Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Saturday, 15 June 2013

Men

I know I just finished one of my rants, but, felt this was a good time to talk about men. You know, Father's Day coming around the corner, and such. Who knows, maybe I have some information that may help some young women out there who are attempting to understand the Male brain.
  Ooops, nope, don't think I have a single clue how that mind works. I have spent almost 57 years, dealing with the opposite sex, and I am still totally baffled.
  How many women out there have heard these words come out of their man's mouth, and basically cringed? "So, what do you want to do first?"(This while on a shopping trip, out of town.)Cripes, I hate this question. No matter what I answer, I know it is going to be the wrong one. I know the moment my mouth opens and the words come out, I am going to get a reply that, #1.  makes me appear foolish, or #2, is not even close to what he wanted to do, basically the exact same thing, and is going to make the next few moments unpleasant. I hate being asked a question, that has no right answer. Oh, wait, for you young women..you can try (and I don't promise it will work) "Oh, I don't know, whatever you want. " Now even that can go bad, see guys want to appear to offer you the choice you have in mind, but....it is a trap. A time limited day trip, is a fight waiting to happen.
  I suppose a person could try planing ahead of time. Geez, maybe all this could have been avoided if,before getting into the vehicle, we sat down, like two grown adults (that we claim to be) and made up a written list of to-dos. Now, this probably would not stop an argument, it would simply have the argument start before leaving, and perhaps cause the trip to be cancelled before it even got out the door.
  Keep in mind, I have been going on these day-trips for a very long time. I wait for weeks before the day arrives. I look forwards to getting out, into the world of stores, oh, I am like a child before a birthday, each and every time. But, I should realize, each time I head off with a smile, and a bounce in my step, I am walking towards disaster.
  Here is another that is sure to rock the dingy, "where do you want to grab something to eat?" Ladies, watch this question carefully. You have to understand, when he asks this, he already has someplace in his mind. Sometimes, you can root this place out, if you play your cards right. Usually, it is not the place you want to go to, but.....my advice to you, is, forget the place you want, and accept his. I know, sounds stupid, but, although you will not get the meal you have been thinking about, you will have something in your stomach, and he will be agreeable for a short while. For goodness sakes, do not...and I repeat, do not complain about your meal! This will cause him to rant about the fact that he gave you the choice, and you should have opened your mouth in the first place.
  If, like me, you are a bargain hunter, you are always in trouble. I can't buy something in the first store I see it, I have to ensure I am getting it at the cheapest possible price. I will search every store  for the exact same item, before breaking down, and purchasing it. This has caused me severe grief. My beloved is the opposite of me, he wants something, he finds it, he buys it. Not sure which one of us is right, sometimes my search does require the expenditure of fuel, which perhaps if you calculated, over rides the savings? However, I feel physical pain if he purchases an item, and in the next store, it is on sale, and I spend the rest of the day, ticked that we got ripped off, because he was in such a rush. I want to do the "I told you so" but, ladies, this is never, ever a good thing! Do not use this expression. This will always cut a trip off! Or, if not, it will make it so unbearable, you will wish you had stayed home.
  For those of you, starting off a relationship, "I told you so" stays in your head. You can think it, you can smirk (behind your hand) but, never, ever, say it out loud.The only thing that will make this any easier to swallow, is...it is not often a man can say this to a woman(besides mechanical issues). Just understand, "I told you so" is never going to give you pleasure. Even if you were right, the deal is done, and you will have to suffer along, maybe muttering under your breath, with a good comment ready, in case he asks you what you are muttering.
  Another thing, about guys, why do they have to use every single pot, dish, and utensil when making a meal? You know, as a woman, it is likely you will be washing all of these things. How can a woman make a meal with one pot, and a spoon? Well, because they adapt, all things must be washed, and very few females actually enjoy the act of dish washing! I am not sure about other guys, but, mine will get an idea for a meal, whip off to the store, and come home with bags filled with ingredients to make the dish. Women... we will open the fridge, see what we have, and plop the concoction on the table, no trip to the store, no fortune spent on "fiddlefaddle" spice, which is necessary for this one and only dish, never to be used again.
  Before you start to think, I don't enjoy my honey making meals, I do. But....there again, he is a spice nut, loves things hot(like me perhaps?). I, on the other hand, do not like any spice beyond salt (is that a spice?). He will decide on some exotic dish, buy peppers, and sausage, and such, tell me it is ready, and here it comes, another statement which strikes fear to my heart " It's not hot. I made it mild for you." Hah!! First mouthful, my eyes tear up, my throat constricts, and I am pouring water down my throat! I glance at him, he has a sweat breaking out on his forehead, his cheeks are bright red, and.....he says "see, told you it wasn't hot." HOLA!!I know it is going to be hot, but, dutiful partner, I am willing to trust him, yet again, maybe he has finally learned mild, the same way I have learned to make a blood rare steak? Nope, both of us just can't seem to get those things down pat.
 I get the look when I am panting away from the burning embers going down my gullet. Now, women all have "that look", but, surprise, guys do too. Their look is one mixed with pity, and disbelief. Kind of like when the dog pees on their truck tires. He looks at me like I am crazy. Drops of perspiration pouring down his face, and he is still insisting I am over-reacting, he would have loved to make it to his heat meter, and can't understand why I refuse to empty my plate, since I ruined the meal in the first place with my weak heat resistance.
  Almost 3 decades, living with my beloved, I am still clueless. I miss the caution signs, daily. I should write them down....My buddy, who has been doing this longer than me, tried to tell me, it is sometimes better not to say anything. NOTE: Sometimes!!!! There are other times, when you think it best not to say anything, that are the times when the mistake is staying quiet.
  Guys are always saying women are impossible to understand. Women totally understand other women, we know who is nice, who is slutty,who is two-faced, who is dumb as a stick, who is trouble, who is funny, who is putting on a show, etc ,etc. Men tend to understand other men, who is cool, who is not.Attempting to have a loving Gay relationship, which I used to think would be far easier, according to friends, is not the case,either. Each day, is a whole new sub section of the relationship program. Like government, I think new By-Laws are continually being passed, and not published. Some days you walk on egg shells, others you walk on clouds of cotton candy( a little sticky, but sugar sweet).
  So, just to clarify, the many years I have been blessed with the man of my dreams, have also been a constant state of confusion. I still have so much to learn, but...I can honestly say, if Women are from Venus, and men are from Mars, he is definitely "My favourite Martian!"
  Happy Fathers Day, Chuckla. Thank you for adding the spice to my life, even though I turn the fan on, more than once.