Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Friday, 24 August 2012

Restoralax your Damp Qi!

So....It appears my recent blogs have been, "Boring"....Too bad, so sad,truth is, my life is just that, boring...No excitement, no exotic travels, exotic escapades . no exotic anything, just plain ordinary. Therefore, if someone is looking for titillation, best look elsewhere.
  That being said, I expect the title of this blog, may get some quivering. Sounds pretty interesting, eh? Well, it is something I have been wanting to write about for some time, but it is also something that is difficult to actually put down in words, that describe the experience clearly to others.
   My long time co-worker and I have built a pretty good relationship. I think I have delved into that in past blogs. We are almost like an old married couple, often our minds just seem to go directly to the exact same place, as insane as it may be, and we are in the "zone" Most times, we become almost hysterical, little speaking, single words will set us off, this was the case with Restoralax.
  We had some slow time in the hotel, and stupid us, we agreed to paint one of the large outlying units. Keep in mind, it was the middle of winter, with temps of -30 and added blizzard winds. We were given two ginormous buckets of paint. Stuff that has been banned now, by the government, because the fumes are potent. So, here you have, 2 old biddies, on ladders, painting a full sized 2 bedroom apartment, with oil based paint. The fumes were intense. We attempted opening the door, but the frigid wind dropped the temperature in the place within minutes, can't paint with winter coveralls and mittens...That wasn't an option, we had to deal with the fumes. After about 3 hours, we were taking breaks when we felt ourselves about to fall off the ladder, with dizziness. We had the TV turned on to keep us awake, and sure enough, during one break, the commercial for this amazing product comes on. It was Restoralax!! From what our addled brains surmised, this stuff cured absolutely everything. Got a blister. use restoralax, constipated, used restoralax. This stuff could save the world!!! Buzzed out of our minds, we only had to say the one word, and we would be rolling on the floor. I have to admit, Restoralax made that day of painting totally enjoyable. We were worn to the bone, totally zooed on paint fumes, and aching from laughter. I suppose others may not understand, but to this day, if one of us is feeling a little down, the other simply has to say that magical word, and a smile will appear.
  So, now you wonder, what does this have to do with Damp Qi's. Hold on, explanation on it's way.
Our hotel was recently filled with Chinese. Now, as I mentioned, no exotic travels in my world, but, when your workplace is taken over by a whole different culture, you will get a taste of life in another country. I think it is pretty neat to see a bottle of Head and Shoulder's shampoo, looking exactly the same, except everything is written in Chinese. They have their toiletries with characters, not letters as we know them. The food was something totally new, and not stuff you tend to get on your plate at the local Chinese restaurant.
  When they all moved out, we went in to strip the rooms, and clean out what they had left. In one room we discovered yet another miracle drug. This is something named, Huoxiang Zhengqi Pian!!! Hey, not a clue how to pronounce this one. What this wonderful drug does is: Relieves exterior syndromes and remove dampness. Regulate Qi and harmonize the function of the spleen and stomach. You use it for headaches, lassitude, aversion to cold, fever, distention and distress in the chest, nausea,vomiting, diarrhea and flatulence caused by exdogenous dampness, wind and cold and due to asrointestinal dysfuction.
  Come on!! Imagine a group of 5 females of various ages, reading these directions, and not busting a gut laughing. The two words which apparently stuck out of all this were dampness and Qi. It is incredible how all of us found something exotic about this medication. Sad to say, I admit, it was the two oldest that got this headed into something dirty, but the younger ones were quick to follow. Hey, we don't need magazines with pictures of naked folks to get our minds in the gutter, just hand us something that claims to fix your Qi and flatulence, and we are on a roll. Add some dampness, and distress, with a dollop of distention, and you have complete smut and perversion.
  So, if anyone out there is suffering from a damp Qi, or farts an awful lot (perhaps you simply have damp wind?)try Restoralax first, and if that doesn't work, pick yourself up some Huoxiang Zhengoi Pian!!!