness, summer disappeared. Farmers were unable to grow crops, floods, monsoons, drought, occurred all over the planet.  Now a carbon emission like this is more than possible today. there are certainly volcanoes everywhere on the planet, and..one eruptions is all it would take to return us to the year of the missing summer.
  So,,,what exactly would our government imposed carbon tax do to protect us from this? F*CK ALL! This tax is nothing but a feel good government money grab! Climate change is NOT within our control!! In the timeline of an hour, our tax and regulations don't even amount to a minute! We sit back watching others spew massive amounts into the atmosphere, shaking their leaders hands, and giving them gifts of money to continue to disregard the strict rules we place on ourselves. What the H-ll is wrong with our leaders? If these money making countries won't follow the rules we impose on ourselves, destroying our own economy, why are we not just simply imposing embargoes? I think that might work, and ...cripes it makes total sense to me!! Then we can begin to make jobs and money producing our own stuff knowing full well it is done with far lower carbon footprints.
  But..again...all it will take is one big eruption in the right place, at the wrong time, and Mother Nature is NOT going to big forking out a dime for her emissions.
  Sorry folks, although we seem to think we are the top of the chain, we are simply animals living on a mass that lives by it's own rules. We are nothing more than dinosaurs, with no control over our future. The only difference between ourselves and those extinct, is, we have technology, but we have not invented anything capable of plugging volcanoes..so..just like the ice age, we are simply here to go along for the ride..and maybe we will be able to adapt and survive..or maybe not!! We simply cannot buy our way out of this!

Thursday 13 October 2016

Mom's Are People Too

  Here we go, a little food for thought!  Not long ago, a very dear friend lost his Mother. Now, he had no warning, it happened suddenly, and needless to say, he was devastated. His Dad passed some years back, so..now he is an orphan! Isn't that how it goes, you lose both parents and you are an orphan?
  Generally we think of orphans as children. How very sad, a young child, without their Mom and Dad. Well, surprise!! Orphans come in all ages. I became one in my late 40's, my friend was "licky" enough not to experience this until he turned 60. Does the age matter? I suppose in some respects. Of course children are not capable of making their way into adulthood without support, so we have that. But, in truth, becoming an orphan is painful no matter how old one is.
  As most of you know by now, I lost my Mom at the age of 26. I had a small child, and I was clueless. My Mom was my go-to person. O.K. granted many times she offered "suggestions" and many time I ignored them, but when incidents occurred, she was the one I called, and she was the one I would find comfort from, even if she didn't have the solution, I was no longer in something alone, I had my Mom there, and somehow everything was going to work out fine.
  As I have aged, along with my good buddy, who was blessed to have her Mom a phonecall away into her mature years, both of us have come to realize something others probably do not understand until it is too late. That woman who we saw as a Mother, was also a person. See, the older I get, as a Mom, the more time I have to think back, and regret. I regret that I never had the ability to allow her to show me the person. In truth, perhaps she tried, but, I was unable to look past the title she held from the moment I met her. She had a position I expected her to uphold forever, well, I suppose most Mom's do. She did an amazing job, but..I just didn't understand there was someone else behind the job.
  I am not sure if I am putting this in the correct context. I certainly do not wish for my children to think this is directed at them, because it is not. I actually think my kids have far more insight that I am someone beside their Mom, than I did with my Mother. Maybe because I scream and holler much more? Maybe because I complain so often? Maybe because they have seen me break down on more than one occasion?
  See, My Mom just didn't do those things. O.K. in time, and with memories, I can remember little tiny hints of the person beyond the title. She must have got fed up often. She worked far harder than I have, she kept a spotless home, cooked, baked, sewed (well buttons and rips). She broke my Dad's shoes in for him..Yep, I remember her wearing a couple of pairs of wool socks, and his new shoes, so he didn't have to risk a blister. She did the dishes every single night..because her kids never stepped up to the plate. When she was diagnosed with Cancer the first time, I remember her making meals and freezing them, so my Dad wouldn't have to worry when she was in the hospital.I do remember asking her why she was doing this, because in my mind she should have been thinking of herself, but she didn't. Even then, she considered her family.There had to be a selfish bone somewhere inside her, but I don't remember seeing it in the 26 years I knew her. I wonder, if she had not left so soon, would I indeed have become her friend? Would she have told me of her dreams, and regrets? I wish so much now, I had the foresight to even inquire.
  My friend was given the gift of becoming his Mom's friend. He knows who she was beyond the title Mom. I know he doesn't think he is lucky, I understand he is overwhelmed by loss, but, he will see, as time goes by and the pain lessens, he was given a chance many of us never had. He saw the woman, and was given a glimpse of the child she had been, and a lifetime with a Mom, who was able to simply be a friend without all the pressure of raising a family and supporting a working husband. She was able to be herself with him, a person with feelings, and dreams, and memories.
  Trust me, my kids hear my moans about the loss of dreams, and the complaints about the inability to be selfish, which basically is just being selfish.. I am certainly open with the fact that the person beyond Mom is screaming to be recognized. They have met my golden friends, so they know I was Me, long before I was Mom, and yes, I admit, there are times I miss Me, but not near as many times as I regret, not knowing the "Me" behind my Mother.I was selfish, it took me decades of living a split personality, to understand, behind every Mother, there is a Me, and I never knew the most important Me in my life!
  So, in case you are lucky enough to have the woman who has spent your lifetime as Mom, still with you, maybe ensure you take a moment or two, and remember, before you, she was a person. She had a life, she had dreams (goodness maybe her dream was simply to be a Mom?) and the moment she was given the title MOM that person did not disappear. Mom's are people too, just like you!!
 

Thursday 6 October 2016

Funny...

So, as some know, I am kind of living in "Limbo". Not really the greatest place to be, but..clearly my life is not one of simplicity, no matter how much I strive for it.
  I imagine there are those who wish for my problems, and I understand, there are those who have far greater issues than I, so for that, I am grateful! Yes, I am jealous of those who seem to flow flawlessly through life, or even those who experience the odd little bump along the way. Mine, well, life is a dirt road, filled with pot holes that cannot be missed. I must hit each and every one of them, and some are pretty damn deep.
  The past 5-6 years have been particularly bumpy, and as a result, I spent a great deal of time in what was lovingly referred to, as the Bat Cave. That was really, the basement of our home. It took a fair bit of adjustment, but it ultimately was my personal choice, and it has actually changed me.
  Our home is lovely! I have written in the past about the river view, and the windows and french doors that allow bright light to fill the home from early morning until dusk. Why would someone choose to go through the basement door, and spend all their days in semi darkness? Well, the first time was for financial well being. That one was kind of hard. The basement is unfinished, which means no ceiling (not the first time I have resided in a home without a ceiling). No ceiling means...spider friendly!! I am well known for my irrational fear of these insects, but when push came to shove, I managed to suck it up, and survive. Not only did I survive, I actually learned to love the Bat Cave.
  It was simple! Just enough furnishing to provide comfort, a bed, a love seat, a coffee table, TV and a spot for my computer. Guess what folks....I came to realize, that is all one needs! It actually made  life simple. The second time I headed down there, it was my desire. I left the bright sunny, enormous living area, and hauled my chunky a$$ down into the bat cave, breathing a sigh of relief. Back to simplicity. Back to the place that did not require a huge amount of upkeep, taking up tons of my time, back to the simple basics.
  See, I like the basics. Anything beyond, requires work, and ultimately, I am lazy! Small area, less work! Sure, maybe sometimes it looks a little unkempt, but..hey, who am I trying to impress? Personal space, is no different than personal friends. You don't need a sh*t load of either. What you need are the basics.
  Right now, I am not at home in the Bat Cave, instead I am back in our hovel, that we left 12 years ago. It has a bit more space than the Bat Cave, and...it does now have a ceiling! It is basic, old, in need of refreshing, but basic. Everything one needs is here...maybe a wee bit more light than the bat cave. I am also pretty much alone 5 days out of the week. That may sound harsh, but previously, I was alone 7 days a week, so big bonus!
  I am also away from the place that was home for 12 years, returning to one that my friends all left, at almost the same time as we did. That means, I have no social life. Ooops..now don't feel sorry for me! Heading into my Bat Cave was pretty much the beginning of the end of the need for people. I adjusted to the cave, as I imagine a Hermit adjusts to his place away from the world. The need for others has diminished, almost to the point I prefer alone.
  I have had visits from those I deem important, all folks and family from elsewhere. I see my honey and son 2 days a week (sort of), and in truth, besides family, and of course all my "St. Olaf friends" and my dear MC, there is one single person that I wish was here. Funny that! We call, and chat, and truthfully, even when I was in the Bat Cave, this was often how life was, even though she was just up the road.
  12 years! And it all boils down to missing one person! I don't miss my house, I don't miss my Bat Cave, I don't miss my surroundings, I just miss that simple pleasure of the ability to jump in my car when the urge hits and spend venting time with one particular person. 12 years! That tells me how very important a good friend is. Oh, I touch base with some others, folks who touched my life, over this period..mostly work related..because for many of those years, my job WAS my life, but, I don't miss it at all!! Makes one wonder, a whole decade and some, and simple as air to just erase..no regrets, a chapter done, the book closed.
  I think what I learned was to embrace the basics. To forget all of the trappings and do what is necessary to have that which is important in life. Simplicity is what I strive for. I want that which makes me happy, and to have that which causes stress, and struggle gone. Guess what? It's not that easy to get to this point. In fact, right now I am simply going with the flow, knowing that very soon, reality will kick in, and I may end up back in the Bat Cave, all alone. Not something I want, in fact I dread it, because it will be for the long, very dark, cold winter. Sort of got a great big pot hole that is difficult to climb out of. The simple life is not an easy destination. It is out there, very close, but..likely requiring yet another payment. I don't want to pay anymore, this debt hangs heavy, because it is something I have to do all by myself. Much as I enjoy my personal space, I also look forwards to having my honey with me, something that has become very difficult with the economics of our time. Life in the Bat Cave does not allow for time together, especially in the winter, so...it seems I may be making many trips up the road, to the one person who matters in that world!
  Funny, a great part of my life was spent trying to grab the brass ring, to have a lovely home, and things..things that don't really matter diddly (O.K. do really miss our travel trailer). Now I find all I want to do is get rid of all of that. Is it because our children are all grown? Maybe..maybe that is a part of it. But, mostly I think it is because I know this sh*t is not what life is about, at least my life. Simple, quiet, comfort, those 3 words are what I wish to strive for..and..again..not easy to acquire, but I think they might be possible. Just one more payment!

Monday 3 October 2016

Pied Piper Politics

  Wow! As someone who has been around for a wee bit, I am absolutely flabbergasted at the citizens of the so called "free-world". WTF is wrong with everyone?
  I am blown away by the Americans but they are just following in our own footsteps when it comes to electing a leader of their country. How can two countries be filled with such idiots? How did the majority of the populations become so set on either drama or drama teachers? How did a whole continent become so accepting of blatant lies, appearance, narcissism, and wealth?
  Sure there is a smigeon of difference between our Narcissistic Prime Minister and the twit running for top office in the States. One is a bleeding heart for any minority, and the other is a discriminatory Ahole to anyone who doesn't fit in his tiny little puzzle slot. Ooops..almost forgot..our stupid twat has "beautiful hair" the other one..well..not quite sure what he had slapped on top of his beanie. But, they both think their sh* doesn't stink, and everyone else has real smelly stuff! They both come from wealth, and claim to understand the working class, but clearly they have no clue. Oh, hey, get someone to write some cue cards or whisper in their ear piece what they think those working drones want to hear, make a few promises on how they will brighten those lives, and Bam!! instant sheeple.
  Folks in the USA, look beyond Justin's hair and fake smiles, look what we are dealing with, because stupid people wanted Change. That's how he got in, promising change. We were just like you, jobs were disappearing, taxes were through the roof, and the middle class was suddenly the working poor. No matter how hard we tried, we could not manage because every penny was going out the door. The cost of living rose, the wage didn't. The government took more and more, and folks who worked hard for their money, suddenly had to pay for those who didn't.
  How has change worked for us? Well, now instead of just working to pay money to those who don't work in our country, we are now paying money to a bunch of other countries, as well. The biggest change, if one dares to question what this selfie King is doing, we suddenly become bigots, racists, and old-fashioned. It is clear anyone who is concerned over the spending habits of our present government is old-fashioned. It is suddenly acceptable to spend tax dollars willy nilly, with a great big cheshire cat smile, and no concern how the bills are going to be paid. This is the new age, the age of Liberal thinking, the age where budgets balance themselves.  That only happens when you live on a trust fund, his budget balances itself, because...he doesn't have to work!
  Sure you folks across the line have someone a wee bit different, but again..the serious need for Change is what this is snowballing along on. So, you get the promise of change, but that promise enables you to turn a totally blind eye to all the red flags sprouting up. The lies are excused, the superior attitude, or as I call it, the "Holier than thou syndrome" is ignored, the obvious lack of any semblance of intelligence is overlooked, because...the bully has brought along the bells and whistles, and clearly there are far too many folks who love the circus.
  Your candidate is a fool, no different than the one our country voted in. A fool who thinks leading a country is something fun they want to add to their bucket list. Again, the big difference, ours enjoys showing the world how cool he is, Gay Pride parades, slepping around Mosques, hob nobbing with the rich and famous, and blaming every single F*ck up on the previous government. He lied bold face the First Nations, he lied bold face to middle class Canadians, he lied bold face to Veterans, he clearly ran on a big platform of happy face stuff, that suddenly he can't possibly accomplish...or..maybe he is too busy to even consider.
  Your fellow, well..first off, he does not play nice with others. So, perhaps your country has far too many Deliverance people coming out of the wood work who truly want to go back into the dark ages. Women are second class citizens, based on their appearance, disabled are the brunt of jokes, colour DOES matter, walls are promised. WTF???
  Be very very careful of change. Be sure you are ready for what you are embracing. We apparently wanted change, and we got it!! We got a deficit that boogles the mind. We have a grinning idiot, taking his shirt off to allow vapid women too swoon, we have a leader who on one hand sticks his tongue out while prancing in the Pride parades, and the next claims to support a religion that opposes women and Gays. We have a two faced buffoon who promised to up hold First Nations United Nations rights, and...just recently stabbed that whole group in the back, after a ton of selfies flitting about trying desperately to get a seat with the UN.
  Change!! The Pied piper charmed the children with his music, and dancing. He led them down the garden path away from their homes and families, leaving a whole generation lost. Mr. Justin has been in politics for almost a year, he has caused the middle class to suffer, he has given to the minorities, and forgotten where his pay cheque comes from. Mr. Trump, well, it only takes a moment to google how he treats his middle class workers, yet..a whole country assumes once he is in power he will change. Not going to happen folks!! The only change you are going to see is, the doors in and out of your country will slam shut. I foresee a few embargoes dropped on President Trump, because he does not play nice with people. He lives in the dark ages, a plantation owner without a plantation.
  Hey...like us, you don't have much choice. I believe in conservatism, which is why my leader makes me want to vomit, you, well..sadly I believe your orange skinned, squint eyed, red-neck lunatic, is the lesser of two evils...and that is very disturbing!!
  So...why do we have to accept less than what we deserve? Is there no one in either of our countries that is a better option? If one sees something/someone is not quite working out, why do they have to sit back and accept it for an allotted time period? Those running our countries, run our lives, they are put in place to work for us..all of us, not just selective clumps of us. They are put in place to drive our economy, to ensure we thrive, and our coffers fill. They are there to make us safe and secure,, and to ensure equal rights, and promises kept. At the very first lie, that cannot be explained ..the leader of a country should be out on their ear. You lie to your employer, they can fire you, why is the top position in a country any different? We are employing these people, they have a job description, and they have a whole sh*tload of employers wanting them to do their job. If they can't/won't do it, dump them and find someone better..they have to be out there!! These two twits and Hilarity can't possibly be the cream of the crop!!
MPO

Pied Piper Politics!

  Wow! As someone who has been around for a wee bit, I am absolutely flabbergasted at the citizens of the so called "free-world". WTF is wrong with everyone?
  I am blown away by the Americans but they are just following in our own footsteps when it comes to electing a leader of their country. How can two countries be filled with such idiots? How did the majority of the populations become so set on either drama or drama teachers? How did a whole continent become so accepting of blatant lies, appearance, narcissism, and wealth?
  Sure there is a smigeon of difference between our Narcissistic Prime Minister and the twit running for top office in the States. One is a bleeding heart for any minority, and the other is a discriminatory Ahole to anyone who doesn't fit in his tiny little puzzle slot. Ooops..almost forgot..our stupid twat has "beautiful hair" the other one..well..not quite sure what he had slapped on top of his beanie. But, they both think their sh* doesn't stink, and everyone else has real smelly stuff! They both come from wealth, and claim to understand the working class, but clearly they have no clue. Oh, hey, get someone to write some cue cards or whisper in their ear piece what they think those working drones want to hear, make a few promises on how they will brighten those lives, and Bam!! instant sheeple.
  Folks in the USA, look beyond Justin's hair and fake smiles, look what we are dealing with, because stupid people wanted Change. That's how he got in, promising change. We were just like you, jobs were disappearing, taxes were through the roof, and the middle class was suddenly the working poor. No matter how hard we tried, we could not manage because every penny was going out the door. The cost of living rose, the wage didn't. The government took more and more, and folks who worked hard for their money, suddenly had to pay for those who didn't.
  How has change worked for us? Well, now instead of just working to pay money to those who don't work in our country, we are now paying money to a bunch of other countries, as well. The biggest change, if one dares to question what this selfie King is doing, we suddenly become bigots, racists, and old-fashioned. It is clear anyone who is concerned over the spending habits of our present government is old-fashioned. It is suddenly acceptable to spend tax dollars willy nilly, with a great big cheshire cat smile, and no concern how the bills are going to be paid. This is the new age, the age of Liberal thinking, the age where budgets balance themselves.  That only happens when you live on a trust fund, his budget balances itself, because...he doesn't have to work!
  Sure you folks across the line have someone a wee bit different, but again..the serious need for Change is what this is snowballing along on. So, you get the promise of change, but that promise enables you to turn a totally blind eye to all the red flags sprouting up. The lies are excused, the superior attitude, or as I call it, the "Holier than thou syndrome" is ignored, the obvious lack of any semblance of intelligence is overlooked, because...the bully has brought along the bells and whistles, and clearly there are far too many folks who love the circus.
  Your candidate is a fool, no different than the one our country voted in. A fool who thinks leading a country is something fun they want to add to their bucket list. Again, the big difference, ours enjoys showing the world how cool he is, Gay Pride parades, slepping around Mosques, hob nobbing with the rich and famous, and blaming every single F*ck up on the previous government. He lied bold face the First Nations, he lied bold face to middle class Canadians, he lied bold face to Veterans, he clearly ran on a big platform of happy face stuff, that suddenly he can't possibly accomplish...or..maybe he is too busy to even consider.
  Your fellow, well..first off, he does not play nice with others. So, perhaps your country has far too many Deliverance people coming out of the wood work who truly want to go back into the dark ages. Women are second class citizens, based on their appearance, disabled are the brunt of jokes, colour DOES matter, walls are promised. WTF???
  Be very very careful of change. Be sure you are ready for what you are embracing. We apparently wanted change, and we got it!! We got a deficit that boogles the mind. We have a grinning idiot, taking his shirt off to allow vapid women too swoon, we have a leader who on one hand sticks his tongue out while prancing in the Pride parades, and the next claims to support a religion that opposes women and Gays. We have a two faced buffoon who promised to up hold First Nations United Nations rights, and...just recently stabbed that whole group in the back, after a ton of selfies flitting about trying desperately to get a seat with the UN.
  Change!! The Pied piper charmed the children with his music, and dancing. He led them down the garden path away from their homes and families, leaving a whole generation lost. Mr. Justin has been in politics for almost a year, he has caused the middle class to suffer, he has given to the minorities, and forgotten where his pay cheque comes from. Mr. Trump, well, it only takes a moment to google how he treats his middle class workers, yet..a whole country assumes once he is in power he will change. Not going to happen folks!! The only change you are going to see is, the doors in and out of your country will slam shut. I foresee a few embargoes dropped on President Trump, because he does not play nice with people. He lives in the dark ages, a plantation owner without a plantation.
  Hey...like us, you don't have much choice. I believe in conservatism, which is why my leader makes me want to vomit, you, well..sadly I believe your orange skinned, squint eyed, red-neck lunatic, is the lesser of two evils...and that is very disturbing!!
  So...why do we have to accept less than what we deserve? Is there no one in either of our countries that is a better option? If one sees something/someone is not quite working out, why do they have to sit back and accept it for an allotted time period? Those running our countries, run our lives, they are put in place to work for us..all of us, not just selective clumps of us. They are put in place to drive our economy, to ensure we thrive, and our coffers fill. They are there to make us safe and secure,, and to ensure equal rights, and promises kept. At the very first lie, that cannot be explained ..the leader of a country should be out on their ear. You lie to your employer, they can fire you, why is the top position in a country any different? We are employing these people, they have a job description, and they have a whole sh*tload of employers wanting them to do their job. If they can't/won't do it, dump them and find someone better..they have to be out there!! These two twits and Hilarity can't possibly be the cream of the crop!!
MPO

Wednesday 14 September 2016

Amazing!

Sitting here, on the very last day of my 50th decade..LMAO..Now doesn't that sound absolutely unreal?
  Funny, age is the strangest thing. There is nothing one can do to change it. Oh, I suppose if I had been much smarter, and a tad more me-centered, I could have managed far less wrinkles. I could have also dropped some poundage, and toned some muscle. But..since I didn't think about this stuff in time, here I sit, slightly chunky, a wee bit saggy, and more than a little wrinkled. Not much I can do now. Oh, I have considered opting for one of the 3, the poundage part..I have thought, perhaps if I put on some more weight, it might plump up a few wrinkles..still thinking on that, because it would also require a larger amount of Lays potato chips, and I am sure I would have to go far beyond my acceptable salt intake....
  I sort of accept myself, most of the time. The only time I truly clue in, is when photos are taken, and I cannot ignore what I appear like. The rest of the time, I just don't acknowledge the visual, there is no need. I know I am clothed, my hair is brushed..or was at least once during my waking hours, and that's pretty much all I need covered in case I come in contact with another human. But..you know what, even when I was 16, pictures of me looked horrid. There were no wrinkles, I just seldom had a picture taken that I was happy with. I just sort of thought when I got old, I would suddenly become more photogenic..didn't happen! I look like the old biddy telling National Enquirer reporters how the aliens landed outside my trailer, transported me off to their planet, and installed antennae in my hair curlers. I have, however, decided I don't really give a crap..because the way I see me, is not always the way others do. See...I can prove that!
  So, I mentioned the other day the St.Olaf's mini re-union, and how my buddy Irene got to have a glimpse of things, right? Well, I didn't get around to hauling out my camera to capture the events for eternity, but others did. One such picture was of a fellow St.Olafer, Irene and myself. I could not do what I wanted, which was to hide, and not be a part of the process...so I had to do the next best thing..act like a lunatic..of course this resulted in a particularly gruesome imagine. Yuck! Saw the thing posted for all the world to view and instantly wished I could erase me. I noticed my two friends looked so lovely..how awesome for them, but how sad I looked like a washed out hermit, perhaps on heavy prescription drugs...My buddy calls me, and instantly goes on about what a great picture this was of me and my fellow "Rose'..."Huh???" Was she nuts? I had thought what a great picture it was of her, looking so happy, and although she has 1/2 a decade( I know, it's 5 years, but today I am thinking in decades, so bear with me)on me, she looked a whole decade younger! We argued over this picture, and basically what it proves is, we see ourselves totally different than those who matter to us . No doubt there are some folks who always see themselves looking fabulous, and I guess those are people with very high self esteem, that is certainly not something my buddy and I have an over abundance of. Clearly we both don't even have a smidgen of this. So, just speaking of a single picture taken when we are both heading into the real "Golden" age, made me realize something amazing.
  Because I see her as someone who has accomplished so very much in her lifetime. She is incredibly strong, maybe much quieter than myself, in some ways, but. always thinking of others, before herself, extremely hardworking, very talented in so many areas, gifted with massive patience, and someone who has managed to drag me out of the depth of despair on numerous occasions, when I look at the picture of her laughing, and totally enjoying the moment, I see a beautiful picture..only marred by my withered old face.
  So, I guess that is why we see others differently than they see themselves. We simply see the outside shell, while others see the whole package, with the inner beauty, that makes us smile, because it is a snapshot of them at their finest, when they are truly happy.
  Yes..this has been a pretty tough decade, one of the hardest..it has given me more wrinkles, more grey hairs, more aches and pains than any other..but..I think it has also, only recently, taught me one of the greatest lessons...Just because I see myself one way, old and drained, those I care about, can see beyond that..so..perhaps I will allow more pictures? Maybe let myself be immortalized during times that make me truly and utterly happy..times with the world's greatest friends, ever!!!

Saturday 10 September 2016

The Girls From St. Olaf's

St. Olaf's, a town somewhere in Sweden or Norway, made famous by the amazing Rose from Golden Girls. I never expected to become Rose from St. Olaf's, but according to my friend, who arrived to stand with me through this era of my life, that is who I am. She started calling me that because, I constantly commented about so many day to day things, comparing it to life in my small home town. I knew all the names of people and stories of their exploits, and habits, and often would go on something like this "Well, back in Stewart...we would..we had..so and so did", so Irene began calling me Rose from St. Olaf's. Hey, I enjoyed that, because, everyone loved Rose, right?
  Well, I am not the only Rose out there. I grew up with a group of them! Just the other day, out of the blue, one of the Rose's, well..O.K. she isn't a Rose, she is more like Blanche, she likes to dress a wee bit racier than us Roses, and she likes to have her nails sparkle..so not quite as country mouse as the Roses, but still from St. Olaf's, showed up at my door. She had seen a post back in June of a sweater I commented wishing I could have. Much to my surprise, she got in touch with one of her talented friends, had it made, and drove from Vancouver Island, to my door step in the Peace, to deliver it! O.K. can you say, "Awesome"? Something like that is bound to make a person feel pretty damn special..and it did! There are few things in life that knock my socks off, besides politics, but this did. Why would someone do this? Because they are a St. Olaf's girl!!
  See, my buddy who started the "Rose" business had the pleasure of meeting another girl from St. Olaf's for lunch with me. She sat and listen, and heard MG throw out the same names and stories I was forever telling, we mentioned the people in tandem, because that was our world. The lunch was filled with laughter, I believe we took Irene along on a trip back in time with us, and I know for a fact, she enjoyed her travels.She understands those of us who grew up in a very small isolated community are definitely unique personalities, but..we have an unusual connection, that few enjoy.
  I think I have mentioned before, our "friend" base was very limited. We all had to learn to love one another, because we were all we had. O.K. there are some kids that I grew up with that the connection never happened. They were just kids who lived a street down, or..perhaps they lived beyond my allowed perimeters. Yes...I had rules that limited my distance...But those who I did "Hang with" (not sure if we used that term waaaay back then) became a part of my world, and, because our our small group, they have over time, become far more important than they were when I was a child.
  I tried to explain the St. Olaf's syndrome to Irene. Funny, because it was a natural occurrence , explaining it, was kind of difficult, mostly because I don't really understand it myself. Oh, trust me, like every other group, we all discuss each other between ourselves. Sometimes one of us will do something out of the ordinary, and our little heads pop up. But, see, perhaps it is age, perhaps it is the fact that we as a group have all managed to live well over 1/2 a century, and maybe change our hair, change our life styles, but not a single one of us has changed who we are, so...when we discuss the "latest" it always ends with "but, we love her". Because, we do!! We have to!! All the St. Olaf girls allowed each of us, to become who we are. Our parents helped mold us, our community helped mold us, and our friends, perhaps molded us the most.
  We had the regular "pretty girls", the "popular girls", the "smart girls" the "wild girls", and the "late bloomer" girls,,but, at this age, we have simply all become St.Olaf girls. The past is mostly forgotten, just the good stuff is allowed to come out of the memory box. See, that is the most wonderful part of this amazing select group, we all have bits and pieces of the same memories, and when we sit down, those memories become whole. We all have a key to that box, and without one of us, the past is not quite as clear as when we all open the box together.
  The "bucket list" for all of us includes a get-together for the whole group. Unlike Blanche, few of us can drive the length of the Province to make another member of the group feel totally blessed, so it has become a difficult meeting to plan. Just talking about it is enough to make us feel excited, and..again, at this age, that is a pretty amazing thing (excitement that is). Perhaps the world is not quite ready for the lot of us to collect in one place? Perhaps some of us are afraid we won't fit in, we won't be quite as fabulous as some of the others? Life, even though we are suppose to be settling and having more time for relaxation, isn't quite at that point for most of us.
  It will happen! Hopefully as Blanche says, not at the Pearly Gates. We are now all Golden girls, and we are the most amazing Golden girls, because we are all from St. Olaf's, a place filled with a past we all hold the keys to. I guess I am lucky to have this platform to be able to tell all my fellow St. Olafers,that I love and cherish each and everyone of you! And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for staying beside me on this ride!

Wednesday 24 August 2016

Comfort Zone

Those who know me, understand the past year has been difficult. I have been on my own for much of it, and our family has had to make some pretty intense decisions. Heading into my 6th decade, life is handing me a massive change, not the first, but definitely one of the hardest to attain.
  Many years ago, we moved from the trailer we purchased here to a huge home. It was awesome! Our house was one of those that was always filled with young people. I have to wonder about that, as I know I am not the easiest person to deal with, but I am very glad my children's friends have all been able to overlook my negative attitude, and felt welcome in our home. It made life busy, and full, and never ever lonely. Many mornings I would wake up to find someone asleep on my couch, the basement would have 3 more, upstairs sometimes even more. Sure some days I hated that the whole highschool had at one time or another seen me at my early morning worst, but, besides always ensuring I was fully clothed at all times, it was a good feeling that every friend of my kids knew they had a warm place to crash after a party. It also ensured that my kids would come home, and..I knew their friends would simply open the front door and go to sleep, somewhere in this huge home.
  Times have changed. Now the house is far too big. I have found a small area in it, and that is where I camp out. It doesn't even look the same! I can wander about and remember those house filled times, but, it is empty, the memories may linger in the space, but they are in my head and heart, so they will never leave. Everyone else has left. Those kids are now grown ups, and, they may not realize it, but I am proud of each and everyone of them. But once again, in my world, another generation has headed off to live their adult lives, and this time, I am left with only my dogs for company.They don't seem to care how much space they have in the house, their world is fine if they have enough outside.
 So...the change is , I have reached the place that I must move along, I am ready to go almost full circle back to where my life began. It would be an easy matter if all I had to do was pack up my clothes and personal belongings, and hit the road, but, it's not that easy.
We have this house. I call it a house now, because it is no longer a home. It is a piece of amazing property, that has brought our family a sh*tload of joy, and a million memories. Memories of Easter egg hunts with the Grandchildren, and high school graduations, and farewell parties of the most amazing friends. Not so much the house, but the property it sits on.
  The yard, well, that hasn't changed, nor will it ever, really. I imagine someone else will keep the firepit, I hope they keep my little bench that allows me serenity. I hope they don't decide to cut down the huge tree that stands plop in the middle of the back yard, filled with birds in all seasons. I know, it sucks every drop of water so no matter how hard one tries, it is impossible to grow grass around it, but, even in the middle of winter, one can enjoy a snow free spot, under the heavy canopy.
  See, I have worked very hard for the past 3 months, erasing my family from the house. Rooms that my kids made their own, have now been emptied, painted and re-floored. The kitchen has all new appliances.I don't think a single birthday dinner has been made with that oven. The counter tops are brand new..no marks from someone slicing cheese without a cutting board. Not a single mark on the new floor from something smashed from someone goofing about. There are no gobs of dog hair floating and collecting in corners, no slobber marks on the windows. The drawers are not stuffed with pimple remover, and hair products, instead they are empty.
  I have put it up for sale. Wow, talk about leaving one's comfort zone. I now have opened the door, not to my children's school mates, or my dear friends, but to total strangers. What an uncomfortable place for someone like me, who has lost the ability to socialize. How difficult to want to have someone else fall in love with something that has provided so much to my life, but...dreading the actual personal interaction.
 I did have my very first showing last night. Sent one dog off for a play date, and the other one had to deal with getting tied up, far enough away that the viewer was able to take everything the backyard offers in. I am grateful, it was way easier than I had imagined. Perhaps that is because it is easy to give a pitch for something so amazing. Oh, the first moment was awkward, but, he made it very easy, and although he is only the first, and I am not done, I am glad he was first.
  My friend has talked me into having an open house. Hey, I want to sell, so..I am open to anything that offers the opportunity for more to see what is beyond the "blue door". But I realize I am not the right person to stand there answering questions while folks I don't know wander through what has for 12 years, been my personal space. That job is for my friend and my daughter. They are both much nicer than me! Yes I could have simply hired a realtor, to do all of this, but..again, they didn't live here, this doesn't hold a single memory for them, how can they possibly sell something they have not felt? This is not just a house and a yard, this is a place for memories, and to sell, one has to speak from the heart.
  I am past the point (I think) of caring who buys, I want this whole business to be over with. I am ready to say good-bye. I have the pictures and the memories all packed up, but what I don't understand is, after the unending work, and the jobs I tackled that went way beyond what I thought was my ability, and the feeling it would never reach the finish line..why do I not feel that sense of relief? I am hoping that comes soon, because I am really very tired of erasing, and very tired of existing in this lonely small space, that no longer feels mine. Definitely time to go "home"!

Monday 8 August 2016

Automotive Screws

  Well..here we go..off on a topic I haven't thought of in awhile, but one that drives me totally batty!
  Has anyone gone to an automotive dealers service department? If so, I wonder, was it a pleasant experience? I highly doubt it, but..hey, anything is possible.
  I just had a family member get hit by a shock, and boy, did it bring back some pretty awful memories. Warranty work that was totally covered, suddenly costing a chunk of money, because..while doing the repairs covered, suddenly other issues were noticed, and of course fixed willy nilly. Those issues, of course required immediate payment from our pocket. Money was handed over when service was suppose to be free.
  See, I live a life of budgeting. Every single penny has some hand out waiting for it. Vehicles, well, yes, they are a necessary expense, but, when it is an issue that the manufacturer is liable for, and has sent out a message telling us to go on down..the price is right..FREE..it should be something one doesn't become concerned about. No worry about the money, because none necessary. Go ahead, you will have to suffer some inconvenience, but your hand can stay out of your pocket...even coffee is free..well sometimes.
  Warranty work, I think, is a way for service departments to sock it to the unsuspecting. Last trip we made, ended up costing an extra $1500 for issues we did not even know about. Top that off with the fact that the one issue we actually requested they address, they claimed we were imagining. We were not..in fact less than one week after dishing the money out for the things we didn't request, we got hit with the result of them not finding the issue we requested they fix.
  See, I have to keep my eyes open when we deal with sh*t like this. Last time, my honey went to the counter before I could get there, and took the smack in the head, quietly. I should have been faster, because..I think what they do is pretty darn close to criminal.
  When you take a vehicle in for a particular issue, they request your phone number. I have to wonder why they do this. You would think if they come across something out of line, they would pick up the phone and call the listed number to inquire what you would like them to do. Nope! No call, they just take it upon themselves to do whatever suits their fancy, and then have the girl behind the counter type up a really neat invoice listing all sort of labour costs, and parts, that if you don't have a mechanic ticket, you can't possibly decipher.
  My whole family once sat at a dealer service department.We were out of town for Christmas shopping, and decided to go on in for one of those Winter Tune ups they advertise for a pretty decent price. There we all sat, kids impatient to go shopping, parents going snakey trying to keep them seated. It seemed to take a very long time, and then I saw the guy wave us over to the counter. I had the cost of this tune up in my purse, separate from the gift shopping money. Well..imagine my shock at the price on the bottom. Apparently they replaced ball joints, along with the $129. tune-up. WTF??? Well, as I have said before, life has always been a little touch and go..money has to be spread out thinly, and back then, it was tough going. That bill, took up the allotted cash, plus the gift money, plus some of the bill money in the bank.
  I lost it. See, I don't like people taking advantage of others, and I especially don't like that uncomfortable feeling of having strangers being "intimate" with me against my wishes. We were not alone in this area, but I didn't care. I informed the counter person that they had screwed up our whole Christmas. I told them Santa would not be visiting my kids, thanks to them. I told them they had no right to do work that was not requested, and that they had all the opportunity to walk across the hall and speak directly to us, because we had sat like bumps on the wall waiting right from the start.
  We didn't walk away with having to only pay for the tune up..that would have been perfect, however, we did leave having to only pay for the parts. I have done this before..go in for an advertised special and end up with some massive costs, because the advertised special didn't include your make of parts. See..its the major matter of them having the means to contact you..why do they take the number, if they can't seem to call? The first one..I got at the advertised price..because I was "making a scene" and they wanted me out of there. I didn't go off the deep end because I wanted to make a scene..I went there because someone screwed me, and didn't even whisper in my ear.
  Times around these parts are getting pretty tough now. Folks are not getting the great big pay days because they worked a month straight, 12-14 hours a day. There are fewer zeros on the take home pay. Costs have not dropped, income has. Fort St John has had a nice run of things. Lots of young people with money to burn, new vehicles for oil patch jobs, ATV's, restaurant meals, big staff parties, high priced homes..that is over. Each and every business in this city will suffer, as those patch workers struggle to attempt to survive this bust.
  Business knows exactly what is happening to its customers. The same customers who allowed them to flourish during the good times. Why on earth would a business feel the need to screw those who helped them along the way? I can guarantee those folks working for the business are feeling the pinch, and know there is not a whack of extra cash sitting in many pockets, because , yep..cash is likely slimmer in their own. They must understand a warranty job is one that is paid for by someone other than the vehicle owner..cripes... they will get the payment for this job. So, instead they don't do the warranty job, instead they claim to have found something major besides it, screw everything up, so it is incapable of leaving the facility it managed to drive to, and hand over a bill for absolutely nothing!
  I imagine they expect the person to dig through the lint and find that spare money hidden away for these surprise costs. Again..I believe they themselves do not have this spare money..so where is it to appear from?
  Times will turn again for this city. It has happened before, this time, maybe it will take just a little longer than the past. Screwing loyal customers is definitely not something one should be doing, when times are tough. Warranty work can certainly be done elsewhere, and when you stop selling new vehicles, and folks try and get by with some duct tape fixing, the fact that you can't be trusted, might just be enough to close your doors! You get more bees with honey..you start handing out crap..folks will just go where things are a little sweeter!

Sunday 7 August 2016

Moments of Clarity

  Some of you know what life has been like for me, especially the past 2.5 months. I have been living in my house, that is no longer a home, and at most times, it has been filled with strangers. Definitely one of the most stressful times of my life. I admit, I have not been at my best. Temper flares continually. I imagine I am going to kick the bucket more than once a day, and usually hit the bed, wondering if I am going to wake up. Even the dogs stay their distance. Poor dogs, I have not been a very nice companion to them, and they are the only companionship I have. Hope they forgive easily. I keep promising them it will get better, and while doing that I am attempting to convince myself.
  The drama that has unfolded has truly made me believe Murphy's Law rules my world, and although I have tried to embrace that fact, some moments just throw me for a loop. Those moments, I feel very sorry for myself. I think part of the problem is, besides the dogs, I have no cornered victims to listen to my constant whining, and I am actually getting sick of myself!
  Granted, I have found myself in a predicament. I am in a place that has taken all control away from me, and caused me to rely on strangers to fix things. They don't have anything riding on their time schedules, and I have to hurry up and wait constantly. I think this would probably tick off even my most patient friends, and those friends are always trying to boost my spirits. I appreciate their support, and like anyone else, love to wallow in their sympathy. Sure, sometimes I know they are getting fed up with my wha whaaing, but I do have some pretty awesome friends.
  However, every so often I am smacked with a moment of clarity. What I am dealing with is not deadly (well maybe if the stress level goes off the charts). It is not chronic, there will be an end to it(hopefully before my end). And, I am alive, somewhat sane (a tad intermittent) and reasonably healthy.
  Things could be a sh*tload worse. I am not like my BFF, I have not been dealt the C card, and had to fight for my life. I have not lost a loved one. Life may be altered beyond recognition for this period of time, but, it is going to go back to "normal", unlike so many others.
  I just wish those moments would happen more often. They are like medication for my Murphy bouts.If I could just focus on the positives! Well, those who know me well, and of course my family, have nicknamed me Debbie Downer..or Negative Nelly, so..obviously thinking positive is not my best ability.
  I wonder, all those folks who throw out the little life lines to "buck up" and "tomorrow will be a better day", do they think this more often than I do? How wonderful life would be if I could simply wash today right out of the picture. Today has been filled with poop, after yesterdays poop, but not a problem, because when I wake up tomorrow, which will be today (right?) things will suddenly be poop free! Gosh, imagine what an amazing person I would be. I just wouldn't even be able to handle me! Smiling all the time..hey I would be a whole lot quieter, because I certainly wouldn't have a single thing to b*tch about, so why would I even consider opening my mouth?
  Sadly, moments of clarity just don't happen near enough. Life probably would be much easier if they had began back in high school, and I had an open mind to study and be smart. But...that didn't happen. Even then I must have simply decided there was no sense in trying to study, because I was just going to blank out when the test was placed in front of me (yep..happened just that quickly), so save the time and energy, trust I would fail, and learn to deal with it.
  Hey, I have gotten better with time. Over the decades I have come to understand, I can manage an awful lot more than I ever imagined. Just sometimes I step back into my regular routine, and don't trust myself. Fine, I still haven't won the bloody lotto, and for some obscure reason, I keep trying. If I can believe I actually have a chance of winning that, well sh*t, I can certainly believe that almost anything is possible.
  Going to try and work on changing the clarity moments into hours. I am pretty easily addicted to things like potato chips, and caffine..so perhaps if I put some effort into this, I can begin to see things clearly, and offer Murphy a more appealing place of residence, with someone stuck in the darkness.
  My little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel has actually started glowing, and it brings with it a big bundle of hope. Funny as I was writing this last sentence, I suddenly remembered my High School Graduation song..I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW, by Johnny Nash. Yes, I am definitely a slow learner, I graduated in 1974...but finally catching on!

Wednesday 6 July 2016

Too Late

This is not the first time I have royally f*cked up..nor will it likely be the last. But..it is a big one!!
   Over the 30 some years my sweetness and I have been together..we have ventured into renovations, far too many times! I hate it..worse, I HATE, living in it. Gyproc dust  in your nose, in your hair, in the freaking butter...not a single inch of room that does not contain either a tool, or a bit of building material, or paint, or"mud". The smell of polyurethane hanging heavy like the morning dew, burning the crap out of your eyes.
  Generally by the time a project is done, it may look lovely, but the cost of arguments, and labour, usually has me viewing the finished job with hate. The price monetarily is always far less..free labour is cheap...but holy cow, physically it is expensive.
  I believe this latest project has increased my grey hair percentage by about 40...I see myself as I brush my teeth, and gasp in shock. I have enormous bags under my eyes, I wouldn't call them bags anymore, they are more like steamer trunks! I try not to look, because I now resemble a bag lady..someone who lives on the street. I no longer own a piece of clothing that any thrift shop would accept. I live on caffine, nicotine, and potato chips, with the odd chocolate bar sucked back when I need an energy boost. I work in my pajamas until I have to enter a room with windows facing out to the road, and then must put some "real" clothes on, in case someone glances into my curtainless windows.
  My "living" area is void of anything now. Almost every ceiling and every wall has been painted. I have taught myself to do the jobs my honey usually does, because he is not here to help. I am doing this project basically solo. Daunting is the word best used to describe this period.
  Over time, I admired independent women, one in particular, who seemed capable of doing absolutely anything...well, in truth, she can. I, on the other hand, know my limitations, and they are many. I am not adverse to hard work, done that for most of my life, so although age is creeping up quickly, and I no longer have the ability to wait for a second wind..because the first wind blows out pretty fast, I know I can stand the test. I just understand, I am not the smartest, or handiest human, so big jobs scare me.
  I am in the midst of one of these big jobs. I managed to paint and mud, and sand, almost a whole house, but..this job..what a bloody headache.
  We have hardwood in our home. Oh..I was so thrilled to get this stuff. Hate, hate, hate carpet. When we bought the house the livingroom had carpet. It also had a wood stove in it. Who the F*ck does this?  Sure the wood stove was set on a tiled area, but..anyone who has experience with these things, knows, sometimes when you go to fill them up, things pop (embers) and they can fly a great distance..in fact they can fly right over the tile, and onto the carpet. Add to this, the mess of firewood being tracked into the house, then throw in some dogs, some kids, some grand kids, and you have a stinking mess with black spots. So...hardwood it was. Beautiful stuff! I am partial to light woods, so I got my way..lovely golden birch shiny flooring replaced the nasty carpet.
  This stuff is engineered.whatever the heck that means. Well, I sort of know what it means..it means it is birch, but not all of it. It also has this amazing glossy clear finish, and...the big thing..it is capable of being refinished!
  Well folks, stating it is capable is one thing, doing is a whole other matter. My beloved showed up to spend 2 days at home, so we could get this job done. We had the professional sander,we dished out big bucks for the clear  coating, and applicators, and sand paper, pads, etc. We worked until well past midnight, sanding. He actually had me stand on the sander to add pressure, because nothing was getting through that amazing finish.Well..almost nothing..somehow my dogs managed to get through it over time..what the heck was going on?
  2 days he was here, then he had to leave. The floor was not done, but..it had been sanded in spots, so we were now past the point of no return, and there I was..on my own. The sander guy sent us off with this paper that could take the skin off an elephant..but..surprise..whoever engineered this coating could use it to armour elephants!
  So after some tears, and the urge to crawl into a corner and curl up into a ball, I called the folks that sold us this flooring. She laughed when I explained what was happening, and then told me not to worry. All I had to do was sand the top, to create a surface, and then happily set about applying the clear coat.
  Sounds easy, eh? NOT!!! So far I have managed to put two coats on 2 floors, the areas that did get sanded, well they are sucking that coating in..the surface sanded ones (which are the majority) are just getting nice and glossy. So..again..this project is too far gone, it has to be completed. Now I have to spend my day, flitting about, coating the sanded areas a couple of times so they take on the gloss of the rest of the floor.
  I am grateful to know that amazing woman who can do anything on her own, I have to bring her to mind in the midst of all of this, because right now, I need to be just like her! I don't want to be like her, I want to pick up the phone and call someone who knows what they are doing, and just grab a glass of wine, and relax outside, watching the river flow..but I can't.
  This, of course, will pass. It will eventually be finished, and like many projects in the past, it will look lovely..but...right now, I wish it was carpet, and all I would have to do is rip it out and replace it. This time, I realize, somehow, I will manage, but, I also realize, next flooring I get, is definitely NOT going to be hardwood!

Friday 24 June 2016

I'm A Meanie

O.K. first off, this is probably going to upset some folks..However..if they are upset, then they are part of the reason the world is filled with participant ribbons.
  Just to be clear, I understand I am not well educated in raising a special needs child. That said, I am aware enough to realize those parents that do, deserve a special hug, because I do understand raising a child period, is difficult, let alone having to work with special needs.I respect the patience you must have. I respect the fact, that like most parents, you have an overwhelming urge to protect your child, that is "normal" for all of us.
  But...today I read an "open" letter written by the mother of a Downs Syndrome boy, regarding the lack of invite to a classmate's birthday party.I saw that there were 23 children in the class, and 22 apparently received invitations. According to the letter her son was the only one not invited.
  Fine, I understand she had to deal with her son upset he did not get invited. Perhaps the reason was his Downs Syndrome. That is sad. Yes, the letter went into detail explaining how she understood the birthday child's parent may be uncomfortable, and fearful, as she was before she had her child. It was a lovely letter..however....This is why the world is such a mess.
  May I say, after she posted this "open letter" the birthday child's mother did indeed give the boy an invitation...In my hard hearted opinion, this was wrong!! What the hell??? The child did not get invited to a private party. So, for the rest of his life, is his mother going to pen letters each and every time he is not included in something?
  Holy crap!! Growing up my friend's circle would rotate, sometimes we would be at odds with one another, and..surprise..left out of something all my other friends were part of. Did it hurt? Damn right it did!! I would sit at home, in a very small town, knowing that everyone else was in a group, having fun..I wasn't! Did I ever do this hurtful thing myself..yep..sure did!! Of course there were the really popular people who were included in absolutely everything, but along with the majority of kids I grew up with, sometimes our feelings got hurt.
  Now, as little as I know about Downs Syndrome, I can imagine this child was hurt, and as painful as the feeling of being left out is for your average child, I assume one with the innocence of this child, and the gentle heart, this would have been devastating.
  It is simply sad. But, it is also reality. Again, I would not want to be in this mothers shoes, trying to comfort her child, but, the birthday child's mother should not have been publicly chastised like this. Sure, her name wasn't on this letter, but..for goodness sake, the world has become very small with social media..she knew she had been singled out.
  So..the child's mother is upset because her son was singled out, and not invited to a party, she in turn singles out the other child's mother. Sorry, but again, if the invitation had not been given, the birthday child's mother would definitely be in a very uncomfortable position with the  mentality of the world today.
  Why did this parent choose to write an open letter regarding something as personal as a birthday party? I believe we have gone too far to the left. I never expected my parents to give a rat's behind whether I went to "Bill Mike Moe's" birthday party. Cripes, it was likely they appreciated not having to dish out for gifts, each invitation I was not given. I had to learn, sometimes mean things happen.
  So, as a parent, if I had even considered doing something like this, and then the other parent had relented, and invited my child..would I have sent them? NOT EVER!! What satisfaction results from this whole matter? The uninvited has pushed to be invited, and now will attend a party, where everyone will have to be on their best behaviour to ensure the comfort of one child.
  For crying out loud..as awful as this seems, it has become a problem. Everyone else having to bend to appease one. We will continue getting no where, there is always going to be some minority that is unhappy, we cannot make everything a Fairy tale. Life hurts, for everyone, at some moment. I don't care if you are covered in pimples, if you have a missing or deformed limb, if you are fat, skinny, black, white, have a birthmark, poor, lack of continence, allergies, or..even perfect...at some point in time, you will not be included in absolutely everything you want, in the world.
  Yes, I would hug the poor child, left out of the invite, I would hug any child left out, because as one who grew up in the real world, I understand that feeling. Because I understand that feeling, I can sympathize.But, I also understand, this will happen far more as the child grows older. So now will he expect to take part in everything?
  Hug your child, cry with him, feel his pain, but do NOT turn the tables, and make another child, feel like a piece of crap because of this. Sorry, but from my point of view, this is what the mother accomplished..she got what her child wanted by making someone else uncomfortable. She should have kept this between herself and the other mother..not thrown it out to the bleeding heart mob, to ensure the other family had no choice.
   The world has been unfair to me, probably you, as well. I would definitely love to sail through every day without getting hurt. I wish I could wrap my own children up in bubble wrap to ensure they never got hurt, but they have. I am heartbroken when my grand children are hurt, and want to go beat those who hurt them up...but that is not reality. I hope my children and in time my grand children learn, like I have had to, life is not fair, but, we are all in the same boat at one time or another...and there is always someone close by to help them paddle!

Sunday 5 June 2016

The Fish Pond


  Is life at 60, as I imagined? Nope..not at all. My imagination was based on those who were old when I was young...my life is nothing like theirs!
  See, I have mentioned on more than one occasion, I grew up in a very small town However, I don't think I might have mentioned some of the history of that small town..I will fill in one or two spaces, and perhaps..my old, and the old of those back in the day.have reason to be just a wee bit different.
  My home town still has it's reputation as a "Boom" or "Bust" town. It began booming with mining. Now, keep in mind, this was way back in the day..the days of wooden sidewalks, and horse drawn wagons, and rough tough folks who were out to make their fortunes, no matter what. It was..the "Mild Wild West". I say mild, because it wasn't Gunsmoke, but pretty damn close.
  When you have a large group of men, stuck in the middle of no where, making some pretty damn good coin...you have all sorts of business out to get a piece of that coin. The oldest profession showed up pretty quickly. You all know what that is..that business that begins with a product, sells it, and still has the product...The Red-Light district business!
  O.K. when I was a kid, the business was long gone. I didn't even know about it until I grew up and read a book by a past member of the NorthWest Police, and boy was I shocked! You see, I was shocked, because...I knew a whole whack of the folks mentioned in this book. I was shocked, because, all I saw were old people, but, now I was privy to some of their past, and boy..it was juicy!!
  One in particular, a lady I seldom saw..her hubby was the Mayor, and they lived on the street behind my house. I think I only saw her two of three times, and that was when we pressed her husband to allow us into their yard to see their fish pond. A fish pond in my town was rare, in fact, I might be wrong, but I believe they had the only one. They also had an amazing yard, filled with beautiful flowers, and a well maintained home. The Mayor would drive his little green car about, with a fresh flower in a vase placed on his dash.I honestly believed this couple was snobby, and filthy rich. Yep..back when you are so young, you decide folks are rich by the things they have, and a fish pond..well that was really wealthy!!! Imagine my shock, when I grew up, and found this lady, who seemed like the biggest snob in the world..had at one time worked in the Brothels.
  I learned of other women I knew, and loved, who had spent their younger days in this profession. Honest to goodness..perhaps that is when I realized it was not as horrid as I imagined. These women did pretty damn good for themselves, and...although the whole community knew their past, they settled in, and lived their lives as up-standing citizens. The white haired women, who had beautiful gardens, and immaculate homes, and doting husbands..had lived a sordid life for awhile, and then..retired! They had families, they had grandchildren, and they had businesses. But when they reached the age I am at right now, most of them lived a quiet life, gardening, and enjoying the companionship of the men they married, or if single/widowed, they enjoyed their family..
  I have to think they were far smarter than me!! They were always dressed nicely, their hair was always done, and from all appearances, except for those who drank like fish, life moved slowly and quietly. Oh, I could possibly be totally out to lunch on all of this, I am certainly not dumb enough to believe life is what one views, but..as I reach that age in my life, I am positive my life is far more hectic, and full of turmoil than those of the "old" ladies of my childhood.
  Those boring old ladies, pruning their roses, and plumping their peonies, seemed so sad, when I was young. They didn't go anywhere, they didn't do anything exciting..geez who the heck wanted to be that age? Again, life lesson learned. Something happens as you pass the 1/2 century point in life. Things that once seemed so important, material things, suddenly lose their shine. You realize that all the hurry and scurry gets you no where, it only makes you tired. You understand, time does have an end, the future is not "To infinity and beyond", it is 10-20-30 years down the road, and the distance is closing in far faster than the first 1/2 century moved.
  I have come to a point where the pruning and plumping suddenly seems very appealing. Oh, I have other things that require a bit more travel, such as Pine picking, and to drive out into the middle of the bush, and sit for weeks in a travel trailer would certainly be listed in my top 3 pleasures of life, but..those pleasures seem so far out of reach, and I am quickly growing old.
  I actually attempted to put in a fish pond! I had the hole dug, and then life decided to take a turn, and we had to "dig" around to find enough dirt to fill the damn thing in (dirt in these parts is hard to find). I think that might be the moment I realized those old ladies were smarter than me! My fish pond awaits grass seed...See, I had friends here who had a fish pond, I thought maybe that was why I was so gung ho to get one as well..but..really..in the back of my mind, the Mayor's fish pond has always been the sure sign of what old age is suppose to be like. A flower on my dash, a yard full of beautiful blooms, and a bloody fish pond!
  Stay tuned..Right now I am making a slight turn in life, and heading backwards. I have a short list of requirements I want/need, and after letting these words out, I realize that Fish pond has been added to the list..along with the peonies, because I don't really like roses....

Sunday 22 May 2016

Confusion Reigns

  I admit, my life is often filled with confusion. It is extremely seldom that anything flows along smoothly..instead little creeks branch off all about, there are dead pools, and waterfalls, and frigging sucking whirl pools.
  Right now, I am in the midst of one of those whirl pools. Kind of like when you flush the toilet, everything swirls around and around, before going down the drain. Imagine a spider on a piece of toilet paper, as you watch it spin, worrying that somehow it will crawl to the side, and manage to escape the looming death trap, in the middle of the toilet. I am that spider!!! Geez, not quite sure why I chose a spider as an example..guess I am truly losing it!
 Sometimes huge things come along in life. Oh, you know they are big, and they are going to use up absolutely every single bit of you to accomplish. You gear yourself up..you are almost at the point where you have convinced yourself..it is possible..I CAN do this..and then BAM!!! Along comes yet another massive issue, one that blows the first out of the water! Daunting is possibly the best word to describe this, intimidating..overwhelming..oh I could go on and on.
  When things like this happen, if they are not emergencies, I become totally useless. Because I think way outside the box..that is all I will do. I will think, and think, and sit and sit, and just get physically ill, because I cannot find a starting point.
  Like that spider, if I could find a tiny little dry spot on the piece of paper, one that would allow me to stand up without falling, and pick an area on the side of the toilet that the water isn't pouring on.I just might make a leap of faith, and start climbing out. I can't find the right spot, and I keep thinking the water is pouring every where..leaping is just not an option!
  So..besides feeling that I must have done something so very horrid in my life, that Karma feels the need to keep biting my A$$ over and over (one would think by now I would not have any A$$ left, but sadly even that perk doesn't occur). Yes, I feel sorry for myself. I wonder why it is always raining on my parade, when I see others have a constant source of sunshine. I just want a tiny bit of solar rays, just enough to warm things up a wee bit, and take the chill off.
  I have asked myself if this is some sort of test..and if it is, I flunked. I don't have an issue with flunking..experienced that continually in math class, and hey..it isn't so bad. What it feels like right now, is that time lapse when you hand your test onto the teacher's desk, knowing it is really crappy, and then again the next day when you see the marked results back on that desk. Once you have it back in your hands, you are not surprised, you kind of knew what the big red mark would be..maybe you didn't quite expect the E- but, the E was pretty much a given. Then the really bad part is pretty much over. There is no going back..just have to deal with things.
  Now that I can handle! The beginning and the end..it is the freaking middle limbo crap that drives me insane! All the little bits and pieces that are not clear, and that make looking for that safe jumping area, impossible. Right now, pardon the pun (inside "joke") the water seems to pour randomly, with no possible spot to climb.
  So...I will sit and sit, and think and think, and feel really bad that I have not lifted a single finger to begin the first, let alone the second of my karmic sh*t piles. They are really beginning to stink, but I keep sniffing my pachouli oil, and so far, I haven't started to gag!

Tuesday 17 May 2016

Potty Business

 First off..let me say..I understand, the world is not black and white, and I am NOT talking colours. I understand sexuality is a mixed bag at best, and I am a firm believer of "whatever makes your boat float", except animals..animals should not be included in this bag. I don't give a rat's behind who a person finds attractive. I may not find the same attraction, but...I have my own preferences, and that's just who I am.
  However, sometimes when folks set out to fix a problem (much like municipal by-laws) they don't look all the way around the little box, and implement things that raise a myriad of unforeseen issues. Then the "fixed" problem becomes bigger and bigger, because the rest of the world starts picking things apart, and...usually, in truth, comes up with a ton of questions with no answers.
  I see our Liberal leader is getting an award..an award related to one of his many causes, sexual equality. Hey..again, I am all for equality, remember I AM a female, and I do understand how changes are needed to allow all of us to be treated the same. That said, I also am a firm believer that we are NOT all equal. There are a ton of folks floating about who are much smarter than I am, there are folks far more artistic than I am, an incredible group far more patient, more soft- hearted..the list goes on and on. Equality is necessary in some, but not ALL aspects of life.
  I am also a firm believer that not all students should be allowed in the classroom. Yep..that is where my head sits. I believe children, ALL children deserve the right to a good education, and when special needs children are placed in the regular classroom, I don't care what people say, that takes away from the others. Suddenly a small minority take up a large percentage of time and effort, which takes away from the rest. This is NOT equality, this is placing a small number in front, and someone else has to pay for the change.
  This is how I feel on the Transgender issue, with bathrooms. See, I admit, I do not understand transgender fully, because I am NOT transgender, and I have never really sat down with someone who is, to have a nice long discussion on their problems in life.. This does not mean I am not open to sit down with someone and listen, because..I would love to learn more. We all have bumps in life, we all struggle with things that we find difficult, sexuality aside. I am someone who is extremely glad the majority of the world is finally closing their eyes to who someone decides to be with in their lives, and we are finally understanding it doesn't make a lick of difference on whether they are a good or bad person.
   That said..Transgender bathroom issues. O.K. again, not understanding this lifestyle (sorry if that is not the politically correct term) I do know that often Transgender folks dress as the gender they feel. My take, if this is so, they can head to the bathroom of that gender. If a male is wearing makeup and female clothing..it is quite obvious they do NOT belong in the Men's room. Sure, there might be one or two females who do not accept this, but again, I am not alone with my thinking, most understand, this is a women in a male body. We also understand, for this person to use the men's room would be terribly uncomfortable, no less than one of us heading in there..so...obviously the Ladies room is where they belong.Perhaps one would recognize they were not born female, however it is doubtful there would be a big kerfuffle.It is also doubtful anyone would be concerned they were there to check out little girls,....
  However, now we get to the touchy part...if a transgender person (now I am speaking of someone born male, no one seems to be addressing the other side of the spectrum, and..there is another side) wanders in, without their makeup and clothing, that is when problems arise. It is very easy for any male to claim they are transgender, if they feel it allows them access to the Ladies room where young children may be alone (geez..how long are children in the washroom before a parent goes to check?). This individual could have quite simply used the men's room, without incident. So....just looking around outside the box, trying to see all sides of things.
  It appears to fix an issue, we have created a bigger issue. I know very few women who would have opened their mouths to complain if a transgender male used their washroom. I know an awful lot of women that would complain if men started showing up in there. So why was this an issue to start? Why has government spent so long dealing with this problem? Are Transgendered folks going to have to take a test and get a card stating they are indeed transgender, allowing them use of washrooms suited to their sexual orientation? If a male is found in the ladies room without the card, they are in poopy kaka? This whole thing has been blown out of proportion, well in my personal opinion, anyhow. However, I am a small town person, and I have never been privy to watching someone getting kicked out of a washroom because they were the wrong sex, so perhaps I don't understand how this could have become such a sticking point in life that governments are wasting time and effort making new rules on where one pees!
  BTW..most ladies rooms have cubicles, and most ladies don't really care who is in the cubicle next to them, because..first off, piddling does not take a long time, and if someone is going to attempt to look into another cubicle well..that would certainly be grounds for complaint, but..cripes not likely to be a constant issue. Personally when I use the ladies room, I am in and out, often without seeing another single soul..and the person next door, I don't care if they pee sitting or standing, I just want to empty my bladder and get back to what I was doing.  We all have to pee sometimes, and...I will admit..at least once in my life I used the men's..it was simply the empty washroom at a time speed was of the essence.Am I in trouble?
  

Monday 9 May 2016

Forgiveness

  I was raised with the story of Joseph and his coat of many colours. Those of you who didn't spend most every Sunday in Sunday school may not know this one, but it was one of the few that stuck in my head, along with the Good Samaritan. I actually had a difficult time with Joseph, he took off, left his brothers to do all the work, and then showed up after messing up his life, and Bam..his Daddy hands him all sorts of rewards, while the hard working brothers stand by. Yes..this was a story that taught forgiveness, and told of a Father's unconditional love.
  Well, Joseph's Dad was a far better person than I am! Forgiveness comes very slowly to me. I have become jaded as I have aged, I tend to just wash my hands of those who screw with me, and then I dwell on the matter...sometimes for many years. I find it extremely painful to be used, and once it is done, the walls go up instantly, and everything pertaining to that which hurt, is trapped inside the walls, open to dissection when the urge hits.
  Now..first off, don't get me wrong, I am capable of forgiving, I am also incapable of forgetting. Depending on the pain, I can go back to things, looking at them under a microscope, picking at all the tiny pieces, and digging through all the crap that covers them. Sometimes, there is a ton of crap, and sometimes it takes me a very long time to come to a place that I can piece things back together.
  Usually I don't get to the crap for a  long time.  I don't want to touch that which festers, and grows within the walls. At first, the walls grow higher and higher to contain the stuff inside. It's like yeast, it just bubbles and doubles and triples in size, it consumes my world. It causes me to shut all doors that may lead to the chance of any more pain. Then I begin to hate..that is a real energy consumer. Not sure about you, but when I hate, I give it my all, and that in turn sucks the rest of life right out of me.
  Like depression, hate is uncontrollable inside me. I can't stop it...little things continue to aggravate, and things snowball. I revel in this...I gloat when something pops out to allow me to stick it into the reason to hate, all along I understand I am making myself ill, but..it is unstoppable. I have been done wrong, and someone is going to have to pay!
  In truth, guess who ends up paying? Not the person who screwed up originally, nor those who assisted, the assistants, well, they tend to get handed their own coats of many colours, while yours truly freezes.
  For me to forgive, takes an awful lot. I have to get to the root of how things arrived at the place that the sh*t hits the fan. I have to look at each and every piece of the puzzle, and like I said..clean the crap off it, and figure out what made the piece break off. I have to put myself in the place of those who caused the pain, and try and figure out what enticed them to decide to hurt me. What made it worthwhile to set me aside,and dig the knife deep.
  Funny thing..usually after unending hours of detective work, I come to the conclusion it is never one single person who causes me to build up the fortress of hate and disbelief. It is more often a series of little flying insects that land on the main individual, and drop off pieces of feces.
  See, keeping quiet when things are brewing, as I stated with SFTU, is a mistake. Not defending, not questioning, well, those nasty insects never stay quiet, they buzz, and land, and the little pieces of feces they drop each time, grow larger and larger, and then...crack!! The pieces start to break off, all covered in sh*t, so they are impossible to see.
  To forgive, I have to come to the place where I understand..I understand that silence and non-communication while shit was being deposited, was how this happened. I realize not everyone recognizes sh*t, not everyone is like me, and has to check inside and all around the box, sniffing. Sometimes I mistake the smell, and I have to eat a little sh*t, but most of the time, I catch it quickly. Others don't always smell it over the perfume of sweet smelling poison, and when I finally see, they really didn't sniff hard enough..I can begin to forgive. It wasn't all their fault, they were coated in perfumed sh*t dropped on them by those who  continually buzzed about, while I remained quiet and unsuspecting.
  Thankfully, I can say, I have smashed down one of the most enormous collections of walls built a very long time ago. There is still a ton of debris, and getting that cleared up will take a long time, in fact with all the environmental restrictions, the stuff may very well remain. But the empty space now has a sprinkling of colour, instead of total black, and for that, I am grateful!

Sunday 8 May 2016

Mother's Day

Well..again, as I was sitting, I got to thinking...I never realized I belonged to one of the two biggest groups in the world. My group is matched only be one other..Fathers. There cannot be a group larger than these two...because LOL..without either one, there would be NO groups....Look at me..socializing!!! Truth be told, this group, large as it is, seldom has meetings..in fact, members are usually left to find their own way, some fail, but the majority somehow find a way to manage their membership dues.
  I know there are a whack of books and "self-help" groups out there, that state claim to have all the answers necessary for this all inclusive membership, but...that is B.S.! There are no set guidelines, rules have to be made as one goes along. Each situation is totally unique, and although some circumstances may seem the same..they are not. There cannot be set rules, because every single Mother out there has a heart and mind of their own, and every single one is given a child that also has a mind of their own. One can accept advise, and..geez..give it a go, it just might work..but..just because it worked for the other Mom..don't count on the same results with your child!
  Being a Mom is a lifetime commitment. It doesn't end after 18 years..sometimes the years after 18 can be the hardest...I remember thinking when I got my first child potty trained, I was going to have smooth sailing..Hah! That stinky poop was the easy stuff..the sh*t that follows is far harder, you can't just wipe it up and throw it away, or contain it into a pamper sized pile. Once they learn to sit on the toilet..your real job begins.
  No one is a perfect Mother, although I believe I had the best Mom in the world, and miss her dearly, even after almost 34 years..I also know she was not perfect.But she worked harder at her job, than I have at mine, and she is the standard I try to hold myself up to. Like her, I made a ton of mistakes, many of which I am reminded of. I know her mistakes, and I attempted to steer clear of those during my turn, but I made many of the same..funny that, eh? Maybe those mistakes are pretty difficult to escape? I hear others state they will be better Mothers to their children..Humm...good luck with that ladies..because again..each child has their own plans, and those plans just might (actually there is no might about it) screw with yours!
  It's the hardest position in the world..no doubt about that. Having a sick child, or one that is hurt, as a Mother, you know there is nothing more difficult. Trying to find patience when you feel you have scraped the bottom of the barrel, and licked up every drop..extremely wearing. Having your child expect something impossible to give, when they deserve a reward..painful..Constantly using that 2 letter word, even when you wish you didn't have to, hating NO likely just as much as your child.
  All along this, you are the mean one, the rule maker, the one who is "Hated" and the one they wish they could exchange for a nice Mom. If being a Mom was just this..no one would ever join that group. But..along with all that, there are some amazing perks to the membership. First steps, first smiles, first words..all of those are your rewards. To be a part of raising a child allows Moms to take a tiny piece of pride with each and everything your child does no matter how old they are..That is pay back..because as my Mom used to say..I brought you into this world (it escapes me what came after)..so...we are allowed to live vicariously through our kids even when they grow up. Of course if they screw up..well..again my Mom had a saying for that "That isn't the way we raised you". So, once children grow up..our culpability ends with just the good stuff..right?
  Again, one becomes a lifetime member, you can be 85 and there you are..still part of the group.
  I have reached perhaps the best level of membership, I have paid a huge pile of my dues, and although I will remain Mom until the day I die, and..yep, even after, I can look at my children and see, I did a pretty good job, they are healthy, they are good people, and...they all claim they love me (hey, I believe them most of the time) so....there you go..the biggest perk of the membership..pretty much unconditional love in return for the same..That is what a Mother has to give to be a member in good standing...Unconditional love..not easy, but most of the finer things in life take a lot of hard work!
  To those entering this group, best of luck..to those in the middle of it..stay strong..and to those like myself, sitting in the sunshine of latter Mothering..be proud of your accomplishments, and enjoy the day savoring the benefits!HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!