Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Monday, 3 September 2012

Shower safety

I'm Back.....So much to sift through to decide what to write about. I honestly can't explain how many different ideas float about in my grey matter. They tend to get all bound up, in a gigantic knot, and it is difficult to concentrate on any single thing.
  Since safety is such an important matter, I figured I best spend a little time, offering some personal tips. Please keep in mind, these tips are not necessarily things you would be required to practice in any other establishment.
  We will start with safely rolling over in bed. Yep, unbeknownst to us average human beings, there are things you must keep in mind before whipping your extremely hard knee caps over in your tiny little single bed. You must...not, under any circumstances, allow said kneecaps to make contact with the wall. If your kneecaps are young (under 40 years old, I assume) they are a danger. Now, very young kneecaps (under 13) may not be quite as dangerous, but the 2 decade old ones, are powerful. One wrong move upon rolling over onto the other side, can destroy walls!!! I'm not kidding. They will simply crash through Gyproc leaving perfect imprints. Heaven forbid you frighten yourself upon the first impact and perhaps slide those rock hard caps a few inches after impact, as the wall will also bend and crumple further.
  In truth when I heard about the incident, I did not believe it was this simple, however, upon entering the room, and placing my hand over the huge dent, it was ice cold, and damp. If I had pushed with my hand, I could have easily destroyed the whole flipping wall. The temptation was difficult to control, called my buddy in to hold me back, but she had the same urge.
  Oh, the hole has been "repaired" a small bucket of mud was placed in it, and the poor soul will return to this disgraceful "room" this evening. We really want the fellow to move to the opposite side of the room for his own safety. It is evident the kneecaps were just the beginning. The room should be listed as a non-drinking room, because heaven forbid someone comes in, flops on the bed, miscalculating their landing, and opens their eyes up in the parking lot.
  Now, onto shower safety. Not really sure what steps would have protected the poor guest involved in this incident, likely nothing. So I will simply explain the circumstances, bizarre as they may sound.
  Gentleman wakes up for work in the morning, His wife snoozes soundly in bed as he quietly makes his way into the washroom. He closes the door, and proceeds to get into the shower. He is washing his hair (or whatever) puts his hand out to steady himself against the tile wall of the shower, and suddenly his hand disappears through the tile. Yep, no sound, the tile just gives way.
  Thoughtful man that he is, he finishes, gets dressed and heads to work, the woman still slumbering. She wakes hours later, goes into the washroom, and as her head turns to the bathtub, she notices the big hole in the wall. How the heck did that happen? Now we have dissolving walls!!
  I write these things, thinking that in a few years, they will remind me of how the ultimate destruction began. Every single day I look about, and see new cracks, and new slants, and new places where I have to step up or down, that were not there last month. I enter the buildings smelling new smells, non of which are at all pleasant. We have a new hobby, identify the smell. Most of the identifying tends to lean towards poop.
 It has got to the point where it is impossible to Febreeze enough, we would have to apply the stuff by the barrel. I have found that spraying the bottle in front of myself as I move helps a wee bit.
  Lord love us...does age always smell so bad? Maybe we should start wearing Darth Vader masks, with lavender scent packets inside? Problem is, I think the places is about as old as I am...cripes, should I be spraying myself with Febreeze?