Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Monday, 16 February 2015

Crocodile Smiles

Got something boiling right now, but...decided I would start off with a little tidbit on personalities.
     See, I am outspoken..yep I accept that many call me a big mouth, perhaps a little aggressive, but, this is not within my control..this is me!! Most may not understand, more times I swallow back a ton of stuff, things that if they begin to spill from my lips, will not stop, and cause a bit of grief both for myself, and whoever is on the other side. I am outspoken, but, I could be , oh so much worse. See, speaking out uses energy. To argue, to debate, to communicate, at least in my world, will actually give me an adrenaline rush, and afterwards I am like an empty shell. If I were to spew every time I felt the urge, I would probably be much thinner, and also impossible to live with. I try and pick my battles, and I am usually a sobby mess if I find myself in a battle I had no heads up for, but I will fight, with words.
  As one often hears, opposite's attract. My honey is completely different. He seldom speaks loudly, in fact most times I can barely hear him. He is the quiet guy, but, you know what? It is true, you must always worry about the quiet ones. They simmer. Folks like me have a quick boil and then everyting cools down. The quiet ones, they don't show any expression, they are definitely introverts of the highest order, everything stays inside, until there is no room left, and then they explode. I have not see my honey explode, except maybe once in all these years, and that was defused before any damage.
  Expressions speak volumes. I, as a mother, have managed to build an amazing repertoire of expressions, and those who have spent time with me, are privy to most of my expressions, and can instantly gauge my mood. Some folks do not speak with their faces.
  To explain those silent expression people, I am reminded of the father of the boy I babysat for many years. Most of the time, his Mom, my friend, would pick him up at the end of the day. But sometimes during the first year, his Dad would stop by and get him. I didn't know his Dad well, he worked away from home most of the time, and was a very busy man. The knock would come at the door, I would open it, and there would be Herb. He is a man of few words, and like my honey, he did not speak with his face. I thought he did not like me, and deep down inside he wished he didn't have to deal with me. He scared me, because his face was not open. He is a quiet man, but one who carries himself with great bearing. He doesn't need to speak with expressions, like my honey, he does not feel the need to smile, just because, but like Chuck, when he does speak out, it is not a battle, it is a clear ,concise statement of fact. After time, I realized he was not mad, nor did he dislike me, he was calm, and peaceful, and comfortable in his place. My son spent 1/2 his childhood with this man, as we were second families to each others sons, and he saw this man laugh, just like he saw his Dad laugh. Like me, with this man, I have had people tell me that my honey scares them, because he always seems grouchy. Just because a person does not walk around with a constant smile on their face, does not mean they are grouchy or miserable, they just don't feel the need to express their feelings to the rest of the world.
  Now, on the other hand, there are some folks who make a point of seeming to be the nicest, happiest people on the planet. Their goal is life is to ensure the world only sees one side of them, the smiling side. We all know people like this.."oh Joe Blow, he is the nicest guy in the world, everyone likes him". Well, if they are not Mother Theresa, giving all they own to the poor and downtrodden, they are fake!! They are putting on a false front because they fear someone will actually see them for who they really are. These people, I am afraid, are not to be trusted. Like me, swallowing  a ton of what cannot be let out of the cage, these people are holding back the unsavory side of themselves. If this side somehow is glimpsed by another, they may as well forget to try and tell a single soul about that black side, because..."oh not Joe Blow, he is ever so nice". See Joe Blow is the one to watch for, the nicey nice person, not the grouchy, scary quiet person, who is not trying to convince the world how nice they are. They don't need to smile and holler with their faces, they don't pretend, they are what you see. The "nicest" guy in the world,like me, has to work very hard .He uses all his energy to pretend, but sometimes like me, he runs out of energy, and the real Joe Blow rears his ugly head.
  My ugly head is my lack of self control when it comes to things that p*ss me off. I can't be the quiet one with the ability to withstand blow after blow. I speak out, loud and clear and say my piece, I am easy to see through. I do not hide behind a false front, I am naked to the world, and I find it the easiest way to survive. My ugly is there for all to see. I cannot hide it behind a smile, I cannot waste my energy trying to pretend to the world I am nice, when I , like Joe Blow, know I am not. I try my best not to lie. I don't do well with secrets, if they will hurt those I care for. I do not abuse others for personal gain, because, then I would always owe them, and I have no wish to owe anyone, besides of course the government (O.K. I wish I didn't owe them) and bill collectors (wish I didn't owe them too). I am simply a big mouth who smiles, sometimes, cries others, and spews often.
 There are crocodile tears all over the place, but the really scary things, what you have to truly be on the look out for, are crocodile smiles!