Well, in truth that title opens a series of doors, but today, I will take a peek into just one, one that is driving me absolutely insane..and I am sure I locked that door.
Perhaps I am a little old-fashioned..nope..there is no perhaps..I AM old-fashioned. Growing up back in the time of steamships, and crank dial phones, everyone had something called their "Personal life". That was exactly what it was..it was something they kept either to themselves, alone, or shared with their significant other. Usually the personal life, was what occurred behind the closed doors of their abodes. Hey, sometimes stuff slipped out..sometimes, and it was obviously painful, the rest of the community would become privy to something that happened in one's personal life. See, maybe people back then were far more private, maybe the way they were perceived by their peers was important..remember the saying "What are people going to think?" Yes, I hated that saying, and admit, at this point in time..I don't give a rat's a$$ what people think...However, I do care what I think!
I admit..I am sometimes attracted to gossip, guess it is human nature. My kids used to accuse me of being nosey..but..that was only so I knew who, and where they would hang out, and what was happening in that locale. No matter how hard one tries to stay away from gossip, it worms its way, into our world. I suppose the trick is, to either confront, or ignore..which I will say, I have tried my very best to do.
I will say, I am an introvert. I may laugh and joke, and chatter about specific things, while at work, I may share bits and pieces of my world, however, the lesson of keeping my underwear covered, is one I think I have managed to do. Trust me, my life has not been squeaky clean, remember, I am a divorced woman...However..that being said, my travels along that route, were done pretty much alone. I had a friend. My sister-in-law would visit me almost daily. We would suck back coffee, and chatter for hours..to say we were close, is an understatement. With my mom's illness, and her care, we became even closer..but, my separation was not really a topic I shared with her. Why? Because that would put her in the middle of a relationship, a place she would have to decide what side she took, and that really would not be fair. Maybe if I had confided, that time in my life would have been easier, but..again.."you made your bed, you sleep in it"..I had to find a way out of the mess I made, by myself...She didn't help make that bed. And you know..at the end of all of this, because it was kept private and personal, each and everyone of us,yes, even my ex, came out as friends. It was just something that didn't work out, and we fixed it!
To say I am uncomfortable when I am put in the position of having to sit on another person's bed, doesn't even come close. How you make your bed, and what company you invite in, and how many covers and pillows, and sheets you use, is NOT something I either need, or wish to know. It is none of my business! One certainly must know by now..you are not going to hear about my bed, we are not sharing information to come up with a solution for your stains...
Do you realize when you confide (and that is a word that no longer has any meaning) to one who lends an open ear, you are basically sending the information out to the rest of the world? You have to know this, because this is the "new" friend rules. Friends used to be confidantes, in truth, there are still some of those friends floating about..but, I have found, as a rule, the majority are just conduits , soaking what you share with them in, and then spewing it out, gleefully to others.
I have been a victim of conduits, hey, I still make use of the odd one when the urge hits me, and I want to get a message out there...However, I will say, I cringe inside when I see and hear this happening all about my world. I feel sorry for those who have never understood what it is like to have a true friend! I definitely doubt they will ever find that gift, because not a single one, will accept the rules. What a shame...
Truly another sign of the times..when instant gratification overwhelms the treasure of another person to stand beside you, through thick and thin. How lonely the world will be, when the time comes, and one looks around for that shoulder to comfort, and they find a pile of dirty laundry, instead.
My friends are like me... They know an awful lot about my life, and I in turn, know about theirs. Why? Because we reached a place, when we decided we could trust each other. We know secrets..yes, that is another word disappearing quickly with the new friend rules. To be given a secret, by another is a huge thing. They are handing you a piece of their personal life, in order for you to understand them a little better.because, again, they trust you. Sometimes the secret needs to be told, so you can see them clearly, but now you are responsible to keep this secret between each other.
This responsibility, like so many others, appears to be too much work for folks today. Not a single soul thinks about tomorrow, they are too busy creating messes out of today, and yesterday. Apparently they have far too much time on their hands, and absolutely nothing to do..some say, "tomorrow never comes" true enough, in some respects..but, if you spend everything today, you know damn well, tomorrow comes in a big hurry. Every one is just spending wildly, buying new linen, and leaving the dirty stuff for the rest of the world to see. Sooner or later, they are going to have to wash what they have, because time will come when they can't afford to throw it out, and they will find their beds too uncomfortable to sleep in!
So, now my problem is, I cannot erase what I did not wish to be privy to. I have to continue puttering along in my world, with my personal life swirling about in my tiny little brain, smothered by the sheets of apparently other personal lives far more important. Heads up...I can't do it..I can't and I won't!!! I am putting a deadbolt on the outside of that bloody door..what happens inside will no longer affect the space I must share with the new world. Maybe this will allow me to focus on my world, because that is the only one that matters!