Ahhhh...Surprise! For some strange reason, I feel, sort of, relaxed. Almost empty of nastiness, (note the almost). Oh, there is still a glistening drop of venom at the side of my gob, but it is very tiny. What ticked me off today, has just about died down, I think the last few blogs have purged a large amount of the crap I had backed up.
Blogs are a wonderful thing! I know my beloved appreciates this new found vent, he can now read it at his leisure, and is not the only person that has to have me natter away at. Now, I can push that "enter" button and send it off into the great unknown. where, there just might be others like me, or maybe folks who have time on their hands, and surf their way into my insanity by accident. Poor souls!!
This has been magic for me. Instead of thinking I am the only person in the whole world that is on a messed up highway of life, I have others writing me, telling me that they agree on my rantings, or maybe that they enjoy my spews. Either way, it has opened up a whole new door to the outside world. I see folks from countries that I learned about in school, clicking in.
When you live in a tiny place, with winters that would freeze a penguin, and nights that go on forever, and days that are only hours long, the knowledge that somewhere, there is someone, who has nothing better to do, but read my words, warms my heart. I don't feel alone, any longer. Oh, it doesn't warm my feet, or cut back on my heating bill, or even make the days longer, but it does warm my heart.
I do wonder, though, who actually reads this, beyond my passle of friends. There is an area I can go into to check on what brings some folks to my blog, and, without fail, every single day, someone finds their way in through looking on-line for Kitchen Sex Utensils. I did that blog so long ago, yet, it has had more hits than any other title. Oh, the other one, Spontaneous Combustion....Really????
When I first started this, I was scared to death. It has been almost 40 years since I finished school, and I have forgotten absolutely every single rule of prose, I don't know a verb from an adverb. I use commas far too often (but, in truth, I speak like I write, just louder). Mrs. Benedict would have a empty red pen after correcting all my mistakes, and I do think about this when I hit the publish button.
It is like having a baby, once you get started, it is pretty much impossible to stop until it is finished. O.K. maybe not the best analogy. Lets say, 4 months into finding out you are knocked up.....Unlike the baby bit, though, it becomes so much easier in time. Well, maybe not easier, as some days it is very hard to even decide what to ramble on about, but when the subject pops into my tiny little head, I am off like a ruptured duck.
I began, with the idea that this was going to make me a better writer (obviously that was wrong), and then thoughts that "Wow, maybe there is money in this, and I can quit my day job". Hah! Still scrubbing the toilets, and searching for inspiration when I do that. But, the one thing I didn't imagine is, how good it has been to me. It allows me to sit down with all that crud sitting inside, making me feel like I am stuffed with poison, and once I vomit it all up on the keyboard, I re-read (yes, I know it doesn't appear as though I do this) hit the button, and feel 10 lbs. lighter, instantly. Total tension release, the world's cheapest spa.
I am beyond checking numbers of hits (LIE). It is apparent I could up those numbers simply by writing about readily available sex toys found around the home. There are days when, maybe I just might do that...But not at this moment. I am not up in the Twittersphere, with my itty bitty Twitter followers. I can't for the life of me, figure out the "Bird's" Google deal, so maybe I could entice more folks to stop by, and check my rants out. I suppose I am happy enough for the ability to throw my tantrums beyond my own family and friends. But, I hope that in time, I will get much better at my blogging, and see my numbers soar beyond thousands, Hey, I do believe in magic, I just haven't quite found the right words..but give me time.