O.K. first off, this is probably going to upset some folks..However..if they are upset, then they are part of the reason the world is filled with participant ribbons.
Just to be clear, I understand I am not well educated in raising a special needs child. That said, I am aware enough to realize those parents that do, deserve a special hug, because I do understand raising a child period, is difficult, let alone having to work with special needs.I respect the patience you must have. I respect the fact, that like most parents, you have an overwhelming urge to protect your child, that is "normal" for all of us.
But...today I read an "open" letter written by the mother of a Downs Syndrome boy, regarding the lack of invite to a classmate's birthday party.I saw that there were 23 children in the class, and 22 apparently received invitations. According to the letter her son was the only one not invited.
Fine, I understand she had to deal with her son upset he did not get invited. Perhaps the reason was his Downs Syndrome. That is sad. Yes, the letter went into detail explaining how she understood the birthday child's parent may be uncomfortable, and fearful, as she was before she had her child. It was a lovely letter..however....This is why the world is such a mess.
May I say, after she posted this "open letter" the birthday child's mother did indeed give the boy an invitation...In my hard hearted opinion, this was wrong!! What the hell??? The child did not get invited to a private party. So, for the rest of his life, is his mother going to pen letters each and every time he is not included in something?
Holy crap!! Growing up my friend's circle would rotate, sometimes we would be at odds with one another, and..surprise..left out of something all my other friends were part of. Did it hurt? Damn right it did!! I would sit at home, in a very small town, knowing that everyone else was in a group, having fun..I wasn't! Did I ever do this hurtful thing myself..yep..sure did!! Of course there were the really popular people who were included in absolutely everything, but along with the majority of kids I grew up with, sometimes our feelings got hurt.
Now, as little as I know about Downs Syndrome, I can imagine this child was hurt, and as painful as the feeling of being left out is for your average child, I assume one with the innocence of this child, and the gentle heart, this would have been devastating.
It is simply sad. But, it is also reality. Again, I would not want to be in this mothers shoes, trying to comfort her child, but, the birthday child's mother should not have been publicly chastised like this. Sure, her name wasn't on this letter, but..for goodness sake, the world has become very small with social media..she knew she had been singled out.
So..the child's mother is upset because her son was singled out, and not invited to a party, she in turn singles out the other child's mother. Sorry, but again, if the invitation had not been given, the birthday child's mother would definitely be in a very uncomfortable position with the mentality of the world today.
Why did this parent choose to write an open letter regarding something as personal as a birthday party? I believe we have gone too far to the left. I never expected my parents to give a rat's behind whether I went to "Bill Mike Moe's" birthday party. Cripes, it was likely they appreciated not having to dish out for gifts, each invitation I was not given. I had to learn, sometimes mean things happen.
So, as a parent, if I had even considered doing something like this, and then the other parent had relented, and invited my child..would I have sent them? NOT EVER!! What satisfaction results from this whole matter? The uninvited has pushed to be invited, and now will attend a party, where everyone will have to be on their best behaviour to ensure the comfort of one child.
For crying out loud..as awful as this seems, it has become a problem. Everyone else having to bend to appease one. We will continue getting no where, there is always going to be some minority that is unhappy, we cannot make everything a Fairy tale. Life hurts, for everyone, at some moment. I don't care if you are covered in pimples, if you have a missing or deformed limb, if you are fat, skinny, black, white, have a birthmark, poor, lack of continence, allergies, or..even perfect...at some point in time, you will not be included in absolutely everything you want, in the world.
Yes, I would hug the poor child, left out of the invite, I would hug any child left out, because as one who grew up in the real world, I understand that feeling. Because I understand that feeling, I can sympathize.But, I also understand, this will happen far more as the child grows older. So now will he expect to take part in everything?
Hug your child, cry with him, feel his pain, but do NOT turn the tables, and make another child, feel like a piece of crap because of this. Sorry, but from my point of view, this is what the mother accomplished..she got what her child wanted by making someone else uncomfortable. She should have kept this between herself and the other mother..not thrown it out to the bleeding heart mob, to ensure the other family had no choice.
The world has been unfair to me, probably you, as well. I would definitely love to sail through every day without getting hurt. I wish I could wrap my own children up in bubble wrap to ensure they never got hurt, but they have. I am heartbroken when my grand children are hurt, and want to go beat those who hurt them up...but that is not reality. I hope my children and in time my grand children learn, like I have had to, life is not fair, but, we are all in the same boat at one time or another...and there is always someone close by to help them paddle!
Friday, 24 June 2016
Sunday, 5 June 2016
The Fish Pond
Is life at 60, as I imagined? Nope..not at all. My imagination was based on those who were old when I was young...my life is nothing like theirs!
See, I have mentioned on more than one occasion, I grew up in a very small town However, I don't think I might have mentioned some of the history of that small town..I will fill in one or two spaces, and perhaps..my old, and the old of those back in the day.have reason to be just a wee bit different.
My home town still has it's reputation as a "Boom" or "Bust" town. It began booming with mining. Now, keep in mind, this was way back in the day..the days of wooden sidewalks, and horse drawn wagons, and rough tough folks who were out to make their fortunes, no matter what. It was..the "Mild Wild West". I say mild, because it wasn't Gunsmoke, but pretty damn close.
When you have a large group of men, stuck in the middle of no where, making some pretty damn good coin...you have all sorts of business out to get a piece of that coin. The oldest profession showed up pretty quickly. You all know what that is..that business that begins with a product, sells it, and still has the product...The Red-Light district business!
O.K. when I was a kid, the business was long gone. I didn't even know about it until I grew up and read a book by a past member of the NorthWest Police, and boy was I shocked! You see, I was shocked, because...I knew a whole whack of the folks mentioned in this book. I was shocked, because, all I saw were old people, but, now I was privy to some of their past, and boy..it was juicy!!
One in particular, a lady I seldom saw..her hubby was the Mayor, and they lived on the street behind my house. I think I only saw her two of three times, and that was when we pressed her husband to allow us into their yard to see their fish pond. A fish pond in my town was rare, in fact, I might be wrong, but I believe they had the only one. They also had an amazing yard, filled with beautiful flowers, and a well maintained home. The Mayor would drive his little green car about, with a fresh flower in a vase placed on his dash.I honestly believed this couple was snobby, and filthy rich. Yep..back when you are so young, you decide folks are rich by the things they have, and a fish pond..well that was really wealthy!!! Imagine my shock, when I grew up, and found this lady, who seemed like the biggest snob in the world..had at one time worked in the Brothels.
I learned of other women I knew, and loved, who had spent their younger days in this profession. Honest to goodness..perhaps that is when I realized it was not as horrid as I imagined. These women did pretty damn good for themselves, and...although the whole community knew their past, they settled in, and lived their lives as up-standing citizens. The white haired women, who had beautiful gardens, and immaculate homes, and doting husbands..had lived a sordid life for awhile, and then..retired! They had families, they had grandchildren, and they had businesses. But when they reached the age I am at right now, most of them lived a quiet life, gardening, and enjoying the companionship of the men they married, or if single/widowed, they enjoyed their family..
I have to think they were far smarter than me!! They were always dressed nicely, their hair was always done, and from all appearances, except for those who drank like fish, life moved slowly and quietly. Oh, I could possibly be totally out to lunch on all of this, I am certainly not dumb enough to believe life is what one views, but..as I reach that age in my life, I am positive my life is far more hectic, and full of turmoil than those of the "old" ladies of my childhood.
Those boring old ladies, pruning their roses, and plumping their peonies, seemed so sad, when I was young. They didn't go anywhere, they didn't do anything exciting..geez who the heck wanted to be that age? Again, life lesson learned. Something happens as you pass the 1/2 century point in life. Things that once seemed so important, material things, suddenly lose their shine. You realize that all the hurry and scurry gets you no where, it only makes you tired. You understand, time does have an end, the future is not "To infinity and beyond", it is 10-20-30 years down the road, and the distance is closing in far faster than the first 1/2 century moved.
I have come to a point where the pruning and plumping suddenly seems very appealing. Oh, I have other things that require a bit more travel, such as Pine picking, and to drive out into the middle of the bush, and sit for weeks in a travel trailer would certainly be listed in my top 3 pleasures of life, but..those pleasures seem so far out of reach, and I am quickly growing old.
I actually attempted to put in a fish pond! I had the hole dug, and then life decided to take a turn, and we had to "dig" around to find enough dirt to fill the damn thing in (dirt in these parts is hard to find). I think that might be the moment I realized those old ladies were smarter than me! My fish pond awaits grass seed...See, I had friends here who had a fish pond, I thought maybe that was why I was so gung ho to get one as well..but..really..in the back of my mind, the Mayor's fish pond has always been the sure sign of what old age is suppose to be like. A flower on my dash, a yard full of beautiful blooms, and a bloody fish pond!
Stay tuned..Right now I am making a slight turn in life, and heading backwards. I have a short list of requirements I want/need, and after letting these words out, I realize that Fish pond has been added to the list..along with the peonies, because I don't really like roses....
Sunday, 22 May 2016
Confusion Reigns
I admit, my life is often filled with confusion. It is extremely seldom that anything flows along smoothly..instead little creeks branch off all about, there are dead pools, and waterfalls, and frigging sucking whirl pools.
Right now, I am in the midst of one of those whirl pools. Kind of like when you flush the toilet, everything swirls around and around, before going down the drain. Imagine a spider on a piece of toilet paper, as you watch it spin, worrying that somehow it will crawl to the side, and manage to escape the looming death trap, in the middle of the toilet. I am that spider!!! Geez, not quite sure why I chose a spider as an example..guess I am truly losing it!
Sometimes huge things come along in life. Oh, you know they are big, and they are going to use up absolutely every single bit of you to accomplish. You gear yourself up..you are almost at the point where you have convinced yourself..it is possible..I CAN do this..and then BAM!!! Along comes yet another massive issue, one that blows the first out of the water! Daunting is possibly the best word to describe this, intimidating..overwhelming..oh I could go on and on.
When things like this happen, if they are not emergencies, I become totally useless. Because I think way outside the box..that is all I will do. I will think, and think, and sit and sit, and just get physically ill, because I cannot find a starting point.
Like that spider, if I could find a tiny little dry spot on the piece of paper, one that would allow me to stand up without falling, and pick an area on the side of the toilet that the water isn't pouring on.I just might make a leap of faith, and start climbing out. I can't find the right spot, and I keep thinking the water is pouring every where..leaping is just not an option!
So..besides feeling that I must have done something so very horrid in my life, that Karma feels the need to keep biting my A$$ over and over (one would think by now I would not have any A$$ left, but sadly even that perk doesn't occur). Yes, I feel sorry for myself. I wonder why it is always raining on my parade, when I see others have a constant source of sunshine. I just want a tiny bit of solar rays, just enough to warm things up a wee bit, and take the chill off.
I have asked myself if this is some sort of test..and if it is, I flunked. I don't have an issue with flunking..experienced that continually in math class, and hey..it isn't so bad. What it feels like right now, is that time lapse when you hand your test onto the teacher's desk, knowing it is really crappy, and then again the next day when you see the marked results back on that desk. Once you have it back in your hands, you are not surprised, you kind of knew what the big red mark would be..maybe you didn't quite expect the E- but, the E was pretty much a given. Then the really bad part is pretty much over. There is no going back..just have to deal with things.
Now that I can handle! The beginning and the end..it is the freaking middle limbo crap that drives me insane! All the little bits and pieces that are not clear, and that make looking for that safe jumping area, impossible. Right now, pardon the pun (inside "joke") the water seems to pour randomly, with no possible spot to climb.
So...I will sit and sit, and think and think, and feel really bad that I have not lifted a single finger to begin the first, let alone the second of my karmic sh*t piles. They are really beginning to stink, but I keep sniffing my pachouli oil, and so far, I haven't started to gag!
Right now, I am in the midst of one of those whirl pools. Kind of like when you flush the toilet, everything swirls around and around, before going down the drain. Imagine a spider on a piece of toilet paper, as you watch it spin, worrying that somehow it will crawl to the side, and manage to escape the looming death trap, in the middle of the toilet. I am that spider!!! Geez, not quite sure why I chose a spider as an example..guess I am truly losing it!
Sometimes huge things come along in life. Oh, you know they are big, and they are going to use up absolutely every single bit of you to accomplish. You gear yourself up..you are almost at the point where you have convinced yourself..it is possible..I CAN do this..and then BAM!!! Along comes yet another massive issue, one that blows the first out of the water! Daunting is possibly the best word to describe this, intimidating..overwhelming..oh I could go on and on.
When things like this happen, if they are not emergencies, I become totally useless. Because I think way outside the box..that is all I will do. I will think, and think, and sit and sit, and just get physically ill, because I cannot find a starting point.
Like that spider, if I could find a tiny little dry spot on the piece of paper, one that would allow me to stand up without falling, and pick an area on the side of the toilet that the water isn't pouring on.I just might make a leap of faith, and start climbing out. I can't find the right spot, and I keep thinking the water is pouring every where..leaping is just not an option!
So..besides feeling that I must have done something so very horrid in my life, that Karma feels the need to keep biting my A$$ over and over (one would think by now I would not have any A$$ left, but sadly even that perk doesn't occur). Yes, I feel sorry for myself. I wonder why it is always raining on my parade, when I see others have a constant source of sunshine. I just want a tiny bit of solar rays, just enough to warm things up a wee bit, and take the chill off.
I have asked myself if this is some sort of test..and if it is, I flunked. I don't have an issue with flunking..experienced that continually in math class, and hey..it isn't so bad. What it feels like right now, is that time lapse when you hand your test onto the teacher's desk, knowing it is really crappy, and then again the next day when you see the marked results back on that desk. Once you have it back in your hands, you are not surprised, you kind of knew what the big red mark would be..maybe you didn't quite expect the E- but, the E was pretty much a given. Then the really bad part is pretty much over. There is no going back..just have to deal with things.
Now that I can handle! The beginning and the end..it is the freaking middle limbo crap that drives me insane! All the little bits and pieces that are not clear, and that make looking for that safe jumping area, impossible. Right now, pardon the pun (inside "joke") the water seems to pour randomly, with no possible spot to climb.
So...I will sit and sit, and think and think, and feel really bad that I have not lifted a single finger to begin the first, let alone the second of my karmic sh*t piles. They are really beginning to stink, but I keep sniffing my pachouli oil, and so far, I haven't started to gag!
Tuesday, 17 May 2016
Potty Business
First off..let me say..I understand, the world is not black and white, and I am NOT talking colours. I understand sexuality is a mixed bag at best, and I am a firm believer of "whatever makes your boat float", except animals..animals should not be included in this bag. I don't give a rat's behind who a person finds attractive. I may not find the same attraction, but...I have my own preferences, and that's just who I am.
However, sometimes when folks set out to fix a problem (much like municipal by-laws) they don't look all the way around the little box, and implement things that raise a myriad of unforeseen issues. Then the "fixed" problem becomes bigger and bigger, because the rest of the world starts picking things apart, and...usually, in truth, comes up with a ton of questions with no answers.
I see our Liberal leader is getting an award..an award related to one of his many causes, sexual equality. Hey..again, I am all for equality, remember I AM a female, and I do understand how changes are needed to allow all of us to be treated the same. That said, I also am a firm believer that we are NOT all equal. There are a ton of folks floating about who are much smarter than I am, there are folks far more artistic than I am, an incredible group far more patient, more soft- hearted..the list goes on and on. Equality is necessary in some, but not ALL aspects of life.
I am also a firm believer that not all students should be allowed in the classroom. Yep..that is where my head sits. I believe children, ALL children deserve the right to a good education, and when special needs children are placed in the regular classroom, I don't care what people say, that takes away from the others. Suddenly a small minority take up a large percentage of time and effort, which takes away from the rest. This is NOT equality, this is placing a small number in front, and someone else has to pay for the change.
This is how I feel on the Transgender issue, with bathrooms. See, I admit, I do not understand transgender fully, because I am NOT transgender, and I have never really sat down with someone who is, to have a nice long discussion on their problems in life.. This does not mean I am not open to sit down with someone and listen, because..I would love to learn more. We all have bumps in life, we all struggle with things that we find difficult, sexuality aside. I am someone who is extremely glad the majority of the world is finally closing their eyes to who someone decides to be with in their lives, and we are finally understanding it doesn't make a lick of difference on whether they are a good or bad person.
That said..Transgender bathroom issues. O.K. again, not understanding this lifestyle (sorry if that is not the politically correct term) I do know that often Transgender folks dress as the gender they feel. My take, if this is so, they can head to the bathroom of that gender. If a male is wearing makeup and female clothing..it is quite obvious they do NOT belong in the Men's room. Sure, there might be one or two females who do not accept this, but again, I am not alone with my thinking, most understand, this is a women in a male body. We also understand, for this person to use the men's room would be terribly uncomfortable, no less than one of us heading in there..so...obviously the Ladies room is where they belong.Perhaps one would recognize they were not born female, however it is doubtful there would be a big kerfuffle.It is also doubtful anyone would be concerned they were there to check out little girls,....
However, now we get to the touchy part...if a transgender person (now I am speaking of someone born male, no one seems to be addressing the other side of the spectrum, and..there is another side) wanders in, without their makeup and clothing, that is when problems arise. It is very easy for any male to claim they are transgender, if they feel it allows them access to the Ladies room where young children may be alone (geez..how long are children in the washroom before a parent goes to check?). This individual could have quite simply used the men's room, without incident. So....just looking around outside the box, trying to see all sides of things.
It appears to fix an issue, we have created a bigger issue. I know very few women who would have opened their mouths to complain if a transgender male used their washroom. I know an awful lot of women that would complain if men started showing up in there. So why was this an issue to start? Why has government spent so long dealing with this problem? Are Transgendered folks going to have to take a test and get a card stating they are indeed transgender, allowing them use of washrooms suited to their sexual orientation? If a male is found in the ladies room without the card, they are in poopy kaka? This whole thing has been blown out of proportion, well in my personal opinion, anyhow. However, I am a small town person, and I have never been privy to watching someone getting kicked out of a washroom because they were the wrong sex, so perhaps I don't understand how this could have become such a sticking point in life that governments are wasting time and effort making new rules on where one pees!
BTW..most ladies rooms have cubicles, and most ladies don't really care who is in the cubicle next to them, because..first off, piddling does not take a long time, and if someone is going to attempt to look into another cubicle well..that would certainly be grounds for complaint, but..cripes not likely to be a constant issue. Personally when I use the ladies room, I am in and out, often without seeing another single soul..and the person next door, I don't care if they pee sitting or standing, I just want to empty my bladder and get back to what I was doing. We all have to pee sometimes, and...I will admit..at least once in my life I used the men's..it was simply the empty washroom at a time speed was of the essence.Am I in trouble?
However, sometimes when folks set out to fix a problem (much like municipal by-laws) they don't look all the way around the little box, and implement things that raise a myriad of unforeseen issues. Then the "fixed" problem becomes bigger and bigger, because the rest of the world starts picking things apart, and...usually, in truth, comes up with a ton of questions with no answers.
I see our Liberal leader is getting an award..an award related to one of his many causes, sexual equality. Hey..again, I am all for equality, remember I AM a female, and I do understand how changes are needed to allow all of us to be treated the same. That said, I also am a firm believer that we are NOT all equal. There are a ton of folks floating about who are much smarter than I am, there are folks far more artistic than I am, an incredible group far more patient, more soft- hearted..the list goes on and on. Equality is necessary in some, but not ALL aspects of life.
I am also a firm believer that not all students should be allowed in the classroom. Yep..that is where my head sits. I believe children, ALL children deserve the right to a good education, and when special needs children are placed in the regular classroom, I don't care what people say, that takes away from the others. Suddenly a small minority take up a large percentage of time and effort, which takes away from the rest. This is NOT equality, this is placing a small number in front, and someone else has to pay for the change.
This is how I feel on the Transgender issue, with bathrooms. See, I admit, I do not understand transgender fully, because I am NOT transgender, and I have never really sat down with someone who is, to have a nice long discussion on their problems in life.. This does not mean I am not open to sit down with someone and listen, because..I would love to learn more. We all have bumps in life, we all struggle with things that we find difficult, sexuality aside. I am someone who is extremely glad the majority of the world is finally closing their eyes to who someone decides to be with in their lives, and we are finally understanding it doesn't make a lick of difference on whether they are a good or bad person.
That said..Transgender bathroom issues. O.K. again, not understanding this lifestyle (sorry if that is not the politically correct term) I do know that often Transgender folks dress as the gender they feel. My take, if this is so, they can head to the bathroom of that gender. If a male is wearing makeup and female clothing..it is quite obvious they do NOT belong in the Men's room. Sure, there might be one or two females who do not accept this, but again, I am not alone with my thinking, most understand, this is a women in a male body. We also understand, for this person to use the men's room would be terribly uncomfortable, no less than one of us heading in there..so...obviously the Ladies room is where they belong.Perhaps one would recognize they were not born female, however it is doubtful there would be a big kerfuffle.It is also doubtful anyone would be concerned they were there to check out little girls,....
However, now we get to the touchy part...if a transgender person (now I am speaking of someone born male, no one seems to be addressing the other side of the spectrum, and..there is another side) wanders in, without their makeup and clothing, that is when problems arise. It is very easy for any male to claim they are transgender, if they feel it allows them access to the Ladies room where young children may be alone (geez..how long are children in the washroom before a parent goes to check?). This individual could have quite simply used the men's room, without incident. So....just looking around outside the box, trying to see all sides of things.
It appears to fix an issue, we have created a bigger issue. I know very few women who would have opened their mouths to complain if a transgender male used their washroom. I know an awful lot of women that would complain if men started showing up in there. So why was this an issue to start? Why has government spent so long dealing with this problem? Are Transgendered folks going to have to take a test and get a card stating they are indeed transgender, allowing them use of washrooms suited to their sexual orientation? If a male is found in the ladies room without the card, they are in poopy kaka? This whole thing has been blown out of proportion, well in my personal opinion, anyhow. However, I am a small town person, and I have never been privy to watching someone getting kicked out of a washroom because they were the wrong sex, so perhaps I don't understand how this could have become such a sticking point in life that governments are wasting time and effort making new rules on where one pees!
BTW..most ladies rooms have cubicles, and most ladies don't really care who is in the cubicle next to them, because..first off, piddling does not take a long time, and if someone is going to attempt to look into another cubicle well..that would certainly be grounds for complaint, but..cripes not likely to be a constant issue. Personally when I use the ladies room, I am in and out, often without seeing another single soul..and the person next door, I don't care if they pee sitting or standing, I just want to empty my bladder and get back to what I was doing. We all have to pee sometimes, and...I will admit..at least once in my life I used the men's..it was simply the empty washroom at a time speed was of the essence.Am I in trouble?
Monday, 9 May 2016
Forgiveness
I was raised with the story of Joseph and his coat of many colours. Those of you who didn't spend most every Sunday in Sunday school may not know this one, but it was one of the few that stuck in my head, along with the Good Samaritan. I actually had a difficult time with Joseph, he took off, left his brothers to do all the work, and then showed up after messing up his life, and Bam..his Daddy hands him all sorts of rewards, while the hard working brothers stand by. Yes..this was a story that taught forgiveness, and told of a Father's unconditional love.
Well, Joseph's Dad was a far better person than I am! Forgiveness comes very slowly to me. I have become jaded as I have aged, I tend to just wash my hands of those who screw with me, and then I dwell on the matter...sometimes for many years. I find it extremely painful to be used, and once it is done, the walls go up instantly, and everything pertaining to that which hurt, is trapped inside the walls, open to dissection when the urge hits.
Now..first off, don't get me wrong, I am capable of forgiving, I am also incapable of forgetting. Depending on the pain, I can go back to things, looking at them under a microscope, picking at all the tiny pieces, and digging through all the crap that covers them. Sometimes, there is a ton of crap, and sometimes it takes me a very long time to come to a place that I can piece things back together.
Usually I don't get to the crap for a long time. I don't want to touch that which festers, and grows within the walls. At first, the walls grow higher and higher to contain the stuff inside. It's like yeast, it just bubbles and doubles and triples in size, it consumes my world. It causes me to shut all doors that may lead to the chance of any more pain. Then I begin to hate..that is a real energy consumer. Not sure about you, but when I hate, I give it my all, and that in turn sucks the rest of life right out of me.
Like depression, hate is uncontrollable inside me. I can't stop it...little things continue to aggravate, and things snowball. I revel in this...I gloat when something pops out to allow me to stick it into the reason to hate, all along I understand I am making myself ill, but..it is unstoppable. I have been done wrong, and someone is going to have to pay!
In truth, guess who ends up paying? Not the person who screwed up originally, nor those who assisted, the assistants, well, they tend to get handed their own coats of many colours, while yours truly freezes.
For me to forgive, takes an awful lot. I have to get to the root of how things arrived at the place that the sh*t hits the fan. I have to look at each and every piece of the puzzle, and like I said..clean the crap off it, and figure out what made the piece break off. I have to put myself in the place of those who caused the pain, and try and figure out what enticed them to decide to hurt me. What made it worthwhile to set me aside,and dig the knife deep.
Funny thing..usually after unending hours of detective work, I come to the conclusion it is never one single person who causes me to build up the fortress of hate and disbelief. It is more often a series of little flying insects that land on the main individual, and drop off pieces of feces.
See, keeping quiet when things are brewing, as I stated with SFTU, is a mistake. Not defending, not questioning, well, those nasty insects never stay quiet, they buzz, and land, and the little pieces of feces they drop each time, grow larger and larger, and then...crack!! The pieces start to break off, all covered in sh*t, so they are impossible to see.
To forgive, I have to come to the place where I understand..I understand that silence and non-communication while shit was being deposited, was how this happened. I realize not everyone recognizes sh*t, not everyone is like me, and has to check inside and all around the box, sniffing. Sometimes I mistake the smell, and I have to eat a little sh*t, but most of the time, I catch it quickly. Others don't always smell it over the perfume of sweet smelling poison, and when I finally see, they really didn't sniff hard enough..I can begin to forgive. It wasn't all their fault, they were coated in perfumed sh*t dropped on them by those who continually buzzed about, while I remained quiet and unsuspecting.
Thankfully, I can say, I have smashed down one of the most enormous collections of walls built a very long time ago. There is still a ton of debris, and getting that cleared up will take a long time, in fact with all the environmental restrictions, the stuff may very well remain. But the empty space now has a sprinkling of colour, instead of total black, and for that, I am grateful!
Well, Joseph's Dad was a far better person than I am! Forgiveness comes very slowly to me. I have become jaded as I have aged, I tend to just wash my hands of those who screw with me, and then I dwell on the matter...sometimes for many years. I find it extremely painful to be used, and once it is done, the walls go up instantly, and everything pertaining to that which hurt, is trapped inside the walls, open to dissection when the urge hits.
Now..first off, don't get me wrong, I am capable of forgiving, I am also incapable of forgetting. Depending on the pain, I can go back to things, looking at them under a microscope, picking at all the tiny pieces, and digging through all the crap that covers them. Sometimes, there is a ton of crap, and sometimes it takes me a very long time to come to a place that I can piece things back together.
Usually I don't get to the crap for a long time. I don't want to touch that which festers, and grows within the walls. At first, the walls grow higher and higher to contain the stuff inside. It's like yeast, it just bubbles and doubles and triples in size, it consumes my world. It causes me to shut all doors that may lead to the chance of any more pain. Then I begin to hate..that is a real energy consumer. Not sure about you, but when I hate, I give it my all, and that in turn sucks the rest of life right out of me.
Like depression, hate is uncontrollable inside me. I can't stop it...little things continue to aggravate, and things snowball. I revel in this...I gloat when something pops out to allow me to stick it into the reason to hate, all along I understand I am making myself ill, but..it is unstoppable. I have been done wrong, and someone is going to have to pay!
In truth, guess who ends up paying? Not the person who screwed up originally, nor those who assisted, the assistants, well, they tend to get handed their own coats of many colours, while yours truly freezes.
For me to forgive, takes an awful lot. I have to get to the root of how things arrived at the place that the sh*t hits the fan. I have to look at each and every piece of the puzzle, and like I said..clean the crap off it, and figure out what made the piece break off. I have to put myself in the place of those who caused the pain, and try and figure out what enticed them to decide to hurt me. What made it worthwhile to set me aside,and dig the knife deep.
Funny thing..usually after unending hours of detective work, I come to the conclusion it is never one single person who causes me to build up the fortress of hate and disbelief. It is more often a series of little flying insects that land on the main individual, and drop off pieces of feces.
See, keeping quiet when things are brewing, as I stated with SFTU, is a mistake. Not defending, not questioning, well, those nasty insects never stay quiet, they buzz, and land, and the little pieces of feces they drop each time, grow larger and larger, and then...crack!! The pieces start to break off, all covered in sh*t, so they are impossible to see.
To forgive, I have to come to the place where I understand..I understand that silence and non-communication while shit was being deposited, was how this happened. I realize not everyone recognizes sh*t, not everyone is like me, and has to check inside and all around the box, sniffing. Sometimes I mistake the smell, and I have to eat a little sh*t, but most of the time, I catch it quickly. Others don't always smell it over the perfume of sweet smelling poison, and when I finally see, they really didn't sniff hard enough..I can begin to forgive. It wasn't all their fault, they were coated in perfumed sh*t dropped on them by those who continually buzzed about, while I remained quiet and unsuspecting.
Thankfully, I can say, I have smashed down one of the most enormous collections of walls built a very long time ago. There is still a ton of debris, and getting that cleared up will take a long time, in fact with all the environmental restrictions, the stuff may very well remain. But the empty space now has a sprinkling of colour, instead of total black, and for that, I am grateful!
Sunday, 8 May 2016
Mother's Day
Well..again, as I was sitting, I got to thinking...I never realized I belonged to one of the two biggest groups in the world. My group is matched only be one other..Fathers. There cannot be a group larger than these two...because LOL..without either one, there would be NO groups....Look at me..socializing!!! Truth be told, this group, large as it is, seldom has meetings..in fact, members are usually left to find their own way, some fail, but the majority somehow find a way to manage their membership dues.
I know there are a whack of books and "self-help" groups out there, that state claim to have all the answers necessary for this all inclusive membership, but...that is B.S.! There are no set guidelines, rules have to be made as one goes along. Each situation is totally unique, and although some circumstances may seem the same..they are not. There cannot be set rules, because every single Mother out there has a heart and mind of their own, and every single one is given a child that also has a mind of their own. One can accept advise, and..geez..give it a go, it just might work..but..just because it worked for the other Mom..don't count on the same results with your child!
Being a Mom is a lifetime commitment. It doesn't end after 18 years..sometimes the years after 18 can be the hardest...I remember thinking when I got my first child potty trained, I was going to have smooth sailing..Hah! That stinky poop was the easy stuff..the sh*t that follows is far harder, you can't just wipe it up and throw it away, or contain it into a pamper sized pile. Once they learn to sit on the toilet..your real job begins.
No one is a perfect Mother, although I believe I had the best Mom in the world, and miss her dearly, even after almost 34 years..I also know she was not perfect.But she worked harder at her job, than I have at mine, and she is the standard I try to hold myself up to. Like her, I made a ton of mistakes, many of which I am reminded of. I know her mistakes, and I attempted to steer clear of those during my turn, but I made many of the same..funny that, eh? Maybe those mistakes are pretty difficult to escape? I hear others state they will be better Mothers to their children..Humm...good luck with that ladies..because again..each child has their own plans, and those plans just might (actually there is no might about it) screw with yours!
It's the hardest position in the world..no doubt about that. Having a sick child, or one that is hurt, as a Mother, you know there is nothing more difficult. Trying to find patience when you feel you have scraped the bottom of the barrel, and licked up every drop..extremely wearing. Having your child expect something impossible to give, when they deserve a reward..painful..Constantly using that 2 letter word, even when you wish you didn't have to, hating NO likely just as much as your child.
All along this, you are the mean one, the rule maker, the one who is "Hated" and the one they wish they could exchange for a nice Mom. If being a Mom was just this..no one would ever join that group. But..along with all that, there are some amazing perks to the membership. First steps, first smiles, first words..all of those are your rewards. To be a part of raising a child allows Moms to take a tiny piece of pride with each and everything your child does no matter how old they are..That is pay back..because as my Mom used to say..I brought you into this world (it escapes me what came after)..so...we are allowed to live vicariously through our kids even when they grow up. Of course if they screw up..well..again my Mom had a saying for that "That isn't the way we raised you". So, once children grow up..our culpability ends with just the good stuff..right?
Again, one becomes a lifetime member, you can be 85 and there you are..still part of the group.
I have reached perhaps the best level of membership, I have paid a huge pile of my dues, and although I will remain Mom until the day I die, and..yep, even after, I can look at my children and see, I did a pretty good job, they are healthy, they are good people, and...they all claim they love me (hey, I believe them most of the time) so....there you go..the biggest perk of the membership..pretty much unconditional love in return for the same..That is what a Mother has to give to be a member in good standing...Unconditional love..not easy, but most of the finer things in life take a lot of hard work!
To those entering this group, best of luck..to those in the middle of it..stay strong..and to those like myself, sitting in the sunshine of latter Mothering..be proud of your accomplishments, and enjoy the day savoring the benefits!HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!
I know there are a whack of books and "self-help" groups out there, that state claim to have all the answers necessary for this all inclusive membership, but...that is B.S.! There are no set guidelines, rules have to be made as one goes along. Each situation is totally unique, and although some circumstances may seem the same..they are not. There cannot be set rules, because every single Mother out there has a heart and mind of their own, and every single one is given a child that also has a mind of their own. One can accept advise, and..geez..give it a go, it just might work..but..just because it worked for the other Mom..don't count on the same results with your child!
Being a Mom is a lifetime commitment. It doesn't end after 18 years..sometimes the years after 18 can be the hardest...I remember thinking when I got my first child potty trained, I was going to have smooth sailing..Hah! That stinky poop was the easy stuff..the sh*t that follows is far harder, you can't just wipe it up and throw it away, or contain it into a pamper sized pile. Once they learn to sit on the toilet..your real job begins.
No one is a perfect Mother, although I believe I had the best Mom in the world, and miss her dearly, even after almost 34 years..I also know she was not perfect.But she worked harder at her job, than I have at mine, and she is the standard I try to hold myself up to. Like her, I made a ton of mistakes, many of which I am reminded of. I know her mistakes, and I attempted to steer clear of those during my turn, but I made many of the same..funny that, eh? Maybe those mistakes are pretty difficult to escape? I hear others state they will be better Mothers to their children..Humm...good luck with that ladies..because again..each child has their own plans, and those plans just might (actually there is no might about it) screw with yours!
It's the hardest position in the world..no doubt about that. Having a sick child, or one that is hurt, as a Mother, you know there is nothing more difficult. Trying to find patience when you feel you have scraped the bottom of the barrel, and licked up every drop..extremely wearing. Having your child expect something impossible to give, when they deserve a reward..painful..Constantly using that 2 letter word, even when you wish you didn't have to, hating NO likely just as much as your child.
All along this, you are the mean one, the rule maker, the one who is "Hated" and the one they wish they could exchange for a nice Mom. If being a Mom was just this..no one would ever join that group. But..along with all that, there are some amazing perks to the membership. First steps, first smiles, first words..all of those are your rewards. To be a part of raising a child allows Moms to take a tiny piece of pride with each and everything your child does no matter how old they are..That is pay back..because as my Mom used to say..I brought you into this world (it escapes me what came after)..so...we are allowed to live vicariously through our kids even when they grow up. Of course if they screw up..well..again my Mom had a saying for that "That isn't the way we raised you". So, once children grow up..our culpability ends with just the good stuff..right?
Again, one becomes a lifetime member, you can be 85 and there you are..still part of the group.
I have reached perhaps the best level of membership, I have paid a huge pile of my dues, and although I will remain Mom until the day I die, and..yep, even after, I can look at my children and see, I did a pretty good job, they are healthy, they are good people, and...they all claim they love me (hey, I believe them most of the time) so....there you go..the biggest perk of the membership..pretty much unconditional love in return for the same..That is what a Mother has to give to be a member in good standing...Unconditional love..not easy, but most of the finer things in life take a lot of hard work!
To those entering this group, best of luck..to those in the middle of it..stay strong..and to those like myself, sitting in the sunshine of latter Mothering..be proud of your accomplishments, and enjoy the day savoring the benefits!HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!
Friday, 6 May 2016
STFU
Boy..seeing an awful lot of this, lately. Of course, by now, you know..I don't hear this! I am sick and tired of not only politically correctness..I am sick and tired of those who feel everyone should just be quiet. I understand, I am known as a mouth piece, I am known as a bitcher, I am known to spew, about a sh*t load of stuff..but..that IS my right!! Last I heard, we live in a fairly "free" country, and I can speak my personal opinion. But...I see that disappearing rapidly. I see all those mindless sheep sitting silently, somehow assured whatever is going on around them, is O.K. No one wants to rock the boat, no one wants to question, because..suddenly it seems there is an army of others who suddenly spring forth to bash any questions.
When I went to school, I admit, I hated those kids who would put their damn hands up when the teacher asked "are there any questions?" The reason I hated them..because I wanted whatever was being discussed at the time, to end..I just wanted to get out of that class, and those who questioned just dragged things on longer. That was the attitude of an elementary student, and..sometimes a high school one. Life in those days had no responsibility (besides completing school) and I was in a rush to get onto the more enjoyable bits of my day when I was a kid.
I am NOT a kid now! Things that happen in my town, my province, my country..those things affect me personally, and...they MUST be questioned! To be told something, opens the door to some simple facts we should have picked up while waiting for those kids to put their hands down. I have never forgotten the 5 W's..but, it seems the majority of folks don't give a rat's a$$ about those important words..I do!! WHO..WHAT..WHERE, WHEN...and the one that has been totally forgotten..WHY????? No one allows another to ask the WHY question, for some idiotic reason, to ask this, results in insults, accusations, and a barrage of STFU's! Someone always come up with a reason the question should not be asked, because circumstances are not proper. HELLOOOO!! So, just sit back silently, until everything is over and done, and then hope someone hears your little squeak..F#@K that!! That's what criminals do..they commit something at the moment, and then hope that they will get away with it That's what little kids do..they get into something, and if they are lucky, they are not caught, and when the time comes that things are noticed..they claim innocence.
The time to speak up is another W word, WHILE..you open your mouth while something is happening that you do not agree with..and you attempt to either put a stop to it, or..fix it. You don't sit back, let it unfold, and then..when things are over and done..ask WHY?
When one group, or even, yes, one individual thinks something is wrong, instead of shushing them, the proper thing would be to state facts, and offer acceptable reason for something to be done the way it is. If an individual does not accept this, they should be able to continue questioning, and maybe, just maybe..they have a valid concern. Maybe their concern will allow the mindless, silent sheep to suddenly realize...oops, something IS wrong.
It is clear, we have entered a world filled with grown adults who have the same mindset as a school child...folks who would rather get things over and done with, without questions. A place where everything told to them by their "Teacher" is accepted as right, and not a single hand is raised for fear of bullies. Yep...The sheep now wear Pink shirts..they believe their opinions are the only ones that matter, if you dispute you are labelled by them, and they slam the door on anything they don't agree with. They believe that appearances are important, they believe that words, instead of actions are acceptable, they believe the country can be run as a place where Movies are forefront to emergencies. I understand what I am about to say next, is going to cause a whole sh*tload of pink to be thrown my way..but..Clearly they believe old people know nothing!!
Until those entitled know it all's who sit in wait for anyone who opens their mouth, experience the reality of life, and understand to listen to those with their hands up in the air, because they may indeed learn something from another who opens their mouth, we don't have a chance in H-LL!
BTW..I am not endorsing OLD people, and I am certainly NOT saying they are the only ones who are throwing their arm up in the air..I only say old people because it has taken me many years to realize those kids with the questions were the smart ones! I admit..I am a slow learner, still have a very long ways to go!
When I went to school, I admit, I hated those kids who would put their damn hands up when the teacher asked "are there any questions?" The reason I hated them..because I wanted whatever was being discussed at the time, to end..I just wanted to get out of that class, and those who questioned just dragged things on longer. That was the attitude of an elementary student, and..sometimes a high school one. Life in those days had no responsibility (besides completing school) and I was in a rush to get onto the more enjoyable bits of my day when I was a kid.
I am NOT a kid now! Things that happen in my town, my province, my country..those things affect me personally, and...they MUST be questioned! To be told something, opens the door to some simple facts we should have picked up while waiting for those kids to put their hands down. I have never forgotten the 5 W's..but, it seems the majority of folks don't give a rat's a$$ about those important words..I do!! WHO..WHAT..WHERE, WHEN...and the one that has been totally forgotten..WHY????? No one allows another to ask the WHY question, for some idiotic reason, to ask this, results in insults, accusations, and a barrage of STFU's! Someone always come up with a reason the question should not be asked, because circumstances are not proper. HELLOOOO!! So, just sit back silently, until everything is over and done, and then hope someone hears your little squeak..F#@K that!! That's what criminals do..they commit something at the moment, and then hope that they will get away with it That's what little kids do..they get into something, and if they are lucky, they are not caught, and when the time comes that things are noticed..they claim innocence.
The time to speak up is another W word, WHILE..you open your mouth while something is happening that you do not agree with..and you attempt to either put a stop to it, or..fix it. You don't sit back, let it unfold, and then..when things are over and done..ask WHY?
When one group, or even, yes, one individual thinks something is wrong, instead of shushing them, the proper thing would be to state facts, and offer acceptable reason for something to be done the way it is. If an individual does not accept this, they should be able to continue questioning, and maybe, just maybe..they have a valid concern. Maybe their concern will allow the mindless, silent sheep to suddenly realize...oops, something IS wrong.
It is clear, we have entered a world filled with grown adults who have the same mindset as a school child...folks who would rather get things over and done with, without questions. A place where everything told to them by their "Teacher" is accepted as right, and not a single hand is raised for fear of bullies. Yep...The sheep now wear Pink shirts..they believe their opinions are the only ones that matter, if you dispute you are labelled by them, and they slam the door on anything they don't agree with. They believe that appearances are important, they believe that words, instead of actions are acceptable, they believe the country can be run as a place where Movies are forefront to emergencies. I understand what I am about to say next, is going to cause a whole sh*tload of pink to be thrown my way..but..Clearly they believe old people know nothing!!
Until those entitled know it all's who sit in wait for anyone who opens their mouth, experience the reality of life, and understand to listen to those with their hands up in the air, because they may indeed learn something from another who opens their mouth, we don't have a chance in H-LL!
BTW..I am not endorsing OLD people, and I am certainly NOT saying they are the only ones who are throwing their arm up in the air..I only say old people because it has taken me many years to realize those kids with the questions were the smart ones! I admit..I am a slow learner, still have a very long ways to go!
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