Again, I say, when I sit down and spew, I have given thought to whether I click publish, I have an astounding amount of rants laying in wait, because I am not quite ready to commit them to the world. When I do click, I no longer care, if this hits home plate. Why on earth would I waste my time, putting my opinions and feelings out there, if deep down inside, I didn't hope they would either make a difference, or...allow me to feel open and honest, instead of pretending. I don't do well with pretend. The days of playing house are long past..it is not a thing like I imagined, so..I try and live my life without pretense.
I don't feel strongly about everything, just things that matter to me. To know that what I put down in words, managed to have someone randomly realize it was them, makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy. Oh, I am absolutely positive that there will be fall-out, but, bring it on!!See, I started this whole blogging thing, because others pushed me to write. They wanted me to tell things, as they are. Oh cripes, don't get me wrong, they certainly never twisted my arm, I was ready, and willing. It started innocently enough, "please write that story about that guest, we can't forget", then it was things in the news, then stuff others did..I was always eager.
My blogging has caused some issues, I am not going to lie. They are issues I accept, because, as I said long ago, this stuff cannot fester inside, it has to be set free, and this has become somewhat of a purge.
Truthfully, who am I? Does my opinion hold weight in the big world? Apparently not, as I have come to realize, I am simply a tiny clog, even in my tiny town, who has no connections that give me any sort of power, so....what I think is not going to change a thing. At first, realizing I don't matter beyond my own family, and my awesome collection of friends, was a bit of a blow. No one wants to think they have reached the age I have, and done nothing amazing, and yeah..unless I win the lotto, the chance to do amazing things, is running out rapidly. But...not too much I can do about that, I am who I am, so why not show the world me? They can sit down and read, or..just not bother. Doesn't make a lick of difference to me (O.K. it does..I do like to see the reader numbers go up a wee bit). Isn't that a great position to be in? I don't have to pretend for anyone! Yes, I am lucky, and I know it.
I get told often, to just leave things be, or, just ignore them, or, try and get through the day, everyone just tolerates... just tolerate. Nope!! Why should I have to tolerate other people, who refuse to put an ounce of energy out to simply be civil? See, just went to check the definition of "tolerate" here it is
allow the existence, occurrence, or practice of (something that one does not necessarily like or agree with) without interference.
"a regime unwilling to tolerate dissent"
accept or endure (someone or something unpleasant or disliked) with forbearance.
Helloooooo...see, tolerate , pretend, not happening in my world. I think I have a fair bit of forbearance, been through a whack of crappy things in life, but...the archaic synonym for tolerate is suffer, and.....not about to do that for someone I don't give a rat's a$$ about, even if others feel I should. I don't have extra energy to suffer for snots, who waltz through life thinking they are all that and more..they are not..they are simply just another tiny clog, that refuses to budge, putting a stop to all movement, causing malfunctions, and oblivious to it all.
So, if my words have caused another clog to clue in, and realize I do NOT tolerate well, then I am certainly ready for the next step, because, believe it or not, most of the rest of the clogs in the machine, have run out of tolerance as well.So, either everything will come up sunshine and roses, or,someone is going to have to suffer, and....it is NOT going to be me!!