So, guess my big plans for not wasting yet another day, have gone down the toilet. Why? Because I arrived home totally exhausted.
No, I did not have an overwhelming work load, yes, I got enough sleep, I am just very, very tired of crap. I have stated before, I have my own load of crap that I carry around. My life is definitely not a bed of roses. Things occur in all our personal lives that weigh heavy throughout our days. I have gone into work, often, worried about family, friends, bills, income tax, etc etc. It is not easy. Many mornings I wake up, thinking I have too much on my mind, and not enough left to even think about work, but....I have to put my big girl panties on (yes, they ARE big) and shove that stuff off to the side for 7-8 hours, while I do what I have to, in order to get a pay cheque.
That pay cheque is a personal choice. Hey, I could struggle along, going without extra stuff, buying a few less gifts, less food, maybe pay one less bill, and not work. I do, however, have my sweetie, who works hard, and provides a pretty healthy income. But, I decided that I would find a job, and thought, along with some extra spending money, it would save my sanity, perhaps I was wrong. I am beginning to wonder if it would be better for my sanity to stay home, and become Betty frigging Crocker!!
Now, I don't claim others may have a bigger load of personal crap they have to carry about than mine, there are some. There are, however others, who seem to think their load is the heaviest, and the only one that is far too big to stay shoved off to the side. These loads must be thrown out for the whole world to endure. Everyone must hold this load in their own little paws, if only for an instant. I don't want to touch other people's loads of crap.
Life is NOT fair. This is something we are taught from childhood, and if we grow up, and forget, we are lost. Yes, I moan steady. I am jealous of those who float through life, seemingly on golden feathers, while I rocket about on a lead ball, bashing against walls on a constant basis. Like many of those I know, I will step on the golden feather and take a cleansing breath, only to find I have fallen to the ground with the lead ball smashing the back of my head, yet again. It is just my wake up call to join the real world. One that has something crappy waiting in the wings to splatter me and clutter up the nice clean space left from the last pile of crap.
We find ourselves good friends, who will help with the crap loads. They will listen to our tales of woe, and offer advice, or assistance. We know our friends well enough to see when their loads are getting heavy, and we, in turn offer help. Friends and family often know what crap loads are following folks about, when the rest of the world is oblivious. That is the way it is suppose to be.
When the crap loads of others start splattering on the rest of the world, shit happens. Things go out of whack, people are no longer able to keep their crap shoved off to the side, they run out of room. The crap load of the other person drags their problems to the front, and they start feeling the weight. To hear a constant barrage of issues from one person, makes one lose control over their own, and then they have to make their way through the work day, struggling with stuff they thought they had under lock and key.
To burden someone with problems other than their own is exhausting. People are not meant to carry the weight of the world, they are given loads that belong to them. They learn to deal with a certain amount, and they are able to manage their jobs, but when the problems of another are added, work suffers, patience suffers, co-workers suffer, and employers suffer.
It is time to remember how unfair life is. Look about, there is always going to be someone far worse off then yourself, but generally that person has learned to haul their wheelbarrow full of crap all alone, or with friends and family. Don't forget, that happy smiling co-worker might have a shit load of crap shoved off to the side, fighting to get out before the allotted time. For goodness sake, grab hold of your crap and control that sh*t. Work days only last so long, and then you can let it spew forth, when you have a good friend ready to take some of your crap, lightening the load.
Crap is personal, it's called crap because that is what it is, something that belongs inside of you. Until you find a way to turn that crap into something that doesn't smell to high heaven when it gets out into the open..leave it at home, or shoved off to the side.
I really want to be able to come home, and get my own crap smelling a little better, instead of coming home covered in sh*t that does not belong to me! So, I am hoping that all the crap loads are shoved off to the side tomorrow, and everyone is wearing their big girl panties....and big boy ones (O.K,. shorts) and we all put on our tiny little smiley work faces, because our wages include the rent for crap load storage space, and spend a happy, happy, happy day!I really need to have the energy to clean my damn house!!!