Favourite Books

  • The Green Mile
  • Animal Farm
  • Lord of the Flies
  • Lord of the Rings
  • To Kill a Mockingbird

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Skidmore's bed testers

Hello, here I am, Debbie doom and gloom, back for another blog. I hate the idea of putting two dismal reads in a row, so will try and get things back on a happy track.
  O.K. I hope you are learning some of our special language, as I write these, and realized that Skidmore, likely has a certain meaning to it, right? Well, aren't you all smart as whips!!!Skidmore was actually the beginning of our skidmark world, pretty fitting, as he was with us for a lifetime, over and over again, and we saw far too many of his tracks.
  So, this turd of a human, would show up with the geese, and basically leave around the same time they did. He would be much like Princess Kiss my Ass, very demanding, wanting new appliances, and special treatment. He also would somehow get a washer and dryer placed in his Row house, although I wonder how often, and what he actually washed. I do know, he had a few friends over using the appliances, hummm...wonder if he got something in return, another free meal, maybe??? Yep, he also had the distinction of getting a free breakfast in the hotel restaurant. I never understood this, as he also got a food allowance from his company. Kind of goes to his greed, and arrogance, of which he was loaded with!! Now, again, this creep did not pay his own way, not a penny out of pocket, but with his attitude, you would have thought he was dishing out every single dime.
  So, he had about 3 teeth, which I didn't understand, because, he would fill his kitchen with enough fruit to feed every starving orphan in the world. This fruit would be placed on the kitchen counter, where it rotted all week long. The spring and fall were not too bad, but come summer, the kitchen would be filled with fruit flies, and as soon as you opened the front door, you would be assaulted with the smell of rotten fruit. Each time he would make a trip "home" he would return with food . He actually had a freezer and a little fridge for the overflow. He did eat supper at home, but always the free breakfast and likely a fee lunch at work. The food was overkill. O.K. maybe the lack of teeth was a product of the chocolate bars and hard candies he had loaded on his counter and beside his bed. I will admit to taking one of two of the Halloween sized bars, but, he was pretty anal with his stuff, maybe a little OCD, and I don't doubt he counted things. Plus, with the hard candies, most of those were "watermelon" and I really don't like those....
  So each year when he returned, we would wonder, he was the first guest to get a large flat screen TV, one year he got a brand new stove, then a fridge, a new couch, and the last time, when his neighbour Princess Kiss my Ass wanted a different bed, we were told to exchange beds with his. OMG, this was insane. He worked with her husband, we knew it would not pan out well, he would be choked to find out that he lost his bed to them. Keep in mind, these people are like children, when one gets something, the other will whine. So, we did the bed exchange, hauling them about, all the while, knowing we would likely be doing this again the next day. Sure enough....O.K. it was a few days longer, but...the office communicates with us, we must find Skidmore a better bed, he claimed when his 65 Lb. wife came to visit, they were kept awake by the squeaks. Yeeeeew...first off, she would be climbing into a bed full of brown tracks, bad enough, but...if it didn't squeak when his enormous girth rolled about at night, what on earth would cause squeaks with the added 65lbs.?
  Of course the 2 people stuck with this job, were..., you guessed it, my friend and I. We were ticked, no one listened when we warned this would happen, and as a reward, we get to haul beds around, yet again. We found a good bed, one of the nicest, and hauled it up the stairs. We worked up a sweat doing this, and as I stated, we were less than thrilled, and also very tired. When the two of us get tired, we tend to get snarky, and perhaps a tad filthy minded. We did not want to have to haul another bed, so, we decided we would test the bed out for squeaks. We had to imagine ol' Skidmore and his honey might have possibly (and it could happen) been wild animals, behind closed doors, which would account for the squeaking. I can still smile, remembering the two of us idiots, bouncing about the bed, in all areas, remember, my friend is the skinny one, so she was the 65 lb.'er, and sadly I had to be the toothless wonder. We stood on the bed, jumping up and down, all the while killing ourselves with laughter, and making extremely rude comments. Suffice to say, we were unable to get a squeak out of the bed, and deemed it acceptable for the future rompers.
  That bed still remains in that house, and there have not been any squeak complaints since.That does not mean he was happy.
   I try and instill the importance of ensuring extra toilet paper being left in all rooms, because of this creep. I can vividly remember a day from hell when I worked beyond my ability, on one of the hottest days of the summer. I was just finishing, putting all the supplies I had to pack back to the hotel into our pickup, sweat pouring down my face, and almost in tears. I heard someone yelling "Hey, you!" "Hey!" I looked over, and there was that troll, he was on his deck, with his elbows on the railing, mad as a hatter, because apparently he had been in the basement, doing his laundry, and the urge to poop was so overwhelming, he could not make it up his stairs to the bathroom we assumed he used. Lo and behold, there was no toilet paper in his basement! He went down my throat, and stood there, as I had to walk down into his basement to deliver the toilet paper. I could not explain to this anal prick that we did not go into his basement, because he was one person in a 3 story house, the bathroom we cleaned was the one in the main area. We left his basement for his personal storage space, and for 5 months we never went in there. Guess it took that long for him to use up the toilet paper, and it was impossible for the miserable thing to carry one down stairs himself.
  I do believe in Karma, but often it seems to take a very long time to catch up. This "Man" has been allowed to feel self important by my employers, and that power has made all those who have dealt with him, cross our fingers and toes, that someday, someone will use his 3 bristle toothbrush to scrub up his skidmarks!