Today, I have to change the forum to a topic not concerning the workplace. This day happens once a year, and because I have found a way to have my thoughts scattered all about the world, I am going to take advantage of it, and speak from my heart. I know, some of you have wondered if I really do have a heart, well, it may be a little hard and withered, but once in awhile, it warms up. Deep down inside, I truly am a softie, I have managed to build a thick crust, and that is because life has seen fit to throw me some pretty hard crap, and I got very tired of the constant bruises, so the shell surrounds me. Those who likely think I have no heart, are also the same folks who have seen this crust crack on occasion, but maybe they didn't realize it. I try very hard to keep the mushy stuff for private moments, and use my temper to cover up my true feelings. I grew up with the constant "stop your crying, or I will give you something to cry about". Funny, just had this conversation with a couple of friends who had grown up in the same era, and we all had a chuckle about it, but...this was the way of life back in the 60's, in my world. We did not have Oprah, or Maury, or Dr. Phil, we did not have teachers telling us that we deserved respect while we were in elementary school, we did not have any rights besides the statement "I brought you into this world, I can take you out", or this one, that I heard on a constant basis "The door opens both ways". I think if I told someone the door comment today, they would simply stare at me wondering what I was talking about. Well, I knew what they were saying. Before anyone gets on their high horse, and thinks my parents were mean...remember, they grew up during the big Depression, and through the War years, so all they were doing, was to attempt to toughen me up for the bumps along my life, as they had learned to manage through their struggles. No matter what, I appreciate what they did.
Now the crack in the crust, this is the one day that crack is ginormous. I can cry at the drop of a hat on this day. I have already teared up, as I woke up to a video from my oldest, of my children and grandchildren, and felt this is it, I have done well...no matter what happens from now on in my life, I have made my mark, decades from now, there will be more children who will somehow be connected to me, Hahaha..no stopping me now!! But all these children, are also connected to another Mother, and that was mine. And, that Mother is the reason for the crack. I lost my Mother to Cancer when my oldest was 3, my two younger children never had the chance to know this amazing woman. Last year I wrote my daughters about my Mother, simply because they needed to know how I became the Mother I am. No matter what your own Mother did wrong while she raised you, she (unless she has been on Dr. Phil) did her best. There were no books on how to do this, a person must learn by trial and error how to be a Mother. I can remember telling my Mom she was mean, I can remember even saying I hated her, Lord love us, if I could take all that back now. I was "lucky" enough to be there to care for my Mom right up until the moment she left this world, and for that I am grateful, because I was able to let her know I loved her, and knew that love was returned.
I am writing this because, there are a lot of folks who think they have plenty of time to let their Mom know that they are loved and appreciated for all they have done to allow others to grow up in a safe and secure world, stomachs filled when needed, booboos fixed, clean clothes at the ready, a warm bed to sleep in, a chance to go to school (yes this is a privilege). There is only one day a year set aside for this person, but, in my world, my Mother is in my thoughts countless days, she is greatly missed by myself, and I miss her for my children and grandchildren. Today, those of you who are lucky enough to have your Mother, take the time to say " Thank you". Trust me, mine has been gone almost 30 years, and the pain I feel today is just as strong as the day she left.
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