Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Friday, 10 January 2014

Note To Self

So, sitting, and thinking, of that which is paramount in my mind. I thought......"Hummm, it was not so long ago, the government requested B.C. Hydro try and get their books in order. They were told to cut costs...a few employees apparently got the door. I remember this clearly, because, finally they were going to stop chewing the fat. Well, fast forwards, just a little, and...it has been just a little. Suddenly there is a huge project. One that will keep Hydro employees busy for years to come. No more costs cuts, just a ton of money suddenly on their door step. A project that sat on the shelves for years, without need. A project that if it truly was as necessary as they claim, they definitely would have been setting aside money for, and when the cuts were demanded, they would have spoke up and told the people they couldn't possibly lay anyone off, because of this enormous project.
 We are so stupid. We have had the wool pulled over our eyes, accepted the tiny little slap on the wrist Hydro was given, and then watched as their future glows with promise of unending supplies of contractors, and new hires up the ying yang.
  I can't possibly be the only person shaking their head at the complete 360, can I?

Dr. Doolittle

I started this blog yesterday, but, it just didn't come out the way I imagined (hoped) it would, so I'll try again. Everyone who reads this, is well aware of what those folks along the Peace River have to lose, and I expect, their voices will be raised to attempt to ensure they are compensated for their losses. As you are also aware, most of us do not think there is anything that will compensate for the loss of our land, and river.
  The voices that do not get a say, the voices that are not hollering and demanding to be heard, are those of the ones who will die. They will not have the chance to pack up their belongings, to grab their young. They will not have a one on one meeting to discuss what they could accept. They spend their days, without a clue as to the catastrophe that is around the corner. The few years they have left to wander about fighting to survive, only to be swallowed under a wave of water.
  Yes, I lose sleep worrying about my future, but, the possibility of thousands of animals killed with the flick of a switch, makes me physically sick to my stomach.
  We see the ads on TV, the SPCA, the ASPCA, GreenPeace, Save the Seals, Save the Whales, they are shown to pull at the heart strings of humans, and they do. Who is going to put an ad on to save the Peace Valley animals? How could they remotely convey to the world what will happen if Site C occurs? Somewhere, someone must have footage of previous Dams, and the total destruction of wildlife. We know it happened in the valley not so long ago, we know that the bodies of these animals floated in Williston. Oh please, can't you find it in your hearts to make this stop!!
  Ads cost money. Those in the Peace had to decide how to use their limited finances to fight this battle. They have attempted to make the world see what will be lost, but there is so much, and impossible to cover. No one can see the big picture, because it is so large. We speak of the farm land, we speak of the heritage, we speak of the ecosystem, that is the wildlife, but the word just does not say enough.
 Each time I see the Moose, or the Cariboo, or even, the plentiful deer, it causes a twinge in my gut. I see the squirrels, and chipmunks, I hear the fox, it all hits home with me, because I understand. I am here, I can visualize what the future could hold. I see the Beaver, and Martin, the snakes, the coyotes, they will all drown. Why is this not plastered all over the media?
  I hear Hydro state, the loss of wildlife will be MITIGATED. Just to let you know, mitigated is now, my most disliked word. How the F*ck can you mitigate the loss of herds and swarms, and colonies of animals? Will they transplant the same type of animals from elsewhere in the province? Will they play Noah and take 2 of each and put them on an Ark, to withstand the floodwaters? Who do they think they are God? What engineer sat down to decide what was acceptable mitigation? Where the H-ll did they get the numbers? It does not take a Scientist to realize you cannot mitigate Mother Nature. That is one Mother who has a mind of her own. She, along with Mother Earth, decided to provide what these animals need to make this valley the perfect home. Between the two of them, they found a climate, and food source, and safe havens, in the Valley of the Peace, to allow this abundance of wildlife to flourish. It is a finely balanced system, which allows those people who live here, to enter in, and take from to survive.
 Now we have those who simply want to get rid of the natural way of life, and set their own up. They appear to be Mothers as well, Mother F*ckers!! I apologize for the language, wait, no I don't!! BC Hydro feels they have the right to step into one of the most balanced wildlife areas, and tweak it, to suit their needs. The rest of the world is unable to understand the scope of the destruction because the whole picture has been spun so hard, the public is simply seeing a blur.
  I suppose the ads for these animals could only be after the fact, which is why I ask if there is visuals from previous Dams. Those ads would be a huge body of water, filled with the dead. Bloated bodies of the mighty Moose, and majestic Elk and Cariboo. Tiny bodies of mice, and squirrels. Rotting corpses of Beaver, and Wolves, and Cougars. I do not exaggerate. The Valley is filled with animals, we know this, we see them everywhere. I do not have to try to imagine the horrors, it is too apparent. There is no one who can possibly come and collect these beings, and transplant them. It is clear, all of them will die. I want to find a way to warn them, but, only one who speaks their language can tell them what is happening, but that only happens in the Dr. Doolittle movies.
  So, if you think that only those people who are slated to lose their land are affected by what the government of British Columbia, along with the MF*ckers (previously known as Hydro) are set to bring upon our Valley. If you think, "well, they will be compensated", and feel comfortable with that knowledge. Think some more. Try and imagine the smell of death, try to imagine the moments of suffering, as their lungs fill with water. Try and imagine the senseless slaughter of thousands of animals.
  As I stated, this picture is bigger than anyone outside of it wants to see. I hope that your future does not bring media footage of the dead of the Valley, but, if this is allowed to go ahead, I will ensure you will see it. I will not suffer the agony alone, with those of us who tried so hard to make you understand. I don't give a damn if you feel because the Valley has suffered twice before, why not a third time? This is NOT the 60's, people remember what was lost with the first dam ! For the sake of those who cannot speak, SAVE THE PEACE !!! STOP SITE C!!!!!!#nositeC

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

The Valley of Broken Promises

Hummm...I am about to enter into something I likely have minimal knowledge of. I will begin by stating, I do not wish to offend specific groups, I am simply stating my personal opinions, as always.
  I am going to say how I feel regarding the First Nations rights when it comes to Site C. I am writing this, because I know, the people who hold the rights to the land which I call my home, will soon be faced with something much like those  the Doig, Halfway, and West Moberly have been struggling with, in the face of Site C.
  Yesterday, as I was searching for new information regarding the fight, I became confused. I noticed a statement that the McLeod Lake Band, and the Saulteau Band had , in fact, agreed to negotiate for compensation and have been offered "impact benefit agreements" from Hydro. HELLLOOOO..WTF???? I understand, I have no knowledge of Treaty 8, beyond what I have read. But, are they not people who hold the land as the greatest gift, something that gives life? The First Nations people, of which my beloved is one, hold the land in highest regard. They, have no treaty. I have been involved in a few consultations, and always the land is considered first.
  See, in watching this whole sad business unfold, the consultation process between Hydro and the First Nations, has been a complete farce. Those who are most affected, those who will actually lose the greatest, and those who fully oppose, are simply given lip service. It is clear Hydro saw that those least affected would be much easier to buy, and, instead of supporting those who will lose, others saw the financial gain possible, and shook hands with Hydro, leaving them to fight their battle alone. I am deeply saddened.
  As a British Columbian, I have to admit, I understand, to some point, Hey money in their pockets, money for their children, but, one cannot claim to be the protectors of the land, and not look into the future. What is a future without your Hunting Territory? What happens when you cannot tell your Grandchildren that they are stepping on the same soil their ancestors traveled to find the Moose or Deer to feed them? What happens when your children become Elders and all they can do is speak of what was? I thought we had learned from past mistakes, as European explorers and settlers made indecent deals with First Nations. Those mistakes are still being dealt with, and difficult to fix. I have always accepted the past was filled with wrongs, but now, I feel that First Nations have turned their backs on their own. The almighty dollar has become too appealing, they don't want to lose out on a good deal.
  I hope I am wrong in this matter, but, if so, I need someone to clear my impressions up. I know many feel that the agreements our Government has signed with First Nations will hold up when other matters come to the stage. I have tried to pass on what I have seen happening within this battle, but, it is clear, no one cares. A few moments in the news, and then forgotten. I can hear those in Government, "just pick out those you can barter with, here is a pocket full of money, and promises", no different than all the other deals in history." If we can get enough, those who do not agree, will simply not matter."
  As you all know by now, I am in the midst of this battle, but, unlike those First Nations, I do not have my heritage to lose. I do not have my Ancestors grave sites, my hunting territory, my fishing holes, my Spiritual places (O.K. this is a spiritual place for me) in truth, who and what I am, to lose. To add insult to injury, those who understand what it is to be First Nations, are turning their backs, and making deals.
  I am shocked, and sickened.  Again I say, I hope my understanding is wrong. I would be so willing to have someone explain that I am wrong, and how my impressions are skewed. I hope that those people who are fighting such a bitter battle, after all these years, for the rights to their Land, which our government has supposedly recognized, will get what was promised with the signing of their Treaty. I hope that all the others who signed this same Treaty will ensure those promises are kept. Paper means nothing, if new rules are made, behind closed doors, and accepted without the knowledge and agreement of all concerned. If these changes are accepted for financial gain, this time, why would the paper signed by all, mean anything next time?
  Those people making these agreements, are forgetting their past. They are forgetting what their ancestors held highest. The land is yours, it is what made you who you are, it IS in fact who you are. If you accept a token in return, you may, in fact be able to keep your own special places, and your own heritage, but, my impression, so far, is you do not consider the rights to this very thing, for those along the Peace River.
  Not only do the Farmers along the Peace, not count as highly as those elsewhere. The tiny town of Hudson's Hope,not considered. The wildlife, apparently somehow mitigated. Now, even certain First Nations are placed on a different level than their own . We may be far from the rest of the province, someplace that gets really cold in the winter, and a place you don't dream of traveling to. But, this is a valley that settlers, citizens, and especially First Nations have called home for generations.
  The next time you are looking through Treaty Rights, and reading promises the government has given, as recently as the 60's , remember the Peace!!! The Valley of Broken Promises!!!
  I will patiently wait for someone who knows the facts more than I,one, who is First Nations, to explain my mistakes in this blog. I am hopeful I can eat a Crow or two in this matter, and then I will once again regard our First Nations as those entrusted with the protection of the land, as a whole, not as a few small Bands , left alone to fight the battle of their lifetime!
  Strength to the Doig, and the Halfway, and the West Moberly, they are the only hope left to save our Valley!!

Sunday, 5 January 2014


 Had a phone conversation with my Buddy the other night (because I am now unemployed we don't get together as often). Not sure how we got on the topic, but..we started talking about the old and the new. Of course writing that, makes me realize I AM old, I can remember two different times, the good times, and the totally screwed up present! I am aware I have ranted on this topic before, but, just had to hit it again.
  I remember the days of paper bags, and parcels packed with tissue paper, and not styrofoam. I remember glass milk bottles, that you had to shake, because the thick stuff was at the top. I remember only having certain fruits in our Grocery store, because others could not make the long distance travel. I remember meat wrapped in brown paper, once you purchased it, and tied with a string. I remember when every thing in the store in tins came from Canada or the United States. Turkeys were a pretty normal size, they did not resemble a small Volkswagon. I remember cereal that was a treat, and cereal that was breakfast.
  I cannot ever remember a single soul with E. Colii or however you spell that. I never heard tell of any recalls. Pet food did not kill pets. Likely there may have been a few with food poisoning, but that was probably because they left something too long, and it went bad. See, stuff had to be used within a certain time period, because...it did not have preservatives. Our apples came with a coating of wax, to protect them, it was simply wax, and if you didn't wash it off, you got a waxy film with the bites of the peel.
  Our shelves were not lined with a overwhelming choice, no calorie free , gluten free, nut free. The warning labels, well, in truth, I can't remember any. A tin of soup fed the whole family. A loaf of bread got dry, pretty darn fast, and then was used for things like bread pudding, or crumbs.
  Our cases of soft drinks came in cardboard containers, and glass bottles. The beer came in the same packaging.
  Yes, I am talking about those days before plastic. The days when Tupperware was the only thing beyond metal, glass or paper. If I recall, we had a tupperware kool-aid jug, and that was about it. Stuff that didn't get finished during a meal was simply put in the fridge covered in Alcan Aluminum foil, or wax paper. We didn't often have left overs, because my Mother had meals down to a science, there was very little waste. Our fridge and cupboards were never stuffed (except when we got the big Co-op order near Christmas), they simply had the essentials in them.
  Our garbage never overflowed. In a small town, paper was burned in everyone's backyard, and likely a weiner roast afterwards. Glass was always returned, because enough kids wanted the cash that came with that. I expect about the only thing that went in the garbage was..garbage.
  See, I just finished cleaning 39 apartments. In almost every one of those apartments, we found the Plastic bag drawer or cupboard. I had to take all of those and then..place them in yet another plastic bag, in order to haul them out of the building. Many of these apartments had their recycling cupboard or top of cupboard. Yoghurt containers, margarine containers, and cans and cans and plastic bags! The massive amount of recycling was mind blowing. Hey, easy enough to feel good, throwing all this stuff into the cupboard, going to save the eco system.
  What is the system doing with all this extra stuff? I see it everywhere, in trees, in the lakes and rivers, floating through the air! This sh*t is not getting recycled. It is certainly not decomposing. Garbage cans are filled to the rim, pull outs along the highways, are surrounded by garbage, because they are stuffed.
  I am old enough to remember when plastic bags became the new thing. I remember the issues with paper bags, sometimes they would dissolve on a walk home..yippeee plastic, that stuff would make it all the way home, and then be there forever!! Yes, good, reuse it, but then it stretches, and gets holes in it.
  Now animals are paying for this crap that saves the trees. Not a single bird has been killed by a paper bag! No whales have died with their stomach bloated by cardboard. Glass will, at some point return to the sand it is made from, O.K. maybe a few cut feet, but, it is still the old way.
  Landfills used to bull doz garbage into the ground, it smelled pretty bad, but, at some point,that stuff would decompose. Now nothing disappears, it grows bigger and bigger. We don't know what to do with it. Every week the garbage man comes along and collects more waste. They haul it away from our homes, but, it is simply moving, so little of it is going back to become compost. We have allowed the "Green" way to become a monster. The recycling system is not capable of handling what the world is using. We are now left with a ton of plastic that is slowly creeping higher and higher, and one day, we will realize all the recycling in the world is not going to get rid of it, it is with us "to Infinity, and beyond".
  Yes, I am old, but, I believe the old ways were better. I believe consumers should cut back, and only purchase what they need in regards to food stuff. I believe if someone wants a turkey dinner for 20, they may have to buy 2 turkeys, not one that obviously never walked a step in it's life, because it was grossly obese. I believe we can do without exotic fruits and vegetables unless a plane picks them up in Porshela Bowbea and flies them directly to the grocer. This is all possible, so instead of spraying food with pesticides, and shooting them full of preservatives, we should accept that if we live thousands of miles from the growing area, we may not have the ability to eat this stuff. Hey, my generation survived without lichee nuts!
  I truly believe in years to come, we will hear more and more how our use of Plastic is killing not only our environment, but us. I know it is unnatural to put something that is made from an assortment of chemicals on food, that, apparently already has chemicals in it. How can we understand what effect this has on us, when it is actually something new? It hasn't always been in my life, but, what about those who were raised with plastic. All of those with allergies, and weird illnesses, I hear statements about this all the time, Little Phoebe is deathly allergic to anything with peanuts in it! Young Jim can't drink milk.Lactose intolerant, Gluten intolerant...that was never heard when I was growing up. So, we are hearing of all of this, now, what about 20 years from now? Will they suddenly find all of this stuff that was going to save the trees, and be recyclable and better to keep our food fresher, has actually been slowly killing us?
  I can smell the plastic, it is disgusting! I hate plastic bags, but, I hate plastic water bottles even more. They fill bag after bag of plastic with plastic. Folks drink from them, and then send them to recycling, feeling all warm and fuzzy..well, there has to come a point where recycling stops keeping up with the constant flow of bottles and bags, we are in a frenzy of waste, because we think recycling is taking care of our dirty business.
  Typical present mindset, someone else will clean up our mess. We will continue to blame the past generation for their screw ups, for destroying forests for paper. We will get our bills paperless on our computers. Well folks, the trees will grow again, however, your computers are filled with plastic, and when they stop working, you will simply haul them off to the recycle bin, throw them in, and let someone else try and figure out how to get rid of your garbage. Your electric car batteries will disappear into the recycle depot, and again, you will leave them for someone else to get rid of. Time to wake up, we are making a far bigger mess of our environment now, a mess that, as I see it, will haunt far more generations than any other mess in history!
  I am OLD! I have become the grouchy old bag that shakes her finger at anyone younger. That finger is shaking, because I know this is wrong,and I know there is going to be a huge price to pay when folks clue in. I want the old days back, the days I knew what I was eating, and if I didn't want to do "Chemicals" I stayed away from LSD. Now I don't really have much of a choice, the cupboards and fridge have more chemicals than Woodstock! Yep, I am older than Woodstock, and I am shaking my finger furiously!

Saturday, 4 January 2014

The Battle Continues

Well, I am back at it...trying to save my quality of life, attempting to win the battle with Goliath. It is overwhelming to go against one so powerful. It is gut wrenching to hear demeaning statements, and learn how little it means to be a property owner in a democratic country.
  Yes, it did not take long to learn that a person, although they pay through the nose for taxes, and searches and appraisals, when they purchase a home,are wasting good money, for false promises. These become absolutely meaningless when the government decides they want what you have.
  I am well aware battles have been waged over history in our country, when  others had their rights ripped away. Rights to freedom, rights to fairness. My rights that I fight for, are minimal, in comparison, but, this is the battle I wage. This battle is on my mind, and in my heart, each and every day I awake, and every single night I lay down to try and sleep.
  This battle wounds me, without visible scars. Every glance through my window, brings pain. Each moment I walk into my backyard, I am reminded that somewhere, someone is hoping to destroy what I have sacrificed for.
 See, I did send in my written submission for the public hearings with the Joint Review Panel. I wrote that from my heart, and had all the best intentions on attending these meetings. However, I had just been laid off, and bills seem to be non-stop. I had a short term job offer, and had to take it, so I could keep paying those taxes and help with the mortgage. I missed the hearings. Yesterday I sat down, and spent almost 12 hours, listening to the audio recordings of the 2 days the Panel spent in Hudson's Hope.I had to listen to every word, because my way of life depends entirely on what occurs once this is all over.
  I cried more than once. I never realized how desperate myself, and others in the same predicament are. I heard grown men, choking back their tears, trying to make strangers understand what they have to lose. People who spoke of their great grandparents, coming to this Valley, and the spots they can walk, those before them walked, and see the same incredible beauty. I heard an elder woman, trying to understand why she was suddenly faced near the end of her life, with her home drawn slap dab in the middle of an "Impact" line, and  Hydro deciding her garden of 40 years, needed to be in their "right of Way".
  Now all of you folks who have a home, who pay property taxes, who had to pay to do the upkeep, and pay the utilities. All of you who come home from work, with the satisfaction you are master of your own domain. Best sit down, and hear this! You do not own diddly!!! You are the master of nothing!!! Your house does not, nor ever will, belong to you. Your home,and your property belong to your government. I suppose, we belong to the government, as well.
 WTF do you have to pay a huge chunk of cash to the government when you buy a home? What does that money give you? Does it protect you, and ensure that if you give up your family time, and go off to work for weeks at a time to pay your mortgage, and you forget vacations, and beauty salons, because you have found a spot that takes your breath away, and the only way you can afford it, is to forgo any type of social life? Why on earth do you have to dish out money for a search (which if you note, does not guarantee diddly) when, in truth, the government can simply walk in, and say "Out you go".
  Oh, I listened to the Hydro folks, how they were asked about expropriation and their answer that it was the last thing they wanted, they dislike having to do that. Helllooooo...come on. No matter what "Fair local Market" price they offer, in a community that they have over the past years, played with the "Fair" making any property in this community pretty much worthless, they are going to take what we have, away.
  Oh, I know, I get to stay in my home. One that for years will be, as our Mayor stated, the middle of a nutcracker. I will have all the same rooms, the same floors, the same windows. Who knows, after all the noise, and dust is over, I may have some sense of what I do now? Maybe in my 60's I will finally get the serenity I now have back? I am not a fool. I realize that there is absolutely no way most humans, let alone one with minimal patience, can endure continual construction outside their bedroom window, day after day, year after year, pausing only when the weather turns brutally cold.
  What made me shake my head, was hearing folks who have, for some reason, had one on one meetings with the Site C folks. People who do have a home above where this berm is going to be built, but, will certainly not have any traffic in front of their home, and any noise will be at the back end of this construction. I have never had Hydro call me and arrange a meeting to discuss what they are going to do behind my house!
  I am beginning to think this is part of the plan. Ignore those affected, and hope they don't clue in, until it is too late, and they simply sign over their home to Hydro. They certainly can't be dumb enough to think I won't be affected, but Joe Blow down the road deserves explanation about the few months disruption far below their home, can they?
  I hope that no one else has to find themselves in the position of those impacted by this planned project. The loss of control over one's life, is emotionally draining. The continual cloud hanging over every moment, impossible to ignore, and unbelievably heavy. That single cloud that when it decides to open up, will take everything, so many have worked lifetimes for, and just wash it all away.
  So, now, after more than 40 years of the specter of Site C hanging over the Peace River Valley, raising it's head again, and again, we reach the edge. Construction companies, government ministers, Union Halls, are all crossing their fingers. They hope for the job of a lifetime, they hope this is their chance to make the fortunes others made on Hydro's past huge projects. They glimpse their retirements, with pockets full of money, and warm climates. They are willing to pack up and move to the Peace, short term, of course. However, each and everyone of them will disappear when the money stops flowing, and the job is over. They will not have to witness what their job created.
  Others, like myself also cross our fingers. We pray that this fast tracked project, with all the rules pushed aside, and absolutely no clear reason given that it is necessary, is finally seen as the senseless, destructive mistake, it truly is. For goodness sakes, people of British Columbia, stop this insanity before it is too late!!#nositeC

Thursday, 2 January 2014


On a roll! Guess my month of abstinence from the internet must have caused a backlog of hot air (gas), and now I have set it free, and it just won't stop. Lucky you!!!
  So, I realize I went on about Facebook already, but....I only went on about why I love it, not why I also hate it! I have tried to keep quiet about my FB peeves, because...maybe I annoy some with my overuse of this social media. Hey, I do often think, before I share yet another post, "eeech...am I driving someone nuts" but, they usually are too compelling not to share, so...I do it!!I have not decided how many shares are too many, quite yet, and I will even go so far as to wait a few hours before sharing another,LOL...maybe that makes it better? So, I figure before I go off and condemn some habits by others, I will apologize ahead of time for my own annoying ones.
 Now....I am free to complain!! Where do I start? Truthfully there are just a few, because I do enjoy a wonderful laugh, and there are a couple of folks who seem to find some darn funny posts, and they can put those up as many times as they see fit, I love them! It is those who never seem to have a positive moment. Those who are always putting up some negative remarks. Now....really those of you who do this, you must realize you are not perfect, right? You know that each and every nasty remark you put down about someone else, there are others out there in Facebook land who might just feel the same way about you. Hey, before you start commenting on faults you see in strangers, and perhaps neighbours, ensure you are without the same faults yourself..or as my Mother used to say..."People who live in Glass houses, shouldn't throw stones".
  I also cannot understand why, some appear to condone this constant nastiness, and support the flow, by commenting, and letting it grow bigger and bigger. I know that most find it offensive, and yet...not a single soul will stop it. O.K. maybe one soul tried, but it was fruitless. Yes, I am at fault as well, I just ignore it, and I could simply make it stop, by pushing the delete button. I admit, I have let this irritate too long, and I will push the button.
  I understand it is a small town...and a lot of how things work in this town escape me. I doubt I will ever understand the politically correct way to go about living here. Well, I suppose, to be honest, I have never been on the correct track since the moment I moved here, and no sense in trying to use the GPS now. I just can't fathom how a whole community will turn a blind eye, when a pot is always calling a kettle black (another one of my Mom's sayings). So...before my fingers take on a mind of their own, and I cannot control the urge to say what I think, when one of these nasty remarks appear yet again...delete must occur.
  Now for the next peeve, one that I have to admit has been a fault of my own. DRAMA, not just impersonal drama, but directed at specific people. People who others apparently care about one day, and then feel the urge to let the world know they screwed up.(BTW, my drama was directed at someone who I don't give a rat's a$$ about, and I wanted that bridge burned to the ground.)  Hey, friends do NOT badmouth each other on Face Book and intend on remaining friends! I am not sure if friendship rules changed, and no one informed me, but...my friends are people who I trust. People who know more about me than others. People who I feel comfortable with. Friends are NOT people who will tell FaceBook world, with other friends able to read, why I am not a good friend. So, heads up folks, if you are my friend, no fear, I will not wander back and forth over the friendship fence, and expect forgiveness, because, fencepost friends are easily deleted. I just cringe when I scroll through and see this sad practice. I see it with couples, as well. Hellooo...intimate, that is a word used for more than sex. Intimate is between a couple, it can be simply a moment of time spent gazing into one anothers eyes,LOL..or, it can be a argument, but, when it is between a couple, unless it is a rip roaring scream fest, heard by the whole block, it is intimate. This is something partners expect from each other. To send off a rant, that everyone on your list is privy to, about your partner, is asking for trouble. I find this is just TMI about personal lives, and I don't want to know who is having an intimate moment.Heads up to my partner, I have never gotten to the place that I feel the urge to tell the whole world I am pissed at you, and if that day ever comes, I understand I will likely be alone, with only myself to blame.
  I am totally aware I can control all of these peeves, it is so simple, just takes a quick click. So, maybe in the dark recesses of my grey matter, there is a little kink....oh, no doubt, and I admit the kink is far larger than any imagine. Am I ready to openly delete? Well, going to post this, sit back, have another coffee, and give it serious thought. How black is my own kettle, and how many glass windows do I have, as I sit here with my pocket full of rocks.....?

Random Acts of Kindness

I have always wanted to do something random, to make somebodies life brighter, but...I have not accomplished this as often as I wish.
  Oh, I have popped in for surprise visits to folks, and made their day, but...I should visit these people more often, so, that doesn't count. I give to the Poppy fund, but, again, I should likely give more, and that isn't random. I have "paid it forward", but that was after someone did something totally unselfish for me, so again, doesn't count.
  I am aware that I come across as a mean, cold- hearted human being, but, deep down inside there is a good witch. I am that person who turns on the TV and wants to send all those poor starving children enough money to stop those tears. I hate those commercials, because as a mother who raised 3 children, I can hear those cries of hunger, and pain, and they cause me pain. But, then again, because I no longer trust any societies, or funds, or campaigns, my pockets stay closed.
  Oh, once upon a time, when I thought we were doing pretty good financially, I did adopt one of those children. I was surprised when I got a picture of a boy in Peru with these lovely coloured suspenders, really, Peru? But, hey, children suffer all over the world,so this was the one I would help. I faithfully sent in my monthly payments, got a typed letter every so often, and then the trouble started. Suddenly, on top of the money I was required to send, I started getting requests for birthday money, school money, special occasion money. About this time, I also had a flood in the house we had sitting empty (insurance did not cover, because it was empty). I got a foreclosure letter on this house as well, because we were barely making ends meet. Well, we fixed the flood damage, struggled and paid the house off. However to do this, my kids went without birthday money, and special occasion money. If they had not decided the original amount was not enough, and constantly asked for more and more, maybe I would have found a way to help this child, but...when I had to take from my own, the decision was made to end my commitment. Funny, I still wonder about this boy...see not totally cold. But, that was when I started to question all of these do-good folks. The constant requests made me uncomfortable, and also pressured. I imagine when those adoptive "parents" felt the urge to send a little extra, that should be their choice. Maybe if I had got some sort of form letter stating they would need this extra at specific times, I would have been aware, but..nope, just one after another. So, when I see those ads, I wonder, how many people are making a living off these poor children, and how much of this money is going somewhere beyond that child.
  So, that random act, did not work. I suppose there is still time for me to do something to change another person's life, for the good. I came very close a few weeks ago, but someone beat me to it.
  My daughter and I were getting some last minute stuff in the Bargain Store. Our Christmas was not going to be what we were used to, we were stuck working away from home. No big tree (found a tiny 2 foot pre-lit thing in one of the apartments we were cleaning) no Christmas lights in the window. We had been so busy, even the gifts were limited. But, my Honey was going to come out and spend the day, my son drove out from camp, and had dinner with us, and my oldest was spending the first Christmas in her new home with her family, so....we were luckier than many. As we got in line, a little girl was at the till. She must have been about 6. I heard the cashier tell her she didn't have enough money, and the girl put her item down, and started to walk back to see what she could afford.
  Do you remember being that young? Do you remember shopping for gifts with your very own money? Oh, I remember those days so clearly. I would collect bottles, when I was too young to "work". I remember the first gifts I bought my parents with my bottle money. I bought my Mother a set of perfume from Simpson's Sears, it was a collection of paris perfumes. My Dad was the lucky recipient of one of those dried fruit trays, also from Sears. I remember how thrilled I was to give these gifts, all by myself! So, that moment in the lineup, I knew I was going to allow this child that same satisfaction, and I felt my heart grow.
  Well, guess there are more folks who remember that feeling, because the woman in front spoke up before I could. She asked the cashier how much the girl was short, and paid it. I missed out on that random act, but, I still felt the warmth. The cashier called the girl back, gave her the little purse that she had left on the counter (it was for her sister) and told her the woman had helped pay for it. Her smile was amazing, it was pure joy, something only children possess. She thanked the woman, and then again, came back, and thanked her once more.
  This will remain with me forever. I have heard of random acts that were enormous, this tiny act, took me back to that time when I bought my first gifts, and gave me a gift of my own. Who knew I would get something this wonderful in the Bargain Store!

Wednesday, 1 January 2014

The beginning of 2014

So, this is New Years! Well, let me tell you how I spent my New Year's eve, and before I do, I will simply say, it was good!
  My children all partied. Hey, when I was their age, so did I! I think every New Years eve, I went off, thinking this was going to be a magical evening. Something amazing was going to happen to ensure the morning began a year of Fairies and Rainbows. After more than a 1/2 century, I have finally accepted, it is not going to happen.
  Folks go out to meet someone, well, I have my someone. They dress up in their finest to show the rest of the world how they can sparkle. Helloooo, we are in the deep freeze, no one in their right mind is going to go anywhere, without covering all skin up. Folks figure it is the perfect night to get rip snorting drunk. Hummmm..again, far too many celebrations in my past, I am not up to a hang over, to begin another year.
  The one and only thing that upset me this New Year's eve was, my honey went back to work. I do have that tiny wish to begin each year with him. That is what is important, to start your year with the one you wish to be with all the time. Well, we brought in 2014 on the phone, so....it's almost perfect.
  See, I had spent almost the whole month of December working on a huge project in the next town. My youngest and I stayed in various apartments as we cleaned them. Christmas dinner was in a random apartment, but...it was turkey and the fixings, and we were together. All month long my mind was filled with the need to get what seemed like an impossible job done. I never understood why when my man came home, all he wanted to do was stay at home. I thought he would want to go places, and get out of town. Well, I totally understand his need to slug about the house. I just wanted to get home to my own place, sleep in my own bed, and putter.
  We finished our project and came home, I am content! My New Year's eve was spent getting my house in order. All the stuff we collected over the month was cluttering my kitchen and hallways. I happily cleaned for hours. I had my Tassimo, and my Lipton's chicken noodle soup, and it was awesome! I had my two dogs, who also were extremely happy to have their normal routine back. I did not watch a single New Years celebration on TV, no music was played, and I (although I did consider it for a moment)didn't swallow a drop of booze.
  I did, however, spend time flicking in and out of Facebook. Hey, I read how young people are turning away from Facebook, it is not cool enough, and they don't like their parents having access to their social media. Well, so be it, leave it to the old foggies. I love it, and it is something we predicted would happen in the future, back when I was in "old school". When our friends moved away, we had no way of communicating beyond letters sent through the post office. We didn't have cell phones, and were not allowed to make those costly "long distance" calls to friends. When someone we hung out with for years had to leave town, we simply lost touch.
  Last night, as I scrolled through all the wishes for the New Year, I felt all warm and fuzzy. To see all the names and faces of the many people who passed through my life growing up, was incredible. To be able to take just a moment to send them an instant message was awesome! So, to those young people who have never said goodbye to a childhood friend, and then lost touch, stop for a moment, and consider how your old parents feel to be able to touch base with the ones they lost.
  I read messages from family. Hey, life is fast paced now, folks don't visit as much, they get wrapped up in their work, their bills, their problems. Everything seems to move so quickly. I remember growing up how the holidays were times our house was filled with visitors. They would stop by, sit in chairs set up in our small livingroom, on the couch, at the diningroom table, they would stay for a drink or two,and then wander off to another house. As a child this was such an exciting time for me, of course I had to stay out of the way, usually in the back bedroom with the door open, so I could be nosy and listen. I would have to help my Mom hand out the drinks (although most of them had a wee drop of my Dad's Scotch, delivered by him). In a small town, a small quiet town, this was major excitement. My brother and I had access to all the gingerale we wanted!We had goodies galore, never seen during the rest of the year. Squirt cheese was one of those holiday treats, it is also one that I have never bought myself, somehow the appeal of that stuff was lost. My holiday memories are all of family.
 Last night I read many messages from families. I read a message from one of my Scottish cousins to his sister who moved to Canada decades ago. How simple was it for him to tell his sister he was thinking of her? How close to a hug was it for her to read his words? I saw pictures of my Aunty celebrating her holidays with her daughter and family, I read wishes from my nephews, and sister-in-law and my honey's aunts and uncles. No matter what young folks think of Facebook, and all the drama that occurs on a daily basis, driving me insane, and clenching my fingers to stop them from sending replies that I desperately want to type, it has it's good points.
  Perhaps a typed message may seem impersonal to younger people, but, to folks of my age, the ability to let those friends and family who are utmost on my mind during this season, know I am thinking of them, is fabulous!! When I hit the send button, I do so with a sense of connection, I do it with the knowledge that someone knows they are in my thoughts at that very moment.
 So...all in all, I had a pretty decent beginning to a New Year. A year that will once again be filled with friends and family, even if it is just on Facebook and Gmail. I have yet another cousin on my "friend"list, and I am thrilled to bits to have the ability to let her know she has been in my thoughts many times, although I have not seen her in 40 years. I have begun a project with one nephew searching my family roots, and we are both having a blast. I have another nephew who is going to be a father in the New Year, and a brother-in-law who is going to be a Grandfather! And I can follow along with all of this, because of the internet. I realize it has caused serious issues, and has been the instrument used to destroy lives, but, those of us who lived a long life without this source of communication...as the rest of my family calls technologically illiterate, tend to use it simply as a way to keep in touch.
  So, Happy New Year to everyone out there. May your year be filled with Health, Wealth and Happiness. To my family and friends, I will once again spend this year sending random messages, when thoughts of you cross my mind. I may have a hard exterior, but, inside you are all important to me, and there is a soft spot for every single one of you. Which makes me pretty much a marshmellow...a very large marshmellow!