In A Tizzy

Now, there is a phrase one does not come upon often. You can date me by things I say, as this is something my Mother used to claim I was in, all the time. Yes, I admit, I tend to get worked up, more than the average human being. Then I can't seem to stick with anything beyond what has got me worked up, and I expect everyone is totally clear on what has taken over my mind recently. O.K., not recently, basically it has now turned into years. Crap, no wonder I have not got anything done in forever! Yes, I patter on through daily routines, while around me, things are simply sitting, left undone. My little plans to improve, go down the toilet, because, in truth, I have pretty much convinced myself, they are a waste of time and effort.

This is part of my backyard. This is what I pondered and planned over improving all through the horrible winter months. I had big dreams. Imagine a bounty of flowers blooming all about, adding the perfect touch to a heavenly view. That is what I did. Thank goodness for those dreams, they did help me survive the 7 months of crap we endured.
  But..here it is Spring, and suddenly, any improvements seem like a mistake. Oh, I know the future of the big Berm and Site C are years down the road, but, I know they are coming..And that knowledge just drains any incentive out of me. It is no different inside. No longer is our home an investment, it is just a probable Hydro purchase. No one else would buy this.
  It is a lovely home, one of the larger homes in town. It has privacy, which most homes do not. It also has the most amazing view of the mighty Peace River. However, it is also slap dab in the midst of the future Berm construction zone. Unlike other shoreline properties, I won't have construction for the short period it takes to erect this protection below my home, instead I will have the sheer pleasure of having to deal with the noise, traffic and dust for the length of the whole project. I am aware that when one sells a property, they are obligated to inform potential buyers of anything planned, that would affect them, so....can't exactly bury this matter under the rug. Yep, sure, nothing is final, and..it is not going to arrive on my doorstep for a few years, but..it is going to arrive.
  Do I wait until all the papers are signed, and continue spending money and time and effort? I will be in my 60's when this begins. I have no clue what offer I will receive from Hydro, at what they call fair market value. This is it for me. At my age, it is not simply a matter of moving along and starting out again, I don't have time left to start again! I am too frigging tired to start again!
 If I was perhaps 70, right now, it wouldn't be such a hard decision. But, this is the time of life, that I am suppose to be settled, and getting my ducks in a row for years of enjoyment. Because I have been living in a world of uncertainty, it is difficult to move forwards with anything, even simple yard work.
  In the back of my mind, I cannot stop thinking I am doing this so my home and yard will at some point be handed over to Hydro. If I spend money on something, I am spending it for Hydro. Hey, maybe I would see a return on my investment? But...this IS government. Can I trust them to be fair? Do they care if the yard has flowers?
  Honest to goodness folks, this is the tizzy I am in. Just a world of indecision, confusion, and exhaustion. I am so tired of hearing, no commitment, still a maybe, a report in 6 months, a study in 2 months. I am tired of reading that bids have gone out, but many steps must be covered before a decision is made.
  Now our town has hired lawyers, to try and ensure we get our proper mitigation. I have watched government trick a whole region into selling out the ones most impacted. What trust can I have that I will be fairly treated, when a whole town had the wool pulled over their eyes, and then (pardon the pun) they were sold down the river? I am just one person, who happened to find what I thought was a jewel of a home, only to have it turn into a lump of coal.
  So, now I have to try and dig deep inside, to find the energy, and will power to become motivated, and attempt to make a pretty yard for Hydro.