Yep..I have been finding it impossible to sit down and chatter for some time..but, maybe this will clear the cobwebs? I thought I would start off with a nice Christmassy blog, however, for some reason this crap popped into my head, so I will go with it.
I am old!! I realize this far more often the past year, than ever before. I have reached that point if I kick the bucket, they won't be saying "She was so young".However I have certainly not reached the point they will claim " She lived a long life", so...holding out hope I hit that mark far into the future.
I see I am old if I happen to glance up to the mirror while brushing my teeth (yep still have those) or my hair. I actually frightened myself the other day, when I glanced up. It seemed to me I was missing an eyebrow?????O.K. let me go on a wee bit about eyebrows...Years back when I was young, and having fun, I met a very dear friend by chance, from Australia. She was just in Canada for a wee while, but we bonded and traveled across the country together. At some point, we went swimming, now when my friend was done, and we were sitting by the pool, I noticed she just looked a little "off", I kept staring wondering what it was..and then it hit me..she was missing an eyebrow!! She told me when she was younger she had used hair remover on them so she could draw perfect ones on..the hair never came back, and she had to remember to draw them on daily..one had clearly succumbed to the pool. Well..there I was staring at myself, WTF???
See, growing old, causes some weird sh*t to go on with hair. It moves all about..guys lose it on their heads..women grow it on their faces. It seems my thin brows did not migrate.\, one just went grey. So grey that it blends into my semi translucent skin tone, which causes it to "disappear". So now I am lopsided..I find myself looking in the mirror a bit more than usual, just because of this wonky eyebrow. I suppose if I wasn't so lazy I could begin to draw on my thin eyebrows, but that would have to become habit, and I have far too many of those already..just no time!
As I said, this year has made my age painfully obvious, more than any other. It has been a difficult one, so perhaps all those claims children give their parents grey hair,are not far from the truth. Harsh times, can indeed age one.
I imagine I appear very old to most...because sadly, I appear old to me. I find age becomes apparent, when I see others who are my age. Now...I will always state, I am no where near as old as them..but..I know it is not true. I have some friends who pi$$ me off, because they look 15-20years younger, but..clearly they have been blessed with a whole whack of genetics I am missing. B*tches!! LOL..Folks try to be nice, when age is a topic of conversation, and I state I am 60.."Really?" Yeah..really..look at me!!
I am so old, that yesterday my grand daughter brought her boyfriend to meet me!! That is frigging old!! It was only yesterday I was the one with a Grand mother, who was meeting my "boyfriend"! If that doesn't scare you, something is wrong.
See, all it takes is the simple matter of picking up a pile of pictures, and I am 17 again. The moment preserved by Kodak, can wipe all the other years away, and I can recall how I felt, what I smelled, the outfit I was wearing, what I did afterwards, like it was yesterday! I forget all that has happened since, a whole lifetime of love, pain, hardships, heartaches, hard work, disappointments,,disappear momentarily, until I go to move, and then age hollers! The simple matter of attempting to sit more comfortably can cause me to pull a muscle in my back, or a charlie horse in my leg. And then, I go to stand up..yes..it is true, old people make noise when they stand. Some days I make noise when I take steps up the stairs..some come from my mouth, some come from my bones..my family will state some come from elsewhere..but we are not getting into that area of my body quite yet!
See the reason my being old should scare you, is because it happened so darn fast! I graduated just a few years back..I raised 3 children at warp speed. I became a Grand mother as a teenager. I lost my parents when I was a child. Friends passed on when we were just kids. I know, this is not fact, however, this is how I feel. I have lived a lifetime, but it just moved so very quickly! The only time that I understand how much I have lived is when I meet someone who was a baby, the last time I saw them, or when my Grandchildren have a birthday, and I am hit with their new age, or when I do grab that stack of pictures, and watch my children grow up....Funny that, I was there from the beginning, but somehow looking back, makes me realize those days I thought I would never stop picking up their messes, and never have a moment of "me" time . were over in an instant.
Now I have far too many moments of "me" time. What the heck was the big deal about that? I "me" time most of the time, and it is not all it was cut out to be. My "me" time is spent recalling the times I thought I wanted it. Now those times are what I call the "good old days", well most of them.
So when you look at me, a wrinkled up old bag, with one grey eyebrow, take a moment. This happened so fast. trust me when I tell you, very soon, much sooner than you can imagine, you too will be old. It's not so bad..appearances may be frightening, but hidden under all the sagging bodies, and balding heads, and yes..grey eyebrows, are the young people of the past.
We are just filled with far more life..some difficult, some glorious, Yes, that's it...we are filled with life!! How wonderful does that sound? We have lived lifetimes..they went by so quickly, but..they are all packed up inside, and come out with the simple flick of the switch, a smell, a song, a picture...How incredibly lucky us Old people are!!