Phobias

Well, strap in folks, this may be a long one.Phobias have come to the brain surface simply because it is that time of year again. I have enjoyed a few months of relaxation, but, it is apparent that lovely time has come to an end.
  I have a ton of phobias! Let's get that straight, right off the bat. I have actually, somehow found a way to rid myself of one huge one, along the way, and I wish I knew how that happened, so I could get rid of the others, but....it's just not clear how I managed to rid my phobia of skeletons. I know how I got it, and it stayed with me for years, and then suddenly...gone.
  As a young child, I would often listen at my bedroom door to the adults talking at the dining room table. Usually these talks were done with a bottle of Scotch in the middle of the table, so they were always interesting. One fateful night, the discussion was about some road between Terrace and Rupert, and how they had discovered a car at the bottom of a lake, with.....yes...a skeleton sitting in the car! That was all it took. I could not open a book with a picture of a skeleton, I could not stand to see one in a movie. Thank goodness one seldom chances upon skeletons during day to day life, or I would have been a basket case. Maybe it was science class that rid me of this phobia?Maybe it was working with the poor bunny rabbit we had to open up and go through from skin to bone? Not sure, but it simply disappeared.
  The arachnid phobia..cripes, I have no clue where this began, but it has made my life a living hell! I swear this phobia was fluff related. Really!! My first recollection of the phobia was my Dad simply sitting in his chair, bending over and picking something up and then getting up with whatever in his fingers. I was lying on the carpet watching TV at the end of the livin groom. No thoughts, no speaking, I was up like a shot, and out the door. I remember it being the middle of winter, I was in barefeet, there was about 4 feet of snow, and I stopped running at the church ,1/2 a block away! That's the first spider incident I remember. Why I imagined the fluff was a spider, who knows, but the fear has grown out of proportion.
  Those of you who figure you don't have a phobia, and think those who do, are silly, understand, none of us want this. I hate the fact that I swiffer my ceilings on a steady basis, because those suckers will hide out and then drop from above. I hate the fact that before laying in bed, I must make a total check of the ceiling, walls, and floor, just in case there is a random 8 legged monster lurking. I must pull the covers down to ensure there isn't one in the bed. I will not kill any, over a certain size, and have to wait for someone else to "save" me, knowing they will likely have fun before they murder the things. Those I can dispatch, I will take a moment to find someone else's shoes, not going to have the possibility of hitting it with my own, and then having it still somewhat alive under my feet. I have used a whole bottle of perfume, I have sprayed them with hairspray, whatever is close enough, that is my weapon. I have drowned them in hot water, and then poured bleach down the drain, just in case they are trying to climb out. I brush my hair umpteen times a day, thinking somehow one is crawling around, if a hair brushes against my face. I can't look at them in books, or on TV, instantly I get the creepy crawlies, and the hair stands up on my arms, and I start to itch.
 So, maybe it seems silly, but, if I knew how to fix this, I would have done it long ago. I tried very hard to deal with it when my kids were young, just didn't want them to become as petrified as I am. They are much better than me,they will actually kill the oversized ones for me. My son is able to enjoy his power, and will at times make me suffer, unsure if the piece of kleenex contains the body, or a live specimen. I do not want them to dispose of the body in the garbage, it must be flushed, just in case.....
  This phobia is the only one that actually causes setbacks for me. The "bone" one, well, that might be an offshoot of the skeleton..not sure. I just don't like eating food with bones in it. Fish..nope, only fish and chips, and halibut...pretty much bone free. I love the taste of salmon, but, dammit, almost impossible to eat a mouthful without some tiny bone in it. Chickenwings..not on your life! T-Bone steak,I must cut the bone off the meat, before I am comfortable eating it. MacDonalds Riblit sandwich...awesome, all the taste, and no bone to get in the way.
  See. I may sound silly, and when I sit down and write it out, it seems strange to me. I will pick up garter snakes, I am in awe of lizards, I love bugs of all sorts,moths, worms, even centipedes and June bugs, don't fizz on me. Geez I wish I had a phobia about lizards, because they never appear on my ceilings! Or,perhaps armadillos......small chance of finding one of those under the covers...