So, as some know, I am kind of living in "Limbo". Not really the greatest place to be, but..clearly my life is not one of simplicity, no matter how much I strive for it.
I imagine there are those who wish for my problems, and I understand, there are those who have far greater issues than I, so for that, I am grateful! Yes, I am jealous of those who seem to flow flawlessly through life, or even those who experience the odd little bump along the way. Mine, well, life is a dirt road, filled with pot holes that cannot be missed. I must hit each and every one of them, and some are pretty damn deep.
The past 5-6 years have been particularly bumpy, and as a result, I spent a great deal of time in what was lovingly referred to, as the Bat Cave. That was really, the basement of our home. It took a fair bit of adjustment, but it ultimately was my personal choice, and it has actually changed me.
Our home is lovely! I have written in the past about the river view, and the windows and french doors that allow bright light to fill the home from early morning until dusk. Why would someone choose to go through the basement door, and spend all their days in semi darkness? Well, the first time was for financial well being. That one was kind of hard. The basement is unfinished, which means no ceiling (not the first time I have resided in a home without a ceiling). No ceiling means...spider friendly!! I am well known for my irrational fear of these insects, but when push came to shove, I managed to suck it up, and survive. Not only did I survive, I actually learned to love the Bat Cave.
It was simple! Just enough furnishing to provide comfort, a bed, a love seat, a coffee table, TV and a spot for my computer. Guess what folks....I came to realize, that is all one needs! It actually made life simple. The second time I headed down there, it was my desire. I left the bright sunny, enormous living area, and hauled my chunky a$$ down into the bat cave, breathing a sigh of relief. Back to simplicity. Back to the place that did not require a huge amount of upkeep, taking up tons of my time, back to the simple basics.
See, I like the basics. Anything beyond, requires work, and ultimately, I am lazy! Small area, less work! Sure, maybe sometimes it looks a little unkempt, but..hey, who am I trying to impress? Personal space, is no different than personal friends. You don't need a sh*t load of either. What you need are the basics.
Right now, I am not at home in the Bat Cave, instead I am back in our hovel, that we left 12 years ago. It has a bit more space than the Bat Cave, and...it does now have a ceiling! It is basic, old, in need of refreshing, but basic. Everything one needs is here...maybe a wee bit more light than the bat cave. I am also pretty much alone 5 days out of the week. That may sound harsh, but previously, I was alone 7 days a week, so big bonus!
I am also away from the place that was home for 12 years, returning to one that my friends all left, at almost the same time as we did. That means, I have no social life. Ooops..now don't feel sorry for me! Heading into my Bat Cave was pretty much the beginning of the end of the need for people. I adjusted to the cave, as I imagine a Hermit adjusts to his place away from the world. The need for others has diminished, almost to the point I prefer alone.
I have had visits from those I deem important, all folks and family from elsewhere. I see my honey and son 2 days a week (sort of), and in truth, besides family, and of course all my "St. Olaf friends" and my dear MC, there is one single person that I wish was here. Funny that! We call, and chat, and truthfully, even when I was in the Bat Cave, this was often how life was, even though she was just up the road.
12 years! And it all boils down to missing one person! I don't miss my house, I don't miss my Bat Cave, I don't miss my surroundings, I just miss that simple pleasure of the ability to jump in my car when the urge hits and spend venting time with one particular person. 12 years! That tells me how very important a good friend is. Oh, I touch base with some others, folks who touched my life, over this period..mostly work related..because for many of those years, my job WAS my life, but, I don't miss it at all!! Makes one wonder, a whole decade and some, and simple as air to just erase..no regrets, a chapter done, the book closed.
I think what I learned was to embrace the basics. To forget all of the trappings and do what is necessary to have that which is important in life. Simplicity is what I strive for. I want that which makes me happy, and to have that which causes stress, and struggle gone. Guess what? It's not that easy to get to this point. In fact, right now I am simply going with the flow, knowing that very soon, reality will kick in, and I may end up back in the Bat Cave, all alone. Not something I want, in fact I dread it, because it will be for the long, very dark, cold winter. Sort of got a great big pot hole that is difficult to climb out of. The simple life is not an easy destination. It is out there, very close, but..likely requiring yet another payment. I don't want to pay anymore, this debt hangs heavy, because it is something I have to do all by myself. Much as I enjoy my personal space, I also look forwards to having my honey with me, something that has become very difficult with the economics of our time. Life in the Bat Cave does not allow for time together, especially in the winter, so...it seems I may be making many trips up the road, to the one person who matters in that world!
Funny, a great part of my life was spent trying to grab the brass ring, to have a lovely home, and things..things that don't really matter diddly (O.K. do really miss our travel trailer). Now I find all I want to do is get rid of all of that. Is it because our children are all grown? Maybe..maybe that is a part of it. But, mostly I think it is because I know this sh*t is not what life is about, at least my life. Simple, quiet, comfort, those 3 words are what I wish to strive for..and..again..not easy to acquire, but I think they might be possible. Just one more payment!