Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Thursday, 6 November 2014

Just a Name

Good Morning! I didn't intend to sit down and chat..but, sometimes things happen, and I get a little tweak.
  This morning someone on FaceBook (yes,,once again) made a comment, that gave me pause. She was asking why someone would keep the last name of an ex-husband. Well, as someone who did, I gave her my basic answer, it is cheaper, and easier.  That had her stating how she didn't mind paying the small amount it cost to change hers back, she was happy to do that.
  Truth is, once, way back in time, I did give thought to going back to my maiden name. Money did factor in. Perhaps most people feel that it is worth spending the price to change your driver's license, S.I.N card, etc. But, when the urge to change hit me, guess what, we just didn't have the extra money to do this. It was eat, pay bills, or change the name, and go without something else. They were hard times, and I was, and still am, cheap. To spend that money, would have been the same as going to the Salon, something I just could NOT do, the money was slated for essentials, and a name change was certainly not essential.
  Times have changed, I could afford to go about changing it now, but why? I grew up, with my Father's last name, at the age of 22, I married and happily went about changing that name to my Ex's. I had a child, and when she turned 5, we separated. I then went on to the relationship I am still in. Divorce was just not a big thing, like everything else, it costs money. Neither my Ex (in his own new relationship) or myself felt that we wanted to spend the money, we were both comfortable with the fact that we KNEW our relationship was long past,and we were able to deal with the issues that came with separation, it is just something for the government, anyhow, right?
  So, the actual divorce did not occur until my Ex wanted to re-marry, many years later,and...that was quite the schmozzle in itself, the divorce was finalized the day of his wedding. I expect there were some folks pretty concerned until the paperwork arrived, but..I wasn't one of those. I really don't care about the paperwork. That is all for the rest of the world, it didn't affect my day to day life. It certainly didn't affect my relationship, my last name was not the reason my honey and I got together.
  I got the divorce papers, about the same time as we once again hit hard times. Going back to my maiden name, seemed redundant. I was in a relationship that was amazing, I hoped it would last forever, so, why change back to my birth name, if, perhaps, in the future I would end up with his last name? Just not important, it is just a name, right? Oh, it did cause one or two issues, with our children. They both carry their father's last name, I was the odd one out. Then my oldest got married and gave up her maiden name (of course, the same as mine), and I was left all alone with my Ex's last name. Some people might have questioned why I had a different name then my children, but...guess what, I did not re-marry, and in this day and age, that is not uncommon, so no big deal.
  I have been called "wife" in conversations, I have called my honey "husband" in conversation, but in truth, we are neither, we are simply partners in life. We know our own rules, we file jointly with the government (for the past 28 years) and we have different last names. We don't have religious parents, worrying about our marital status, our children are quite comfortable with the way things have been all their lives, and my last name just doesn't seem to matter.
  Perhaps if my Ex had been a criminal, or a really nasty person, I might have been in a hurry to get rid of my surname, but..he wasn't. We simply should never have married, we were not meant to be a couple, we remained friends, and both went on to other relationships. The name just didn't matter, and..still doesn't.
  A name, unless it comes with massive power and wealth, is just a name. It does not change who I am, and it is a nice short last name (not quite as short as my maiden name) so easy to write in those little boxes when filling out forms. I have been writing that last name longer than I wrote my maiden name, so it comes naturally. I don't keep it to offend anyone, and I hope it hasn't (no one has piped up yet), I just keep it because it is simple, and I see no need to go about trying to inform everyone in my life I can be found under a new listing.
  The time may come, when I make one final change to my last name, but..not in any hurry, it just is NOT at the top of my to-do list. It is NOT going to change who I am, make me happier(well maybe for a moment) and it is so much longer, it is going to be difficult to put into those little boxes. I am sure it will not make me a better, or worse person than I am today, it is just a name, a collection of letters, not who I am!