Now, I don't know if anyone has clued in yet, but, I have a dream of writing a book, during my lifetime(better during, than after). I have so many ideas , but, besides my grammar issues, I just can't seem to decide what to focus on. The blogging seemed to be a step forwards, to get back into writing, and perhaps allow me to get comfortable enough to begin the process. Now, I am a tad concerned. I sat down after work, and wrote this long descriptive rant of my daily grind. I guess I felt I had gone a little too far, and clicked into see what legal ramifications could happen, if the wrong person read my blathering. Oh, Oh, guess there are laws out there, and if I get too descriptive, I could very well get into trouble. Cripes, I don't use names, my circle of folks in the "Know" is very small, but, I am leery. My life seems to be filled with nasty, evil Karma. I have not, as yet figured out what I have done in the past to fill my days with gut punches, and I keep hoping I have almost reached the end of my repayment. I have decided my wicked witch fingers may be a result of crossing them so tightly, hoping my turn at the knocks of life is over, but so far, no luck. If someone is going to get dinged legally over a blog, it will surely be yours truly, so....I must tone things down.
The problem is, toning down, does not come naturally to me. This past week has seen me requested to speak quietly, huh? Hey, I don't care if those who I am friends with tell me to "shut up" that's acceptable, but when someone outside of my social circle, decides they want me to tone it down a little, because they are having a separate conversation elsewhere, Excussse me.....I AM loud, and I don't candy coat, I have inherited my Mother's gene of speaking my mind, and sometimes, that requires me to speak less than quietly. My mouth has had to clamp down so much lately, and it seems my tongue has had more than it's fair share of bites doing this. I feel like one of those Pet shop puppies behind the glass. Yipping and yapping , and barely being heard. Nope, I don't want someone to take me home, but I do want to be accepted for who I am.
Hey, my mouth could very well be a disability. I do my work, there is no doubt there, I dare anyone to dispute my employers get their monies worth out of me. I appear when scheduled, and sometimes, even when I am not, (or I used to do that, when necessary). My only fault is my mouth, and that is beyond my control. I don't use my mouth to purposefully hurt another, but I will speak the truth, and that comes spewing out without warning. It's not like my brain is wired like the average person's, there seems to be a detour that by-passes the thought process, and whatever has popped into my mind, instantly comes out my mouth. Once the words start, there is no stopping them, perhaps I do get louder, I don't know, I am on the wrong side of the words. I do think the stronger I feel about something, the less I can get a handle on my mouth. Like I say, I don't set out to be hurtful, and in my mind, I am simply being helpful (I am a Virgo after all) stupidity is not acceptable, and if something strikes me as stupid, or perhaps bizarre, the mouth is in motion.
Those who have taken the time to get to know me, have also learned to be ready for the "Mouth in Motion" to occur at any given time. I get teed rather quickly, and I want insanity to cease, so perhaps I am a tad loud? Don't you ever get the urge to just scream when something drives you batty? The difference with me, is, I am constantly driving down the Batty road. Things that one person just lets slide, I fixate on, and I get more and more annoyed if it doesn't stop. I can't grab folks around the throat and squeeze, to stop the lunacy, so my mouth opens. Some find it very annoying, too bad, so sad, walk away, I don't care. My family and friends have accepted my inability to turn the off valve on my mouth (well most of the time) and those who find me offensive and/or loud, can just stay out of my world. I am quite satisfied with those who have the gene that allows them to basically sift through my rants to get to the issue. Those who only hear a voice they presume is conflicting with their separate conversations, should perhaps find a closed room in which to conduct them.
So, now you know, if you happen to hear words coming out of my mouth, getting progressively louder, I am simply letting off steam about something that irritates me. It is the only way someone like myself can survive. If I attempt to hold it all in, quietly, I will simply blow up larger than I already am, and explode. Not a pleasant possibility.......well, for those who actually like me, anyway.