Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Lonely Convictions

It is obvious, the majority of folks do not run into as many things in their lives that cause them to rant away like I do. Not quite sure why I can't just step back, and accept, when I seem to be the only one ticked about something. I really think that there are others floating about who feel something is not quite right, but, would rather just go with the flow, and hope for the best. I can't!! If something ticks me off, or smells a little funky, I latch on, and work as hard as I can to prove that there is indeed something rotten. I am also aware, often, even if, in the end, I am spot on, no one really cares. Perhaps it is because they already decided flowing along was pretty comfortable, and they can plug their noses long enough so the smell disappears? Maybe they are worried that rooting around will cause the stink to get stronger, and they don't want to have to touch things that are rotten?
 Perhaps my experience at Hotel cleaning has given me an ability to stick my nose into sh*t? I don't wade into a pile of crap because I want to, I wade in, because I can't stop myself. I want to right something that I feel is wrong. That is my personal conviction, I have no control over what my heart or mind tell me, and once I start to dig, I will do my best to convince others the smell has a source, and I will not stop until I have found that rot.
  The reason I explain that it is out of my control, is, that my convictions have come with a pretty huge price.
 The truth will prevail, well, perhaps at one time, that was true. My convictions have proven this is not the case.  Honesty is the best policy...yep, another one that has gone the way of the Dinosaurs. Lessons learned along the way.
 Convictions, if they are not the standard, can leave one all alone. Even if your conviction is correct, if it does not match those who apparently matter, or...this is the best part, if they do not result in a positive outcome for those who matter, they become liabilities.
  It took me a very long time to learn that right is often wrong. Along the way, I got left in the dust of those who really didn't have a single conviction, or...actually, had the ability to change their convictions like underwear. I suppose that really means they did not have any convictions, because in definition a conviction is "a firmly held belief or opinion", so they held nothing firmly. Even when the truth became known, it didn't make a lick of difference.
 I imagine that is why the world is such a f*cked up place now. The only people standing up for their convictions are those willing to ask questions, and once things are questioned, they are branded trouble makers. They are not recognized as watchdogs, just pot stirrers. No one wants to stir the pot, but, if you never dig to the bottom of the pot, and move stuff, it will stick there and pretty soon the whole pot will be useless.
 So, when you hear of someone stirring the pot, and standing up for their convictions understand, that person is likely someone much like myself, someone who is unable to control their hearts and minds. It is not a person on a tangent to cause trouble, because convictions are funny things, when one gets them, they just feel trouble will occur because they don't get the sticky stuff off the bottom of the pot. These are people who are alone, with that damn conviction controlling their lives, and people who learn very quickly, convictions are generally ,socially unacceptable.