So, this one, I have been holding off on. I am a tad concerned as it is about someone I have ran across, who is still wandering about the area. Some I work with, have been on my case for years to write about this individual, but, I just don't think i can put down the correct words to allow you to see him, as he truly is. He is so incredible, that he still finds ways to blow my mind, and I thought I had seen or heard it all by now.
This is, my buddy's friend, who we will call the "Prince of hopelessness" or POH. This man has many nicknames, Puke Berry, Google eyes, Zesty, Broccoli, the list goes on and on, but POH will do for this rant. Why POH? Well, in my mind, there is absolutely no hope for this person, and...he seems to think he is on a level far exceeding that of the average human being. Perhaps he is a Prince? He is on a level beyond sanity, he lives in his own little world, filled with years of newspapers, and toilet paper. This man can go through a roll of toilet paper every day! We expect it is because he eats an over abundance of broccoli...He is anal!! Perhaps that also is a reason for the excessive toilet paper usage? We must ensure there is a stock pile of this butt wipe, not the usual 2 rolls, each unit generally has in stock, no, this person has 5 rolls!! We noticed that as the roll diminishes on the dispenser, a new roll is placed unwrapped on the back of the toilet to ensure no possible emergency reach will occur, if he gets carried away. I have had a house full of children, and never gone through the squares as fast as this man does. He is not enormous, so his buttocks should not require a fist full to wipe (yes, I suppose we are getting a tad to far into depth here), in fact his behind is flat as a pancake!
He is beyond cheap!! Remember, his way is paid for approximately 9 months of the year, by his employer. He apparently is a home owner, with two rentals, but, our hotel is the only home he lives in. This home allows him to have heat and hydro, he never has to buy butt wipe, he never has to buy shampoo. He also does his laundry in the bathtub!! No cost at the local laundry, more savings in his pocket. No dish soap, all supplied. TV, phone..all included. He is one of the very few guests that does not own a computer, although internet would be free as well.
He requires his own personal soap. Oh, our little bars are not to his standards, we must request money, and go to the store to pick up a new supply of his requested brand of body soap. Heaven forbid he runs out, we are to keep our eyes open and watch his supply, otherwise the phonecall will be made to the office, and we mustn't upset him.
He gets a deal on his room, usually it costs beyond what he is given in LOA, so a deal was made, and we do not make his bed every day, so he gets a discount. For goodness sakes, we must try and remember if a new girl goes up to do this room, to insist she not make the bed, if he find his bed made during the week, he gets very upset, and will make the call, then he will close his bedroom door and place a DND sign, likely because he is worried he will have to pay the extra. Truthfully he is not a lot of work, he is just a pain in the A$$ because you are always worried you will do something that will upset his OCD cart, and he will pick up the phone.
Now, he has nothing in his life, besides his job, so small things excite him. A strange vehicle actually driving about his own personal area (in a hotel) will set him off. He has been known to mark times, vehicle descriptions, licence plate numbers, of cars and trucks with numbers of occupants on his calender. When they arrived, when they left. If I didn't know better, and I don't, I would think he feels no one else should ever be placed in any adjoining units, while he is there.
He covers every single piece of furniture with towels. One day we counted more than 15 towels placed on the couch, chairs, coffee table, and yes, even on his bed, over his sheets! WTF!!! He is the only person sitting on this stuff, he is the only person on that bed, which has clean sheets placed each and every week, the only buttocks touching that sheet is his, why does he need to place a towel there???? So each week, the bed towel is removed, gingerly, and we place a nice clean towel on top of the bed.
He is dead set against smoking. O.K. I understand that, however, he goes just a little beyond the average. He has claimed that someone in one of the units was smoking in their room, and the smoke made its way into his unit through the electrical outlets!!! Helllooooo....He also recently decided that an electrical issue in his unit was the result of a missing ballast. Helllooooo again..I am not an electrician, but..ballasts are only used with florescent lights, and this place does not have a single one of those!
What really bothers me most about this person is he spends all his time bad mouthing my place of employment. Now, I admit, I do my share of bad mouthing, but..this thing is treated like Lord of the Flies. He is catered to, beyond belief. He has a choice of many other places to stay, but has continued to return to us. Then I go out for a meal to another restaurant, and listen to him at another table telling complete strangers complaints about where he stays, blatant lies about being charged for things, that never happened, and spewing all sorts of crap. Hey, I know the truth, but, to keep my job, I have to sit and bite my tongue.
This man has been receiving a free breakfast for the past 4-5 years. Way back in the day, my employer made a business decision to try and entice customers. This free breakfast offer ended years ago, but...the POH insists on getting this to this day. Oh, it is not a simple breakfast, no, no...it is a specific order, with special additions. Each morning it is to be ready when he arrives!!! Then it is to be placed on the table with a container. He eats approximately 1/2 this breakfast, then with the side order, it is placed in the container, and lo and behold, he now has a free lunch as well!!!!
He does not, however, eat supper at the hotel, this he has at another establishment, and I am unsure if he gets a special deal there!
He is extremely arrogant, now, we are unsure, perhaps he was dropped on his head at a young age. We don't think he actually realizes that he causes most of the staff to attempt to hide when he appears, but, he does. We have cleaned his toilet for years on end, wiped his curlies out of his tub, scrubbed the soap scum out of his sink, and mopped his dirt off his floors. We have ensured he is kept in soap, toilet paper, dish racks, light bulbs, shampoo and towels. We enter his unit every day, overwhelmed by the stench of rotting fruit, an vegetables. We have cleaned up each time he left, and ensured things were proper before he returned. Not one, and I mean never, have we ever received a single tip from this individual. I admit, once a week he goes in and hands over an amount to tip the wait staff, it is a set amount, and I will say it does not exceed $11, and that is for breakfast 7 days a week. However, those of us who have to clean his crap, go that extra mile to keep on the fine line he expects with his idiosyncrasies, do not deserve any consideration.
So, when I go on my rants about those folks who arrive in town to work for my very favourite corporation, I hope that you have some concept of why. He is simply one of many, someone I must cater to, who has somehow come to the assumption that he is a superior being. I am not sure if this is a course that is required, before being sent here, but, if he was the only one that came with this attitude, I would not go off the wall as often.
Who knows, perhaps they are sent here once their ballasts are removed?