Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Monday, 3 February 2014

Punch 0 for a Person

Yes, I have been quiet for awhile, now...Sorry, it's not as though things haven't had me ranting about the house, just some things sort of took over my time to spew on here. I understand, there are likely some out there, who are very upset they missed a voyage into my poisonous mind, don't fear, it never frigging stops, and there is plenty more, to come.
  See, I have just finished a battle with Unemployment Insurance. Well, they changed their name, now it goes on so long, a person can easily miss one of the words. They also must have cut back their staff. Calling to speak to a person, is a little like pin the tail on the Donkey. There are about 10 different numbers, and then...a Service Canada office in every town over 3000 people, with a phone number. However, almost every single number brings you to the same automated message. Now. I know they (the government) have
 some very smart people on their payroll. I understand we never see these people , because they keep them all shut into one room, but they are there.
  Their job is to attempt to make it totally impossible, in an acceptable way, to speak to a civil servant (what an oxymoron). I mean civil in the context of "government", not in the context of "nice". In this day and age, they have to have phones! No getting around it, the people would be very upset if they had no option, besides the computer, so...there is this list of numbers one can call. I was going to say dial, but...guess people seldom "dial" they punch. Hey, maybe "punching" the phone is a result of attempting to contact government departments? So...if you have never had to reach a specific department within the government, consider yourself lucky!! Almost every single number dials exactly the same place. It is that automated message that tells you absolutely NOTHING, and does not offer an option to speak to one of the few humans left in the building. Thankfully I am  experienced (somewhat) in attempting to contact earthlings, and after dialing and listening to every single option, including the incessant one that suggests I can find everything I want to know, on-line, I tried the one trick that has worked in the past. I simply pushed 0! HELLLOOOO...it is a magic button, the repetitive stream changed...Really, why did one of those brainwaves shut in that room not include this information in that recorded message? Why did they not offer the selection "if you wish to speak to an actual employee, press 0"? Hey, obviously they do not want people using the phone numbers to bother those folks busy ensuring all information is on-line. But.....again, due to extreme cutbacks in civil employees, apparently they only have one person per Province/Territory, and once pressing the magic 0, you must sit and wait for, another constant message... "Our wait time is 45 minutes"!
  O.K. I know I am now unemployed. I don't have to clock in at a specific time, my days are my own, I have all the time in the world....But Holy Cow, really, sitting with a phone stuck to my ear for 45 minutes, listening to nasty music (something one could hum along to, would be far nicer) with interruptions from Ms. Auto voice, again trying to get me to hang up and go on-line, or.... this is the one that really riles me up " Thank you for your patience"! WTF!!! 20 minutes into this, I certainly do not have an ounce of patience left! My patience was used up trying to figure out how I could find a person to speak to! I am pi$$ed, and to leave someone pi$$ed for 45 minutes, simply pushes the average adult over the edge(let alone someone like me). So, because anyone calling this department isn't working,  they will ensure you don't do anything at all, except wait for their provincial representative to wade through the calls till they get to yours.
  I wonder, are you like me, as you sit, waiting your 45 minutes, do you play games "on-line"? Do you wander about, making a coffee, peeing(and secretly hoping the call goes in when the toilet is flushing), having some toast, putting dishes in the dishwasher? I get nervous, because I simply put the speakerphone on, and zone out. I am shocked back into reality when I hear the music stop, and the line ringing to...a person!
  Hola!! The anger drains right out of me, and is replaced by indignation. The voice is always so  caring and considerate...because, they know every single person is likely over the edge. I explain my plight, and become even more offended when I am told the f*ck up I am dealing with "happens quite often". Hey, I am at the end of month 3 waiting for my UI, because my employer screwed things up. I am told that they have initiated a "call-back" to correct the information, but apparently that can take up to 3 weeks. I am told that if this isn't fixed by a set time, I will have to call them back again. Ack!!! No....not another 45 minutes? Suffice to say, I made this call 3 frigging times!! It wasn't as bad the last two, because...you got it, I knew to punch that damn 0,so we cut out the hours of attempting to listen carefully to the automessage, to hear the secret password to humanity.
   Like  Christopher Columbus, and Alexander McKenzie,I think of myself as an explorer. I have explored the dark regions of the Unemployment Insurance department. I have managed to make my way, through the red tape forests, and telephone wire traps. I have discovered that hidden tribe "the Civil servants" and made contact with them. If, in the future you set off on this journey, be sure to pack a sh*tload of patience, hold the phone away from your ear (to ensure you do not injure the soft tissue), and ......save your fingers, simply punch 0!!!