What would I think of me, if I was someone else? Do I really think of my self as a mouth piece? Why am I so blatant? Does anyone else, not feel the need to have questions answered, or reasons given for things that are done? Am I the only one who spews their personal take on things? If something seems wrong to me, is it not right to state this? I want everything to make sense to me, and I am not sure why this would make me loud and obnoxious, as I am sure some feel. I am often told to keep my voice down...Helllooo...if I feel that I am being ignored with my questions, or that reasons given for certain things are, in my mind, ludicrous, and I am expected to accept, I can't stop. Perhaps I get louder, because I get irritated. I hate having to quietly accept that which is not acceptable to me. I suppose, in truth, I refuse to accept. Most of the time, I understand that no matter how long, and how loud I get, things will not change, but..maybe if I can manage to find a group of folks, like myself (what a horror scene that would be) and together we refuse to accept, things may change.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I know my personal opinion is not always right, but...I am going to blurt this out, most of the time, it IS!!!There are times when, maybe, I might change my opinion, if someone would take the time and have the patience to convince me my way is wrong. There hasn't been anyone step up to that plate, yet.
Many times, I have had to walk away, knowing that what I think would be best, is not popular, and therefore, not going to happen. Maybe if I was able to organize, and write down my thoughts, in order, I might get farther in convincing others. My problem is, I tend to feel so strongly, that I ramble(shock). Cripes, even years back when my honey and I would have blasting verbal fights, I would go off on tangents, and, after rambling for hours, finish, only to clue in, I never got to the point. Oh, plus, he would never, ever, join in these verbal clashes, so I would be the only voice screeching away.
I find that when I start on some subject, I see eyes rolling, and those I am attempting to get answers from, will attempt to mollify me, in a condoning way. Folks, do not talk to me like a child!! I may appear to be loud and stubborn, and I guess that is all true, but I am NOT an idiot. I know the way things are suppose to be done, and I get mad if those in power, do things against the rules. I refuse to accept a reason to break the rules. I have had to follow rules for the past 56 years, many of them, I wished I could break, but, my generation had things written in stone (like our wheels) and, actually the rules kept things running in a straight line.
Now I find, when I am getting old and feeble, the rules are being broke all the time. I am a mass of confusion trying to figure out when the rules of life were changed. I am not talking about rules of marriage , or fashion, or heaven forbid, even religion, I am speaking of honesty and truth. I HATE liars, and I hate people who twist facts, and skip rules they don't like, just to get the end result they wish for. I hate it when things that are wrong, are ignored. I can't ignore them, and often I feel all alone, because my voice is the only one I hear speaking out loud. Then I begin to think, maybe I am wrong, maybe my personal take on things is off, but no one is answering, and I am still screaming.
The only way to silence this mouth piece,is simple, just answer my questions and my concerns. If I am wrong, the answers should be right there. Because I am not getting any answers, I must accept that, once again, my personal opinion on things must be the correct ones! Therefore, I am absolutely positive, me, myself, and I would definitely like ourselves!!