Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

A little different

Hello! I know this is all to be hotel stuff, but some days I just need to natter about other stuff. Today, it is something that concerns everyone, no matter who you are, you will at a point in time have to deal with this subject. The subject is....Old age!!!
   Sure, some may laugh, "It will never happen to me", "I will never be as old as you", " She is young at heart" "He is only as old as he feels", I have heard them all. Oh, one of the best was "Children help you stay young"!!!!Hah, that's not even funny!!! I remember reading stories when I was young, and how "Old age crept up on someone". Hummm...I expect it must have been creeping along for some time, when it comes to myself. Damn stuff just sort of reared up and sucker punched me. I know when I was young and foolish, I would always be out and about, riding dirt bikes, snowmobiling, climbing the rock face on our local mountain, digging holes for every sign post in town with a crowbar and a shovel, cutting down trees, all things that caused bruises, and bumps, and aches that would last for days, But, no one told me that when I reached some magic age, all of those aches, and bumps, and knee bashes, would somehow return with a vengeance. Holy cow, there are very few areas on my abundant body that do not scream at me. O.K. my ears and .... oh, that's right, nothing else!!!My eyes don't really hurt, they have just stopped working properly, and apparently I can look (pardon the pun) forwards to them working less and less over time. My nose, well, perhaps it works more than before, it has acquired an acute sense of smell, I can smell rotting meat, sewer, and various other stinks, in almost every place I go (no, it's not body odour, sillies) and it tends to run constantly, and I seem to sneeze far more often than usual. I will not go into another body part that also works in tandem with the sneezing. Every single knee smash I did when I was younger (I vividly remember thinking it was really cool when after a hockey game, in which I used the boards to stop, my knee was ginormous and filled with water) has now caused some sort of "tag" that will remain in a spot for as long as it wishes, and then without much warning, decide to move, in which case, my knee immediately locks, causing me to fall to the floor (if I am not already there, scrubbing a bathtub) writhing in pain, trying to get the nerve to attempt to unlock it. Today (guess it IS hotel related) as I finished cleaning a bathtub, I went to get up, and suddenly, my back told me it wasn't going to move quite that quickly, and I had to sort of stay in place for a minute, till my muscles caught up with my mind.For those of you young and naive, don't think fingers and toes are immune to age, nope, they are usually the first to go. In my case, it is that middle finger that I used to display so often, it has warped! Yes, now it is not a straight digit, it is this crooked old crone finger, like the Halloween witches always had. I am growing my very own witch fingers!!!!Oh, it is like those Werewolf movies, when they scream and holler as they are transformed by the moonlight, my crooked old fingers seem like they have run out of enough skin, and they are tearing out of my body when I move them. Oh, Oh, and the feet, don't forget about them, they also do not age well. They grown little extras on the big toe, sort of Quasimodo humps, the nails lose that lovely shine, and sort of yellow (yuck just typing it grosses me out) and then they decide that they are going to change sizes. Yep, one day a shoe fits perfectly, the next one has become incredibly tight, while the other flops about. WTF is up with that? Some days I can't get the darn shoes off fast enough, I swear they are going to explode because my feet have got way too large.
  I needed to inform folks about all of these things, (there are far more, but, it would be too frightening) so when you feel something creeping about, don't bother turning around, it's just old age, and there is nothing you can do to stop it!!