Been awhile, eh, folks? Hey not that I haven't sat down and typed a thousand words, because I have. They all sit in drafts , because I am not quite ready to set them free. Clearly hitting the post button has not been an issue in the past, but today, it has become harder to send my rants out into the world. I seldom get that feeling of relief after spewing..Not sure why, but, I have to follow my feelings, so..they will sit.
This morning, I felt the urge to bare my personal journey with my lifelong partner, Time. I seem to recall a point in life when Time was my friend, and it brought me the ability to do things I dreamed of. Specific ages were so very important, and without Time, they were impossible to reach. Oh you know what I am talking about, old enough to begin school, old enough to be called a teenager (that seemed so exciting, hah!), old enough to go to restricted movies,old enough to go to the bar..and then suddenly Time just started moving so damn fast, and all I had in the future was old enough for a pension and Dennys discounts.
Since a pension is not going to allow me much, and I have probably been to Dennys about 3 times in the past 5 years, age has lost it's glow, and I would very much like to have Time take off in another direction. We don't get along anymore. Not a single day, or night for that matter, goes by, without Time ticking me off (get the pun?). All I seem to get from it, is aches, pains, lack of sleep, trips to the toilet, and loss of the simple things in life. When I speak of simple things, I mean the ability to open bloody doors! Suddenly, my companion forever, has decided to throw a wrench in my option of leaving or entering a place, by making it impossible to turn a door knob!! WTF is that all about? Yes, it was a recent issue in my household. I was constantly informing my beloved and my son, that the door knobs had to be changed, because they would not turn! I would stand there trying to turn them one way and the other as they watched, until they would wander over, and poof..they would throw the door open, while looking at me like I was insane. I argued the knob wouldn't do that for me, even two hands, would be difficult. Of course, with my mind, I suddenly was overcome with the thought.."what if there was a fire, and I had to get out quickly? Damn doorknobs would have to be changed, because clearly, I would be trapped." Yes, folks, that is how my mind works..Some days, those knobs would open easily, most days, I would have to place whatever I had in one hand on the floor, so I could use both to attempt to turn them. My Honey watched me one day, clearly I was trying my best to get out the door, he saw me use both hands. Now, I am someone who friends used to hand hard to open jars to, I had hands like plumber's wrenches, that changed years ago. It happened overnight, Time decided to throw those wrenches away, and replace them with bits of tinfoil incapable of opening an aspirin container. I don't know why it took me so long to realize my parasite, Time, was responsible for my inability to turn a damn door knob.
That is indeed how I feel about Time now. It is living off of me, sucking the life out of me. I lay in bed and make a move to get comfortable, and suddenly I have pulled a muscle in my back. Those wonderful stretches one would have to get themselves aligned, no longer happen. If I accidentally attempt one, I am in agony, twisting about, trying to unlock knots that scream. Stubbing my toe, means tears of pain shoot out of my eyes, and that appendage will throb for hours. Rub my knuckles against a wall..well there will be blood..because my skin has decided to drop a layer (a small weight loss, but not enough to compensate). Cripes, even trying to cut my damn toe nails is a effort of frustration. I can't put my foot up and lean over quite far enough for the period of time necessary, so this process drags on forever.
My skin has changed, my bones have changed, my hair has changed, my eyes...well those suckers were not nice to begin with, and now they seem to get irritated by the smallest gust of wind. Oh..wind..we won't even touch that issue...Now, as for hearing..I truly believe I still have full volume, but family members dispute this..I think they are full of crap, but I will allow them to use my time travel issues if they want.
Of course Time plays games with itself, as well. That allocation that used to be given to sleep, well..Time has decided to screw that up totally. Long before darkness sets in (well at least in the summer), Time will start hinting I must replenish by hauling my sorry ass up the stairs and hitting the hay. It doesn't allow much leeway, anymore. I do acknowledge I am one of the lucky ones, I will plop down in bed, turn on the TV watch for about 20 minutes, and I am out like the lights. But...that is when Time plays it's tricks. Long before my energy level has recharged, I am awake..in the darkness. I have to get out of bed to head directly into a specific room, and once that business has been taken care of, there is no way in the world I can return to allow myself to have my batteries restored to full charge. So..I am aware that once again, my days will end sooner than a decade ago. Thankfully my life is seldom full of excitement, and there is nothing that requires me to attempt to fight Time, and stay awake longer than allowed, so..we have reached a mutual understanding of sorts. I just don't argue with the boss.
yes, Time is my boss. It rules my world. In childhood I had extra time, as an adult, I had enough time, now as an old fart, Time is limited. I could waste it , once , but now it is precious. I begin my days, hoping to make the best of Time, but generally, somehow Time gets away from me, and I am left blowing my daily limit. The clock keeps spinning, and it goes faster every year. I am afraid that learning to make the best of time, is a lesson I missed. It is not like I can rewind , and go back to a point that I can correct my mistakes, and renew my friendship with Time..we are now enemies, destined to be together until the end of Time, and of course ultimately the end of me. Time...perhaps if it waited, and we caught up to it, we would be sorry?
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