Been thinking about this one for awhile. See, just had someone new start at work, and as we were getting to know each other, I gave her this heads up. Now, when I say it, I know it's not true. Cripes, quite like this new person, shocked that I actually enjoyed my time with her. However, I had to warn her, because...she didn't have to spend much time with me, to hear the words "ooohhh..I hate her", or "yuck, I hate him" when someone was mentioned, or the unfortunate soul happened to walk by.
When did this happen? When did I get so damn picky about others, who thankfully I don't have to spend any amount of time with? I don't remember hating people when I was a kid. Oh, maybe I told my parents a time or two, I hated them. Perhaps (actually, no perhaps, for sure) there might have been a teacher that made me cringe, and the words flew out of my gob. However, hate, itself was not rampant back in the day.
This hate is something that has evolved in the past decade. I realize, in my life, the dream is to get away..away from the public, away from hum drum, somewhere I only have to socialize with my honey, my family, and my pets. They are the only souls that have a "get out of jail free" card when it comes to the Hate issue. Cripes, there are even moments when I state I "Hate" them, but those moments dissolve quickly. With others, the moments just turn to cement. Whatever they have done, that pi$$ed me off for a glimpse in time, grows insanely large, and turns into what I perceive as hate.
I expect if I headed over for some therapy, the Doctor would likely inform me what I feel is NOT hate, it is dislike. O.K. words, schmurds...I have labeled this hate. This word, in my world, means, I do not want anything to do with the individual. I don't want to see them, speak to them, hear them speak, be in the same room as them, even if we are separated by a 1/2 mile...They do not belong in my territory.
I admit, in the back of my mind, I would like all of these people to disappear in a puff of smoke (see, I am not a witch, because if I was, there would be hundreds of smoking spots, all about town). I realize, just because I wish they would evaporate, there are larger groups that wish to keep them around, maybe children, spouses, and..those folks with low expectations who call them friends (my expectations only allow the best to become my friends,lol).
This issue has become so massive, there is not a single day that I leave my house, and do not come upon one of these Hated people. Most of the time, I am alone when I run into this problem. It is easy enough to deal with, I simply mutter (like a ventriloquist) to myself, ignore them, if at all possible, and do what I have to do. Thing is, all of this takes a tiny bit of energy...do you think this is why I am tired all of the time? Do you think that I have, oh so many on my hate list, I am expending an incredible amount of energy throughout the day, dealing with the "hate/dislike thing? Hey, could very well be possible!
Lord love us, what am I to do? I admit, I tried more than once to overcome my problem. I have been told "they are really nice, you just need to get to know them" a couple of times by those lucky enough to escape the hate label. Fine!!! I try, and....nope...doesn't work, just gets worse. I will admit, some people I have known for many years, and never actually sat down and chatted with, because I didn't feel we had anything in common, have recently become little bright spots in my life, and...now are new FB friends, after years of just acknowledgement. However, this person, I never used the Hate word with. I think I am open..I just either have unusually high standards for folks I chose to give my time to, or....and this is more likely...I have a low tolerance for idiots!
My buddy will warn people when they say something about someone.."oops, watch out, she hates them". I don't candy coat a thing in my life, not going to argue the truth when she says that, just nod my head, or confirm. Those who are a part of my life, are well aware of everyone I hate. They try to convince me I am wrong..Hah!! I will pause and knock off the cement for a moment, to allow them to prove me wrong, but thankfully this cement is easily replaced, and hardens immediately. There have been a very few times the cement has been exchanged for some heavy mud, but..not often.
Most of the time, those privy to hear of all my hates, are not a part of the collection..however, I really think, those who do spend time with me, against my better judgement, who are in the collection, either must be totally clueless, or perhaps the feeling is mutual, and this is their way to pi$$ me off, for their personal enjoyment?
As I put this down, I sound like a horrible person, but, facts are, I am not!! I can't be all bad. I have the world's most incredible friends, my kids still claim me as their mother, my honey is still beside me, and I do laugh, and smile occasionally. I understand my limitations, when it comes to dealing with other human beings. I spent umpteen years working with the public, smiling and making nice, but, my take on this..people have just so much patience and tolerance (O.K. most have a tad more than I was handed out), and I apparently used all of mine up.
So..if anyone hears that Costco has a bulk supply of patience for sale for Christmas, give me a shout. Otherwise, I will continue to throw a coat of cement on unsuspecting folks, when the urge hits me. Shutting those I cannot stand, out of my life, allows me to save the tiny little bit of patience for those who matter. I am proud that those who I spend my time with, are those I like and love, I think I am very lucky, that I only have to tolerate once in awhile, and...I know I do NOT do a good job when I attempt to tolerate..but, I can deal with that!
Tuesday, 21 October 2014
Sunday, 19 October 2014
Sigh of Relief
Oh cripes, I have sooooo..much stuff festering away, not quite sure where to start, but, I need to start somewhere. Maybe I can focus on something I witnessed recently, that, perhaps made me look at myself a little more closely.
I have admitted I managed to raise 3 babies to adulthood. All three of these individuals, at one time or another, had a hissy fit. Oh, it might have been in a store, when they got a "NO" to something they wanted, it might have been at home, when they were told they were being sent to bed for some mistake, it might have been out side when they were told play time was over, but..they all had them. As they grew older, they let off on the hissy fits, to start the "wall of silence", hey, I usually enjoyed that one, peace and quiet, all the while knowing they were stabbing me with their eyes. When they got old enough, they simply went off on their own, usually mumbling stuff, but, hey, I was young once too, and did exactly the same.
However, they are all over 21 , now, and if they have hissy fits, I don't see them. Do I have hissy fits? Yep, I do, usually it is when I am trying to make a point, and I get louder and louder, when I feel no one is hearing me. I don't stomp my tiny little hooves, and I don't throw things, because, after 58 years, I have learned, stomping my feet, makes me look like a moron, and people will shake their heads and laugh, and throwing things, will only cause stuff to break, and....fixing or replacing broken stuff, costs money. Who the heck wants to have to pay money, because they had a moment of insanity? I also do NOT allow myself to display these fits outside of my own home...well, most of the time. When I feel the loss of control, I will find anyway possible to get away from others, so I do not make a total idiot out of myself.
Sadly, not every adult feels the same sense of shame, losing their grown-up face around others. Some seem to do it on a steady basis. Some seem to think that the world still revolves around them. They do NOT feel the need to adapt, and perhaps use some of that limited CS (commonsense), in fact, I don't think they possess CS, because, somehow, they have managed to make their way through life, with others accepting their lack of such, and actually making excuses for this lack.
When the whole world appears to have learned to accept the lack of proper decorum, and each time the same individual has a childish hissy fit, others are told to let it slide, it is expected. WTF???? No, it is only expected, because those who have condoned it for a whole adult life, have, in fact, made everyone who must experience this, suffer.
It is one thing to have a 5 year old child have a hissy fit. An adult can simply pick them up, remove them from the public eye, and...send them to bed, or..scold them. They do get punished, because hissy fits, are frowned upon, and if they are within a household, they are stopped, because they affect the lives of other innocent folks. How do you deal with a grown adult, far too large to pick up and remove? How do you scold someone who is a peer? How do you stop something that has become common knowledge, something that other commiserate with, when told of the latest?
My take, no stomping, but, definitely past time to put my little hooves down. I refuse to spend my time, dealing with stuff I did not accept from my 5 year old children. I will no longer turn my head, and spend hours walking on eggshells, so as not to set another hissy fit off. I have adapted to my relationship of 28 years, I have adapted to the changes of my 3 children over the past 34 years, however, this adaptation was a joint venture between all involved. Hissy fits, NOT accepted at this stage of life!!
So, if I happen upon yet another of these displays of extreme childish behavior, I am not going to stay silent, any longer. I am going to do my best to pick the offender up...O.K. so I'm not going to actually lift them....however, they will be asked to remove themselves, until such time as they get a grip, learn the world is not revolving around them, and GROW UP!!!
BTW: Just a sidebar...If you think this is you, perhaps it is.....
Tuesday, 26 August 2014
Golden Friends
First off, I realize I have not sat down and chatted for some time. I have to apologize, it is not because I don't miss this time, it is simply because my tiny life, has been overloaded, and I just haven't been able to get in the mood to pick any one subject to rant about.
However, when sh*t hits in fan in one's life, a person must find something positive to fixate upon, to help carry them through. There are only two constants that are positive in my life, family and friends. Today I must, once again, write about my friends. I suppose to some, it may sound like bragging, and to those, I am very sorry. I am sorry you have not had the gift of true friends. We all have "friends", however, not everyone is as lucky as me, and has those golden people, who never fade, and shine forever.
Some friends fade in and out. Not sure what you would call those folks, I think the word "friend" is just a little to liberal for those, they should be , perhaps, acquaintances? Sometimes they are nice and shiny, but, they can turn all brassy when least expected. There are tons of those floating about. Unlike friends, you have to be on the look out around these folks. Maybe they feel they have so many friends, if necessary you are expendable? Maybe they think that you are so desperate that, if for a moment, they forget friendship, and set you aside, just for a little while, you will close your eyes, and pretend, and then pick up where you left off?Maybe they feel they are so special, you will forgive anything, because you are so lucky to have them ,when they feel fit to allow you in their life? See, I have met many of those brassy folks, and sadly, those friendships are far too costly, there is no personal pleasure, and generally, a whole chunk of heartache.
I often think I have become jaded. I trust very few, most of the time I state, I trust no one, but I realize, that is a false statement. I trust the man I have given my heart to, and...I trust my golden friends.
As I was sitting and thinking(instead of shampooing my bedroom carpet), maybe I finally see the constant that makes some friends golden. I am going to share this with all of you, and perhaps, my theory is correct?
I have had friends that have been in my heart for 40-50+ years. I have friends who just found a piece of my heart in the past few years. Those are the people I examined (not probed). Have I been hurt by these folks over all the years? Yep!! However, the hurt I experienced was not directed at me, the hurt was always a loss of their presence. Friends married, and left, friends took jobs that required them to move. Friends had families that took all the time they had, and then some. But, not a single one of those Golden people ever decided ,they would set out to hurt me, personally.
I guess I have closed my eyes, sometimes, with these amazing people, but when I close my eyes, all I want, is to open them, and see their faces in front of me, again. Hey, I do this often, and those faces shine clear and bright. Some of them are always 6 years old, some are 16, and there are the few scattered folks who came along later, that are a tad older. I love those faces! Those faces, like my family, make all the sh*t in the world, smell a bit better.
The brassy ones, well, that pain always twinges. It is, I suppose, a chronic pain, it will always be there. To open one's heart, and hand over all that makes a person who they are, and to have another feel you are not worthy, is a pretty hard life lesson. Friendship is, in truth, romance. It is acceptance of another persons faults, and favours. It is a lifetime commitment. It is not something done, without the understanding that it will not always be perfect. However, the treasure of a true friend is beyond any, one could imagine. They will shine when you need it most. A smile, a touch, a note, can bring comfort, when it seems nothing will fix life.
So, I suppose, I do trust some. I trust those who hurt, only when they are not close, and the rest, well, although I have always enjoyed polishing silver to make it shine, there is not enough Brasso, or enough time to waste, trying to make gold out of brass.
Thank you to all those incredible shining people, who have wandered into my life, to stay till the fat lady sings!
However, when sh*t hits in fan in one's life, a person must find something positive to fixate upon, to help carry them through. There are only two constants that are positive in my life, family and friends. Today I must, once again, write about my friends. I suppose to some, it may sound like bragging, and to those, I am very sorry. I am sorry you have not had the gift of true friends. We all have "friends", however, not everyone is as lucky as me, and has those golden people, who never fade, and shine forever.
Some friends fade in and out. Not sure what you would call those folks, I think the word "friend" is just a little to liberal for those, they should be , perhaps, acquaintances? Sometimes they are nice and shiny, but, they can turn all brassy when least expected. There are tons of those floating about. Unlike friends, you have to be on the look out around these folks. Maybe they feel they have so many friends, if necessary you are expendable? Maybe they think that you are so desperate that, if for a moment, they forget friendship, and set you aside, just for a little while, you will close your eyes, and pretend, and then pick up where you left off?Maybe they feel they are so special, you will forgive anything, because you are so lucky to have them ,when they feel fit to allow you in their life? See, I have met many of those brassy folks, and sadly, those friendships are far too costly, there is no personal pleasure, and generally, a whole chunk of heartache.
I often think I have become jaded. I trust very few, most of the time I state, I trust no one, but I realize, that is a false statement. I trust the man I have given my heart to, and...I trust my golden friends.
As I was sitting and thinking(instead of shampooing my bedroom carpet), maybe I finally see the constant that makes some friends golden. I am going to share this with all of you, and perhaps, my theory is correct?
I have had friends that have been in my heart for 40-50+ years. I have friends who just found a piece of my heart in the past few years. Those are the people I examined (not probed). Have I been hurt by these folks over all the years? Yep!! However, the hurt I experienced was not directed at me, the hurt was always a loss of their presence. Friends married, and left, friends took jobs that required them to move. Friends had families that took all the time they had, and then some. But, not a single one of those Golden people ever decided ,they would set out to hurt me, personally.
I guess I have closed my eyes, sometimes, with these amazing people, but when I close my eyes, all I want, is to open them, and see their faces in front of me, again. Hey, I do this often, and those faces shine clear and bright. Some of them are always 6 years old, some are 16, and there are the few scattered folks who came along later, that are a tad older. I love those faces! Those faces, like my family, make all the sh*t in the world, smell a bit better.
The brassy ones, well, that pain always twinges. It is, I suppose, a chronic pain, it will always be there. To open one's heart, and hand over all that makes a person who they are, and to have another feel you are not worthy, is a pretty hard life lesson. Friendship is, in truth, romance. It is acceptance of another persons faults, and favours. It is a lifetime commitment. It is not something done, without the understanding that it will not always be perfect. However, the treasure of a true friend is beyond any, one could imagine. They will shine when you need it most. A smile, a touch, a note, can bring comfort, when it seems nothing will fix life.
So, I suppose, I do trust some. I trust those who hurt, only when they are not close, and the rest, well, although I have always enjoyed polishing silver to make it shine, there is not enough Brasso, or enough time to waste, trying to make gold out of brass.
Thank you to all those incredible shining people, who have wandered into my life, to stay till the fat lady sings!
Monday, 14 July 2014
Letter to Les Dube
O.K. this may be a little different than usual. I understand this is just my little old blog, and it doesn't go far, but, I tried to find the proper channels to get this where it was suppose to go, with no luck. I am afraid you folks will have to bear with me, and either read this, or...let it slide. Apparently when you become so insanely rich with massive corporations of your own, getting in touch for the average human being, becomes difficult, couldn't find an e-mail for anything besides the many charities that extol this man's name. Hey, I could have sent this off to them, but..not likely they would give a crap about someone bad-mouthing their sugar daddy.So, here goes, my letter to Mr. Leslie Dube
Dear Mr. Dube,
We have never met, and unless you fix the mess you created, it is likely for the best we don't cross paths.I have spent countless hours for the past few months reading up on you, like my husband was told to do by your good friend Mr. Martin Carsky (through the mouth of his supervisor). See, my husband worked for Maple Leaf Loading Ltd. before and after all your stock market shuffles, and even after 28 years, he still doesn't listen to my insane nattering when I start to get an irritating itch from things I can't scratch. I started to itch around about December. You remember, that's when you moved all the guys out to camp. Now, the word out there was the move became necessary because the costs rose for the apartments. Hey, might be true. But then, you even moved the offices out of town. Hummm...Oh, I brought this up to my husband, I told him something was fishy, you don't decide all at once to drop 40 apartments, have them cleaned and empty in one month, because of costs. You have some well-educated folks in your financial department with all kinds of letters behind their names, they must have seen the associated costs long before the last month of the year.Oh ,hey, he gave me the reasons he got, I didn't believe a word of that dribble. Those reasons included the fact that the Walter Energy Coal haul had to help carry the Stewart haul along with everything else, because Maple Leaf Loading (or Pro Trans Ventures,doesn't really matter what name you use) wasn't getting paid for that haul. Seemed pretty strange at the time, and....perhaps one day soon, we will learn the truth in that matter.
Then you switched to C.O.D. on a ton of your services. Again, that itch started. One question I have to ask, if indeed you went C.O.D. how the heck did you manage to rack up so much debt? Now we hear through the paper work filed in the receivership, your books are not up to date. Really?
So, lets fast forward to Walter Energy's announcement that they were going to Idle the Brule. Holy cow, when I heard that, I told my honey he had better get his resumes out, and we had to get all our ducks in a row. Ahhh..again, that itch I was scratching, he didn't feel at all, because....that is when your partner Mr. Martin Carsky came up with the best idea of all. There was nothing to worry about, the employees were told, Walter Energy had lots of coal stockpiled, and promised to customers. This coal had to be hauled, and good old Maple Leaf loading was going to haul steady until October. Oh, even better, word about had it, if they upped their production the mine might even restart, and we wouldn't even notice a bump in the road.
Funny, Mr. Dube, I think, even though we have never met, I know you pretty good. I could read between all your lines, perhaps you didn't personally think them up, but, if you were doing your job properly, like you must have with the Concorde group of companies, you would have put a stop to them if they were not acceptable, so guilty by association.
Then of course we get to the really good stuff. The day you decided to request that 5 million dollar loan you handed out at "arms length", that almost gags me..arms length, and sitting on the board of directors, knowing full well you are not getting your due interest payments on that loan. On May 21st, the itch became a nasty rash. I was up and down from my computer like a Yoyo. Pro Trans Ventures was all over the stock reports. They suddenly ceased to exist, because you got this overwhelming urge to get your loan, and all those other folks who sat down at board meetings with you, decided they couldn't pay you back. How does something like this happen? Why didn't you pick up the phone when you missed that first payment in January? How did you manage to make billions when you let 5 million slide? See, Mr. Dube, you are a good business man, you have to be to get where you are today, and turning a blind eye to something like this, can't be anything but premeditated. Hey, I was reading between all the lines. I noticed that Don Watt was given his position for a period of 3 years..funny, that's pretty much the same amount of time you folks let this company exist.
So, with my nattering in his ears, my husband went off to work to find out what the truth was. You were suddenly the owner of Maple Leaf Loading, Pro Trans Ventures board of directors had all resigned, oh, including yourself...(when you asked for your loan back). I kept telling him this was a farce, something was up, and I think this time, he actually heard me. Imagine my surprise when he called to tell me, your buddy Mr. Carsky had told everyone there was nothing to worry about, they were now owned by someone with deep pockets, who wanted to make the company viable. He told me the guys were all told to look you up on the internet..and they did, what an awesome man! You handed out 30 million to charities, they certainly had reason to believe the message from Mr. Carsky. Even more telling, you apparently requested my husband make up a schedule with all the drivers, including their holidays, for the months of June and July. Well, gee, maybe my itch was caused by something besides my uneasiness with the goings on in Maple Leaf Loading.
Do you know, there were guys who trusted the lies you allowed to be fed to them so much, they put all their savings into a down payment for a home?No surprise, when they were suddenly unemployed(and I do mean suddenly) the lenders pulled out, and..they lost all of their savings because down payments on homes(as someone in the real estate business, you know this)are non-refundable. Do you know folks relaxed and felt they had months left to work, so there was no need to put off vacations? Guys purchased tools. My son, well, he got screwed over twice by you and your friends. He was promised a mechanic apprenticeship. He filled out all the paper work with help from the office staff and wanted patiently for his number. Surprise, that number never came, not a single piece of that paperwork went beyond Prince George..just one more in the list of lives screwed by your game. Your arrogance, and ignorance caused hardship in most of the families you were the sole employer of.
All of your lies or perhaps your disregard of those spread by those you kept on in management, were nothing less than criminal. I for one feel like vomiting when I read all the wonderful things you do for others, and I am feeling the utter desperation of losing a full month wages, and holiday pay. I wasted my time trying to convince my husband this was a disaster in the making. His supervisor, only days before this hit the fan, assured him that when the job ended he would get all kinds of pay-out (by the way, this was one of those who stayed on with Ernst and Young, perhaps he got all that he claimed my husband would?). Well, instead you allowed all of these people who had been fed lie after lie to cover all the stuff I questioned, to continue supplying someone with money. At this point after looking at the Receiver's list and seeing Pro Trans Ventures listed as a creditor, even though they no longer exist, and Darby Kreitz another creditor, who the heck gets this money? It's definitely not the ones who worked for it!
What you allowed to occur makes every penny you have handed to charity null and void. Are you Robin Hood? You know take from the workers to give to the poor? You certainly did not take from the rich. Not a single person who left your company on June 27th, walked away with the ability to forget a full months pay. Your disregard for these people will affect them for months to come, to climb out of a hole like this is difficult. Do you know that events like this cause rifts in families because of stress? For all you know, you may be the reason some couples break up. For someone who apparently cares for their fellow human beings so much, you build hospital wings, you seem to have no consideration for those who are in your employ.
You can sit back and claim this is now in the hands of Ernst and Young, but, like Shakespeare's Lady MacBeth, that spot will never come out for you. Each time you stand for the photographer, after handing out another tax write-off, may the 200 families haunt you, 200 men and women who have lost not only their jobs, but their quality of life. 200 employees with children who will watch their parents struggle, all because of your actions, or lack there of.
Those who sat with you playing the board game of Pro Trans Ventures and Maple Leaf Loading, those who have offices for another company that wins prizes from Ernst and Young for being such great profit making businesses, those who hand out insane interviews to the media from their homes in Vancouver, not accepting any blame, instead spinning it to seem like this was Walter Energy's fault. Those who just traded in their vehicle for something nice, bright and shiny new, although , they haven't been paid for a month..or...were they?
So now, Mr. Dube, at 58 years old, I have gone back to my back breaking job cleaning hotel rooms. I am not working 3-4 days a week, as I would like to do because the job is not exactly easy at my age. No, I am working every single day I can, to try and stay out of the creditors bad books. I realize I am lucky. We sold our travel trailer a few days before all of this happened, with plans to purchase a smaller one, to enjoy vacations in the bush. Instead, we have to use that money to cover up the money you stole from us, and any thoughts of vacation have evaporated. The loss of a vacation, and a travel trailer, are small in comparison to the loss of a down payment on a home, so, we are lucky..sort of, thanks to the most charitable man in Saskatchewan, and..the most uncharitable in British Columbia!
Yours (gosh just can't say sincerely)
Debbie
Dear Mr. Dube,
We have never met, and unless you fix the mess you created, it is likely for the best we don't cross paths.I have spent countless hours for the past few months reading up on you, like my husband was told to do by your good friend Mr. Martin Carsky (through the mouth of his supervisor). See, my husband worked for Maple Leaf Loading Ltd. before and after all your stock market shuffles, and even after 28 years, he still doesn't listen to my insane nattering when I start to get an irritating itch from things I can't scratch. I started to itch around about December. You remember, that's when you moved all the guys out to camp. Now, the word out there was the move became necessary because the costs rose for the apartments. Hey, might be true. But then, you even moved the offices out of town. Hummm...Oh, I brought this up to my husband, I told him something was fishy, you don't decide all at once to drop 40 apartments, have them cleaned and empty in one month, because of costs. You have some well-educated folks in your financial department with all kinds of letters behind their names, they must have seen the associated costs long before the last month of the year.Oh ,hey, he gave me the reasons he got, I didn't believe a word of that dribble. Those reasons included the fact that the Walter Energy Coal haul had to help carry the Stewart haul along with everything else, because Maple Leaf Loading (or Pro Trans Ventures,doesn't really matter what name you use) wasn't getting paid for that haul. Seemed pretty strange at the time, and....perhaps one day soon, we will learn the truth in that matter.
Then you switched to C.O.D. on a ton of your services. Again, that itch started. One question I have to ask, if indeed you went C.O.D. how the heck did you manage to rack up so much debt? Now we hear through the paper work filed in the receivership, your books are not up to date. Really?
So, lets fast forward to Walter Energy's announcement that they were going to Idle the Brule. Holy cow, when I heard that, I told my honey he had better get his resumes out, and we had to get all our ducks in a row. Ahhh..again, that itch I was scratching, he didn't feel at all, because....that is when your partner Mr. Martin Carsky came up with the best idea of all. There was nothing to worry about, the employees were told, Walter Energy had lots of coal stockpiled, and promised to customers. This coal had to be hauled, and good old Maple Leaf loading was going to haul steady until October. Oh, even better, word about had it, if they upped their production the mine might even restart, and we wouldn't even notice a bump in the road.
Funny, Mr. Dube, I think, even though we have never met, I know you pretty good. I could read between all your lines, perhaps you didn't personally think them up, but, if you were doing your job properly, like you must have with the Concorde group of companies, you would have put a stop to them if they were not acceptable, so guilty by association.
Then of course we get to the really good stuff. The day you decided to request that 5 million dollar loan you handed out at "arms length", that almost gags me..arms length, and sitting on the board of directors, knowing full well you are not getting your due interest payments on that loan. On May 21st, the itch became a nasty rash. I was up and down from my computer like a Yoyo. Pro Trans Ventures was all over the stock reports. They suddenly ceased to exist, because you got this overwhelming urge to get your loan, and all those other folks who sat down at board meetings with you, decided they couldn't pay you back. How does something like this happen? Why didn't you pick up the phone when you missed that first payment in January? How did you manage to make billions when you let 5 million slide? See, Mr. Dube, you are a good business man, you have to be to get where you are today, and turning a blind eye to something like this, can't be anything but premeditated. Hey, I was reading between all the lines. I noticed that Don Watt was given his position for a period of 3 years..funny, that's pretty much the same amount of time you folks let this company exist.
So, with my nattering in his ears, my husband went off to work to find out what the truth was. You were suddenly the owner of Maple Leaf Loading, Pro Trans Ventures board of directors had all resigned, oh, including yourself...(when you asked for your loan back). I kept telling him this was a farce, something was up, and I think this time, he actually heard me. Imagine my surprise when he called to tell me, your buddy Mr. Carsky had told everyone there was nothing to worry about, they were now owned by someone with deep pockets, who wanted to make the company viable. He told me the guys were all told to look you up on the internet..and they did, what an awesome man! You handed out 30 million to charities, they certainly had reason to believe the message from Mr. Carsky. Even more telling, you apparently requested my husband make up a schedule with all the drivers, including their holidays, for the months of June and July. Well, gee, maybe my itch was caused by something besides my uneasiness with the goings on in Maple Leaf Loading.
Do you know, there were guys who trusted the lies you allowed to be fed to them so much, they put all their savings into a down payment for a home?No surprise, when they were suddenly unemployed(and I do mean suddenly) the lenders pulled out, and..they lost all of their savings because down payments on homes(as someone in the real estate business, you know this)are non-refundable. Do you know folks relaxed and felt they had months left to work, so there was no need to put off vacations? Guys purchased tools. My son, well, he got screwed over twice by you and your friends. He was promised a mechanic apprenticeship. He filled out all the paper work with help from the office staff and wanted patiently for his number. Surprise, that number never came, not a single piece of that paperwork went beyond Prince George..just one more in the list of lives screwed by your game. Your arrogance, and ignorance caused hardship in most of the families you were the sole employer of.
All of your lies or perhaps your disregard of those spread by those you kept on in management, were nothing less than criminal. I for one feel like vomiting when I read all the wonderful things you do for others, and I am feeling the utter desperation of losing a full month wages, and holiday pay. I wasted my time trying to convince my husband this was a disaster in the making. His supervisor, only days before this hit the fan, assured him that when the job ended he would get all kinds of pay-out (by the way, this was one of those who stayed on with Ernst and Young, perhaps he got all that he claimed my husband would?). Well, instead you allowed all of these people who had been fed lie after lie to cover all the stuff I questioned, to continue supplying someone with money. At this point after looking at the Receiver's list and seeing Pro Trans Ventures listed as a creditor, even though they no longer exist, and Darby Kreitz another creditor, who the heck gets this money? It's definitely not the ones who worked for it!
What you allowed to occur makes every penny you have handed to charity null and void. Are you Robin Hood? You know take from the workers to give to the poor? You certainly did not take from the rich. Not a single person who left your company on June 27th, walked away with the ability to forget a full months pay. Your disregard for these people will affect them for months to come, to climb out of a hole like this is difficult. Do you know that events like this cause rifts in families because of stress? For all you know, you may be the reason some couples break up. For someone who apparently cares for their fellow human beings so much, you build hospital wings, you seem to have no consideration for those who are in your employ.
You can sit back and claim this is now in the hands of Ernst and Young, but, like Shakespeare's Lady MacBeth, that spot will never come out for you. Each time you stand for the photographer, after handing out another tax write-off, may the 200 families haunt you, 200 men and women who have lost not only their jobs, but their quality of life. 200 employees with children who will watch their parents struggle, all because of your actions, or lack there of.
Those who sat with you playing the board game of Pro Trans Ventures and Maple Leaf Loading, those who have offices for another company that wins prizes from Ernst and Young for being such great profit making businesses, those who hand out insane interviews to the media from their homes in Vancouver, not accepting any blame, instead spinning it to seem like this was Walter Energy's fault. Those who just traded in their vehicle for something nice, bright and shiny new, although , they haven't been paid for a month..or...were they?
So now, Mr. Dube, at 58 years old, I have gone back to my back breaking job cleaning hotel rooms. I am not working 3-4 days a week, as I would like to do because the job is not exactly easy at my age. No, I am working every single day I can, to try and stay out of the creditors bad books. I realize I am lucky. We sold our travel trailer a few days before all of this happened, with plans to purchase a smaller one, to enjoy vacations in the bush. Instead, we have to use that money to cover up the money you stole from us, and any thoughts of vacation have evaporated. The loss of a vacation, and a travel trailer, are small in comparison to the loss of a down payment on a home, so, we are lucky..sort of, thanks to the most charitable man in Saskatchewan, and..the most uncharitable in British Columbia!
Yours (gosh just can't say sincerely)
Debbie
Wednesday, 2 July 2014
Living in the Free World
Fasten your seat belts. My world has been hit by a freaking meteorite shower, and I am so pi$$ed right now, I am on the verge of going postal.
Hey, all you folks who wonder why those people suddenly go bat sh*t crazy and start shooting, well, I for one think I understand. I bet they have been bashed one too many times by stuff that they couldn't possibly dream up, and then they find out, there is diddly squat they can do about it the "normal" way. They have no recourse to right the wrongs that have been done to them. They have Googled till their eyes popped out, sat on hold, heard electronic messages , been sent on wild goose chases, that do nothing but cost them money, and then leave them with no answers. They have learned the very hard way, trust absolutely NO one. They have, as one person put so vividly, been raped in the A$$. Hey, certainly doesn't sound pleasant, and no doubt extremely painful...
Well, this is, sadly, not the first time we have experienced this, and trust me, we have never recovered from the previous one. So, when this latest clump of cow dung smacked us up side the head, it was sort of, kind of, the straw that broke the camels back.
My Honey has worked for the same company for some years now. Heck, I don't care about legalities, the name of this company was Maple Leaf Loading Ltd. Now, a little back ground on this company. It was the brain child of one Darby Kreitz. Mr. Kreitz, from what I can gather, is a Saskatchewan boy, or if he is not, he sure has a ton of connections down in the flat lands. He built this other company sometime around 1995, it is some sort of engineering company..that does a whole whack of business. It does so much business that Mr. Kreitz has won tons of awards, one of those awards was the Ernst and Young entrepreneur of the year. Oh, he is an amazing man, handing out mega bucks to charities all over the country, Children's hospital, Fishing for Kids, Cancer fund raising..just a good ol' boy!
Now Mr. Kreitz has, what appears to be lots of businessy friends too. When he decided to start a trucking business, he called a few of these guys up, and asked them to help out, they are all listed (well maybe not anymore) on his Board of Directors. He put this trucking business on the stock market, and one of the requirements was that they stated not a single one on that board had been involved in a bankruptcy. If you read his application (and I did) to get his sorry buttocks on the stock exchange, he has a tiny little blurb saying how the company has an "arm's length" loan of 5 million buckeroos. There wasn't a name on the application, but now we know that was Mr. Les Dube of the Concorde Group of companies. This agreement with the 5 million stated that if, heaven forbid (O.K. those were not the words) something should go wrong, and they couldn't pay back the loan, this arms length lender would get the company.
Ahhhhh..something did go wrong, although they had all these businessy friends apparently watching out for the companies best interest, many of them experienced in finance, they decided they couldn't pay the interest on the loan in December. Of course no one knew that information that worked for Mr. Kreitz. Then their big contract with the coal haul suddenly flickered. The mine decided they were going to shut down. "Oh, don't worry" said those running the show "we have so much coal stockpiled, we have to haul that, and you will all have work till October, at the earliest". "Oh, drivers are quitting and going off to look for more secure work? Well, then, you go on and hire some more". "Oh, we lost mechanics? Well, hire another guy to fill the spot, he can drive here from hundreds of miles away, leave his family, haul his tool box, and settle in". Just a little over a month ago, we hear the truth..ooops, no, I'm wrong..we hear the new spin. Mr. Les Dube decided to accept the company, debts and all. He is going to make this company viable..these were words from the President and CEO of the company. No worries folks, things will continue on the same. If we work really hard, maybe the mine will reopen, and all of this will be a bad dream.
FML!!! What a pile of propaganda! On June 27th, as we walked out of a lovely Graduation ceremony, my son got a text from a co-worker who was at work. He informed us that Ernst and Young, had showed up at the camp, informed everyone that they were done! Yep, finished!! Oh, and guess what? No one is going to get their pay cheque due July 1st. Not enough shock? Well, let's add just a little extra, that 15 day hold back the company decided to implement last year, well that's just not going to find it's way into your pocket either. You have holiday pay coming? Sorry, that's out of the question. Severance...well, sorry Receiver's don't do severance. Plus, you best get your butts out off the property by noon the next day.
Holy Cow, something like this is just not an event that the average person could even dream up. When companies go under, you get some sort of clue, these folks found a way to get their employees to work a whole month for free, promising months more work. They found a way to get new folks to sign on, and work for free.
Now, I am not a legal expert, but, I know companies do not go into receivership in 24 hours. I know Ernst and Young got the ball rolling long before June 27th, and they certainly had to know (because they are businessy) that 200 people were still working up to the last minute. They certainly had to know that these people were owed, in the least 2 pay cheques. However, they picked a couple of folks, and I really have to wonder why these particular folks were chosen, to continue working to get things locked down. I hear stupid crap about how the woman in the head office is working for free to ensure employees get their ROE's, and others appear to believe this pile of horse doodoo. Really, get a grip!! This woman is chosen by Ernst and Young along with the few other goonies. They, unlike almost everyone else, will walk away from this smelling like roses. Ernst and Young can hand them what is owed to them, for being scabs!Really, I know a lot of really wonderful people, and none of them would work for free, after finding out they lost a months wages. Don't care what anyone thinks,I think these people are benefiting at the expense of everyone else, and making statements they are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. Kiss my butt!! Ernst and Young would not allow anyone on the property that is in receivership unless they are employed by them! Case closed on that matter! Look closely, the ones that passed the false information on, are the ones who are likely getting paid. Duhhhhh....FYI..my take on things..just an assumption, no proof.
Mr. Les Dube, lying sack of sh*t that he is, is all over Google. What an amazing man he is. He has given 30 million away to charities. He appears to love the Catholic church so much, he pays for a position for a Bishop's assistant. Wow, he is certainly ensuring a spot when he gets to the Pearly Gates. He has a whole wing at a hospital named after him and his wife. Well, it must be pretty damn easy to hand millions out to Charities when you steal a months pay from 200 people! Hopefully he will consider giving to a charity he caused..unemployed, homeless, broke Ex Maple Leaf Loading employees!
You would think in this country there would be laws to protect tax paying workers. Nope!!Gave the legal world a try, set us back $300, only to be told if we paid $5000, they would spend some time and see if we had a legal case. Helloooooo...yeah, $5000 to see if maybe we can fight this, and a months wages down the toilet..can't really afford that gamble. Keep hearing from folks that we should go to the government who will hand over up to $3000, but......we must pay 6.82% of that as a fee to the government, and then, we must sign a paper that ensures we don't bother the company for the other 10 thousand or so they owe.
The bank is going to make sure they get every penny they put into this company. They apparently are way above the employees that actually worked a month for the bank for nothing. That's pretty much what happened, the company knew this was happening, the bank knew this was happening, and Ernst and Young knew this was happening. They all decided not to inform the employees, so which one of them got paid for 200 worker's month's wages?
This whole things is a crime. 200 people have been defrauded out of their wages , not a word on the news, it's like it didn't happen. But..I know it did. My a$$ is so sore, I have run out of "normal" and, now I understand "postal". I am keeping busy with my toilet scrubbing, trying desperately not to take a drive to Saskatchewan, and maybe have a confession with that Bishops Assistant that likely gets some of the wages my Honey worked so hard for.
So, to keep my sore A$$ from getting anything else rammed up it, I will say, this is my personal opinion. This is how I feel, and, see things...I bet this is how at least one or two others picking up a pack of Preparation H feel as well. Apparently this was a voluntary receivership, well planed, well designed , to let the businessy folks walk away from their mess, and go back to their other companies, wiping their hands, and hoping for an award for their amazing business savy! Watch...bet you one of the F*ck ups are in the next list of Ernst and Young entrepreneurs.
#MapleLeafLoading #DarbyKreitz #MartinCarsky #LesDube
Hey, all you folks who wonder why those people suddenly go bat sh*t crazy and start shooting, well, I for one think I understand. I bet they have been bashed one too many times by stuff that they couldn't possibly dream up, and then they find out, there is diddly squat they can do about it the "normal" way. They have no recourse to right the wrongs that have been done to them. They have Googled till their eyes popped out, sat on hold, heard electronic messages , been sent on wild goose chases, that do nothing but cost them money, and then leave them with no answers. They have learned the very hard way, trust absolutely NO one. They have, as one person put so vividly, been raped in the A$$. Hey, certainly doesn't sound pleasant, and no doubt extremely painful...
Well, this is, sadly, not the first time we have experienced this, and trust me, we have never recovered from the previous one. So, when this latest clump of cow dung smacked us up side the head, it was sort of, kind of, the straw that broke the camels back.
My Honey has worked for the same company for some years now. Heck, I don't care about legalities, the name of this company was Maple Leaf Loading Ltd. Now, a little back ground on this company. It was the brain child of one Darby Kreitz. Mr. Kreitz, from what I can gather, is a Saskatchewan boy, or if he is not, he sure has a ton of connections down in the flat lands. He built this other company sometime around 1995, it is some sort of engineering company..that does a whole whack of business. It does so much business that Mr. Kreitz has won tons of awards, one of those awards was the Ernst and Young entrepreneur of the year. Oh, he is an amazing man, handing out mega bucks to charities all over the country, Children's hospital, Fishing for Kids, Cancer fund raising..just a good ol' boy!
Now Mr. Kreitz has, what appears to be lots of businessy friends too. When he decided to start a trucking business, he called a few of these guys up, and asked them to help out, they are all listed (well maybe not anymore) on his Board of Directors. He put this trucking business on the stock market, and one of the requirements was that they stated not a single one on that board had been involved in a bankruptcy. If you read his application (and I did) to get his sorry buttocks on the stock exchange, he has a tiny little blurb saying how the company has an "arm's length" loan of 5 million buckeroos. There wasn't a name on the application, but now we know that was Mr. Les Dube of the Concorde Group of companies. This agreement with the 5 million stated that if, heaven forbid (O.K. those were not the words) something should go wrong, and they couldn't pay back the loan, this arms length lender would get the company.
Ahhhhh..something did go wrong, although they had all these businessy friends apparently watching out for the companies best interest, many of them experienced in finance, they decided they couldn't pay the interest on the loan in December. Of course no one knew that information that worked for Mr. Kreitz. Then their big contract with the coal haul suddenly flickered. The mine decided they were going to shut down. "Oh, don't worry" said those running the show "we have so much coal stockpiled, we have to haul that, and you will all have work till October, at the earliest". "Oh, drivers are quitting and going off to look for more secure work? Well, then, you go on and hire some more". "Oh, we lost mechanics? Well, hire another guy to fill the spot, he can drive here from hundreds of miles away, leave his family, haul his tool box, and settle in". Just a little over a month ago, we hear the truth..ooops, no, I'm wrong..we hear the new spin. Mr. Les Dube decided to accept the company, debts and all. He is going to make this company viable..these were words from the President and CEO of the company. No worries folks, things will continue on the same. If we work really hard, maybe the mine will reopen, and all of this will be a bad dream.
FML!!! What a pile of propaganda! On June 27th, as we walked out of a lovely Graduation ceremony, my son got a text from a co-worker who was at work. He informed us that Ernst and Young, had showed up at the camp, informed everyone that they were done! Yep, finished!! Oh, and guess what? No one is going to get their pay cheque due July 1st. Not enough shock? Well, let's add just a little extra, that 15 day hold back the company decided to implement last year, well that's just not going to find it's way into your pocket either. You have holiday pay coming? Sorry, that's out of the question. Severance...well, sorry Receiver's don't do severance. Plus, you best get your butts out off the property by noon the next day.
Holy Cow, something like this is just not an event that the average person could even dream up. When companies go under, you get some sort of clue, these folks found a way to get their employees to work a whole month for free, promising months more work. They found a way to get new folks to sign on, and work for free.
Now, I am not a legal expert, but, I know companies do not go into receivership in 24 hours. I know Ernst and Young got the ball rolling long before June 27th, and they certainly had to know (because they are businessy) that 200 people were still working up to the last minute. They certainly had to know that these people were owed, in the least 2 pay cheques. However, they picked a couple of folks, and I really have to wonder why these particular folks were chosen, to continue working to get things locked down. I hear stupid crap about how the woman in the head office is working for free to ensure employees get their ROE's, and others appear to believe this pile of horse doodoo. Really, get a grip!! This woman is chosen by Ernst and Young along with the few other goonies. They, unlike almost everyone else, will walk away from this smelling like roses. Ernst and Young can hand them what is owed to them, for being scabs!Really, I know a lot of really wonderful people, and none of them would work for free, after finding out they lost a months wages. Don't care what anyone thinks,I think these people are benefiting at the expense of everyone else, and making statements they are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. Kiss my butt!! Ernst and Young would not allow anyone on the property that is in receivership unless they are employed by them! Case closed on that matter! Look closely, the ones that passed the false information on, are the ones who are likely getting paid. Duhhhhh....FYI..my take on things..just an assumption, no proof.
Mr. Les Dube, lying sack of sh*t that he is, is all over Google. What an amazing man he is. He has given 30 million away to charities. He appears to love the Catholic church so much, he pays for a position for a Bishop's assistant. Wow, he is certainly ensuring a spot when he gets to the Pearly Gates. He has a whole wing at a hospital named after him and his wife. Well, it must be pretty damn easy to hand millions out to Charities when you steal a months pay from 200 people! Hopefully he will consider giving to a charity he caused..unemployed, homeless, broke Ex Maple Leaf Loading employees!
You would think in this country there would be laws to protect tax paying workers. Nope!!Gave the legal world a try, set us back $300, only to be told if we paid $5000, they would spend some time and see if we had a legal case. Helloooooo...yeah, $5000 to see if maybe we can fight this, and a months wages down the toilet..can't really afford that gamble. Keep hearing from folks that we should go to the government who will hand over up to $3000, but......we must pay 6.82% of that as a fee to the government, and then, we must sign a paper that ensures we don't bother the company for the other 10 thousand or so they owe.
The bank is going to make sure they get every penny they put into this company. They apparently are way above the employees that actually worked a month for the bank for nothing. That's pretty much what happened, the company knew this was happening, the bank knew this was happening, and Ernst and Young knew this was happening. They all decided not to inform the employees, so which one of them got paid for 200 worker's month's wages?
This whole things is a crime. 200 people have been defrauded out of their wages , not a word on the news, it's like it didn't happen. But..I know it did. My a$$ is so sore, I have run out of "normal" and, now I understand "postal". I am keeping busy with my toilet scrubbing, trying desperately not to take a drive to Saskatchewan, and maybe have a confession with that Bishops Assistant that likely gets some of the wages my Honey worked so hard for.
So, to keep my sore A$$ from getting anything else rammed up it, I will say, this is my personal opinion. This is how I feel, and, see things...I bet this is how at least one or two others picking up a pack of Preparation H feel as well. Apparently this was a voluntary receivership, well planed, well designed , to let the businessy folks walk away from their mess, and go back to their other companies, wiping their hands, and hoping for an award for their amazing business savy! Watch...bet you one of the F*ck ups are in the next list of Ernst and Young entrepreneurs.
#MapleLeafLoading #DarbyKreitz #MartinCarsky #LesDube
Friday, 20 June 2014
Visits with Lorne
I have said before, the pen is mightier than the sword, because it can wound from a distance. I have also said, I refrain from bringing family into my blogs, besides picking at my own little group. However, the time , sadly, has come, that I feel the urge to stab with my pen (keyboard). This doesn't come easily, I had to sit down and consider the ramifications. I have to realize that some of what I spew, may hurt people who do not deserve to be damaged in the line of fire. For this, I apologize before hand. I hope that those of you who read this, understand, sometimes when you are placed in a corner, and you have no choice but to put up a fight.
Death of a close family member is never easy. First you have that sense of instant loss, a empty space occurs so quickly, you can lose your breath. It is a physical loss, and emotional. I expect most everyone has felt this, at one time or another, if you haven't you are very lucky, myself, I have had the wind knocked out of me,more than once.
When a family group loses a member, the natural thing to do, is to bond together,because somehow, to share the hurt, makes it a tiny less painful. However, sometimes, the opposite happens, and when this occurs, the empty space gets bigger, with every blow that comes at a person. That is what happens when sides are pushed farther and farther away from each other. The initial loss grows, and surrounds every moment of one's day, and takes the ability to sleep away, it chews any scab of healing away, making the wound raw, with no way to dull the pain.
When you have a family that perhaps has no connection. One that was added after children were grown, and one that resides far enough away, that they never met, and have no clue about who each other is. There is absolutely no history, and no urge on either side to be a part of each others lives, you have potential for disaster.
We are living this disaster right now. These other people, who have lost someone who came into their lives 14 or so years ago, seem to think that those who had this person for their lifetime, somehow, don't matter as much as they do. They seem to think that the past 14 years is all that matters. They lay blame for lack of visitation on those who were made to feel like intruders when they did attempt to visit. Not by the family member, but by this new family, who did not want anyone else in their world.
But, what they don't know, is , the family member who left, never cut the ties with those who started their lives with him. They don't know that although these two people did not often sit across from each other, they would visit a couple of times a month. They don't know that during these visits, everything from finances, to dreams, to final wishes were spoken of. The conversations would go on for long periods, two people, who loved each other dearly, would find their space, and share their lives with each other.
The one left to mourn, did not brag about his "visits", but, he was condemned for not visiting, by one who felt they were superior, and knew everything about the departed. He was insulted, and hit blow after blow, on top of the initial loss.
This superior person, has no clue. They were not there almost 50 years ago, they were not there through struggles, births, losses. They arrived near the end, when things had settled, and were calm. When responsibilities were fewer, and stress was not a constant. They enjoyed the peaceful times, and got the quality time, that comes with age, and wisdom. They got to have the time that those with the lifetime history, would have loved to have, but, got a taste of, with their phone conversations, that came from the heart.
Those conversations were not shared with the others, so although they may think they know everything, they do not!! They do not realize that although they never knew us, we got to know something about them. They may not like to think way back to when they were known, and maybe they think some things are forgotten, they are wrong. People do change, so perhaps they have changed some, our part of the family certainly has.
We have learned through our losses that it is better to try and remember the positives, we have learned that a hurt like this, is far better shared, to help make things less painful. We hoped that this would be a time of mutual understanding, a time when we supported each other. Instead, it became a time of bitterness, and cruelty. A time when walls were put up, to stop anyone else in. A time when assumptions ran haywire. A time when questions were refused, communications were cut, and impossible challenges set to be allowed to take part in saying good-bye.
They obviously have no concept of the hurt they are perpetrating. This is a time that will stay with those left, forever. They will relive this constantly, and for this, there is no forgiveness. They feel they are the only ones who deserve compassion, and sympathy. Well, I have this to say, they claim they knew the person that was part of their lives for 14 years. If they think that he stopped loving those who began their lives with him, they never knew him at all!!!
I heard the words Love you too, Dad, spoken at the end of every "visit" before the phone was hung up. I heard these words during the conversations. I know the bond of a father and son, never left with the addition of this new group of people. I know this bond became stronger, because they had their visits, when it was just the two of them, and those others, were not a part of this.
The pain of loss has been dulled a little by anger, the need to walk away from what should be a time to support each other, and separate into different groups, is unnatural, and this, in itself, will continue to fester. To accept that others were a part of this person's life,is apparently impossible. To assume they loved him more and better is childish, and inconsiderate, in fact, it is vain. To do exactly the opposite of what the person we knew would want, is unacceptable.
We cannot do what this man requested, to insist, would only make matters worse. So, perhaps they will continue with the assumption they know what is best, but, just to be clear...we know what was wanted.He said so, in one of those non-visits!! They have managed to place guilt on one who made a promise to do specific things, and now is unable to follow through. It is still not too late, it can be mended, all it will take is the acceptance that others belonged in this life, and others have a right to honour it as they promised.
Be kind to one another, when you share a loss. Sharing the pain will not make it go away, but to remember together, will make it bearable. Sharing memories keeps everyone who has left, live with us for just a moment longer.
Death of a close family member is never easy. First you have that sense of instant loss, a empty space occurs so quickly, you can lose your breath. It is a physical loss, and emotional. I expect most everyone has felt this, at one time or another, if you haven't you are very lucky, myself, I have had the wind knocked out of me,more than once.
When a family group loses a member, the natural thing to do, is to bond together,because somehow, to share the hurt, makes it a tiny less painful. However, sometimes, the opposite happens, and when this occurs, the empty space gets bigger, with every blow that comes at a person. That is what happens when sides are pushed farther and farther away from each other. The initial loss grows, and surrounds every moment of one's day, and takes the ability to sleep away, it chews any scab of healing away, making the wound raw, with no way to dull the pain.
When you have a family that perhaps has no connection. One that was added after children were grown, and one that resides far enough away, that they never met, and have no clue about who each other is. There is absolutely no history, and no urge on either side to be a part of each others lives, you have potential for disaster.
We are living this disaster right now. These other people, who have lost someone who came into their lives 14 or so years ago, seem to think that those who had this person for their lifetime, somehow, don't matter as much as they do. They seem to think that the past 14 years is all that matters. They lay blame for lack of visitation on those who were made to feel like intruders when they did attempt to visit. Not by the family member, but by this new family, who did not want anyone else in their world.
But, what they don't know, is , the family member who left, never cut the ties with those who started their lives with him. They don't know that although these two people did not often sit across from each other, they would visit a couple of times a month. They don't know that during these visits, everything from finances, to dreams, to final wishes were spoken of. The conversations would go on for long periods, two people, who loved each other dearly, would find their space, and share their lives with each other.
The one left to mourn, did not brag about his "visits", but, he was condemned for not visiting, by one who felt they were superior, and knew everything about the departed. He was insulted, and hit blow after blow, on top of the initial loss.
This superior person, has no clue. They were not there almost 50 years ago, they were not there through struggles, births, losses. They arrived near the end, when things had settled, and were calm. When responsibilities were fewer, and stress was not a constant. They enjoyed the peaceful times, and got the quality time, that comes with age, and wisdom. They got to have the time that those with the lifetime history, would have loved to have, but, got a taste of, with their phone conversations, that came from the heart.
Those conversations were not shared with the others, so although they may think they know everything, they do not!! They do not realize that although they never knew us, we got to know something about them. They may not like to think way back to when they were known, and maybe they think some things are forgotten, they are wrong. People do change, so perhaps they have changed some, our part of the family certainly has.
We have learned through our losses that it is better to try and remember the positives, we have learned that a hurt like this, is far better shared, to help make things less painful. We hoped that this would be a time of mutual understanding, a time when we supported each other. Instead, it became a time of bitterness, and cruelty. A time when walls were put up, to stop anyone else in. A time when assumptions ran haywire. A time when questions were refused, communications were cut, and impossible challenges set to be allowed to take part in saying good-bye.
They obviously have no concept of the hurt they are perpetrating. This is a time that will stay with those left, forever. They will relive this constantly, and for this, there is no forgiveness. They feel they are the only ones who deserve compassion, and sympathy. Well, I have this to say, they claim they knew the person that was part of their lives for 14 years. If they think that he stopped loving those who began their lives with him, they never knew him at all!!!
I heard the words Love you too, Dad, spoken at the end of every "visit" before the phone was hung up. I heard these words during the conversations. I know the bond of a father and son, never left with the addition of this new group of people. I know this bond became stronger, because they had their visits, when it was just the two of them, and those others, were not a part of this.
The pain of loss has been dulled a little by anger, the need to walk away from what should be a time to support each other, and separate into different groups, is unnatural, and this, in itself, will continue to fester. To accept that others were a part of this person's life,is apparently impossible. To assume they loved him more and better is childish, and inconsiderate, in fact, it is vain. To do exactly the opposite of what the person we knew would want, is unacceptable.
We cannot do what this man requested, to insist, would only make matters worse. So, perhaps they will continue with the assumption they know what is best, but, just to be clear...we know what was wanted.He said so, in one of those non-visits!! They have managed to place guilt on one who made a promise to do specific things, and now is unable to follow through. It is still not too late, it can be mended, all it will take is the acceptance that others belonged in this life, and others have a right to honour it as they promised.
Be kind to one another, when you share a loss. Sharing the pain will not make it go away, but to remember together, will make it bearable. Sharing memories keeps everyone who has left, live with us for just a moment longer.
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
Leaning Tower of Power
I expect almost everyone has a Facebook page. Lately the advertising on there has been catching my eye, I can usually ignore it, but...Then there is youtube, I do pop in there every so often to check out music. I have no clue how advertising works when it comes to the internet. Absolutely no idea what the costs to have the damn commercials before I can view a song...not sure about you, I realize youtube must make money, but,gee whiz, why is our provincial government dishing out money to advertise on youtube? They have advertisements all over facebook as well. I am getting just a tad fed up with this. I am not fed up with advertising, as I understand, this pays for folks to have an internet business.
What is pi$$ing me off right now, is cut backs, and yet, Crusty's publicity folks throwing stats all over about how rich our province is, or will be.
See, again, I am pro pipe-line, just spent 15 minutes taking a freaking phone poll, regarding this. I have no issue with progress, as long as it balances with nature. I would not be concerned if, in fact, as the phone poll informed me, these wonderful companies were in fact accommodating the people affected. I would not be concerned if they were truly addressing all First Nations concerns. I would not be concerned if truly, they would be handing over money to the people directly affected. I would not be concerned if every single person in British Columbia, including all of those in the small communities impacted by this enormous push, would find themselves employed in a mid-income job. However, this is not fact, and will prove not to be fact, in the future.
My take on all of this, is, our government has decided to take out a Citifinancial loan, or even worse, a Money Tree loan. See, those lenders are last resort places for folks short on cash. They can get the money they desperately need quickly, but, HOLA, do they pay in the end. Hey, I have lived a long time, and hit hard times, more than once, so..I know how these loans hurt, one pays back forever. I remember the plans before jumping into these quick fix loans..Oh we will pay it back quickly, we will pay double, because we just need the money right now, things will be better in a few months, and everything will go onto the loan. Hah!!! Never happened.
So, a few days ago, I see the pipeline propaganda....did you know that the money we receive from LNG will enable the province to build 8 new hospitals a year? Well, la-de-dah...really! What a totally idiotic statement. We live in a province that has seen almost every Doctor pack their bags and leave, for either Vancouver or, out of province. We live in communities with lovely clinics (this is a new phrase, previous local hospitals are now called medical clinics) we have receptionists, maybe we have a couple of nurses, we have visiting lab techs, and a single Doctor, if we are lucky. I see , every single year, massive fund raising for Children's hospital, tickets sold for hospital lotteries. I see communities fund raising for obstetric equipment, X-Rays, Cat-Scans. I see personal medical premium costs rising through the roof. Where the F*ck does all that money go? Our government cannot pay for our medical system, as it quickly crumbles away. But..hey, we can have 8 new empty, useless hospitals , if we are lucky enough to get Crusty's LNG.
I see this morning, parents in the neighbouring community will be getting letters stating what it is going to cost them to have their school child ride the bus to school. I see that the school district has a whopping deficit, and has to find a way to cut costs. Helloo..when I went to school, in yes, a 3 room school house, my parents never had to send money. Not a single morning did my Mom have to dig out $5-$20 for something that was happening at school that day. She simply bought the listed school supplies, some clothes, and I was set. The school taxes my parents paid, apparently covered all costs involved. Not today!! Today it is a constant flow of cash out of parents pockets, every week brings another fee. Apparently school taxes are not covering diddly!
So...I think Crusty has decided it is time for a quick fix, not matter what the interest fees are. With all this LNG money, she will be able to make up for all the rampant spending costs her and past government have done. She can open up a new treasure chest, and promise us all that we will soon be back on track.
No matter how much money flows into our government , now, it will never ever be enough! Government has become such a parasite, it is a country to itself. Yes, another Vatican. The costs to run government have become atrocious, and every new dollar that flows into it, has already been spent, along with a dollar that isn't there. Trips, and parties, and elections, and of course that mighty advertising, just keep frittering every single cent away. Our Premier is never "at work" well, she claims her travels are work, but..if in fact our politicians took advantage of technology, used Skype, instead of hopping on a plane, actually spent some time in Parliament, watched the numbers in their budget, and put the money back into what it was allotted for, we would not need this quick cash advance. This big bundle of future cash, is. like our hard earned tax dollars, going to be wasted. They do not have to answer to those who pay them their salaries. When we question, they wave their hands, and give us some mundane reason we have to pay more.
Instead of cutting school budgets, and allowing citizens to send money to keep school buses running, instead of upping medical premiums, but cutting service,if indeed we will have enough money to build 8 hospitals, which we do not need, lets put 3 of these hospitals towards school budgets, and 3 towards our medical service, and perhaps 2 of them into savings, or if Crusty wants, she can start to cover her freaking deficit, which herself and her minions have enlarged beyond belief.
I would accept a few extra pipelines if I actually imagined it would fix the financial pig sty our province is in, but...I know it won't, it is just a whole whack more pocket money for our politicians! Their tower is leaning so hard, but if they can prop it up with the promised windfall from LNG, they might be able to keep it from falling over..for a little while...
What is pi$$ing me off right now, is cut backs, and yet, Crusty's publicity folks throwing stats all over about how rich our province is, or will be.
See, again, I am pro pipe-line, just spent 15 minutes taking a freaking phone poll, regarding this. I have no issue with progress, as long as it balances with nature. I would not be concerned if, in fact, as the phone poll informed me, these wonderful companies were in fact accommodating the people affected. I would not be concerned if they were truly addressing all First Nations concerns. I would not be concerned if truly, they would be handing over money to the people directly affected. I would not be concerned if every single person in British Columbia, including all of those in the small communities impacted by this enormous push, would find themselves employed in a mid-income job. However, this is not fact, and will prove not to be fact, in the future.
My take on all of this, is, our government has decided to take out a Citifinancial loan, or even worse, a Money Tree loan. See, those lenders are last resort places for folks short on cash. They can get the money they desperately need quickly, but, HOLA, do they pay in the end. Hey, I have lived a long time, and hit hard times, more than once, so..I know how these loans hurt, one pays back forever. I remember the plans before jumping into these quick fix loans..Oh we will pay it back quickly, we will pay double, because we just need the money right now, things will be better in a few months, and everything will go onto the loan. Hah!!! Never happened.
So, a few days ago, I see the pipeline propaganda....did you know that the money we receive from LNG will enable the province to build 8 new hospitals a year? Well, la-de-dah...really! What a totally idiotic statement. We live in a province that has seen almost every Doctor pack their bags and leave, for either Vancouver or, out of province. We live in communities with lovely clinics (this is a new phrase, previous local hospitals are now called medical clinics) we have receptionists, maybe we have a couple of nurses, we have visiting lab techs, and a single Doctor, if we are lucky. I see , every single year, massive fund raising for Children's hospital, tickets sold for hospital lotteries. I see communities fund raising for obstetric equipment, X-Rays, Cat-Scans. I see personal medical premium costs rising through the roof. Where the F*ck does all that money go? Our government cannot pay for our medical system, as it quickly crumbles away. But..hey, we can have 8 new empty, useless hospitals , if we are lucky enough to get Crusty's LNG.
I see this morning, parents in the neighbouring community will be getting letters stating what it is going to cost them to have their school child ride the bus to school. I see that the school district has a whopping deficit, and has to find a way to cut costs. Helloo..when I went to school, in yes, a 3 room school house, my parents never had to send money. Not a single morning did my Mom have to dig out $5-$20 for something that was happening at school that day. She simply bought the listed school supplies, some clothes, and I was set. The school taxes my parents paid, apparently covered all costs involved. Not today!! Today it is a constant flow of cash out of parents pockets, every week brings another fee. Apparently school taxes are not covering diddly!
So...I think Crusty has decided it is time for a quick fix, not matter what the interest fees are. With all this LNG money, she will be able to make up for all the rampant spending costs her and past government have done. She can open up a new treasure chest, and promise us all that we will soon be back on track.
No matter how much money flows into our government , now, it will never ever be enough! Government has become such a parasite, it is a country to itself. Yes, another Vatican. The costs to run government have become atrocious, and every new dollar that flows into it, has already been spent, along with a dollar that isn't there. Trips, and parties, and elections, and of course that mighty advertising, just keep frittering every single cent away. Our Premier is never "at work" well, she claims her travels are work, but..if in fact our politicians took advantage of technology, used Skype, instead of hopping on a plane, actually spent some time in Parliament, watched the numbers in their budget, and put the money back into what it was allotted for, we would not need this quick cash advance. This big bundle of future cash, is. like our hard earned tax dollars, going to be wasted. They do not have to answer to those who pay them their salaries. When we question, they wave their hands, and give us some mundane reason we have to pay more.
Instead of cutting school budgets, and allowing citizens to send money to keep school buses running, instead of upping medical premiums, but cutting service,if indeed we will have enough money to build 8 hospitals, which we do not need, lets put 3 of these hospitals towards school budgets, and 3 towards our medical service, and perhaps 2 of them into savings, or if Crusty wants, she can start to cover her freaking deficit, which herself and her minions have enlarged beyond belief.
I would accept a few extra pipelines if I actually imagined it would fix the financial pig sty our province is in, but...I know it won't, it is just a whole whack more pocket money for our politicians! Their tower is leaning so hard, but if they can prop it up with the promised windfall from LNG, they might be able to keep it from falling over..for a little while...
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