Ahhh..See, that title should pretty much date me..Yes, I was alive when WoodStock happened, and Flower Children flitted about, really wearing flowers in their hair. Hippies, kind of the same thing, but Flower Children sounds so much nicer, doesn't it?
First off..let me state, I was pretty young when Woodstock occurred, 1969 was the year, I was 13! I was never a flower child, I did embroider on my jeans, and I did wear flowy muslin tops, bell bottoms, and Paisley prints were high fashion. I think for 3 years every thing I owned was earthy brown.Flower power...in truth, it was a generation that believed in Peace and love, not unlike many of us wish the world was coated in. They tried..they had battles, we lived during the Vietnam war, atomic bombs were going off in the oceans and deserts. Times today, well, they are not so different, just as awful, just as many wishing we could plant flowers everywhere, and rainbows. Flower children loved everyone, and sex was given away as freely as the flowers. Hey, those folks smiled an awful lot..Most of the time, they were so stoned, they had no clue what was happening, that was likely another reason there was an awful lot of smiling. Flower children begat communes..love flowed all over the place in those..different mindsets, different morals, different lifestyles. They truly had things figured out, how to live life simply. Now I imagine there was a sh*tload of fallout for the children of these flowers, because free love is not everyone's cup of tea,. Their children grew up surrounded by sex, drugs and likely not so much rock and roll..more likely some Sitars..and flutes and maybe some bongos...
O.K. Basically what I set out to do, was to make the point, free love has been around for a very long time..I am not a prude, but it wasn't appealing to me back in the day, and it is less so as I have aged. I believe love is something that takes a lot of work. Yes, one can fall in love quickly, and if they are very lucky the feeling is mutual. But, there are reasons people fall in love. There has to be some sort of common ground, a foundation. Just because one thinks someone else is cute, is not a foundation..just because they claim to be a Porn star in the bedroom..that does not create love. See..right next to love is another L word that seems to get confused with love, and that is LUST. Love is created, lust dissolves. Lust last only as long as it takes for something more appealing to open the door. Lust is like new car smell..after a while it disappears, and the stink of the real world takes over, and off one goes looking for that smell again.
I suppose when one is young enough, they can wander about sniffing the new smell, all over the place. Back in my day, guys would be congratulated with the notches on their belt, but, they would never be considered a keeper, because they "fooled around". Girls, well..they were simply sleaze balls, or easy..or, of course, sluts.However, many of these folks got this out of their systems, and actually fell in love. They found someone who offered more than just a nice smell, they found someone who made them feel the need to stay, to build a foundation, and to work with, to build a life. Cripes, those of us from teeny town, we may remember Joe or Joanie Blow as being easy, but..they grew up, they had families, and they worked hard building their lives with the ones they loved, who cares what they did when they were young?
However...This is where things get foggy. Sometimes, some people expect love to be something more akin to the new car smell. They don't understand there is upkeep, work has to be done to maintain love. It is not always shiny, and often, it stinks! Well, actually it isn't love that stinks, it is life. What happens is reality often overwhelms love. Things get in the way..kids, money, jobs, routine. Expectations become too high, folks forget about the foundation, and it gets crumbly, and oops, they slip off. Slipping off is because someone decides they just don't want to put the energy into something that will always be imperfect. That's a fact, love is never perfect, no matter how hard you work at it, but, even imperfect, there is nothing better in life.
See, maybe it is hard to understand when you are young, even when you hit middle-age, but if you stay and put the time and effort into making your foundation strong, when you reach a certain point in life, lust doesn't matter. New car smell, well, you know that wears off. Instead, you have this amazing partner, who knows you almost as well as you do, someone who has overlooked all of your flaws, who has seen you at your best, and more often, at your worst, and yet, worked right along side to make a life together. That life is, if you are lucky, the longest relationship you will ever have. Although I do know a friend who found love, and didn't have her partner long enough, but..she will be the first to say, the time she had, has left her a lifetime of love. See, all it takes is a commitment, 2 people to decide to spend the future together..and from this, you get the present..that present is the past..it is everything you worked for together, memories, warmth, comfort and one day, even the bad, will fade. Dedication, devotion. Turning all the night time into the day
So, when people say"you're so lucky, you get along so well", no, not really. We fight, we argue, we storm about, pissed at one another. But....we are lucky, because we have put so much work, so many years, made so many memories, neither of us has the energy to begin at the beginning, again. It is harder than one imagines, once the glow wears off, but...see, no matter how many years go by, that glow was so shiny, if we stop and think hard enough..we can see it, sparkle..it is the present we can open anytime we want!
So, my thought, if you want flowers, plant them in the garden, they won't last forever, just like the new car smell..but if you want love, get ready to work really hard..payback is well worth the effort!