Yeah.. I know..back on the R subject, once again, and probably repeating previous rants. I was thinking...always scary...why does this stick in my craw so much? I think it was the way I grew up. See..I spent most of my young life, colour blind..and perhaps because of that, to dwell on colours, for me, has become simply a wee bit of jealousy, because I have always wished to be slightly ,or..cripes, maybe a whole lot..darker than I am. Its just because I find a nice hue, far more appealing than my lily white. So...maybe I am just a little stranger than your average human being (well, no maybe about it).
My upbringing was certainly cock full of the old ways, but as I said before, I don't believe my Mother had a tiny bit of R mixed into who she was..she just had a whole lot of knowledge, and sometimes, I wonder if I should have listened to what she said. My Mom was against inter-breeding as she called it. I remembered questioning her..for a moment wondering if she truly believed one race was less than another. She explained her reasoning was the children would suffer. Remember, this conversation occurred about 40 years ago..back in the dark ages. I argued with her (why I remember this so vividly, I don't know). I told her times had changed..people didn't think that way, any more, and children of mixed races would enjoy both cultures, and they would be luckier than the rest of us boring folk.
Well...many times I wonder..who was right? See, I am and have been, in a mixed race relationship for over 30 years. We have 2 children who are,of course inter-bred, as my Mom would say. We gave the 2 culture thing a go, in fact, we haven't given up on it totally, but..trust me, it is filled with a big pile of sh*t, that I am sure will be disputed by some, but..hey..no one has walked in our shoes, but us.
See, this raised it nasty head just awhile back, when I was informed I had no idea of the struggles my "husband, brother in law, or the husband of my oldest" have had! I apparently have not learned a single thing in the 30 some years I have been with my husband, and I spew Hate!
I was simply commenting on the fact I don't agree that low-income families should sit back and have their children receive free post secondary tuition, while middle-class folk have to find a way to pay. Not quite sure how the R business reared up..but it did, and I felt that same vacuum suck the life right out of me. And..when I questioned how the R business came into things, I was informed I brought it in...nope..did not, and would not, but I will not sit quietly and take the blame simply because I am colourless. I hear the statement "THOSE damn white people are so racist" way too may times.
We have tried our very best to embrace both cultures Granted, both of our children have the same lack of pigmentation as their Mother..but...surprise..they belong to their Father as well..so..we understand..appearance means absolutely diddly!! They admit freely and proudly who they are, and...to a point, when times are nice and cuddly..they are acknowledged. But..as the discussion the other night proves..who they are, is forgotten when push comes to shove, and only their Father is given the right to belong to his culture. Suddenly our children become, only mine! Forgotten in the heat of the moment, when what I perceive, the R word slaps me in the face!
I saw a post the other day that I truly believe is the only answer to this issue. A man who was a darker shade than I stated, this will only be solved when we look at each other, and simply see a person. So simple, right? I think so..I believe outward appearance has absolutely nothing to do with whether I like a person or not. I go by what comes from their lips, and their heart. I don't classify my friends by their race, I don't classify my friends by their sexual preferences, I don't have little slots listing how they dress, or what religion they belong to. I do know..and I do my best to respect their personal choices, and beliefs, but..colour just doesn't come into the conversation, unless we are talking about sun burns!
The R business is smouldering everywhere. To list 3 people in my life as being different than me, pretty much makes me feel less. It is definitely not the first time I have found myself in that position, and..more than likely, not the last. I see my children placed in the same position, and it is very difficult for me as their mother, to know exactly how they feel. It is extremely difficult for their Father to witness this, as well. We understand..one day, our children may have children of their own, and those children may have all the characteristics of their Grandfather, or their Great Grandmother, so will these children be more acceptable to one culture, and not another? Again, I know..there are some who will say I am full of it, but...truth is..no matter how hard we try, we are judged by appearance only, and never, ever,as just people!
This horrible thing, will remain forever because people do not accept they are who they are, not because of their ability to with stand a little more sunshine than others. It will remain when they continue to close the doors on those who don't look the same, and claim others don't understand their struggles. For crying out loud...struggles do not belong to any specific race! Almost every friend I have, has had some pretty difficult struggles in the 50-60 years they have been on this planet, some almost dying from those struggles.
This issue is NOT a white issue.. I have suffered discrimination, and those who practice it, seem to believe I deserve it...because they see me, as different, somehow not quite on their level..so until EVERYONE, becomes colour blind, it appears I must accept that I am somehow less..and know that, my Mother's words from 40 years ago still hold true today!